More Than I Deserve
folder
-Multi-Age › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,438
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,438
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
More Than I Deserved
Title: More Than I Deserve.
Author: Cheysuli ( cheysuli@gvtc.com )
Pairings: Aragorn/Legolas, Aragorn/female
Summary: Aragorn thinks.
Series/Sequel: Sequel to ‘All Along’
Warnings: Het mentioned. Mostly Slash.
A/N: This is the unbetaed version. When I hear back from my beta, I’ll replace this with the betaed version.
___________________________
There are many things in life I regret. Running away from home when I was twelve and upsetting my father. That time when I was just learning the art of healing and made a mistake that cost a man his leg. But the most recent was much more painful than any others I had experienced.
I have driven my Legolas away. It has been one year to the day since Legolas left me. I want so badly to blame him for leaving me but deep down, I realize that it was I who abandoned him.
I can’t even blame my duties as king. For all the stress the job causes me, there were many other ways to deal with it. Legolas would have helped, if I had thought to ask. I think he even offered once. I refused for some reason. I vaguely recall telling him that it wasn’t his place; but that might have been in response to something else.
But instead of seeking, or accepting, Legolas’ help, I turned to wine. During my years of kingship I was rarely sober. If it hadn’t been for Faramir sobering me up, if just a little, most mornings, I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything done.
Faramir. He also would have helped if I hadn’t foolishly believed I needed none. And despite his semi-permanent residence in Minas Tirith, he still had Ithilien to run so he probably couldn’t have helped much.
I sigh. Still I seek for others to blame when the only one at fault is myself. Myself. Not Legolas, not Faramir, and not… her.
I shudder, stopping my task, as I think of the woman that had come between me and my Legolas. She was the exact opposite of my Legolas. Dark where he was light, wild where he was calm… lust where he was love.
I fight back tears as I continue to think. We have a child, she and I. Conceived the very day Legolas left. Or was it the night before? Much of what I remember about those days is foggy.
Can you believe it took me a week to realize that my Legolas was gone? I had never noticed he wasn’t there when I entered our room at night, never noticed the absence of his warm body.
It wasn’t until Faramir had lectured me that I had realized what I had done. He had seenolasolas leaving in tears; had known exactly what had caused them. Faramir had made certain that I also knew what had caused them and to this day, he has not let me forget it.
Neither have Legolas’ other friends. The remaining Hobbits never answer my letters, and Gimli… We nearly came to blows the last time he visited. I wish my guards hadn’t interfered; Gimli had every right to want be dead.
I have lost everything. My love, my family, my friends… Everything that was important in my life. If only Legolas had stayed.
I shake my head. I couldn’t have asked that of Legolas, even if I had had the chance. Knowing that that woman carried my child would have broken his heart. And seeing as she grew would have certainly killed him.
No; I couldn’t have asked him to stay. He is much better off where he is, where I can’t hurt him… in Valinor. Yes, my Legolas is in Valinor. Where no mortal may go, unless invited by the Valar themselves.
I sniff, letting my tears fall as I go back to my work. I’m sitting in the garden, with a trowel in one hand and a bulb in the other. Gardening is a lot more difficult than I had believed. Legolas had as mas made it look so easy.
I smile sadly after I plant the bulb and look over the already fully-grown flowers that were nearby. Legolas had always taken such good care of his garden. And now it’s my turn to care for his flowers; his white roses, his most favorite flower.
I think back to when he told me what they symbolized for him and yet another pang of guilt shoots through me. They had symbolized what he had believed, what he had wanted, our relationship to be. And I ruined even that for him.
I sigh, wiping away my tears and leaving a smudge of dirt on my face. These roses are all I have left of him…
… and they are more than I deserve.
~END~
Author: Cheysuli ( cheysuli@gvtc.com )
Pairings: Aragorn/Legolas, Aragorn/female
Summary: Aragorn thinks.
Series/Sequel: Sequel to ‘All Along’
Warnings: Het mentioned. Mostly Slash.
A/N: This is the unbetaed version. When I hear back from my beta, I’ll replace this with the betaed version.
___________________________
There are many things in life I regret. Running away from home when I was twelve and upsetting my father. That time when I was just learning the art of healing and made a mistake that cost a man his leg. But the most recent was much more painful than any others I had experienced.
I have driven my Legolas away. It has been one year to the day since Legolas left me. I want so badly to blame him for leaving me but deep down, I realize that it was I who abandoned him.
I can’t even blame my duties as king. For all the stress the job causes me, there were many other ways to deal with it. Legolas would have helped, if I had thought to ask. I think he even offered once. I refused for some reason. I vaguely recall telling him that it wasn’t his place; but that might have been in response to something else.
But instead of seeking, or accepting, Legolas’ help, I turned to wine. During my years of kingship I was rarely sober. If it hadn’t been for Faramir sobering me up, if just a little, most mornings, I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything done.
Faramir. He also would have helped if I hadn’t foolishly believed I needed none. And despite his semi-permanent residence in Minas Tirith, he still had Ithilien to run so he probably couldn’t have helped much.
I sigh. Still I seek for others to blame when the only one at fault is myself. Myself. Not Legolas, not Faramir, and not… her.
I shudder, stopping my task, as I think of the woman that had come between me and my Legolas. She was the exact opposite of my Legolas. Dark where he was light, wild where he was calm… lust where he was love.
I fight back tears as I continue to think. We have a child, she and I. Conceived the very day Legolas left. Or was it the night before? Much of what I remember about those days is foggy.
Can you believe it took me a week to realize that my Legolas was gone? I had never noticed he wasn’t there when I entered our room at night, never noticed the absence of his warm body.
It wasn’t until Faramir had lectured me that I had realized what I had done. He had seenolasolas leaving in tears; had known exactly what had caused them. Faramir had made certain that I also knew what had caused them and to this day, he has not let me forget it.
Neither have Legolas’ other friends. The remaining Hobbits never answer my letters, and Gimli… We nearly came to blows the last time he visited. I wish my guards hadn’t interfered; Gimli had every right to want be dead.
I have lost everything. My love, my family, my friends… Everything that was important in my life. If only Legolas had stayed.
I shake my head. I couldn’t have asked that of Legolas, even if I had had the chance. Knowing that that woman carried my child would have broken his heart. And seeing as she grew would have certainly killed him.
No; I couldn’t have asked him to stay. He is much better off where he is, where I can’t hurt him… in Valinor. Yes, my Legolas is in Valinor. Where no mortal may go, unless invited by the Valar themselves.
I sniff, letting my tears fall as I go back to my work. I’m sitting in the garden, with a trowel in one hand and a bulb in the other. Gardening is a lot more difficult than I had believed. Legolas had as mas made it look so easy.
I smile sadly after I plant the bulb and look over the already fully-grown flowers that were nearby. Legolas had always taken such good care of his garden. And now it’s my turn to care for his flowers; his white roses, his most favorite flower.
I think back to when he told me what they symbolized for him and yet another pang of guilt shoots through me. They had symbolized what he had believed, what he had wanted, our relationship to be. And I ruined even that for him.
I sigh, wiping away my tears and leaving a smudge of dirt on my face. These roses are all I have left of him…
… and they are more than I deserve.
~END~