Why One Should Never Probe Too Deeply For Answers

Title: Why One Should Never Probe Too Deeply For Answers
Author: Emmess

Disclaimer: I don't own it. No, I really don't. Please stop asking
me - it's becoming annoying.

Summary: Written as a challenge drabble for the Little Balrog Group. The challenge was to run a "googlism" search on an Elf, and use three quotes from the search to form the basis of a story. In mine, Elrond finds himself in a rather other-worldly situation, taken in more ways than one. Humor. Just about as AU as one can get, so please don't expect ANY resemblence to canon in this one.

Rated: NC17

Googleisms:

Elrond is an ugly git.

Elrond is a solid.

Elrond is fascinating.


Title: Why One Should Never Probe Too Deeply For Answers

"What is it?"


"I don't know…I don't believe I've ever seen anything quite like
this before."


"Is it alive?"


"I think so…it's breathing."


"Poke it and see if it moves."


Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.


"Ouch! Cease poking me this instant! Who are you? Where am
I? Exactly what do you presume to do with that?" Elrond
thundered, a bit put off by waking in a strange, glowing place,
with several oddly shaped creatures standing around him,
poking him with something sharp. One of the creatures held a
shiny, long, cylinder in it's hand…paw…digits…whatever…that
Elrond didn't like the looks of one bit.


"It is very loud."


"It spits when it makes sounds."


"Poke it again…I like what it does with those furry strips over its
eyes when you poke it."


Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.


"Did you not hear me?" Elrond yelled, swatting the pointy object
away from his side, sitting up on the table on which he had been
laying. "I said to cease that infernal poking immediately! I am
Elrond, Lord of Rivendell!" He looked at the malformed
creatures standing around him in a loose semicircle, and knew
in an instant that they couldn't understand a word he was saying.
Sighing, he rolled his eyes, sending a combination prayer and
curse to the Valar. Looking the creature closest to him in it's
multiple eyes, he tapped his own chest and said, "Elrond."


"Elrond? It's an elrond?"


" The "elrond is an ugly git."


"Snort."


"Turn the elrond over so that I may probe it now."

Fighting valiantly, Elrond found himself unable to resist the
strength of the many jointed fingers that flipped him over onto his
stomach and held him down. He gasped as he felt the hem of
his robe lifted, and a cold, hard object probe the small, hidden
opening between his cheeks.


"It does not look big enough to accommodate the probe."


"It will fit. I will make it fit."


"Last time you said that you ripped the creature in half, and this
is the only elrond on board."


"I will not break it."


Elrond moaned as the cold metal object poked harder at his unprepared entry.

"The elrond is a solid!"


"No, the elrond is simply tight. See…the elrond stretches."

Elrond yelped as the probe slid into his body. Still struggling, he
voiced every curse and foul word in every language he had ever
learned over the course of his long, long life. His eyes nearly
popped from their sockets when the probe began to vibrate.


"The elrond is fascinating! Look how it wiggles!"


Elrond couldn't help himself. As the vibrating probe delved
deeper against his prostate, he began to squirm. Fight though
he might, he couldn't help the delicious feelings that the probe
began to stir in his loins. His hips began to rise into the probe,
sending it even deeper into him, as soft moans escaped his
lips.


"What is it doing?"


"I think it is having a seizure…quick, remove the probe and flip it
over before it swallows its tongue!"


"Why does it moan like that?"


"Flip it over!"


Elrond groaned as the probe was pulled out of him, but didn't
fight this time as the many jointed fingers flipped him over on his
back.


"Look! The elrond comes equipped with its own probe!"


Several curious, many fingered hands grasped Elrond's swollen
member, touching, squeezing and stroking simultaneously,
causing Elrond to arch his back as his orgasm ripped though
him, his silver seed pumping out like a fountain.


"Oh, no! The Elrond has sprung a leak! I told you that you would
break it!"


"Quick! Beam it back to where we found it before the
Commander finds out what we did!"

Elrond awoke on his pallet, drenched with sweat. Sitting up, he
put a palm to his head, wondering why he was sweating. He
had had the most strange dream…it had seemed so real!
Shaking his head, thinking perhaps it was due to something he
ate the day before, he pulled back the bedclothes, to find his
robe pulled up to his navel, and dried semen covering his flaccid
Elfhood.


"Wonderful. Now I'm having wet dreams about little green
creatures. I really need to get laid more."