Random Conversations [COMPLETE]
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,014
Reviews:
15
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,014
Reviews:
15
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Random Conversations
A/N: This is what happens when a would-be fanfic author goes slightly mental while trying to work on a challenge from a friend. Special thanks goes to Shana as this never would have come about had it not been for a late-night, sleep-deprived IM chat. Feedback appreciate
Th
The Disclaimer: None of the LotR characters belong to me. They belong to The Professor. Shana and Valkyrie belong to themselves.
The Cast (this chapter): Arwen, Glorfindel, Erestor, Elledan, Elrohir, Legolas, Haldir, Faramir, Aragorn, Eomer, Rainien, Shana, Valkyrie
The Setting: One of the many gardens in Rivendell.
On with the story…
Arwen: Glorfindel! You’re not still angry about that are you?
Glorfindel: Angry doesn’t even begin to tell the tale. How that man could think YOU were supposed to bring poor Frodo to Imladris instead of me is just beyond my reasoning.
Arwen: What man? Aragorn?
Glorfindel: You know, Arwench, there are men in this world other than Aragorn. I’m talking about Peter Jackson…PJ? You know? The DIRECTOR??
Arwen: ARWENCH????
Glorfindel: She said it first! *points to Rainien who is sitting on a bench in the garden with the twins on either side*
Rainien: Don’tk atk at me. Shana said it first. *points to Shana, who seems to be enjoying whatever Haldir is whispering to her*
Shana: *smirks maliciously* Got a problem with that, scene stealer?
Arwen (now to be known as Arwench): *fidgets* Umm…no. *turns to look at Glorfindel again* Do you mean that very nice man who looked like a Hafling?
Glorfindel: Yes, HIM!
Arwench: Well, I did ask him about that. *looks confused* He said something about character development and too many other characters and that since he was paying someone named Liv Tyler all this money, he might as well give my character more impact.
Glorfindel: Who is Liv Tyler?
Arwench: No clue.
Glorfindel: Never mind. My point is that you were never supposed to rescue Frodo. I was supposed to. Everyone knows that. I should not have been left out. I killed a Balrog for Valar’s sake! I returned from the Halls of Mandos! What have you done, ARWENCH?
Arwench: *mumbles something about crazed authors*
Shana: I heard that!
Elledan: We were left out too, you know.
Elrohir: *nods in agreement*
Rainien: Yes, my pretties, but we’ll get to that later.
Erestor: *pokes his head out of the library doors* I was left out, too.
Shana: No you weren’t, dear. You just didn’t get to say anything. But it might help matters if you’d come out of the library every now and again.
Erestor: *sighs* I know. It’s just that there always seems to be so much to do. Who ever knew a library needed so much attention.
Glorfindel: Arwen, I’m waiting for my answer.
Arwench: Well, for starters, I gave up my immortality to be with Aragorn!
Glorfindel: *rolls his eyes* Like THAT hasn’t been done before. Does the name Luthien sound familiar?
Arwench: *stomps her foot* Why am I always being compared to her?? All right, so she gave up her immortality to be with Beren. And everyone says that I look just like her. Big deal. When do I get to be my own person?
Shana: When you stop stealing scenes!
Arwench: That’s not fair! *runs away crying*
Shana: *smiles* Life is good. *returns to nibbling on the tip of Haldir’s ear*
Haldir: At least you weren’t killed off, Glorfindel.
Glorfindel: HA! Felled by an Uruk. I loved that part.
Elledan and Elrohir: *hide their faces behind Rainien hoping Haldir won’t see them snicker*
Haldir: Laugh it up, Oh Invisible Ones! At least I was included! Now I have women everywhere adoring me, as I’ve always known I deserve.
Elrohir: Men, too, if the stories Rainien has told us about are any indication.
Haldir: Men?
Elrohir: *nodding* Oh yes. And Elves as well. What did you call it, Rainien? Slash?
Haldir: What is slash?
Shana: *puts her hands over her ears ala Smeagol* I’m not listening. Not listening.
Rainien: Slash is..
Shana: La La La lalalalalalala
Rainien: Slash is a term used for fictional stories where the main pairings are either male/male or female/female. Believe it or not, Haldir, there are countless writers, as we speak, typing out stories based on all of you. Some of them follow the books. Some follow the movies. Some go way out on a limb and plop all of you down in a world of their own creation.
Shana: La La La lalalalalalala
Rainien: Sometimes the story is het, which means that the pairings are of opposite sex. Shana, as you can most likely see, prefers those. Most times, however, the stories are slash, and, as I’ve already said, those ses hes have same-sex pairings. My friend, Valkyrie, prefers those. *turns to see Valkyrie enter, followed by Aragorn, Eomer, and Faramir*
Valkyrie: Rainien, you’re beginning to sound like a teacher.
Rainien: I know. It’s the beta in me. I can’t help it. Shana, darlin’, you can stop now. I think we’re finished talking about slash. *pauses* For the moment anyway.
Shana: *takes her hands away from her ears and resumes nibbling Haldir’s ear*
Rainien: I don’t know why you act that way, Shana. It’s not like YOU haven’t written slash as well.
Shana: Just because someone CAN do something does not mean that they SHOULD.
Rainien: Seems I recall a certain scene you wrote once involving Haldir getting a suck job from Legolas.
Haldir: *looking shocked* Me and…
Legolas: *dropping down from a tree* Did someone say my name?
Glorfindel: Legolas, why were you hiding in that tree?
Legolas: *looking around* Fangirls. They’re everywhere. All that screaming and yelling my name and jumping from behind bushes and trying to kiss me. It’s really quite unnerving and they mess up my hair. Some days they make me wish there were still spiders in Mirkwood. At least then I could fight back. Now all I can do is run and hide.
Haldir: I never hide from my fangirls. It’s beneath my dignity.
Legolas: Arrogant bastard!
Haldir: Pansy!
Legolas: Well at least I’m a Prince!
Haldir: Big deal. I’m March Warden and I had to EARN it! *looks at Shana* Shana, how could you write me into one of those scenes with HIM of all people? Surely I deserve better than a pansy princeling!
Legolas: I said PRINCE not Princeling. How old does an elf have to be before they’re considered an adult around here??
Elledan: We know just…
Elrohir: …how you feel.
Rainien: The answer to that, Legolas, is a matter of debate. Ask ten different fanfic authors that question and you’ll get ten different answers. Now be a good Princeli…I mean Prince and come sit with the twins and me.
Shana: And to answer your question, Hal, I did pair you briefly with Rumil once. Does that make you feel better?
Haldir: Rumil? But he’s my brother. That’s…
Rainien: *grimacing* …incest. Yes, it happens quite often in fanfic circles. You, Haldir, have often been paired with one and sometimes both of your brothers. I, personally, don’t enjoy it, but some do.
*Elledan and Elrohir snicker*
Valkyrie: I wouldn’t laugh so quickly if I were the two of you. You’ve also been paired together as well.
Rainien: *watching as the pretty twins openly appraise each other* Do not even consider it, you two! There will be no incest, twincest or mpreg in my story!
Glorfindel: Mpreg?
Valkyrie: *nodding* Male pregnancy.
All the males: *gasp*
Legolas: I think I am going to be ill.
Valkyrie: Well, that does happen when one is pregnant, whether they are male or female.
Legolas: I am NOT pregnant. Just the thought of it makes me feel ill.
Haldir: Pansy!
Legolas: Arrogant bastard!
Rainien: You two bicker more than my children. Stop it before I send you both to Mordor to help with the clean up. Don’t you raise that eyebrow at me Mr. March Warden Haldir o Lorien! Arrogant or not, this is my story and I’ll send you where I want. And you, Mr. Pretty Boy Prince, stop that giggling and act like a grown up. Honestly, how you two managed to help save Middle Earth without killing each other first…or the rest of the Fellowship doing it for you…is beyond me.
Haldir: I was not part of the Fellowship.
Rainien: Don’t you get technical with me. You may not have been part of the Fellowship, but they had to put up with your “You can go no further” act when they visited Lothlorien. And Helm’s Deep doesn’t count because you were never supposed to be there.
Glorfindel: Scene stealer.
Rainien: He can’t steal scenes that were never written, you old fart!
Glorfindel: I hardly think calling me such names is very respectful. I did kill a Balrog, you know.
Rainien: Yeah, well so did Gandalf and he’s definitively an old fart. Wise and powerful, but still an old fart.
Glorfindel: Another scene stealer! Has everyone in Middle Earth become thieves?
Rainien: Would you stop, already, with the scene stealers?! *pauses* I cannot believe you’ve all made me loose my temper. Things were going so well and then the Pansy and the Arrogant bastard had to start up and now I can’t even think straight.
Elrohir: Perhaps we could be of some assistance?
Rainien: *smiling* Yes. I think that would be rather nice. Elrohir, you can whisper something absolutely naughty to me. Elledan, you can come give me a kiss. Legolas, if you’re finished pouting, you may join in however you wish. Valkyrie? Would you be a dear and explain the whole male pregnancy thing to Glorfindel. Oh, and Glorfindel? You might want to sit down for this one. I think Shana has a nice spot next to her.
TBC
Th
The Disclaimer: None of the LotR characters belong to me. They belong to The Professor. Shana and Valkyrie belong to themselves.
The Cast (this chapter): Arwen, Glorfindel, Erestor, Elledan, Elrohir, Legolas, Haldir, Faramir, Aragorn, Eomer, Rainien, Shana, Valkyrie
The Setting: One of the many gardens in Rivendell.
On with the story…
Arwen: Glorfindel! You’re not still angry about that are you?
Glorfindel: Angry doesn’t even begin to tell the tale. How that man could think YOU were supposed to bring poor Frodo to Imladris instead of me is just beyond my reasoning.
Arwen: What man? Aragorn?
Glorfindel: You know, Arwench, there are men in this world other than Aragorn. I’m talking about Peter Jackson…PJ? You know? The DIRECTOR??
Arwen: ARWENCH????
Glorfindel: She said it first! *points to Rainien who is sitting on a bench in the garden with the twins on either side*
Rainien: Don’tk atk at me. Shana said it first. *points to Shana, who seems to be enjoying whatever Haldir is whispering to her*
Shana: *smirks maliciously* Got a problem with that, scene stealer?
Arwen (now to be known as Arwench): *fidgets* Umm…no. *turns to look at Glorfindel again* Do you mean that very nice man who looked like a Hafling?
Glorfindel: Yes, HIM!
Arwench: Well, I did ask him about that. *looks confused* He said something about character development and too many other characters and that since he was paying someone named Liv Tyler all this money, he might as well give my character more impact.
Glorfindel: Who is Liv Tyler?
Arwench: No clue.
Glorfindel: Never mind. My point is that you were never supposed to rescue Frodo. I was supposed to. Everyone knows that. I should not have been left out. I killed a Balrog for Valar’s sake! I returned from the Halls of Mandos! What have you done, ARWENCH?
Arwench: *mumbles something about crazed authors*
Shana: I heard that!
Elledan: We were left out too, you know.
Elrohir: *nods in agreement*
Rainien: Yes, my pretties, but we’ll get to that later.
Erestor: *pokes his head out of the library doors* I was left out, too.
Shana: No you weren’t, dear. You just didn’t get to say anything. But it might help matters if you’d come out of the library every now and again.
Erestor: *sighs* I know. It’s just that there always seems to be so much to do. Who ever knew a library needed so much attention.
Glorfindel: Arwen, I’m waiting for my answer.
Arwench: Well, for starters, I gave up my immortality to be with Aragorn!
Glorfindel: *rolls his eyes* Like THAT hasn’t been done before. Does the name Luthien sound familiar?
Arwench: *stomps her foot* Why am I always being compared to her?? All right, so she gave up her immortality to be with Beren. And everyone says that I look just like her. Big deal. When do I get to be my own person?
Shana: When you stop stealing scenes!
Arwench: That’s not fair! *runs away crying*
Shana: *smiles* Life is good. *returns to nibbling on the tip of Haldir’s ear*
Haldir: At least you weren’t killed off, Glorfindel.
Glorfindel: HA! Felled by an Uruk. I loved that part.
Elledan and Elrohir: *hide their faces behind Rainien hoping Haldir won’t see them snicker*
Haldir: Laugh it up, Oh Invisible Ones! At least I was included! Now I have women everywhere adoring me, as I’ve always known I deserve.
Elrohir: Men, too, if the stories Rainien has told us about are any indication.
Haldir: Men?
Elrohir: *nodding* Oh yes. And Elves as well. What did you call it, Rainien? Slash?
Haldir: What is slash?
Shana: *puts her hands over her ears ala Smeagol* I’m not listening. Not listening.
Rainien: Slash is..
Shana: La La La lalalalalalala
Rainien: Slash is a term used for fictional stories where the main pairings are either male/male or female/female. Believe it or not, Haldir, there are countless writers, as we speak, typing out stories based on all of you. Some of them follow the books. Some follow the movies. Some go way out on a limb and plop all of you down in a world of their own creation.
Shana: La La La lalalalalalala
Rainien: Sometimes the story is het, which means that the pairings are of opposite sex. Shana, as you can most likely see, prefers those. Most times, however, the stories are slash, and, as I’ve already said, those ses hes have same-sex pairings. My friend, Valkyrie, prefers those. *turns to see Valkyrie enter, followed by Aragorn, Eomer, and Faramir*
Valkyrie: Rainien, you’re beginning to sound like a teacher.
Rainien: I know. It’s the beta in me. I can’t help it. Shana, darlin’, you can stop now. I think we’re finished talking about slash. *pauses* For the moment anyway.
Shana: *takes her hands away from her ears and resumes nibbling Haldir’s ear*
Rainien: I don’t know why you act that way, Shana. It’s not like YOU haven’t written slash as well.
Shana: Just because someone CAN do something does not mean that they SHOULD.
Rainien: Seems I recall a certain scene you wrote once involving Haldir getting a suck job from Legolas.
Haldir: *looking shocked* Me and…
Legolas: *dropping down from a tree* Did someone say my name?
Glorfindel: Legolas, why were you hiding in that tree?
Legolas: *looking around* Fangirls. They’re everywhere. All that screaming and yelling my name and jumping from behind bushes and trying to kiss me. It’s really quite unnerving and they mess up my hair. Some days they make me wish there were still spiders in Mirkwood. At least then I could fight back. Now all I can do is run and hide.
Haldir: I never hide from my fangirls. It’s beneath my dignity.
Legolas: Arrogant bastard!
Haldir: Pansy!
Legolas: Well at least I’m a Prince!
Haldir: Big deal. I’m March Warden and I had to EARN it! *looks at Shana* Shana, how could you write me into one of those scenes with HIM of all people? Surely I deserve better than a pansy princeling!
Legolas: I said PRINCE not Princeling. How old does an elf have to be before they’re considered an adult around here??
Elledan: We know just…
Elrohir: …how you feel.
Rainien: The answer to that, Legolas, is a matter of debate. Ask ten different fanfic authors that question and you’ll get ten different answers. Now be a good Princeli…I mean Prince and come sit with the twins and me.
Shana: And to answer your question, Hal, I did pair you briefly with Rumil once. Does that make you feel better?
Haldir: Rumil? But he’s my brother. That’s…
Rainien: *grimacing* …incest. Yes, it happens quite often in fanfic circles. You, Haldir, have often been paired with one and sometimes both of your brothers. I, personally, don’t enjoy it, but some do.
*Elledan and Elrohir snicker*
Valkyrie: I wouldn’t laugh so quickly if I were the two of you. You’ve also been paired together as well.
Rainien: *watching as the pretty twins openly appraise each other* Do not even consider it, you two! There will be no incest, twincest or mpreg in my story!
Glorfindel: Mpreg?
Valkyrie: *nodding* Male pregnancy.
All the males: *gasp*
Legolas: I think I am going to be ill.
Valkyrie: Well, that does happen when one is pregnant, whether they are male or female.
Legolas: I am NOT pregnant. Just the thought of it makes me feel ill.
Haldir: Pansy!
Legolas: Arrogant bastard!
Rainien: You two bicker more than my children. Stop it before I send you both to Mordor to help with the clean up. Don’t you raise that eyebrow at me Mr. March Warden Haldir o Lorien! Arrogant or not, this is my story and I’ll send you where I want. And you, Mr. Pretty Boy Prince, stop that giggling and act like a grown up. Honestly, how you two managed to help save Middle Earth without killing each other first…or the rest of the Fellowship doing it for you…is beyond me.
Haldir: I was not part of the Fellowship.
Rainien: Don’t you get technical with me. You may not have been part of the Fellowship, but they had to put up with your “You can go no further” act when they visited Lothlorien. And Helm’s Deep doesn’t count because you were never supposed to be there.
Glorfindel: Scene stealer.
Rainien: He can’t steal scenes that were never written, you old fart!
Glorfindel: I hardly think calling me such names is very respectful. I did kill a Balrog, you know.
Rainien: Yeah, well so did Gandalf and he’s definitively an old fart. Wise and powerful, but still an old fart.
Glorfindel: Another scene stealer! Has everyone in Middle Earth become thieves?
Rainien: Would you stop, already, with the scene stealers?! *pauses* I cannot believe you’ve all made me loose my temper. Things were going so well and then the Pansy and the Arrogant bastard had to start up and now I can’t even think straight.
Elrohir: Perhaps we could be of some assistance?
Rainien: *smiling* Yes. I think that would be rather nice. Elrohir, you can whisper something absolutely naughty to me. Elledan, you can come give me a kiss. Legolas, if you’re finished pouting, you may join in however you wish. Valkyrie? Would you be a dear and explain the whole male pregnancy thing to Glorfindel. Oh, and Glorfindel? You might want to sit down for this one. I think Shana has a nice spot next to her.
TBC