Lodging with Bloom

A/N: My first attempt at an RPS, I usually stick to FPS, but I can no longer resist putting the eye-bogglingly gorgeous Craig and Orlando together.
The symbol * denotes Craig's thoughts.
Disclaimer: I own neither character, nor do I presume to know they're sexual preference. Just having a play. This is a work of fiction.....sadly :( heh heh.
Naughty swearing is included.

Lodging with Bloom
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Craig sat at the kitchen table, coffee in hand, the paper open in front of him revealing the "what's on" section. He was determined to enjoy his day off. Ok, he was determined to go out and about on his day off. Ok, he was determined to spend his day off as far away as possible from the walking aphrodisiac known as Orlando Bloom.
'*Damn it!*, Craig cursed inwardly. He was doing bloody well this morning too! Managed to go a whole ten minutes without his thoughts drifting back to the lithe, muscular, beautiful, silky skinned.......*Argh!! stoppitstoppitstoppit!*
Craig mentally slapped himself to bring his mind back into focus, resorting to a light physical beating when the former failed to work.
Orlando had immediately volunteered to share his house with Craig after the latter's own lodgings had been turned into a virtual indoor swimming pool due to a rather violently burst water pipe in the kitchen.
*Why him?*, Craig moaned to himself, *Why couldn't it have been Ian?......or Viggo?........or any-bloody-body?!!* Why did it have to be the one person who's very presence turned his insides into a liquified mass? The one person who's gaze made him feel like a drill was steadily boring into his skull. Jesus! Every look the guy gave him was akin to a frontal lobotomy! He was pretty sure that, by the end of this shoot, he'd be reduced a gibbering mass, being fed liquidized vegetables through a drip! Craig raised a thoughtful eyebrow. *I wonder if you can get vodka on IV?*
*Oh great! Not only am I gonna end up mindless mass of mush, i'll be an alcoholic mindless mass of mush!*
With this disparaging thought, Craig dropped his upper body, his forehead coming to rest on the table surface with an audible 'thump'.
"Craig? You alright?"
Sitting up abruptly, pausing only to remove an over-friendly cloth coaster that had attached itself to the bridge of his nose, Craig turned to regard his sleepy housemate.
*Oh fuck!*
Orli was looking at him through heavy lidded eyes. Craig gulped nervously, drinking in the sight of his freshly awoken friend.
Orli's mohawk was ruffled, various strands escaping the confines of the group and making their own personal bids for freedom.
*God he's cute.*
Craig's eyes instinctively travelled down Orli's bare torso, stopping briefly to lovingly regard the small brown nipples set comfortably on his lean, but well muscled chest. The older actor cursed silently in disappointment upon noting that Orlando's nakedness ceased at his hips, his lower body hidden within the confines of his white pyjama bottoms. Craig cursed silently again, berating himself for giving in to his unwanted lustful thoughts.
*Stop looking at him! Compose yourself for christ's sake!*
"M.....morning", he squeaked.
* For fuck's sake voice! Shape up!*
Clearing his throat, he tried again.
"I didn't wake you did I?"
"No", Orli smiled, making his way over to the coffee pot, "I had to get up to see what that thumping noise was anyway."
"Sorry", Craig offered nervously.
"Don't be daft", Orli chuckled softly, the sound causing an involuntary jellifying shudder to course through Craig's body.
"What you up to then?", the younger man continued, making his way to his friend, leaning over Craig's shoulder to study the page before him.
"Um.......", the older man began, turning his face toward Orli and coming face to face with one of the excrutiatingly tempting brown nubs.
*Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh bloodyfucking crap!*
Craig's eyes widened in shock as he felt his mouth instinctively drawn to the inviting circle before him.
*Don't lick it! Don't lick it! Don't lick it!*
Before he knew what was happening, his evil, cursed tongue had snaked out, sliding itself over the deliciously edible bud.
"Oh God!", Craig exclaimed, knocking his chair over as he abruptly stood, backing away from the stunned accusatory stare of his obsession.
"Craig?", Orli stuttered softly, his eyes wide in bewilderment. "Wh.......what did you just do?"
"Oh god!", the Kiwi actor breathed, backing further away. "I'm so sorry! I..........oh Orli, I'm so sorry!"
*Run! Run! Run! Shit! He's blocking the route to the door.......thinkthinkthink!...........Window! Yes!*
With that Craig made a dive for the open kitchen window, tripping on the ledge and falling in an undignified heap onto the decking below.
*Well THAT was graceful! Oh christ......please let them be finished with the house! please please please!*
Craig straightened himself, breaking into a run as the front door opened behind him, he didn't stop until he reached the repairs and servicing offices.
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Craig paced nervously, feeling overly hot and cumbersome in his Haldir costume.
To his immense relief, the work on his house was almost complete. The water had been pumped away and the carpets and affected furniture replaced. Although the workmen still had a little to do, he had opted to stay. At least it was liveable. At least it was as far away from Orlando as physically possible under the circumstances.
Craig winced inwardly at the recollection of the previous day's events.
*I'll never be able to look him in the eye again!*, he cursed. *What the hell must he think of me? He gives me a place to stay out of the kindess of his heart, and I repay him by perving over his body and............I cannot believe I licked his nipple! Oh God please let me wake up and discover I'm really a middle-aged farm worker called Betty who has fifteen children, a stomach the size of a small planet and an over-active imagination. Please let this all be a nightmare!*
"Parkie?"
Craig was startled out of his self remonstrating reverie by the voice of the very last person he wanted to face right now, or........let's see............ever!
He found himself momentarily lost in the concerned blue gaze of Legolas.
"Orl.........oh god............hi", he stuttered, mentally trying to beat to death the butterflies currently engaged in a frenetic flamenco within the confined space of his stomach.
Orlando moved to place his hand on his friend's shoulder, feeling the need to comfort him warring with the desire for an explanation as to the previous mornings events.
"We need to talk", he stated softly.
Craig let out the shuddering breath he'd been subconciously holding.
"I don't know what to say Orli", he sighed. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I.........it was an unforgivable thing to do. I can't explain it........."
*Well, I CAN explain it. I'm a complete perv who has taken up a new hobby of sexually harrassing his beautiful and untouchable co-star!*
Craig glanced up, taking in the flawless, confused features of his friend.
*Oh god! I just want to lay you naked over my kitchen table, cover your delicious body with the contents of a bottle of Hahn Shiraz and lick it all off.*
Craig's stomach dropped to his knee-caps as he witnessed the expression on Orli's face change from bewilderment to jaw-dropping shock.
"Oh no!", the older man stuttered, "Please tell me I didn't say that out loud!"
"Hell YES you said it out loud!", Orlando retorted, his face open in astonishment.
"Oh no!!!!!!! Nonononononononono!!", Craig shouted, turning on his heels and fleeing once again from the object of his affections.
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Slumping heavily into an armchair, Craig rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, trying to dissipate a threatening headache as his mind attempted to corrolate what had occured during the days shoot.
*Well...congratulations Parker. So far, you've managed to completely ostracise one of your closest friends and star of just about every one of your sexual fantasies, and Peter's probably going to sack you for leaving the set five minutes before you were due to rehearse your scene. Anything else you'd like to monumentally cock up while you're about it? Maybe you could accidently set fire to the costume room........or sit on Gandalf's hat........or*, Craig sighed heavily,begrudgingly extracting himself from his chair to answer the incessant pounding on his front door.
"Ok, ok, don't get your nuts in a knot", he grumbled, glancing at the clock.
*Quarter to twelve? Who the hell.........?*
Craig swung open the door, his breath hitching in time to a momentary pause of his heartbeat at the sight before him.
Orli stood on his porch, wearing nothing but a smile, and holding forth a bottle of red wine.
*Oh my bloody good god!*, Craig's mind screamed as he scanned the muscular lithe torso and impossibly long legs of the beautiful man before him.
*Shit! Brain......help! Think of something!*
"Um........I........I don't have any glasses", he stuttered.
*Oh, thanks a lot. THAT didn't make me sound like a complete idiot in any way, shape or form!*
All half-way coherent thought left him as Orlando pressed his body close, capturing Craig in a passionate, liquidising kiss that sent a wave of heat straight to his groin.
"s sos so hoping you'd say that", Orli purred, backing Craig through the door and kicking it shut behind them.
*Oh fuck!*

The end.