A Matter of Confusion

This drabble was sparked by the Elven Slash Plotbunny from Mandos Generator at Queen Cheetah's Domain …oh, and the Little Balrog Group considers drabbles to be under 1,000 words…so drabble or short fic, a story by any other name still reads as silly…

Warning: What follows bears NO resemblance to canon whatsoever…so disregard whatever you know about lineage, timelines, etc., stick your tongue firmly in your cheek and read on…

Author: Emmess

Title: A Matter of Confusion

The Elven Slash Plotbunny Generator from Mandos said:

It all started when Earendil (for the purposes of this story, the human one - not the Elf one)

went to: Gondor

and saw: Orophin

who was: looking confused

Rating of your story: NC21

Number of people who read it

Falls in love with it and writes the sequel - 4,769

A Matter of Confusion

Orophin wasn't having the best of days. It had all started when he awoke feeling very hung-over and confused, and felt a warm form next to him on the bed. Frowning, he couldn't remember for the life of him who he had bedded the night before. He last remembered downing what might very well have been King Earendil's entire wine cellar…then, nothing.

Peeking over his shoulder, his eyes took in the small, rounded ear that peeped out of the tangle of sleek dark hair that lay across the pillow next to him. Oh, no…he'd bedded a human woman? That boded more trouble than he was willing to suffer.

With two fingers, he cautiously and carefully pulled back the sheet that covered his lover up to the closed, sleeping eyes. He grimaced as he first uncovered a rather large, prominent nose, thinking to himself that this woman had to be one of the homeliest Secondborn females he had ever seen - he must have been completely blind-drunk last night.

Uncovered next was a set of full shapely lips, but it was what was above those lips that made Orophin blink rapidly. Hair. Thick, black hair shot with silver. Ripping the sheet all the way down, his hand flew to his mouth when he revealed a full beard that matched the hair on the upper lip.

Great Eru…now he knew why his ass hurt so badly this morning.

Flashes of memories from the night before began to filter through his hang-over…mug after mug of strong Gondorian wine…being pressed up against the wall, a pair of insistent lips smothering his own…a fleeting wish that the female would remove her blasted hairy scarf before kissing him because it tickled.

Escorting her…or being escorted - right now Orophin couldn't be too sure which was the case - to a bedroom. His clothes being ripped from his body. A hot mouth devouring his stiff and aching organ. Said organ began to rise again, as Orophin recalled soft lips sucking hungrily at the sensitive foreskin of his shaft, and the warm wet tongue dancing around its head. He dimly remembered thinking that if the woman didn't remove her scratchy, hairy scarf from the vicinity of his very tender, albeit throbbing, Elfhood, Orophin might very well shove said scarf up her ass. He next remembered being thrown over the bed as said woman shoved something hard, hot, and very large up his ass…then nothing else until morning.

Staring hard at the hairy face lying next to him on the pillow, a thin line of drool snaking its way out of those shapely lips with the hairy caterpillar stuck to them, Orophin frowned. Trying to remember if he even knew the man's name…and trying to figure out just how much wine one needed to drink before one could sleep with a man and not realize it, he continued looking thoroughly confused.

Earendil cracked open his eyes, a tremendous yawn splitting his face. Turning those deep blue eyes toward the figure that hovered over him, it took him a moment or three to register that this was an Elf staring down at him. Seeing the confused look on Orophin's face, and noticing the fact that not only was Orophin sans clothing, but he was also sporting a significant boner, he roared, "What have you done with my woman, why are you in my bed, and why are you naked?"

"Um…I'm a little confused myself," Orophin began, spreading his hands out in front of him. "What, exactly do you remember from last night?"

"Not that it's any of your business, Elf…but I remember a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair…very much like yours…and sparkling gray eyes…very much like yours…and alabaster skin….very much like yours…tell me, do you have a sister?" Earendil asked, cocking a bushy brow at the Elf.

"No…but I have two brothers…" Orophin informed him. "What else do you remember?"

"I remember kissing her in the hallway, and…oh yes, I remember thinking that she was packing a travelling pouch in a most unusual location. I remember bringing her to this room, and tearing her clothes off…she had very tiny breasts…just two little dimples on her chest, really - I remember that as well…"

"Go on," Orophin said, wincing at what was coming next.

"I remember kneeling down before her beauty, and teasing her knee with my tongue and lips…she had a lovely knee, rather wet now that I think of it, which is odd, but lovely nonetheless. And then I remember throwing her over the bed and ramming myself into her to the hilt!"

Orophin squirmed a bit at that last part, his ass remembering exactly what "ramming" and "to the hilt" felt like, even if Orophin himself did not.

"Now tell me Elf…what did you do with my woman?" Earendil demanded, narrowing his eyes dangerously at Orophin. "I've determined that I have fallen in love with her, and if you've harmed her, or taken advantage of her…"

"Um…she was summoned to the stables…something about a sick relative…had to leave…unavoidable…may never return…"

Jumping from the bed, Earendil ran into the halls, shouting something about the love of his life, and a damnable fine lay. Passers-by would later recall the look of confusion and desperation on his face, as well as the fact that he was completely starkers as he raced toward the stables.

Scratching his head, Orophin rose to begin gathering his clothes, which were still scattered about the bedroom from the night before, wondering how drunk and confused someone would have to be to mistake a dick for a knee.

The End