Pelennor

They told me he didn’t come back
And I ran – blindly – onto the field
Alone – no-one could stop me
He must be here somewhere

I call out – “Merry!”
But no answer
It looks so far – the journey back
I can’t turn back now

I need to find him
I can’t leave him out here in the stench and the heat
I nearly miss him
He seems so small, just lying there

I run to him
Scared of what I might find
I love him, please don’t make me
Live without him

I fling myself down
I am lying on top of him
There is blood coming from his mouth
That mouth I used to kiss

He looks up at me
Like so many times before
But his eyes are cloudy
I don’t think he can see me

“It’s me, it’s your Pippin!” I cry
I see a flash or recognition
I can’t help a smile
Now joy is overcoming me

His voice is weak
“I knew you’d find me”
How could I not?
It had been the only thing on my mind

When I ran to the castle gates
The victorious were returning
I searched for him
A small figure

Returning with the rest
I asked and I asked
And finally they told me
“Merry hasn’t returned”

I take his hand – it is cold
“Are you going to leave me now?”
As if I could
He said he wasn’t coming with me

But that was my fault
I will never look again
Never get myself into trouble
If only Merry could come home safe again

“No, Merry, I’m going to look after you”
He was always the strong one
Now it’s my turn
I’m no good at this

I take my cloak and drape it over him
I lie underneath it with him
Like we had lain so many times
Under the covers

I remember the first time he put his body inside mine
Words can’t explain
Shock, surprise, pleasure
My innocence had amused him

I hadn’t known what he was going to do
But he was right – I had loved it
He was the first, the only
If this is it, please let me never forget him

He stirs – I help him sit up
I wish I was bigger so I could carry him
I stand up and look around
I can just see the houses of healing

He leans on me as we stumble on
He feels heavy - I wish I was stronger
He was always there to get me out of trouble
Now it’s my turn

He falls on top of me
Like when we used to mess around
When we were younger
Merry, please don’t give up now

I stumble through the door
With relief, my body gives way
I try to break Merry’s fall
Try to catch him but he is ripped from my arms

I scream, and it echoes through the halls
Please don’t take him away from me – not now
I reach my arms out to him
But I am being held back

I’m screaming and crying
I feel strong hands pulling off my clothes
I try to fight, but I’m too small, too weak
I realize I’m naked

I remember the first time I was naked with Merry
How he had giggled and smiled
How he’d given me pleasure
Like I’d never felt before

Someone is pulling my arms through a nightshirt
Pulling it over my head
Tucking it underneath me
As I can’t stand up

I look up, and I realize it’s an elf maiden
I realize she’s just seen me naked
Seen me screaming and crying
And I turn my face away

I feel her hands scoop me up and she carries me
On her hip, my legs straddling her side
I rest my head on her arm and I’m crying again
“Merry” I hear myself mumble

She drops me into bed next to Merry
And I’m calm, I no longer cry
“Thank you” I say, and smile
As I sink into delicious warmth

She smiles back at me
Then I look at Merry
And he is more beautiful
Than a thousand elf maidens

I touch his hand
It is slightly less cold
He’s healing already
He's waking

I put my arm around him
I long to put my body inside him
I remember the last time
On that bed of heather

He had drawn his knees up and apart
And pulled me towards him
Urgent
Deprived of touch for so long

He had come - the warm liquid
Hitting my belly in little bits
And I released inside him
With a shout that echoed through the forest

I pull him closer to me
This is what I had wanted
All those lonely nights with Denethor
Alone in a bed too big for me

Every day I had gone to the balcony
And searched for any sign of him
But I had always come in
Disappointed

I hid away the pipe weed he gave me
And every night I’d take it out
And the smell would remind me of him
There wasn’t one night I didn’t cry for him

Merry pushes me with his good arm
And I’m lying on top of him
I feel his warm body beneath mine
And I smile

He kisses me gently
His warm lips on mine
I feel his tongue enter my mouth
I feel his fingers in my hair

He gently strokes my cheekbone
And he looks into my eyes
And he smiles
“Oh, Pippin, I’m so glad you found me”