Always be there for you, always

Always be there for you, always.


Dedicated to Trór Orcboot, aka Joe. I think you know why, darling.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not true, all made up!


He lay on his bed, absolutely motionless and staring at his mobile unblinkingly. The SMS he had gotten some minutes ago was still opened, evilly glaring at him from the glowing display. He wished he had never read the message. It was over, he told himself again and again, unable to think of anything else. And it had not even begun yet. He had always hoped, always longed. And now? His eyes were still burning with the tears he had shed only moments before. He still felt a desperate need to cry but he had already shed all the tears he had held within. He had cried from shock, for his loss of something that he had never known, for perhaps losing the most important person in his life and now there simply were not any more tears left to cry inside. But above all he had cried for Dom, his mate and best friend from the cast.
He longed to be with him, to hold him and talk things through but he knew that Dominic wanted to be alone right now and in spite of everything he even understood that. He gulped, a painful lump tormenting his throat as the words with which Dominic had cancelled their evening out resounded hollowly in his mind. “Can’t come tonight.” he whispered, trying to make those words more real by speaking them aloud. “Need some time alone. Went to the Doctor’s today. Might have cancer. I’m sorry, Dom.” A croaked sob rose from Billy’s lips and echoed through the small bedroom. “Dom...” he whispered again as he forced himself not to cry once more. He had tried to call his friends but Dominic had obviously refused to pick up the phone and so Billy had written him an SMS instead, hoping that the younger man would answer soon. He needed to know more. Needed to know that there was a chance of not losing Dominic and the waiting for an answer almost drove him crazy.
He was above all confused. Confused and frightened. He could not imagine how life at the set – how his life – would be without Dominic. Dom had come to mean so much to him in the few months they had been filming together. He was not merely a friend, he was Billy’s lifeline. He was the one who was always there when Billy was down, was the one who could always make him smile, no matter how dark and hopeless things seemed to be. He and Dominic had often joked about the fact that they sometimes acted and argued like an old married couple and at other times even described themselves as soul-mates, claiming to be natural extensions of one another that added up to a wonderful and loveable whole. They also did the same things at the same time without planning to do so. Often they even got ill on the same day, what had led to a good amount of good-natured teasing from the other cast and especially fellowship members.
He could not remember ever being really angry with Dominic. He had known no one when he came to New Zealand and Dom had been the first one he had gotten to know closer. New Zealand was a whirlwind of changes: Units changed, actors, sets, colleagues, everything. Except for Dominic. He was the only stable thing here, the only one who never seemed to change. He was just Dom and yet Dom added up to so much more. He was Billy’s hold in the storm, the one he could always run to. And now he might lose him forever.
His heart contracted painfully as his mobile cruelly beeped, indicating that he had gotten a new SMS. His fingers shook violently as he pushed the accept button, trying to prepare himself for whatever message Dom might have written. He only knew one thing. He could not bear losing Dom. Not now, not ever. Even the thought of losing Dominic hurt more than words could ever say. Tears started to fall freely again as he blankly stared at the display, a tiny spark of hope blossoming in his heart. He could barely believe what Dominic had written. “Got to go to hospital tomorrow. They think they can use chemo-therapy or surgery but they’ve got to make sure that the cancer hasn’t spread yet. I’d hate to go there alone.” Billy shook his head, trying to clear his tear-stained vision, his green eyes still liquid pools of sorrow. Of course he would go to the hospital with Dominic. Hell, he even would have come there if Dominic had not asked him to. He debated driving over to Dom’s but he was afraid of invading the other’s personal space because he knew that the younger man needed his distance from time to time.
Much later, in the early hours of the Saturday morning Billy fell finally asleep, his eyes red-rimmed and still glistening with tears as he desperately hugged his pillow close.


He had been standing in front of the hospital for almost half an hour now. He did not know why he had come so early but the fact that Dominic was always late did not make things better. He turned as he turned behind him, not moving any further or saying anything. He did not know what to do. He had thought he looked like death warmed up when he had looked into the mirror that morning but Dominic looked even worse.
“Billy...” Dominic smiled, quickly closing the gap between them and burying his friend in a heart-felt hug. "I’m so glad to see you here.” Billy returned the hug, resting his head on Dominic’s shoulder. “Of course I’m here. Where else would I be when you need me?” “Thanks.” Dom whispered, burying his hands in Billy’s hair. “I don’t know where I’d be without you. I love you, mate.” Billy nodded, a lump forming in his throat as he simply hugged Dom closer, unable to return the whispered admission of friendship, because his words would mean so much more than Dom would ever know, if he were to return them. He knew that Dom would never understand. Billy inhaled Dom’s scent deeply, cinnamon and something indefinable, cherishing this rare moment with Dominic in his arms. Even now, with Dom at his most vulnerable, the younger man seemed to be the stronger of the two, seemed to be comforting Billy instead of the other way round. Finally they drew apart, Dom smiling awkwardly for a moment as he noticed the strange and reprimanding looks the passers-by were giving them. Wordlessly Billy took Dominic’s hands into his own and nodded into the direction of the entrance with an encouraging smile on his lips.
Reluctantly Dominic nodded and together they walked into the hospital, hands still entangled as Dominic grasped for support.


Billy chewed nervously on his lower lip, glaring menacingly at the door. Dominic had been gone for almost an hour now and he could have sworn that he had read every single newspaper and magazine in the waiting room without really noticing a word of what he had read. Luckily he was alone in the room and so he allowed himself to bury his face in his hands with a groan. He had to know that Dominic would be okay again. Had to know that there would be other chances to look into these mesmerising blue-grey eyes again, even if they would never look at him with more than friendship or the love for just another good mate. He quickly rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was really starting to make a habit out of crying.
He looked up slowly as the door finally swung open and Dominic entered. The young man was more than just ghastly pale. He looked like one of the walking dead. “Dom?” Billy croaked, afraid to hear what his friend might have to say. “What is it?” Dominic said down heavily, his fingers shaking, till Billy took them into his own once again. “They don’t know yet. They’ll know as soon as they have analysed the results. Maybe in two or three weeks, but...”
“But what?” prompted Billy as the younger man trailed off again, afraid that he had not heard the worst of this yet. “But it could be that it’s not cancer after all...” “But... isn’t that something good?” Billy asked, helplessly staring at his crying friend. “No...” came the shaken display “There’s way too much testosterone in my blood and....” Dominic gulped audibly “if it isn’t cancer, then it’s a very rare defect of the immune system...even worse than Aids... I mean... I don’t want to... to...”
“What ever it is,” Billy said, his voice coarse and raspy as he pulled Dominic into his arms, “I love you.” Finally speaking the words he had been afraid of ever since he had met the younger man. “Do you?” Dominic asked softly, looking deeply into Billy’s green eyes, “I mean... do you really?”
“Yes...” Billy whispered back, pressing a chaste kiss onto Dom’s brow. “I really do.”
“I always knew... always hoped... I only waited for you to say something...” Dominic said as he snuggled closer to Billy.
“Whatever it is, cancer or not,” Billy said “we will fight this together.”
“Thanks.” Dom smiled in spite of his tears. “No need to thank me.” Billy said sincerely, “I will always be there for you, always.”


~ Finis ~


Tror Orcboot has written a continuation of this story from Dom's point of view! It's called "Need you always" and you can find it at www.silverbloom.net

~ Tarlwen