Billy's Favorite Utensil

*BILLY AND DOM ARE NOT MINE*

I acknowledge this. Absolutely no libel is intended. I'm just havin' a little fun with a couple of characters I like to call "Billy" and "Dom."

And as a further disclaimer, I'm apparently much better at reading smut than I am at writing it. Oh well. Please review, but be gentle!


It started with drunkenness, because these kinds of stories always start with drunkenness. Billy and Dom were at Dom's house, celebrating. It doesn't matter what, but we'll say it was the end of a particularly difficult shoot. They had been drinking all evening. It doesn't matter what they were drinking, but we'll make it wine. Wine adds a certain diginity to inebriety that Billy was sorely lacking at this moment.

"The spoon," he declared sloshily, "is my favorite piece of silverware. Because," he stopped. suddsuddenly couldn't seem to remember why it was that he liked the spoon so much better than the fork or the knife. Dom nodded wisely over his glass and took another sip. Suddenly something lit up in Billy's eyes. It quickly died again, then lit up. "Because," he slurred, "It is rounded. It's not all scary and pointy. Plus, the activity associated with it is much more pleasing than 'knifing' or 'forking.' " He stumbled a bit, surprised at his own vocabulary. He then bowed and stumbled his way back to the couch where he sat down heavily next to Dom. Dom was still giggling at the word "forking" and hadn't noticed that the little speech was over. With a start, he began to applaud loudly. He and Billy collapsed momentarily into uncontrolled giggling.

After the giggling died down, Billy soon lost himself in the bottom of his glass. He was contemplating, but to the undiscerning viewer it looked as though he was very conf by by something lurking just under his wine. He squinted. He took a sip and continued to contemplate. Luckily for Billy, Dom was too busy draining his glass again to ask him what he was squinting at. Billy was drunk enough at this point that if Dom had asked him, he probably would have gone ahead and told him. This was not Billy's normal policy in this type of situation. Normally he evaded the question. Billy, you see, was not entirely sure that Dom liked him back in the same way. He was in that usual mess...He did really like Dom (beyond the best-hobbit-friend sort of liking) but he was, like we all have been at some point, afraid to ruin their friendship. He didn't want Dom to think any less of him.

This was the conundrum he was contemplating when Dom suddenly leapt up and slapped him heartily on the back. Billy nearly choked as Dom announced that it was bedtime and that he was off. He offered Billy the couch, and Billy flopped on it. Dom padded off toward his bedroom, leaning on the wall periodically for extra support. Billy stretched out on the welcoming couch. He tossed several times before deciding that turning would be better. He tried that for a bit, soon realized that the couch was not particularly comfortable. It was cold and lumpy and sadly devoid of Dom. He thought drunkenly to himself. He finally reached the conclusion that even if it caused some awkwardness, the best Course of Action involved being in the same bed as Dom. That would be warm and comfy and full of Dom. Billy dragged himself off the couch and, taking a moment to calm his spinning head, he headed off toward Dom's warm comfort.

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Billy woke up feeling heavy-headed, but surprisingly un-hungover. He stopped to collect himself. After some contemplation, he realized that he was happily curled up in Dom's warm bed. He was in Dom's room, where, in the semi-darkness, he could hear Dom's light sleep-breathing. Suddenly, he realized why he was so warm and happy. He was not only in Dom's room, he was also in Dom's arms. Dom's sleep-heavy forearm was slung comfortably around Billy's waist. His pelvis was pressed tightly against Billy's rear, and their legs were intricately intertwined. Billy's chest tightened suddenly in this realization. His breathing quickened and his ach ach did a triple-twist.

Billy's mind worked quickly and suddenly came up with a plan. No, make that a Plan. This one definitely deserved a capital "p". Slowly and carefully, Billy beto rto rub his arse against Dom's pelvis. He moved delicately, so as not to wakm. m. As he ground against Dom's groin, he felt Dom's cock begin to harden. He grinned. (That was, by the way, most of the Plan. He hadn't really thought past getting Dom aroused.) Suddenly, the Plan backfired. Dom groaned and tightened his arm around Billy's waist, pulling him tighter to him. "Billy," he whispered in a hot, wet whisper right into Billy's ear.

Billy froze. He quickly closed his eyes and feigned sleep. Was Dom awake? Had he felt Billy goading him on? After a few breathless moments, Billy realized that Dom was, in fact, asleep. Slowly, the gravity of this dawned on him. If Dom was asleep and moaning his name, that must mean that Dom really wanted him...and this. He didn't moan the name of a girl or even (as Billy sometiems dreaded) another boy, he said Billy's name. His heart beated faster and he could barely control his breathing and his thoughts. He didn't know if he should wake Dom up and tell him everything or if he should wait for Dom to wake up and discover his position without his help. He laid there paralyzed for probably five minutes when everything was answered for him.

Dom started to slowly thrust his pelvis against Billy's arse. Billy, hard since the realization of Dom's arousmoanmoaned softly but refrained from responding otherwise. He felt that this was some kind of test and that lying perfectly still would be the best response. Dom began to thrust harder and more quickly. He was moaning and softly whispering Billy's name in his ear. A few thrusts more, and Dom climaxed. Billy could feel warm wetness seeping through the front of Dom's boxers and the back of his. Every nerve in his skull protested. In unison, they all screamed out, "That was supposed to be in me, not on me!" His head was so addled with sleep, the leftovers of last night's drinking, and desire that he couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. Where had his plan failed? Why hadn't Dom tried to get Billy to participate?

Dom rolled over onto his back, his breathing evening out. Billy flipped over onto his other side, angry. There Dom lay, eyes closed. Billy noticed the wet spot on his boxers and his already erect cock became instantly harder. "Dom?" he asked quitely, voice quaking with emotion. No response. "Dom?" he asked again, louder this time. Still no response. He put a hand to Dom's shoulder and he stirred slightly. He put both hands on Dom's shoulders and shook. "Dom!" he called. Slowly, Dom's eyebrows crinkled in confusion. He sat slowly up. "Billy?" he asked, confused with sleep. "How did you...? How long...?" Billy began to laugh. He laughed harder and harder as he realized that Dom had been asleep the entire time. It was good to know that he was part of a really great wet dream and that he hadn't been spurned. He was laughing so hard that he hardly noticed when Dom pulled him close and looked him in the eye. "Bills, have I been talking in my sleep?"

Billy laughed again and nodded, tears beginning to run down his cheeks. Dom turned a very bright shade of red. "And what did I say?" he asked slowly. Billy smiled warmly at Dom and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Enough," he said. Dom looked as though he was going to be sick. Apparently he had his own secret too. "It's okay!" Billy quickly added. "But," he said sternly, "You're going to have to do that again, except this time I want to really be in on it, not just in your head." Dom grinned, embarrasseain.ain. The embarrassment soon left, though, and arousal took over.

The end.