Much Ado About Dom

Title: Much Ado About Dom
Author: Foofy (niceandfluffy@hotmail.com)
Pairing: DM/EW, OB/BB, implied VM/SB
Summary: After a drinking session at Viggo's, Orli decides to get things moving with Dom's obsession with Lij.
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Disclaimers: None of this happened. Hopefully.
Authors Note: Written by request for Mandy. Far too fluffy for my normal tastes!
Feedback: Sure, go for it.

************

The night had almost come to an end. The majority of the food had disappeared, but not quite as quickly as the alcohol. Viggo had found it necessary to disappear off to the nearest off licence for restocking, and had left Sean Bean in charge of guarding the remainder of the large bottle of vodka from the mischievous paws of Lij and Orli, who had been circling the alcohol like two innocent looking sharks.

Most of the guests had also disappeared. Which was fair enough; it was reaching the wee hours of the morning, and for the majority of them the next day was going to be long. However, there was still a hard core group still going in the cosy comfort that was Viggo's living room.

" Oh, come on Sean!" pleaded Orli.

Sean looked bored. " Nope,"

Orli pouted. This was normally enough to make most people relent, but seemed to have no apparent effect to the older man, who yawned pointedly. Orlando made a gesture to his back up.

" Viggo'll be back soon anyway," said Elijah, taking the hint and sliding up to Sean.

" Yes, and then he can take over babysitting the lot of you." Sean noticed Orli's sneak towards the bottle. " Touch that vodka and I'll disembowel you," he added calmly.

" Can't we have one glass?" begged Elijah.

" No,"

" Can I?" piped up Billy from the table. Sean gave him a smile.

" Certainly!"

" WHAT?!" Orli and Lij were almost simultaneous in their explosions.

" That's not fair!" complained Orli, sulkily. Sean stuck his tongue out at him, and poured a hefty slosh of vodka into Billy's glass. The Scotsman looked smug.

" See? Sean likes me better than you," he said, adding some Coke to the glass.

" Stop polluting that drink!" said Lij, ignoring the jibe. Billy made an elaborate act of taking a sip from his newly filled glass. Elijah sulked for a few seconds before getting bored of the whole thing and moving back in for the attack. Sean watched him in lazy amusement.

" No," he said as Elijah opened his mouth to speak. " Save it for Viggo. He's normally more of a push over. And it'll be his bathroom you'll be throwing up into later,"

Dom, who had been saying goodbye to the last few disappearing guests, strolled back into the room. His eyes fell on the half empty bottle of vodka.

" We still have vodka?" he said in amazement. Orli waved a hand towards Sean.

" S but but macho man over there won't let us drink it,"

Dom looked at Sean in surprise. " Not even me?" he saida hua hurt voice. Sean gave him a wry smile, and poured some out for him.

" Favouritism!" protested Elijah, and sat heavily onto one of the seats. Unfortunately, he missed. Sean winced.

" I'm the one who's going to get blamed if you turn up covered in bruises," he complained. Elijah struggled to his feet, failed miserably, and flopped himself onto his back on the floor. It was this position that Viggo found him as he walked through the door carrying a couple of bottles (swiftly relieved by Orlando).

Viggo gave a questioning look towards Sean, who shrugged.

" I'm not going to ask," Viggo said finally. " I have a horrible feeling I might get the answer,"

Orlando, who had cunningly managed to snaffle the forgotten vodka bottle behind Sean's back was busy pouring out the remains of the liquid into glasses.

" Time for a game!" he said brightly. There were groans to accompany this.

" Surely bed might be a better suggestion?" murmured Viggo.

Orlando raised an eyebrow. " What are you suggesting, Vig? I always knew there was a dirty old man in you somewhere,"

Viggo ignored the smirk from Sean at this suggestion, and folded his arms in his best example of adult authority. " I think you may have had enough," he said sternly.

" But you've just brought us more bottles!" protested Elijah, still in his own little world on the floor. " Can't go without finishing the bottle. Old rule,"

" Whose old rule?" Viggo glanced at him. Or at least the parts of Elijah that weren't obscured by a table.

Elijah thought about this. " Who would you like?" he said finally. Viggo rolled his eyes, and made to go to the kitchen.

" Oi! Aren't you playing too?" Orlando had finished his pouring and was settling himself back at the table, having defeated the Evil Sean and Rescued The Bottle Of Vodka (Defenceless).

" No," he called back over his shoulder.

" You're getting boring in your old age, Vig," Orlando waved an unsteady finger in Viggo's general direction.

" I'm getting sane in my old age." Viggo countered.

" Or at least more grumpy," offered Sean.

" But Sean's playing!" continued Orli.

" Oh no Sean isn't," Sean hastily made a move to join Viggo in the kitchen. " Personally, I'll stick with the Old Sod's party in the kitchen with the coffee,"

" You haven't even heard what it is!" came Lij's contribution from the floor.

" Don't want to. You'll scare me. And don't mess up that sofa!" he added sternly, although he was sure none of them were sober enough to acknowledge the threatening voice. "I've got to sleep on that tonight!" Sean disappeared through the doorway, grabbing some cans of lager on the way past. Orli made a disgusted noise, and turned to face Billy and Dom who had summed up the situation and were keeping quiet.

" You'll play won't you!" he said. " And get Lij off the floor, can't play down there,"

" Wanna bet?" However, Elijah managed to struggle to his feet, aided by suitable helping hands from Billy. However, the world was being most uncooperative and was wobbling in a most unruly fashion.

Dom gave Elijah an assessing look. " Exactly how much have you had to drink?" he asked carefully as Elijah managed to make it to vaguely vertical employment. Orli made a dismissive gesture with a hand.

" Oh, He hasn't had that much," he said. " Now, try this!"

A glass was thrust under Dom's nose like some type of Good Time Missile. Dom, for lack of anything else to do, took it and gave it an experimental sniff.

" Good god, what's in this?!"

" Bit of this. Bit of that. Bit of the other," said Orli casually. " Go on!"

Dom held it gingerly as though it was about to explode and looked at Orli doubtfully. However, this look was completely missed as Orli was too busy explaining the game to the rest of the bewildered table. Dom surreptitiously passed the drink to Billy, who attempted a sip. Once the back of his throat had decided to calm down again, Billy concluded it was actually quite nice. If you ignored the whole numbing of the tongue thing.

The game turned out to be what should have been a simple drinking game. However, no one, not even Dom, was in a fit state to cope with anything even remotely simple, and drinks had very little time to admire the scenery before they were drained.

After finally succumbing to drinking one of Orli's Special Brew Drinks, Dom suddenly had a feeling that the room had suddenly and inexplicably acquired an inflatable floor. His feet were not at all happy with their surroundings, and kept making little bids for freedom under their own initiative.

" Right, that's it," he said, in the middle of one of Orli's many many stories. " I'm off to bed,"

" You can't!" wailed Elijah, who had been slumped in the corner. " I need you here!"

Dom perked up. Could this be the start of that wonderful relationship he'd always considered deep in the recesses of his mind?

" Need someone to hold my glass steady!" continued Elijah.

Dom unperked. He managed to shuffle himself out from behind the table without upsetting either drinks or Elijah's precarious position, and wandered unsteadily towards the door.

" You lot better turn in soon," he warned, as he wobbled to a stop. Orli snorted dismissively.

" The night hasn't even started yet!"

" Hmmm," Dom allowed himself the doubtful look before navigating his way through the thankfully open door. He doubted whether he could cope with a closed one. The others listened to his footsteps going up the stairs, as Viggo had kindly allowed them to stay over on the basis that he knew damn well he didn't want them to have to get themselves back on their own resources.

Orlando shrugged, and mixed another drink for Elijah, who had managed to remain upright through the entirety of this.

*********

It was another hour until the "adults" returned to the room. Billy had already disappeared off to bed, pleading dizziness, headache and anything else he could remember, including malaria and a touch of foot and mouth. After he had accidentally tried to get into an airing cupboard, he had finally crashed out on one of the beds.

Elijah, remarkably, was still going.

" Viiiiggo!" he cried as Viggo leaned through the door to check on them. " 'ow's ya dooooing?"

Viggo, who finally managed to translate this, glanced at Orlando who seemed remarkably unaffected by the hideous amount of alcohol he had put away, and who was only vaguely swaying.

" How much has he had?"

Orlando squinted at the bottles, which weren't helping by swaying from side to side in his vision. Viggo followed his gaze and groaned.

" You drank all that?"

" Not all of it," Orlando waved a drunken hand expressively. " Some went onna carpit,"

" Carpit?" echoed Viggo. " Exactly how much have YOU had?"

" Oooooooh, let me think," Orlando made a thinking gesture, causing large amounts of imbalance and the almost de-seating of the young man.

" You're waiting for him to think?" came Sean's amused voice from behind him. " Good god, you'll be here all night!"

" I heard that," slurred Orlando. " Don't think I don't know why you do it,"

" Do what?" Sean was always entertained by what he called "baiting the drunks". Viggo gave him a warning stare, which Sean happily ignored.

" Be nasty to me. I know what it is!" Orlando wagged a finger at Sean. Unfortunately, where Orli thought Sean was and where Sean actually was were two different places. The wall got a damn good warning finger aimed at it.

" You want me to be nasty at you?" asked Sean innocently. " Sure!"

" No! Why you ARE nasty to me!"

" Me? Nasty? Never!" Sean grinned. Orlando was unabated by this interruption.

" It's 'cause you want to get in my pants," he continued solemnly. Viggo raised an eyebrow. Sean put on an equally solemn expression.

" Orli," he said. " If I got in your pants, I'd castrate myself. I've seen how tight your trousers are,"

Viggo repressed a chuckle, and moved towards the front door. Sean noticed him leaving.

" And where are you off to?"

Viggo picked up his car-keys and swung his coat over his shoulders. " I'm off to get more aspirin. I've only got half a packet left, and I think they may need it in the morning," he called over his shoulder. " You go play with Orlando and his trousers. And put Lij to bed."

" Am I getting paid for babysitting duties?" Sean picked up one of the bottles that still contained some liquid and examined it thoughtfully. He glanced up as the door shut smartly behind Viggo, then gave a side-ways look at Orli who was giving him a sulky look more commonly seen on five-year-olds with missing beach balls.

" Can't deny it," continued Orli. " Can you?"

Sean rolled his eyes. " Fine. If you want," he said, confident of none of the conversation remaining in Orli's head by the morning. Orli looked smug, which would have been more impressive if he hadn't swayed halfway through it.

However, Sean's attention was more fixed on the vaguely slumped figure in the corner. Elijah beamed at the older man as Sean knelt by him and checked that he was, despite all appearances, still okay.

" Right you," he said, in his best no-nonsense voice. " Bed,"

Elijah blinked sleepily at him. " W'at?"

Sean didn't bother to answer again, and managed with a lot of huffing to pick him up. Thank god for small actors, he thought. Lij's head rested against Sean's chest, which was fine apart from the fine amount of curls that suddenly got in the way of his vision. Sean accidentally managed to back into the table, getting the sharp corner in the back of a leg. Grumbling, Sean shuffled himself and his load towards the stairs.

He was aware of Orlando behind him as he slowly climbed the stairs.

" Put him with Dom," said Orlando. " Go on!"

" What? Why!" Sean adjusted the weight in his arms.

" Just do it!" pleaded Orli. " It'll be funny!"

Sean hesitated, very briefly; there wasn't enough beds to go around anyway, and Dom at least could be relied upon to be sensible if Lij got into trouble the next morning. However, he was unlikely to be entirely pleased if Lij was overly sick, which was probably going to be a fair bet. However, at that point, Orlando could take the blame.

" Okay. Which one is it?"

Orlando zipped beside him and scouted ahead, elf-fashion. He finally located the room, and gently pushed the door open. Sean walked in, ignoring the over the top "shush" gestures that Orlando was making, and carefully placed Elijah onto the bed. Dom, who was buried under some blankets, made a grunting noise and rolled over. Sean looked doubtful.

" You did check who this is, didn't you?" he hissed. Orlando made an exasperated face, grabbed one of Sean's arms and pulled him out the room before the older man could make any more noise.

" Of course! Billy's in that one!" Orlando gestured towards a door Sean had seen him check. Sean shrugged, and made to move back downstairs. However, he was hampered by the fact Orlando had placed himself firmly in the way of Sean and the stairs. Albeit swaying slightly.

Sean's eyes narrowed. " What?" he said slowly.

" Just stay here, right?"

Sean still looked suspicious. " What for?"

Orlando gave him an innocent smile, and attempted to flutter his eyelids. " Pleeeeeeease? For me?"

Sean looked uncomfortable. " Okay, just no more .. eye fluttering," he allowed. Orli gave a bright smile, and disappeared into the room where Sean had just dumped Elijah.

It was about five minutes before Orlando mergmerged from the room, self-satisfied grin firmly in place. Sean glanced at him.

" Can I go now?"

Orlando said nothing, and just gave him a slow sleepy grin, moving towards the older man in a definitely determined manner. Sean resisted the urge to back off as being un-manly.

Orli, still obviously swaying, managed to trace haphazard patterns on Sean's chest before the older man snapped out of his trace and grabbed his hands still. Orli pouted.

" Oh, come on Sean!" he attempted to whisper, but misjudged the volume somewhat. " You know you'll like it!"

" Er," Sean's powers of communication suddenly deserted him. Orlando took the opportunity to swiftly lean forward and kiss him. Sean almost fell over backwards.

Orli grinned again, and edged closer.

" Er, another drink?" tried Sean desperately. Orli paused and looked thoughtful.

" You'll have one too, yeh?"

" Sure! why not. Now, downstairs...," Sean gave a sigh of relief as Orlando wobbled round and headed down the stairs. As long as the drunken child didn't fall down the stairs, reasoned Sean, he might be able to get out of it.

Viggo came back to find a very drunken and mostly prone Orli draped halfway over Sean's lap. An empty glass sat on the table in front of them. Viggo glanced at Orlando, then up at Sean who was giving him a very weary look.

" Do I want to know?" he asked. Sean growled at him.

" You're not leaving me alone with sex-mad kids again!" he said. Viggo chuckled, and dumped the pain-killers on the table top.

" Didn't take no for an answer, eh?"

" Couldn't concentrate on what the question actually was, let alone acknowledge it!"

Viggo smiled at him brightly before moving off towards the kitchen again.

Sean muttered to himself, and detangled himself carefully from the heavy body that was pressed over his lap. He carefully managed to pick Orlando up and shuffle towards the door again. Really, he thought grimly, he could very fed up at all this removals.

Upstairs, Sean paused outside the door that Orlando had indicated where Billy was. And grinned to himself. A plan was forming.

*********

Dom felt like death. Well, more like death who had also been trampled on by large elephants. And then run over by a tank. Then a bus. Then another tank.

His eyelids also refused to become unstuck, mostly because of defences against evil sunlight getting involved in his whole visual universe. His head was the site for very large tapdancing contests on very noisy floors, and his ears were ringing in a most untuneful way. Thankfully his stomach was okay at the moment, but this probably depended upon how quickly he could get some coffee.

Dom stirred in bed, and started to unwrap the blankets that had threatened to turn him into some type of colourful mummy. However, his leg soon came into contact with an unknown heavy object, a foreign body as it were.

Dom unscrewed his eyes for a quick look, then froze. He was right. It was a foreign body, and that foreign body was American.

Dom glanced down at himself. Yep, completely naked. Oh good. The blankets were brought back into play while Dom hastily tried to engage memory. However, his organic hard drive must have crashed overnight. All he could remember was Orli talking about his special drinks, and then .. and then...

Nope. Gone completely. But wait .. wasn't there something about a game involved?

No. Not even Orlando was that perverted.

Possibly.

Dom's private battle was suddenly interrupted by Elijah shifting slightly in the bed. There was a tug at the blankets as the American tried to reclaim some of the warmth. Dom's mouth suddenly became drier as he discovered that the nakedness disease was not simply confined to himself. It was a mere coincidence, he told himself firmly, that the blankets chose that point to dise mse more of Lij's naked form. Definitely.

Elijah moved again, giving a little moan as he did so. Dom almost jumped out of bed. This wasn't fair! The most desirable male on the planet sleeping NAKED next to him, and he couldn't even remember how he got there?! How could this be! What was he allowed to do? Was he even allowed to snuggle? Did he win snuggle status?

The snuggle aspect was suddenly taken out of Dom's more than capable hands when Lij gave another sleepy moan, rolled over and cuddled up to Dom, still fast asleep. Dom didn't move for the next ten minutes in case he accidentally woke him up.

Finally, Elijah stirred, and moved slightly in bed. Sleepily, he slowly opened his eyes.

" Er." said Dom, who was directly in front of his vision. " Hi,"

" Arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!" Lij yelped, scuttling across the bed and almost falling out. Elijah stared in shock at Dom, who was looking extremely uncomfortable at this stage. " What are you doing here?!"

" I dunno. What are you doing here?"

" I...," Lij looked puzzled. " I don't know."

Dom settled himself more comfortably on his side of the bed. One of them was going to have to move first, and as far as he was concerned he was going to get the best view.

" Didn't I claim this bed first?" asked Dom in a vague moment of recollection. Headache thumped in applause.

" Well, it's mine now," groaned Lij, flopping back onto the bed. " I'm sicker than you are,"

" Yes, but I'm older. I get the respect," countered Dom. Elijah glanced at him, winced, and tried to get up. Something twigged.

" Where the hell are my clothes?!" he wailed, jumping back into bed. Dom scanned the room.

" By the door," he said, catching sight of Elijah's brightly coloured t-shirt. his own clothes were folded neatly on a chair, he was vaguely happy to note. That almost certainly meant that he was first. Although that would mean that Lij joined him later... oh, the implications!

" Well, what are they doing over there!?" Lij still looked shocked, as though he had woken up to find himself painted green. Dom shrugged.

" Perhaps they wanted to be free," he suggested. Elijah gave him a look, then slid his eyes down to Dom's covered form.

" Are you.....?" he started hesitantly.

" Also butt naked? Yep," Dom gave him what was hopefully an encouraging smile. He had a horrible feeling it looked extremely perverted.

" Oh."

" Yes."

There was a suitable pause.

" Did we...?" Elijah waved a hand.

" I don't know. " Dom felt it was best to be honest in these situations, rather than allow false hopes to take over the conversation.

" Ah."

There was another pause as they tried to work out exactly what had happened. They failed miserably.

" So, d'you think we did?" continued Elijah. " You know."

" Er. I don't know. Are you sore?" Dom tried. Elijah looked affronted, despite the banging headache.

" And why would I be the one who's sore, exactly?!" he said. Dom shrugged.

" Well, you're .. er...," Dom looked briefly embarrassed. " Er. Younger. Way of the world, you know how it is."

" Oh, so I'm not allowed to seduce you, is that is?" Elijah sulked.

Dom blinked. " Did you want to be allowed to seduce me?"

" If anyone's going to be seducing it'll be me!"

Dom was bewildered. He had never expected early morning conversations to be this interesting. " Why?!" he managed. Elijah gave him a grin.

" Well, you don't need to seduce me, do you,"

" t I?t I?" Dom's throat was threatening to choke him again. Blast these emotions! Bring on the zombies.

" Well, no. You have the practise already,"

" Do I?" Dom hesitated. " Wait, are you calling me a pervert?"

Elijah looked thoughtful. " I don't know. Are you a pervert?"

" Would you like me to be a pervert?" The conversation was still leaning towards the surreal as far as Dom was concerned.

" No, you can't ask that," Elijah shook his head decisively.

" Oh," Dom felt slapped down in the face of pervert etiquette rules. " Why not?"

" You are or are not a pervertu dou don't do it because someone else wants you to be a pervert," disclosed Elijah in what was obviously supposed to be a wise and knowing voice.

Dom blinked. " So you DO want me to be a pervert?" he said, slowly.

" Well, sure!" Elijah seemed surprised by the question.

" Oh." Dom wasn't entirely sure how to take that. " I see. Er. Why?"

" Why not? If you're going to wake up naked in bed with another man, that man had better be a pervert. Otherwise it just gets boring," Elijah snuggled back into his blankets and tried to block out the sunlight again. Dom was left sitting in bed, mouth open.

" Oh." Dom repeated. Shit. He'd better find more vocabulary than that. Otherwise hbe tbe the first "Oh" pervert. Dom searched for something to say. " D'you want an alki-selzer or something?" he tried.

" God, yes," came the muffled reply from under the pillow.

" Wait right there. I'll go get it," Happy to be useful, Dom almost fell out of bed. Either way, he had a horrible feeling that a loud thump would have been heard downstairs, and the last thing he wanted to do was bump into Viggo after that. Or Orlando. Or anyone else for that matter.

Dom grabbed his boxers, put them on, and slid out the door. Elijah, who was attemptingget get back to sleep, made a goodbye noise that came out as a more suspicious moan.

Bloody hell, thought Dom as he carefully shut the door behind him. That's not going to do anything to cool me down.

********

At the sound of a door shutting, Orlando twitched in his sleep, and rolled over. Unfortunately, he ran out of bed.

" Ow!"

Billy jumped in surprise, and glanced round the room. He finally focused on the sprawled figure on the floor, who was rubbing his arse with a hand and muttering. Finally, Orli focused on Billy, who was still staring down at him with a bemused expression.

" Morning," said Orlando casually.

" Hi."

There was a pause while the two figures tried to remember the night before and the state of the universe as a whole. Finally, Orlando managed to get back onto the bed and look at Billy in a quisical manner.

" Did we?" he asked. Billy shrugged.

" Dunno."

" Oh," There was a pause as Orlando shuffled himself into a comfortable position on the bed. Orli gave Billy a bright smile. "Do you want to make sure?"

Billy shifted over to make room. " Why not!"

" That's what I like about you, ," c," commented Orlando as he leant over. " Such a gentleman."

*******

Dom slunk down to the kitchen, head still pounding, body demanding the addition of something extremely caffeine based. He peered round the door to the kitchen, and his heart sank as he found Viggo and Sean idily lounging around the kitchen table. Viggo was busy reading his paper, while Sean had obviously just finished a large English breakfast and was slouched back in his chair. Sean had even managed to pack up the sleeping bag that he had used on the living room sofa into a very neat pile, waiting to return to the airing cupboard from whence it came. Some people were extremely irritating indeed.

They looked up as he came into the room. Sean grinned.

" Good night?" he said politely. Viggo, who was more of a gentleman, offered Dom some breakfast.

" Er." Dom felt his stomach lurch at the implications. " No. Thanks,"

" Not even some toast? I have orange juice as well. Might do you some good." Viggo was obviously concerned. Dom, who hadn't looked in the mirror before coming down, decided that he obviously looked extremely shite to make that response. And Sean had not stopped grinning at him since Dom had entered the kitchen, like a human-shaped lion spotting a remarkably tasty looking zebra.

" Got any coffee?" Dom asked desperately. Viggo grinned, and wandered over to the counter to pour him a cup. Dom attempted to ignore Sean, who was still watching him with obvious amusement.

" Sure you don't want any eggs? Bacon? Tomatoes?" Sean offered again, indicating the pan sitting on the oven. Dom went greener.

Viggo eyed Sean as he passed Dom the cup of coffee. " Stop being a bastard, Sean." he warned. Sean gave an innocent expression.

" Me? I was simply offering a good energy meal to our dear - if slightly green - colleague. After all," Sean's grin appeared to get even larger if that were possible. " he'll need the energy after last night,"

Viggo frowned. " What happened last night?" he asked. Sean glanced across at Dom, who had frozen, cup to lips.

" Oh. Nothing much," he said. " Just a matter of sleeping arrangements,"

Viggo shrugged, and went back to his paper. " I never know what you're talking about nowadays," he said idly. " I must be getting old,"

" Ancient more like," replied Sean cheerfully. Viggo gave a growl, and continued reading his paper. Dom shuffled towards the obvious packet of painkillers that Viggo had left lying on the side in case of serious cases, and grabbed a glass of water.

" So, was it a good night?" continued Sean, who smelt the possibility of morning entertainment.

" Quite good," mumbled Dom, ripping open the packet of painkillers and swallowing a couple with a mouthful of water. Sean's eyes narrowed in amusement.

" Anything happen that we should know about?" he said. Viggo gave him a look over the top of his paper.

" Stop digging, Sean." he warned. " My kitchen, my rules."

Sean looked appalled by the suggestion. " Me? Dig?" he said, with a wink at Dom. " Never crossed my mind,"

" Yes, well it does help if there's a mind to cross," said Viggo idly, glancing back at his paper.

" Good god you are grumpy in the mornings," grumbled Sean. " Go off and paint something. Then Dom and I can have a chat without fear of you getting shocked or anything,"

Viggo raised an eyebrow, and looked at Dom. " You've been doing something that may make me shocked?" he said. " Good lord. I assume this'll mean I'll have to change the sheets again,"

Dom went bright red, much to the amusement of Sean. Viggo sighed, and put his paper down on the table.

" I think I may go for a walk after all. Otherwise you'll only sulk if you don't get what you want," he said pointedly at Sean.

" Won't," Sean stuck his tongue out at him. Viggo shrugged.

" I rest my point. Have a good morning, scary Dominic," he commented as he exited the room. Dom waited until he heard the front door shut, then quickly moved towards Sean who was still relaxing in his chair.

" Okay!" he said in his best aggressive voice. " What do you think you know about last night?"

Sean gave him a sleepy indulgent look, like a cat who was lounging in the sun and who wasn't going to move for man nor beast nor vacuum cleaner. " I think you already know,"

" If I already knew I wouldn't be asking you!!" snapped Dom. Sean gave him a sympathic look but said nothing.

" Look, if you don't tell me I'll..." Dom hesitated. There wasn't much he could do to him, short of pouring the cup of coffee that was still being clutched in one hand over Sean's trousers. Sean looked politely at the half empty cup of coffee that was wobbling at him.

" You'll attack me with a cup of coffee?" he asked.

Dom looked desperate. " Yes!" he said. They glanced up as the front door banged again and Viggo wandered into the kitchen to retrieve his wallet that was still lying on the kitchen worktop. He glanced at the pair who were over the other side of the table.

" Anything fun happening?" he asked as he made his way back to the door.

" Dom's trying to intimidate me with a cup of coffee," said Sean.

" Jolly good. That's what it's there for," Viggo disappeared out the door again. They waited for the bang.

Sean leaned forwabut but not to far to upset the already shaky coffee. " Look, " he said kindly. " I'll tell you all I know. Just put the cup down before it goes over the only clean pair of trousers I have,"

Dom blinked. Evidently Sean was intimidated by a cup of coffee after all. The brew had many uses. The weapon was placed carefully down on the table, Sean glancing over his shoulder at the door before continuing.

" Well, you and Lij were .. let's say friendly, shall we." he said. " And then when you two disappeared upstairs and we heard those noises, well..." Sean trailed off and glanced out of the window in a casual manner, although he couldn't actually see anything from his position. However, it was the innocent I'm-telling-you-the-truth-reluctantly look that was important.

Sean glanced back to Dom, and gave him another smile. " Orli did go up to confirm though. What he was saying was quite ... interesting." Sean patted Dom on the shoulder in a comradely fashion. " Did you want another cup of coffee for your lover?" he asked politely.

Dom, who hadn't moved a muscle throughout Sean's little act, looked panicked. Sean smiling wasn't helping his disposition one bit either.

" Er. No. I'll just take the painkillers and the water.. there's more down here, isn't there?"

" Water?" Sean looked surprised. " There's a whole tap, mate,"

" No. Painkillers."

" Oh. Yes, I think so. Besides which, " Sean grinned to himself. " I doubt whether we'll see either Billy or Orli for some time yet,"

Dom was too busy escaping to the door to take any notice of this.

********

Elijah looked up in shock as Dom burst through the door, slamming it shut behind him. Dom was thankful to note that he hadn't moved from his position, and the clothes still remained in a messy heap on the floor. However, he was also suddenly becoming aware of how he looked; panting, flushed and probably slightly panicky around the eyes. Pure pervert.

Elijah obviously was expecting him to say something. Dom reached for the first thing that came into his head.

" Look, Sean says we fucked last night, but I don't know if we did and if we did I can't remember it and that would be a really big shame and therefore if we could try again I'd be really really happy and I'd be extremely, " Dom gulped for breath and reviewed what he had just said. Eeep! said his mind.

" Erm," he continued. However, Elijah didn't seem that bothered by the outburst, just looking up at him patiently.

" If you give me the aspirin," he commented from his bed. " We could start earlier,"

" Oh." Dom cast around for something to say. " Sure," Wordlessly he passed over the water and packet, which Elijah quickly dispatched. After placing these on the nearby table, he smiled up at Dom who hadn't moved since he passed over the items.

Right. thought Dom. Action! Er...

However, Elijah took the first move, leant up and pulled Dom into bed. They ended up in a messy pile of limbs and bed covers. Dom was aware of naked body parts pressed against his own naked body parts, although he wasn't entirely sure which of Elijah's parts they actually were. Apart from the limb that was managing to strip him of his boxers, unless Lij was particularly nimble with his toes.

Lij, who seemed to have a better geographical knowledge of the situation, started to kiss his way up Dom's chest, which didn't help Dom's breathing. The blankets were conspiring against him and managed to prevent much of Dom's movements. Dom was suddenly aware that one of his arms and both ankles were pretty much tied up by the blankets, and he was unable to untangle it as Lij's weight was firmly on that blanket.

Elijah, who had been extremely engrossed in what he had been doing, suddenly noticed Dom's predicament. His dark curly head appeared within Dom's view.

" Are you okay?" he asked.

" I can't move!" wailed Dom. He wasn't supposed to be wailing, having decided on the smooth cool approach often seen on James Bond; however, the situation of not being mobile during this particular encounter definitely warranted a wail or two.

Lij seemed incredibly amused by this, which didn't help. Instead of shifting his weight like a good boy, he seemed determined to stay put, idly running a finger over the parts of Dom he could reach.

" So you really can't move?" he purred.

" No!"

" Hmmm," Elijah moved in for what turned out to be a long passionate kiss. This was good for increasing the already burning lust in Dom's loins, but not great for freedom. Mel Gibson obviously had a point.

Dom accidentally let out a whimper as Lij moved back but still kept his weight on the soft yet persistent blanket. Great, he thought. Now I whimper. All I need to do is yelp once and you could put a collar on me and call me Lassie.

Elijah suddenly got back into action with a delving hand. The last conscious thought that went through Dom's head before passion decided to give him thought amnesia was that the Lassie thing might get a chance after all...


*******

It had taken at least an hour before Orlando was properly satisfied, and another half an hour before he deemed himself ready to emerge from the sanctity that was Viggo's spare bedroom.

Thank God for that, thought Billy, who after a hard nights drinking and then an early morning sex session was absolutely gasping for a decent cup of tea and some sort of edible item. Nearly every part of him was aching for one reason or another, although he'd be buggered again if he could remember what he had actually done to make his left heel hurt quite so much.

Orlando slipped on his trousers - no underwear, unsurprisingly - and opened the door a crack to peer through it to the hallway. Billy paused in attempting to coax his unrepentant trousers up his legs.

" What ARE you doing?" he asked. Orlando glanced back in the room.

" Their door's shut," he said gleefully. Billy looked puzzled.

" Whose?" he said, managing to slip the trousers to a decent level without falling flat on his face.

" Dom's and Lij's," Orlando peered back through the door as if he could suddenly see through their door. Billy looked more puzzled than ever.

" DOM and Lij?" he said. Orlando looked smug.

" Got 'em last night," he said. " Can you hear anything?"

Billy looked round wildly. " No! Am I supposed to?"

Orli looked faintly disappointed, then disappeared through the door. Billy pulled on his t-shirt rapidly, and scuttled through the door after him. He skidded to a halt as he noticed Orlando had positioned himself with his ear against the closed door.

" For God's sake, Orli!" hissed Billy. Orlando gave him a weary look, and again focused on the door. Billy hesitated.

" Hear anything?" he asked hopefully. Orlando frowned, and leaned away from the door.

" I don't know," he admitted.

" How about we get some coffee and then play silly buggers?" asked Billy, whose stomach was becoming very clear on what it wanted (and it wanted it fast). Orlando raised an eyebrow.

" MORE silly buggers?" he said with a grin. Billy stuck his tongue out, and disappeared down the stairs. With a last lingering look at the door, Orlando followed grudgingly.

*******

Sean was made aware of Orlando's presence when the young man came bounding into the kitchen and grabbed his shoulders from behind. Sean, who had been drinking a cup of tea at the time, spluttered in surprise and the tea made a valiant bid for freedom across the shiny surface of Viggo's freshly scrubbed table.

" Well, go on!" said Orlando. " What have you seen?"

" Morning Orli," commented Viggo, who had been back from his stroll for a while. " Morning Billy. Paper towel, Sean?"

Sean wordlessly took the paper towel that was being offered to him and started to mop up the puddle across the table. Orlando, however, was not to be deterred by a mere liquid such as tea during his interrogation, and flopped into a chair next to Sean.

" Well?" he demanded. " Go on!"

Sean's eyes slid to Viggo, who luckily was not paying much attention to them by sorting out Billy's desire for a suitable breakfast. " Yep." he muttered. " I think it worked."

Orlando didn't take the hint of the volume.

" It worked?!" he said loudly. " Cool! I knew it!" Sean winced.

" Knew what?" asked Billy sleepily.

" What worked?" asked Viggo sharply, glancing at Sean. Sean shrugged, picked up the paper, and pretended to read it. Orli opened his mouth to speak and suddenly found himself kicked very harshly on the shin. Sean knew he had bought heavy boots for a reason.

" Ow!" Orli glared at Sean sulkily. " Why did you kick me?!"

Viggo grew even morspicspicious. " Yes, why did you kick him, Mr Who Me?"

Orli gave Viggo a big grin. " My plan worked perfectly!" he said happily.

" Yes. HIS plan," confirmed Sean, who never missed a scapegoat when one duly offered itself to be sacrificed. Viggo leaned against the counter, arms folded, looking directly at Sean. Sean buried himself back in the paper. Oh good, he thought. They're putting up milk by about five pence. That is incredible news.

He glanced over the top of the paper to see if Viggo was still giving him that critical look. He was. Blast.

" His plan that you knew about and could have stopped at any time?" continued Viggo.

" Hey, why me?" protested Sean.

" What plan?" asked Billy, who was just catching up with world events. " And is anyone eating this muffin?"

No one claimed the muffin, which was duly scoffed. Orlando still looked extremely pleased with himself, and seemed to have missed the staring match between the two older men.

" YOU, if I remember correctly, were the sober adult presence," mused Viggo. Sean snorted.

" I didn't do anything!" Sean lifted his paper again.

" Well, apart from OW!!!" Orlando gave Sean a hurt look and started to rub his shin pointedly. Sean didn't look up from his paper, which had started bleating about interest rates.

" I see," said Viggo from across the room. Billy glanced at Orli.

" So what did you do?" he asked, accidentally spraying muffin crumbs on the floor. Damn good muffin, he decided. Muffins needed to be given medals for their bravery in breakfast.

" Good question," came Viggo's contribution. Sean groaned, and moved his head lower so there was no question of eye-contact unless Viggo took the more violent move of ripping the paper away.

Orlando gave Sean a suspicious look. " Are you going to kick me again?" he asked warily.

" No,"said Viggo shortly. Sean could feel Viggo's gaze on him tgh tgh the paper. " He won't. Will you Sean?"

" No," muttered Sean. Orlando looked from the paper hidden Sean to Viggo in amusement.

" You two sound as though you're married or something!" he remarked. Viggo gave him a wry smile, and went back to glaring at the paper.

" Don't be silly, Orlando," snapped the paper. Orlando raised an eyebrow, which Sean completely missed.

" I'm not being silly!" he said. " Perhaps we should do the same for you two as we did for Dom and OI YOU PROMISED!!!"

Thank heavens for large boots, though Sean. For large boots get bigger every day.

" What exactly did you do to Dom and Elijah?" said Viggo as Orlando tended to his battle worn knee with extreme pouting. Sean lowered the paper slightly in surprise, and caught Viggo's exasperated stare at him.

" Hey, you guessed!" said Orlando, impressed. Viggo sighed.

" There's only Dom and Elijah who haven't come back downstairs yet," he said patiently. " Unless Billy's hiding deep emotions behind the chocolate muffin he's demolishing,"

Billy denied the presence of deep emotional problems with a shake of his head, and went back to demolishing the muffin and watching the action. Viggo really should have more BBQs, he thought. Morning entertainment as well!

Sean retreated behind the paper again in a move that Sharpe would be proud of. Bugger, thought Sean. How dare his mind be fully functional at this time in the morning.

There was a pause, which lengthened into a full blown silence. Billy, always keen to partake in domestic arguments, decided to step in before the extremely interesting argument petered out completely.

" So, you got them together then?" he asked, chirpily. Orlando grinned at him.

" Of course!" he said, shuffling his chair out of kick range. " Did you ever doubt that I wouldn't?"

Billy looked doubtful. " Have we had confirmation?"

"Of what?" snorted Viggo, finally giving up on his stare at the paper, which seemed completely unrepentant at the shield cover it was allowing, and turning to put the kettle on again. " This is a private and personal matter. Whatever you lot did last night should be allowed to drop before they come downstairs,"

" Er," said Dom, who had just walked through the door. " We're downstairs now. Drop what?"

" Hey, is that my muffin you're eating?!" piped up Elijah behind him, who had managed to fully regain his vision. Bihasthastily shoved the remains of the Muffin wrapper behind him and tried to look innocent.

" I can see muffin crumbs around your mouth," added Lij. Billy casually dragged an arm across his mouth, and pretended to suddenly notice the view from the kitchen window.

Dom, however, was not particularly interested in the fate of his beloved's muffin. His suspicion radar was up and giving some interesting bleeps in his direction.

" What's going on?" he asked slowly. " Drop what? And why is Sean hiding behind that paper anyway?"

" I'm not hiding," came the response. " I'm just deeply interested in .. er... mortgages. Anyway, if Elijah wants another muffin, I can just pop to the shop and-"

" Sit down," snapped Viggo. " And now they know about it, you can explain exactly what happened."

" I've already explained," replied Sean. " When you were out."

Dom, who really didn't want a repeat of Sean's version, coughed and tried to slink past to the kettle. More coffee was obviously needed in a situation like this.

" That's okay. I already know," he said hurriedly. There was a faint sigh of relief behind the paper. Orlando, stripped of his chance to cause more trouble, looked sulky.

Elijah looked interested. " I don't. What happened?"

Viggo smiled, detached himself from his position leaning against the worktop and wandered to the other side of the room, deftly removing the paper from Sean's grasp in one fluid motion as he walked past. Sean glared after him as the artist disappeared out the door, then looked back at Elijah.

" Nothing," he said. " At all."

" Oh." Elijah looked blank for a moment, then glanced around for some other breakfast. " Well, that was boring." He discovered an open packet of cornflakes and went on a quest for milk.

" I never promised excitement," said Sean sulkily, and starting picking at a paper towel. Orlando opened his mouth to comment on this, but decided he was far too close to Sean, source of Pain, to risk it.

Elijah was demolishing the cornflakes at a tremendous speed. Orli, who had behaved for far too long at this point, gave his best innocent little boy look.

" You're hungry. In a hurry?" he asked innocently. Elijah gave a wicked look across at Dom, who went bright red again, and suddenly discovered the appeal of Viggo's kitchen window view.

" Got a few things to do," he replied cheerfully, through a mouthful of breakfast. Billy dodged out the way of the spray. " With Dom,"

" That's right," said Dom, trying to avoid looking at the wide grin that seemed to make up the entirity of Orlando. " Soon. Very very soon. In fact, " he made a show of glancing at his watch. " Almost now, in fact."

Lij gave him a surprised look. " You've recovered ALREADY?" he said. " Wow!"

Dom gave another embarrassed cough, and moved towards the door hurriedly.
" Yes, well, lets not hang about shall we..," he murmured. Elijah, who had finished the bowl of cornflakes gave the room a bright smile, and trotted after him. Dom left thankfully.

Sean was aware of Orlando's eyes drilling into him. " What?" he snapped.

Orlando shrugged, and got up from the table. " Nothing at all!" he said. " Come on Billy, let's leave the other two lovebirds together."

Billy looked puzzled for a minute, then his eyes widened. " You and Viggo?" he asked. Sean scowled.

" No! Bugger off, " growled Sean. Orlando, still grinned from ear to ear, duly buggered off, followed swiftly by Billy who was still giving Sean an amazed look. Sean groaned, and leant back in his chair. Brilliant. Now that rumour was likely to go round the entirety of the cast.

Roused by the cheerful "Byes!" aimed in his general direction, Viggo re-entered the kitchen, idly wiping brushes with a cloth. He took in Sean's slumped position in the chair.

" What?" he asked suspiciously.

******
o, wo, where we off to?" asked Elijah, who seemed remarkably bouncy after the hangover in the morning. Dom, who was still trying shake his off, was most jealous.

" How can you be that cheerful?" he complained. Lij laughed, and wrapped his arms around Dom in a cute version of a bear hug. Dom kissed the forehead that practically begged to be kissed, and pulled Lij along to keep him walking.

" I'm excited!" Lij said, happily. " Now, where to?"

Dom sighed. " r alr all that drink I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for two days," he said apologetically. Elijah beamed.

" Sounds good to me!" he said. Dom really couldn't argue with this.

*******

" So let me get this straight," said Viggo slowly. " Everyone thinks we're together, yes?"

Sean shrugged, and avoided eye contact. " ' Suppose so," he muttered. Viggo rolled his eyes.

" I thought we were supposed to be careful about that sort of thing?" he said in a far too patient voice. Sean shifted uncomfortably in his seat and attempted to locate suitable responses. However, the Response Head Unit was obviously not working mornings. Sean settled for a grunt and an embarrassed look.

Viggo sighed. " If we WERE together, I would be most seriously tempted to put you over my lap for the stuff that you've managed to do in such a short space of time," he continued in a parental tone. Sean made an indistinguishable mutter, and started to pick at his nails. Viggo smiled, wandered casually over to him and pulled him up to his feet.

" It's just as well we are together then," Viggo commented idly. " You. Bed. Now."

Sean felt it was probably safer to obey.

END