Abigail's Brave Captain

Title: Abigail’s Brave Captain

Author: Ambur

Beta: Fianna

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I only own Abigail. No money being made from this.

Warnings: Angst!!! Angst!!! And more angst!!!!!

Summary: This is a companion piece to the King’s Obsession. This is told from Abigail’s POV. She reflects on what has happened to her and when she first me and fell in love with Haldir.

***

I am so cold and so afraid. I can see nothing for the surrounding darkness. The air is thick and heavy around me. I struggle to find my way to the light, but I am alone. I am lost. I can still feel his hands upon me…his body crushing me beneath his. I try to fight, but he is too strong. My Lord…why do you do this? What have I done to make you hate me so?

He tells me he will send Haldir away. He tells me I will never see my beloved again, that he can make some terrible accident befall him. I have no choice if I am to save my love, my brave Captain from this wicked elf’s tyranny.

Oh Haldir…my love…forgive me…please do not stop loving me…I could not bear it…I would die…

He tells me it will be over soon, to just close my eyes. I struggle to keep myself from retching as his mouth closes over mine. He is disgusting…truly disgusting. I feel as if I will lose myself to this horror. I cry out to my beloved in my mind. I beg and plead for him to come.

He does not come. No one comes.

It is the vision of my beloved that keeps me sane during this assault. My mind struggles to remain focused on the vision of his gentle, loving face. I can see his beautiful deep set eyes and the warmth I find there when he beholds me.

Haldir…my one and only love…I can hear you in my mind. Your soft words bring comfort to me as I endure the agony of this. I close my eyes and allow the vision of you to caress me and flow over me like the waters of a gentle spring. I am somewhere safe now, Haldir. I am too far for any thing wicked or evil to touch me. It is in this place, this lone safe place that I can find solace in the most beautiful thing that ever befell me.


***

I remember when I first beheld you. I was in the garden walking with the Lady. I had only just returned from Mirkwood. You had just returned from war with the dark armies. I could feel my breath constrict in my throat. Never had I seen a more magnificent elf. Even in your weary, down trodden state you were exquisite. The Lady’s melodic voice was soft against my ear. She told me your name was Haldir anat yat you were the March Warden, the brave and capable Captain of her guard.

I could feel my face warm when you looked my way. I turned my head toward the ground thinking how foolish I had been to dare even hope you might look at me. But when I peeked another look at you as we passed you by, you were still watching me with those dark blue eyes...eyes that I felt I might lose myself in at any moment if I did not look away. You smiled, nodding your head in greeting. Try as I might, I could not tear my eyes from your handsome face.

I would see you often when I would take long walks through the gardens and city. I could barely contain my joy when you approached me for the first time, presenting me with one long steamed red rose. Its sweet scent flooded my nostrils as I inhaled, but its scent was nothing compared to you, my brave Captain as you smelled of the earth.

What a fool you must have thought me when I simply giggled and scurried away. It’s only because I could not bear to be so near you and not be in your arms. You were too magnificent for me. I dared not hope for anything but your smile. How could I offer anything to you, one so handsome and strong?

The Lady knew of my feelings for you. She tried many times to persuade me into approaching you. I dared not, but it was no matter. I had come to find out it would be you who would do the pursuing. I was so frightened by the knowledge that you wishes to court me. I could not imagine what I, a simple handmaiden could offer one such as you.

I tried to defer your advances, but you would not hear of it. Never had I been bombarded with so many sweets and trinkets of affection. I shall cherish the poem you wrote me of your love for always.

Ah…I remember the first time you kissed me. How thoughtful you were to choose the Lady’s garden, you knew how I loved it so. The sun was setting, coating the sky with brilliant warmth. I remember how silent you were as I told you of the different perennial flowers that were sporadically placed. I turned to regard you and froze…

Your head was descending and I felt myself being wrapped in your arms. I began to panic as I had never been kissed nor had given a kiss. I wanted to please you so badly and was so frightened of disappointing you. But I was wrong. I should have realized how patient and gentle you would be and were.

Your kiss was chaste and timid. I knew you were gagging my reaction. Your lips were so soft and warm. I knew I wanted more; I wanted to taste you, to lose myself in the warmth of your mouth.

I heard your gasp of surprise when I parted my lips, tentatively reaching out to flick my tongue over your bottom lip. You crushed me against you then, your mouth closing over mine, demanding I submit to you. I willingly did so, never imagining such ecstasy that your kisses gave.

It was here that you lowered the wall arounur hur heart and I nearly swooned when you allowed me to see the depth of your love. It was nearly too much for me, I was overcome. If it had not been for your strong arms around me, I think I would have fainted. Tears sprang to my eyes and you were so sweet…so precious when you thought you had frightened me.

Your babbling apology caused me to chuckle. You did not understand, my brave Captain. It was not the kiss that frightened my, but your unyielding love that brought the tears to my eyes. I never dreamed I would experience anything as pure and wonderful as your love.

I could see the irritation in your eyes when I began to laugh at you. Why is it when a male sees a female cry, he naturally thinks she is distressed? You tried to pull away from me, your mouth turned down into a pout, but I would not let go, no! I wrapped my arms around your neck and refused to let you free. I could see you struggling not to smile.

You sat me down then and I took your hands in mine. I told you how I loved you so, that I had never loved another. I told you that I would give myself to you for always. I was overwhelmed once again to see your own eyes mist. Was it possible I could be gifted with such a love? What had I done to please the valor so that I would be gifted with you?

Once again, you clutched me to you, kissing me over and over, confessing your love and swearing to me that you would never let me go. You swoo alo always protect me and that you would love me forever.

I remember the night we made love. It was the most beautiful night of my life. I could not think of a more appropriate night other than the night of the Lady’s celebration. It was a perfect night. The air was crisp and fresh. How beautiful the forest was coated in the soft, white layers of the snow. The night sky was clear and how magnificent you looked under the light of the moon.

You were so handsome in your dark blue tunic and so very dashing in your black cape. The stark contrast of the color to your glorious pale skin and glorious silver tresses stole my very breath from me. We danced so close, our bodies touching intimately. I remember the look in your eyes when I told you my secret, when I told you of your gift.

I was afraid you would think me too bold and brash, but nay. You did not. Always the gentleman, always my kind precious Captain as you asked me over and over was I certain. You told me that I did not have to do this to keep your love. Silly Captain! I know this. I know your love for me is true and unyielding. How nervous and excited I was! I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling like a giddy school girl as we walked hand and hand to your talan.

I remember standing in the middle of your bed chamber, the room lit only by the moon. I took a deep breath and turned slowly, unfastening the ties of my gown. I could see the dark, hungry look in your eyes as the gown pooled at my feet. I felt no fear. I trusted you implicitly. I held out my hand to you and you took it, pulling me into your arms. I could feel the flush to my body as you whispered such sweet words of love and desire to me. How could I be so beautiful in your eyes? An angel I was, you told me. A gift to you from Illuvator himself. Dear Eru…I though my heart would burst for you.

You lifted me in your arms, laying me gently onto the be cou could not help but tremble when your body covered mine. I could not move nor did I want too. I could have stayed trapped underneath you for always. You began with soft feather kisses along my face and jaw line. I could feel your warn breath against my skin causing chills to race up and down my spine.

You tried to shift, to keep your arousal from me, but I could still feel it against me. I know you did not wish to frighten me. On the contrary my love, it only stirred my fires more. I could feel you rock hard, solid and strong against me. You seemed surprised when I parted my legs for you. Why should that surprise you? I love you completely and trust you my very life.

I felt you place yourself at my untried entrance, once again, you asked my if I was sure. I wrapped my legs around you then, placing a chaste kiss on you lips, I told you to love me, to make me yours.

And love me you di
Ho
Hot searing pain filled my loins and I cried out, but just as quickly as it came, it passed. Tears filled my eyes at the compassion and worry I saw upon your face. You kissed my tears of pain and joy away, speaking soft, comforting words to me.

You were so gentle as you moved within me. Never could I have imagined it would be as this. I was filled completely by you…the pleasure of having you inside of me almost too much to bear. Long, lingering strokes did you torture me with, as you nipped and suckled the skin of my neck. I could hear the low growls deep within your throat. You eyes were locked with mine and I could not tear my gaze away from your beautiful face.

I could feel the pleasure begin to build to almost unbearable proportions. My moans were becoming more anxious. I felt a tightness begin to coil finsiinside of me. I could have drowned from the pleasure mixed with twinges of pain as your thrusting became more urgent. I could see the concern in your eyes from my cries and I smiled at you. I wanted you to know I regretted nothing and I would bear any pain for you, my love, my brave Captain.

The pleasure overcame me, ripping through me, coming over me like the tied on a shore. I cried out, my muscle constricting around you, wanting to feel you even deeper. I closed my eyes as the pin points of light exploded and I could feel my body tremble. I called your name, begging your mercy…it was too good…too much. Overcome with your own pleasure then, you exploded within me, coating my womb with your seed.

My breath was knocked from me when you collapsed on top of me. I wrapped my arms around your neck not caring, I had never felt so safe before in my life lying underneath you as I was. I groaned my loss of your warmth when you rolled off me, but sighed blissfully once again when you brought me with you. Your arms were wrapped tightly around me and I lay silently against you, listening to the beat of your heart.

This was unconditional, perfect love. A love I thought was only true in fairy tales. A love I thought never to experience in my long life time. How wrong I was. For here you were with me and I knew you would be for always.


***

Haldir, my love, my brave Captain. I hear you my sweet. I hear you calling out to me. I hear the grief and torment in your voice. I know your heart is breaking. But you must forgive me for I cannot bear it. I simply cannot bear to go on after what he did to me. I will always feel his hands upon my body. I will forever be tainted and your love is too purr thr this. I will not condemn you to one such as I. You deserve better than a used elf. You are too perfect and beautiful for one such as I.

Haldir, you must let me go. I hear the call. I do not fear it my love for I am going to a place where no pain will ever befall me again. I can watch over you from there my love and I will wait for you. But you must promise to be strong. You cannot come with me; it is not your time. Our people and our Lady still need you. She had been betrayed in a most foul way. You must be there to protect her from harm.

My brave and capable Captain, my one and only love, I am going now. I am no longer cold and afraid. I see the many of our kin who have come before me. They are welcoming me with such tenderness and joy. Look now, my father stands upon the shore…he is waving to me.

But yet my heart is breaking for I do not now how long I will have to wait for you. But know this Haldir, I would wait until the ends of time for you. My love knows neither time nor boundaries. You complete me as you are a part of me. I will always be grateful to you for gifting me with your love.

Farewell Haldir, my brave Captain. I love you…

I will wait for you…