Wrath of Bronny Poo
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,529
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,529
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Wrath of Bronny Poo
Series: An Empty Vessel MisAdventure. (As opposed, I suppose to an Tel' Lindar MisAdventure
Rating: R (I hope)
Beta: Alex
Disclaimer: Hi. I'm me... just a silly old woman with too much time on her hands and too much imagination. I am NOT Tolkien, nor am I Rowling, and hell... last I looked - I wasn't even Gene Roddenberry. Wish I had their money, but alas...
Note 1: This was written for the ERU Mary Sue Challenge.
Note 2: There will be two different endings for this... and Empty Vessel ending for the LOTR readers, groups, archives and a Tel' Lindar ending for the HP readers, groups and archives. Yes, I saw the movie ‘Clue'...
Zee's definition of a Mary Sue:
1. Insipid and helpless
2. Perfect and drop dead gorgeous
3. Xena Warrior Princess
or any combination of the above.
Her presence also makes canon characters go waaaaaay outta character. (However, if they were already out of character before her arrival, all bets are off!)
Chapter One:
Somewhere out that-a-way...
***
These are the voyages of the Starship, Enterprise, its never-ending mission, to search out strange planets and screwable citizens,... uhm new civilizations, to find beautiful women and make them fall in love with us, as we leave them crying for more and child support; to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Captain's Log Stardate 51468:03
We are charting an unknown solar system, previously unbeknownst to us. Even the damned Vulcan didn't know about it, so of course, we are purging the natural resources... er... exploring it.
There are seven planets, the fourth one being of the most interest, as it is round and rotating and the atmosphere seems to be the most habitable. A landing party, consisting of myself, Mr Spock, Mr. Chekov, Dr. McCoy, and Security Officer Bob, have gone to the surface and are exploring the many caves on its rocky surface. We have split up two teams, to cover as much space as possible.
***
Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise kicked at the dirt that seemed endless on the planet. Small rocks went flying and indignant small rodent type creatures ran for distant cover, squealing rodent curses as they disappeared from sight.
"Dammit, Jim!" Kirk's chief medical officer was in a fine snit - as he usually was. "I'm a doctor, not a terrain specialist!"
"No, Doctor McCoy, you are not." Spock, the ship's first officer and resident alien, had his tricorder and was scanning away like a kid with a geiger counter. "However, should we find any life forms, you would be needed." The blipping began to speed up. "As our computers detected three life forms down here, our captain deemed that you were a necessary attachment to our party." He pointed towards a group of caves. "Over there, gentlemen. Our lifeforms are in one of those caves."
"Well," Kirk came to stand next to his Science Officer, "as we know which way to go, I'll call the other three to join us." He whipped his communicator from the pocket of his uniform pants in a way that would have made any female (and a few males ones) ensign swoon. With a debonair flick of the wrist, he tossed it open and adjusted the distance. "Captain Kirk to Ensign Chekov. Do you read me?"
"I cannot read you sir, but I can hear you." Chekov's heavy Russian accent crackled through the communicator.
Spock's elegant Vulcan eyebrow arched at the obviousness of the statement.
Kirk rolled his eyes and spoke slowly into the communicator. "We... have... a... location... on... our... lifeforms..."
"I'm not deaf, sir. Vee vill be right there. Chekov out."
McCoy was still grumbling. "I hate space travel. I hate the transporter. I hate strange, new worlds. I hate exploring caves." He kicked another alien rodent, watching it go squealing down the dusty hill. "I especially hate nasty little alien rodents!" They were joined by the other three officers by the time he finished his rampage.
Quietly, they made their way into the cave, following Spock, who was using his tricorder as a homing beacon.
"Phasers on stun, gentlemen." Phasers were out as they slowly made their way deeper into the cavern.
Twenty minutes later, they came into a large natural room.
In the middle of the cavern lay three dusty, glass sarcophaguses.
Spock circled slowly, the noises from his tricorder going off like a loathsome oven timer. He stopped at the far left container and dusted the filth from it.
Revealing a being with long blonde hair and what looked like pointed ears.
"Strange." he muttered. He motioned for the ship's doctor to come and take a closer look.
Doctor McCoy came next to the Science Officer, pulling out his own tricorder. Quickly he scanned the contents. "Humanoid, but not of Man. Male. Height, six foot. He. Heartrate seventeen..." he stopped and double checked his tricorder. He stalked to the middle case and dusted. "Female. Human. Height, five foot one. Heartrate twenty two..." He scowled at his tricorder and went to the right. Officer Bob had already dusted the top, revealing a dark clad man with long black hair and a very prominent nose. "Human. Male. Height Six foot three, heartrate twenty..."
"Doctor." Spock's voice was tinged with urgency. "This one." He pointed to the first coffin. McCoy made his way back over quickly,
the blipping of his tricorder beginning to increnase. "Heartrate... twenty eight... heart rate.... thirtyfive.... heartrate fortynine... heartrate..." He looked to his captain. "Jim. These people are alive. They are in a state of suspended animation, but they are alive. They need medical attention immediately!"
With the grace of a panther, Kirk had whipped out his communicator and took what passed as a seductive stance. "Kirk to Enterprise... Kirk to Enter..."
"I... heard... you!" Lt. Uhura, the ship's communication officer sounded as if...
Well, it sounded like Lt. Sulu was having a good time...
"Who's... your... Samarai... baaaaaabeeeeeee..."
The landing party all looked at each other.
"Damn." Checov muttered. "Sulu always gets lucky vhen I haf to go to surface."
Hmmm. Uhura had been warned about this kind of behavior before. Looked like he was going to have to reprimand her... again.
YES! Go me!
"Lt. Uhura, if you could kindly pull your skirts down long enough to call the transporter room. Five to beam up and three large ..." he looked at the coffins." We will need several medical teams with three gurneys and possibly tranquilizers."
"Heartrate 56... heartrate.. 62... Jim, we can't wait, dammit!" McCoy was sounding rather hysterical... one of the coffins was now thumping as one of the lifeforms began to bang on the glass.
"Beam us to sickbay, now!"
All life forms soon found themselves energizing from the planet's surface to the medical wing of the large spaceship.
***
tbc
***
Rating: R (I hope)
Beta: Alex
Disclaimer: Hi. I'm me... just a silly old woman with too much time on her hands and too much imagination. I am NOT Tolkien, nor am I Rowling, and hell... last I looked - I wasn't even Gene Roddenberry. Wish I had their money, but alas...
Note 1: This was written for the ERU Mary Sue Challenge.
Note 2: There will be two different endings for this... and Empty Vessel ending for the LOTR readers, groups, archives and a Tel' Lindar ending for the HP readers, groups and archives. Yes, I saw the movie ‘Clue'...
Zee's definition of a Mary Sue:
1. Insipid and helpless
2. Perfect and drop dead gorgeous
3. Xena Warrior Princess
or any combination of the above.
Her presence also makes canon characters go waaaaaay outta character. (However, if they were already out of character before her arrival, all bets are off!)
Chapter One:
Somewhere out that-a-way...
***
These are the voyages of the Starship, Enterprise, its never-ending mission, to search out strange planets and screwable citizens,... uhm new civilizations, to find beautiful women and make them fall in love with us, as we leave them crying for more and child support; to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Captain's Log Stardate 51468:03
We are charting an unknown solar system, previously unbeknownst to us. Even the damned Vulcan didn't know about it, so of course, we are purging the natural resources... er... exploring it.
There are seven planets, the fourth one being of the most interest, as it is round and rotating and the atmosphere seems to be the most habitable. A landing party, consisting of myself, Mr Spock, Mr. Chekov, Dr. McCoy, and Security Officer Bob, have gone to the surface and are exploring the many caves on its rocky surface. We have split up two teams, to cover as much space as possible.
***
Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise kicked at the dirt that seemed endless on the planet. Small rocks went flying and indignant small rodent type creatures ran for distant cover, squealing rodent curses as they disappeared from sight.
"Dammit, Jim!" Kirk's chief medical officer was in a fine snit - as he usually was. "I'm a doctor, not a terrain specialist!"
"No, Doctor McCoy, you are not." Spock, the ship's first officer and resident alien, had his tricorder and was scanning away like a kid with a geiger counter. "However, should we find any life forms, you would be needed." The blipping began to speed up. "As our computers detected three life forms down here, our captain deemed that you were a necessary attachment to our party." He pointed towards a group of caves. "Over there, gentlemen. Our lifeforms are in one of those caves."
"Well," Kirk came to stand next to his Science Officer, "as we know which way to go, I'll call the other three to join us." He whipped his communicator from the pocket of his uniform pants in a way that would have made any female (and a few males ones) ensign swoon. With a debonair flick of the wrist, he tossed it open and adjusted the distance. "Captain Kirk to Ensign Chekov. Do you read me?"
"I cannot read you sir, but I can hear you." Chekov's heavy Russian accent crackled through the communicator.
Spock's elegant Vulcan eyebrow arched at the obviousness of the statement.
Kirk rolled his eyes and spoke slowly into the communicator. "We... have... a... location... on... our... lifeforms..."
"I'm not deaf, sir. Vee vill be right there. Chekov out."
McCoy was still grumbling. "I hate space travel. I hate the transporter. I hate strange, new worlds. I hate exploring caves." He kicked another alien rodent, watching it go squealing down the dusty hill. "I especially hate nasty little alien rodents!" They were joined by the other three officers by the time he finished his rampage.
Quietly, they made their way into the cave, following Spock, who was using his tricorder as a homing beacon.
"Phasers on stun, gentlemen." Phasers were out as they slowly made their way deeper into the cavern.
Twenty minutes later, they came into a large natural room.
In the middle of the cavern lay three dusty, glass sarcophaguses.
Spock circled slowly, the noises from his tricorder going off like a loathsome oven timer. He stopped at the far left container and dusted the filth from it.
Revealing a being with long blonde hair and what looked like pointed ears.
"Strange." he muttered. He motioned for the ship's doctor to come and take a closer look.
Doctor McCoy came next to the Science Officer, pulling out his own tricorder. Quickly he scanned the contents. "Humanoid, but not of Man. Male. Height, six foot. He. Heartrate seventeen..." he stopped and double checked his tricorder. He stalked to the middle case and dusted. "Female. Human. Height, five foot one. Heartrate twenty two..." He scowled at his tricorder and went to the right. Officer Bob had already dusted the top, revealing a dark clad man with long black hair and a very prominent nose. "Human. Male. Height Six foot three, heartrate twenty..."
"Doctor." Spock's voice was tinged with urgency. "This one." He pointed to the first coffin. McCoy made his way back over quickly,
the blipping of his tricorder beginning to increnase. "Heartrate... twenty eight... heart rate.... thirtyfive.... heartrate fortynine... heartrate..." He looked to his captain. "Jim. These people are alive. They are in a state of suspended animation, but they are alive. They need medical attention immediately!"
With the grace of a panther, Kirk had whipped out his communicator and took what passed as a seductive stance. "Kirk to Enterprise... Kirk to Enter..."
"I... heard... you!" Lt. Uhura, the ship's communication officer sounded as if...
Well, it sounded like Lt. Sulu was having a good time...
"Who's... your... Samarai... baaaaaabeeeeeee..."
The landing party all looked at each other.
"Damn." Checov muttered. "Sulu always gets lucky vhen I haf to go to surface."
Hmmm. Uhura had been warned about this kind of behavior before. Looked like he was going to have to reprimand her... again.
YES! Go me!
"Lt. Uhura, if you could kindly pull your skirts down long enough to call the transporter room. Five to beam up and three large ..." he looked at the coffins." We will need several medical teams with three gurneys and possibly tranquilizers."
"Heartrate 56... heartrate.. 62... Jim, we can't wait, dammit!" McCoy was sounding rather hysterical... one of the coffins was now thumping as one of the lifeforms began to bang on the glass.
"Beam us to sickbay, now!"
All life forms soon found themselves energizing from the planet's surface to the medical wing of the large spaceship.
***
tbc
***