The Beverly Hillbillies Go To Middle Earth
folder
Lord of the Rings Movies › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,995
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Lord of the Rings Movies › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,995
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Taking the Plunge
Title & Chapter Number: The Beverly Hillbillies Go To Middle Earth, Chapter One
Author(s): Sinda
Type: Het
Pairing: Éomer / Elly May (so far)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This fan fiction was not written with the intent of financial gain, but solely for my own enjoyment and hopefully to entertain others. I have no claim on Tolkien’s work or characters but am merely borrowing them. Same goes for the Beverly Hillbillies.
Warnings:
Betas:
Timeline: AU
Author's Note: This was just done for fun – please don’t take it seriously. If you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t read it. Thank you for those of you who contributed ideas for this story. You know who you are.
Spoilers: None
Summary: The Beverly Hillbillies stumble into Middle Earth
Feedback: Sinda_lorien@iwon.com I would appreciate any feedback I can get. Thanks.
The Beverly Hillbillies in Middle Earth
Chapter One – Taking the Plunge
Jed sat in the car and pushed his worn out hat back on his forehead, “Now, that’s strange.”
Leaning forward, staring at the square shadow on the road in front of them, Jethro said, “Well, ah’ll be.” He scratched his head as he observed the shadow.
“Don’t know if I should drive through that or not,” the older man said, contemplating.
“But, Paw, if we don’t hurry home, my critters’ll go hungry. They’s used to me feeding them right on time,” Elly May fretted from the back seat.
“I suppose it’s just a shadow,” Jed shrugged. “I don’t think I ever heard of a shadow hurting no one before.”
A squealing of brakes from behind captured their attention momentarily as Mr. Drysdale slammed his door and came running up to the car out of breath. “Mr. Clampett! I’m so glad I caught you! I need your signature on this stock purchase and you left before I could get it, now if you’ll just sign right here…”
Jed signed the paper without reading it, his attention still fixed on the strange shadow. “Mr. Drysdale, what do you suppose that shadow over yonder is?”
Mr. Drysdale looked up briefly, but only gave the apparition a quick glance. He was more concerned about the stock purchase they had just completed since he needed to get back and get the papers filed before the end of the day. Thank God he had finally straightened this mess out. When he had told Jed to buy stock, the dolt had come home with fifteen head of cattle and a few assorted sheep. He didn’t want to know what they had done with the sheep.
“Hmm. I don’t know, looks like some sort of cloud,” the banker said, folding the papers and stuffing them inside the vest pocket of his suit.
“A square cloud?” Jane Hathaway said, joining them at the car. “How peculiar.”
“You suppose it’s safe to drive through, Miss Jane?” Jed asked the woman.
“I don’t know…” she began, warily.
“Yes, yes, yes, it’s fine,” Mr. Drysdale finished for her, looking at his watch. “We need to get going.”
Jed nodded his head and tipped his hat to the banker and his secretary before putting his old jalopy into gear and moving forward. As the car moved through the strange shadow, it disappeared from sight.
“Oh, no,” Miss Hathaway said.
Mr. Drysdale’s face turned bright red as panic filled him, “Go! Follow that car!”
They jumped into the car and followed the Clampetts into the unknown.
~~~~~~~~~
Elly May clutched the back of the seat as the world began to twist and shake around them.
Granny took her purse and hit Jethro on the head.
“Ow, Granny, whydja go and do that?” he asked, rubbing his head.
“I was aiming for yer Uncle Jed but the car’s a movin’,” she told him, then hit him again for general purposes.
As suddenly as it had started, the twisting and shaking stopped and Jed calmly rolled the car forward about a dozen feet before stopping. It was a good thing, because moments later, Miss Hathaway’s car appeared right behind them, only it wasn’t a car any longer. Jed looked in front of him to realize that his car was also now a wagon, being pulled by a couple of horses.
“Now, those are some fine looking animals,” Jed said, admiring the horses.
“Well, just look at them!” Elly May said, jumping out of the wagon and walking up to the animals. “They sure are purty!”
Finished with his assessment of his team of horses, Jed turned around to see how Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway were doing, but decided that they didn’t look so great. Mr. Drysdale’s eyes were glazed over and his mouth was hanging open as he stared at the animals in front of his wagon. Miss Hathaway simply looked bewildered.
“Don’t believe we’re in Beverly Hills any longer,” Jed stated, looking around.
“Uh…uh…uh…,” Mr. Drysdale was pointing now and they all turned to look.
“Must be a welcoming party,” Granny decided, squinting.
“I believe that we are being approached by a party of Orcs and Uruk-hai,” Miss Hathaway said, her face pale as she observed the creatures through her bird watching binoculars. “That would place us in Middle Earth, but of course, that would be impossible. We must have wandered onto a movie set somehow.”
“A party? Whoooo-eeee, I’m ready for a party,” Jethro said, grinning ear to ear.
“Not this kind of a party, you aren’t,” Miss Hathaway said. “I don’t suppose anybody sees another one of those strange shadows anywhere, do they, just in case?”
They all looked around, but there was nothing within sight.
“Might not hurt to be moving along,” Jed finally said. “Those fellas don’t look too happy to see us.”
He and Elly got back in the wagon and no sooner had they started moving when a large group of riders on horseback came charging towards them. Jed stopped and scratched his chin. He waited and the riders fortunately moved around the two carts, continuing on towards the Orcs and Uruk-hai. The passengers turned to watch as the two groups engaged in battle.
“Granny?” Jethro said suddenly. “Where’d she go?”
All eyes were on the seat where Granny had been sitting only moments earlier.
“There she is!” Elly stood and pointed, excited. Approaching the battle, Granny ran as fast as she could with her ankle length dress on. In her right hand she clutched a heavy, iron frying pan and immediately used it on the first Orc she came to.
“Jethro, go and get your granny,” Jed said. “Those movie fellers won’t want her interfering in their filming.” Jethro leapt out of the wagon and ran towards the commotion while the rest of them continued to watch. Jed had to stretch and look for Granny, because she had disappeared from view, but then she was back again, clinging to the back of a large Uruk. Her legs were wrapped around his waist as far as she could reach and she clung to his neck with her left arm while she used the right arm to beat the creature over the head mercilessly. As the Uruk slumped to the ground, Jethro peeled granny off of the Uruk and slung her over his shoulder to bring her back. Unhappy, Granny pounded him with her fists as she yelled for him to put her down. After four or five wallops with the frying pan, Jethro finally wised up and took the weapon from Granny. Sitting her back in the wagon, he rubbed his head.
Mr. Drysdale had finally quit pointing, but he was still just saying, “Uh…uh…uh...”
It was only a matter of minutes before the battle was over and the Clampetts were suddenly surrounded by men with spears.
“Ah, more of Sauron’s spies, no doubt,” one of the riders said, sneering at them. “The white wizard walks here and there, they say…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Granny asked.
Éomer looked confused, “Well, it means that he walks here, in this world and he also walks…I do not know!”
Elly May just batted her eyelashes at him and sashayed over with her hands up.
“Why, you shore do have some purty horses,” she told him, patting the animal on the head.
He frowned. “What is your business in the Riddermark?”
Jethro turned towards Jed and whispered, “Where’s the Riddle Mark?”
“Someplace in Germany, I think,” his uncle replied. Jethro nodded.
“Well, we don’t rightly know what we’re doing here,” Jed explained. “One minute we were driving down the road through this funny shadow and the next thing you know…here we were. We didn’t mean to interfere with your movie picture.” He looked around now and noticed there were no cameras.
Most of the riders had forgotten by now that these could be Sauron’s spies because they were too busy watching Elly May to do anything else. When she leaned over to pet the lowered head of the horse, her very short shorts rode up even further. There was a collective gasp from the Rohirrim, who couldn’t imagine what had happened to the rest of her clothing.
Éomer shifted uncomfortably in the saddle before finally introducing himself. It was decided that his men would escort the two wagons to Edoras where they could speak with Gandalf if the wizard was still in residence there. It was also decided that Elly May would ride with him.
“It will allow the others more room in your wagon,” he told Jed, liking the view of her cleavage from where he sat on the horse.
Jed scratched his head. “Well, they seemed comfortable enough to me, but Elly likes critters, so she’d probably enjoy riding on the horse.”
Éomer immediately moved his horse into a trot after helping Elly May up into the saddle in front of him.
“My, this sure is a bumpy road,” Elly May said, unaware at how many pairs of eyes were watching her chest bounce up and down.
“Yes, I should hold you tighter to make sure you don’t fall off,” Éomer said, tightening his grip around her waist.
“Why, thank you Mr. Éomer,” she told him.
When they arrived at Rohan, Gandalf was indeed still there, as were Legolas and Aragorn. The strange travelers were introduced to the members of the fellowship and while Jethro thought Legolas had strange ears, he was otherwise enthralled.
“Well, ah’ll be,” he said, looking at the flawless elf. “You’re a tall one, but you sure are be-ootiful.”
Legolas raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.
“Shy, too, ain’t ya darling?” Jethro tried to put his arm around Legolas who proceeded to apply a back-fist to the man’s face.
“So, yer gonna play hard to get, huh?” Jethro said, picking himself up off the ground. “Well, most women can’t resist me. You’ll just need to get to know me a little better.”
Legolas slowly turned and looked at Aragorn, asking with his eyes if this human could truly be this dense. Aragorn simply shrugged and walked away.
“Well, if we will not be needed for a while, I wish to show Miss Elly May the hay…I mean the stables…horses,” Éomer said, “she likes horses.”
Jed watched them walk off together, Éomer’s arm around Elly’s waist. “Well now, that was right nice of that young man.”
Legolas and Aragorn exchanged another look as Éomer’s hand slid down to Elly’s shorts.
~~tbc~~
Author(s): Sinda
Type: Het
Pairing: Éomer / Elly May (so far)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This fan fiction was not written with the intent of financial gain, but solely for my own enjoyment and hopefully to entertain others. I have no claim on Tolkien’s work or characters but am merely borrowing them. Same goes for the Beverly Hillbillies.
Warnings:
Betas:
Timeline: AU
Author's Note: This was just done for fun – please don’t take it seriously. If you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t read it. Thank you for those of you who contributed ideas for this story. You know who you are.
Spoilers: None
Summary: The Beverly Hillbillies stumble into Middle Earth
Feedback: Sinda_lorien@iwon.com I would appreciate any feedback I can get. Thanks.
The Beverly Hillbillies in Middle Earth
Chapter One – Taking the Plunge
Jed sat in the car and pushed his worn out hat back on his forehead, “Now, that’s strange.”
Leaning forward, staring at the square shadow on the road in front of them, Jethro said, “Well, ah’ll be.” He scratched his head as he observed the shadow.
“Don’t know if I should drive through that or not,” the older man said, contemplating.
“But, Paw, if we don’t hurry home, my critters’ll go hungry. They’s used to me feeding them right on time,” Elly May fretted from the back seat.
“I suppose it’s just a shadow,” Jed shrugged. “I don’t think I ever heard of a shadow hurting no one before.”
A squealing of brakes from behind captured their attention momentarily as Mr. Drysdale slammed his door and came running up to the car out of breath. “Mr. Clampett! I’m so glad I caught you! I need your signature on this stock purchase and you left before I could get it, now if you’ll just sign right here…”
Jed signed the paper without reading it, his attention still fixed on the strange shadow. “Mr. Drysdale, what do you suppose that shadow over yonder is?”
Mr. Drysdale looked up briefly, but only gave the apparition a quick glance. He was more concerned about the stock purchase they had just completed since he needed to get back and get the papers filed before the end of the day. Thank God he had finally straightened this mess out. When he had told Jed to buy stock, the dolt had come home with fifteen head of cattle and a few assorted sheep. He didn’t want to know what they had done with the sheep.
“Hmm. I don’t know, looks like some sort of cloud,” the banker said, folding the papers and stuffing them inside the vest pocket of his suit.
“A square cloud?” Jane Hathaway said, joining them at the car. “How peculiar.”
“You suppose it’s safe to drive through, Miss Jane?” Jed asked the woman.
“I don’t know…” she began, warily.
“Yes, yes, yes, it’s fine,” Mr. Drysdale finished for her, looking at his watch. “We need to get going.”
Jed nodded his head and tipped his hat to the banker and his secretary before putting his old jalopy into gear and moving forward. As the car moved through the strange shadow, it disappeared from sight.
“Oh, no,” Miss Hathaway said.
Mr. Drysdale’s face turned bright red as panic filled him, “Go! Follow that car!”
They jumped into the car and followed the Clampetts into the unknown.
~~~~~~~~~
Elly May clutched the back of the seat as the world began to twist and shake around them.
Granny took her purse and hit Jethro on the head.
“Ow, Granny, whydja go and do that?” he asked, rubbing his head.
“I was aiming for yer Uncle Jed but the car’s a movin’,” she told him, then hit him again for general purposes.
As suddenly as it had started, the twisting and shaking stopped and Jed calmly rolled the car forward about a dozen feet before stopping. It was a good thing, because moments later, Miss Hathaway’s car appeared right behind them, only it wasn’t a car any longer. Jed looked in front of him to realize that his car was also now a wagon, being pulled by a couple of horses.
“Now, those are some fine looking animals,” Jed said, admiring the horses.
“Well, just look at them!” Elly May said, jumping out of the wagon and walking up to the animals. “They sure are purty!”
Finished with his assessment of his team of horses, Jed turned around to see how Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway were doing, but decided that they didn’t look so great. Mr. Drysdale’s eyes were glazed over and his mouth was hanging open as he stared at the animals in front of his wagon. Miss Hathaway simply looked bewildered.
“Don’t believe we’re in Beverly Hills any longer,” Jed stated, looking around.
“Uh…uh…uh…,” Mr. Drysdale was pointing now and they all turned to look.
“Must be a welcoming party,” Granny decided, squinting.
“I believe that we are being approached by a party of Orcs and Uruk-hai,” Miss Hathaway said, her face pale as she observed the creatures through her bird watching binoculars. “That would place us in Middle Earth, but of course, that would be impossible. We must have wandered onto a movie set somehow.”
“A party? Whoooo-eeee, I’m ready for a party,” Jethro said, grinning ear to ear.
“Not this kind of a party, you aren’t,” Miss Hathaway said. “I don’t suppose anybody sees another one of those strange shadows anywhere, do they, just in case?”
They all looked around, but there was nothing within sight.
“Might not hurt to be moving along,” Jed finally said. “Those fellas don’t look too happy to see us.”
He and Elly got back in the wagon and no sooner had they started moving when a large group of riders on horseback came charging towards them. Jed stopped and scratched his chin. He waited and the riders fortunately moved around the two carts, continuing on towards the Orcs and Uruk-hai. The passengers turned to watch as the two groups engaged in battle.
“Granny?” Jethro said suddenly. “Where’d she go?”
All eyes were on the seat where Granny had been sitting only moments earlier.
“There she is!” Elly stood and pointed, excited. Approaching the battle, Granny ran as fast as she could with her ankle length dress on. In her right hand she clutched a heavy, iron frying pan and immediately used it on the first Orc she came to.
“Jethro, go and get your granny,” Jed said. “Those movie fellers won’t want her interfering in their filming.” Jethro leapt out of the wagon and ran towards the commotion while the rest of them continued to watch. Jed had to stretch and look for Granny, because she had disappeared from view, but then she was back again, clinging to the back of a large Uruk. Her legs were wrapped around his waist as far as she could reach and she clung to his neck with her left arm while she used the right arm to beat the creature over the head mercilessly. As the Uruk slumped to the ground, Jethro peeled granny off of the Uruk and slung her over his shoulder to bring her back. Unhappy, Granny pounded him with her fists as she yelled for him to put her down. After four or five wallops with the frying pan, Jethro finally wised up and took the weapon from Granny. Sitting her back in the wagon, he rubbed his head.
Mr. Drysdale had finally quit pointing, but he was still just saying, “Uh…uh…uh...”
It was only a matter of minutes before the battle was over and the Clampetts were suddenly surrounded by men with spears.
“Ah, more of Sauron’s spies, no doubt,” one of the riders said, sneering at them. “The white wizard walks here and there, they say…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Granny asked.
Éomer looked confused, “Well, it means that he walks here, in this world and he also walks…I do not know!”
Elly May just batted her eyelashes at him and sashayed over with her hands up.
“Why, you shore do have some purty horses,” she told him, patting the animal on the head.
He frowned. “What is your business in the Riddermark?”
Jethro turned towards Jed and whispered, “Where’s the Riddle Mark?”
“Someplace in Germany, I think,” his uncle replied. Jethro nodded.
“Well, we don’t rightly know what we’re doing here,” Jed explained. “One minute we were driving down the road through this funny shadow and the next thing you know…here we were. We didn’t mean to interfere with your movie picture.” He looked around now and noticed there were no cameras.
Most of the riders had forgotten by now that these could be Sauron’s spies because they were too busy watching Elly May to do anything else. When she leaned over to pet the lowered head of the horse, her very short shorts rode up even further. There was a collective gasp from the Rohirrim, who couldn’t imagine what had happened to the rest of her clothing.
Éomer shifted uncomfortably in the saddle before finally introducing himself. It was decided that his men would escort the two wagons to Edoras where they could speak with Gandalf if the wizard was still in residence there. It was also decided that Elly May would ride with him.
“It will allow the others more room in your wagon,” he told Jed, liking the view of her cleavage from where he sat on the horse.
Jed scratched his head. “Well, they seemed comfortable enough to me, but Elly likes critters, so she’d probably enjoy riding on the horse.”
Éomer immediately moved his horse into a trot after helping Elly May up into the saddle in front of him.
“My, this sure is a bumpy road,” Elly May said, unaware at how many pairs of eyes were watching her chest bounce up and down.
“Yes, I should hold you tighter to make sure you don’t fall off,” Éomer said, tightening his grip around her waist.
“Why, thank you Mr. Éomer,” she told him.
When they arrived at Rohan, Gandalf was indeed still there, as were Legolas and Aragorn. The strange travelers were introduced to the members of the fellowship and while Jethro thought Legolas had strange ears, he was otherwise enthralled.
“Well, ah’ll be,” he said, looking at the flawless elf. “You’re a tall one, but you sure are be-ootiful.”
Legolas raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.
“Shy, too, ain’t ya darling?” Jethro tried to put his arm around Legolas who proceeded to apply a back-fist to the man’s face.
“So, yer gonna play hard to get, huh?” Jethro said, picking himself up off the ground. “Well, most women can’t resist me. You’ll just need to get to know me a little better.”
Legolas slowly turned and looked at Aragorn, asking with his eyes if this human could truly be this dense. Aragorn simply shrugged and walked away.
“Well, if we will not be needed for a while, I wish to show Miss Elly May the hay…I mean the stables…horses,” Éomer said, “she likes horses.”
Jed watched them walk off together, Éomer’s arm around Elly’s waist. “Well now, that was right nice of that young man.”
Legolas and Aragorn exchanged another look as Éomer’s hand slid down to Elly’s shorts.
~~tbc~~