Another Grima Essay - by Zee's Muses

Title: Zee's Muses Grima Essay.
Disclaimer. Grima is nots ors or ours. We do not want him, nor does Zee. If making fun of Grima bugs you, go away! SnapeBaby and HalMuse belong to Zee, lock, stock and barrel. Do not mind who they look like!

No, it isn't beta'd. We would not do that to Alex, whom we truly love... in our own platonic fashion! (Please keep Celeborn home for the holidays!)

Forward by Zee...

***
Forward:

Alright. Here I go again.

As many of you know, there was recently a "Gathering" in Toronto of LOTR fans. The list moms, one moderator and severalers ers of one of my larger, more vocal groups (Haldir Lovers) decided to go and left the other moderator (Dorothy) in charge.

Led by this moderator (NOT ME), a group of newbies decided to mutiny and replace the home piccie with that of Grima's.

I told them nay - do not do that. We did that and it sank like the Titanic!

They decided to run amuck with the membership numbe
I
I said - Nay. Do not do that. As a moderator, that generates much mail.

Someone mentioned that the lists moms would read the posts and see what they were up to.

I said - nay - they went on no mail. All mod has to do is delete the posts.

I thought I was helping. Honestly. But said moderator did not delete the posts, nor my innocent suggestion to help them out of the hole they had dug and as a result, I am now consider a member of the "Magnificent 7." The ultimate punishment - a Date with Grima.

My Harry Potter Beta thinks I deserve detention with Grima. Bad enough she tried to make me serve detention with Filch - me and George of Nottingham fixed him good! But I digress...

And how is the Greasy One to decide? Each member of the Magnificent 7 has to write an essay answering the following questions:

1. Name 3 reasons why Grima would want to take you out.
2. Name 3 reasons why he wouldn't
3. Name 3 Things you like about Grima
4. Name 3 things you don't like about him
5. Name 3 places you would like to go wirimarima, should you win said date.

Now, I've been a busy camper. I Chr Christmas, I work a long way from home and funds have been tight. I have moved recently, I have a lot of writing things on my plate. I am a new list mom. (AlanWenches) And I have been trying to catch the eye of a certain Elf-Lord Lookalike. (Complete with long dark hair and receeding hairline!) I have been rather tired as of late and truly did not have time for this bit of silliness. So my Muses decided to help me out. I thought they did a good job...

But Grima is still intrigued...

Suddenly, I desire to go into the West...


***

SnapeBaby sat at her desk... HERS... a sacred spot, a well-worn warm spot...

"She needs a new chair. The back on this one is creaky and sways."

A voice, gravelly, low-pitched, came from the shadows.

"But Wizard, I thought you rather enjoyed giving her backrubs."

SnapeBaby ignored the Elf, now perusing the keyboard. "How does she type on this? The letters are not in alphabetical order!"

"Rather quickly, I have noticed."

The darkly robed one scowled and whipping out his wand, muttered incomprehensible words. He looked at the monitor.

"Testing."

The monitor lit up.

Testing.

The Wizard grinned.

"HalMuse is a prickless wonder."

HalMuse is a pri...

The screen went dim as a long finger quickly turned off the computer.

"Play nice. Play fair."

Both Muses were now standing, nose to nose.

"Play fair coming from your lips? What a novel concept!"

Before the Elf could respond, a rustling came from the bed. Both glanced quickly and watched Zee roll over, muttering in her sleep.

"She is tired."

The scowl on the Elf was most noteworthy, the Wizard thought to himself. "Tired? She is beyond tired. She is stressed, worn - out, depressed..."

They both watched the sleeping woman. "HalMuse, we must admit, there are some things we cannot heal. Only ease for a time."

"Which is why we are writing this blasted essay." Both turned back to the computer and HalMuse turned it on. They waited in relative silence as it booted up.

"What does she have on her plate, besides this?"

SnapeBaby sat back in their, ir, his eyes moving quickly. "Remember the trick we played on Erestor in September? There is that. She has promised Hayley a second date with Heridil for the longest time. Tel' Lindar 11 is proving to be most difficult to begin. She has deleted the same page over 5 times because it keeps going in the same direction - one she does NOT want it to go in! She is betaing for several people and some stuff is stuck on her other computer that is down. The Christmas MisAdventure and the Christmas Snape Ficlet were launched in their respective fandoms to so far lovely reviews."

"Talkut yut your opposites!..."

Which was true. ‘Scenes from Christmas' pos posted with pink and fluffy schmooziness the consistency of s'mores. ‘Your fantasy', the Tel' Lindar equivalent... well, folks were still in the showers over that one.

The Corel screen came up.

"Okay, First off. Question number one." HalMuse leaned over eBabeBaby's shoulder. \e 3 e 3 Reasons why he should choose you." Deep, indigo blue eyes peered down into a pair of onyx ones. They both grinned evilly.

"She is..."

"Do not tell me, Elf! Tell the monitor."

HalMuse turned to the monitor.

"She is an excellent conversationalist."

A rusty, roaring sound ripped from the Potion Master's throat. "Oh, yes, a BRILLIANT conversationalist! She will talk a mile a minute, completely hog the discussion..."

"Discussion? What discussion? It is all one- sided. Ask her anything, she has an opinion..."

"She will discuss anything, no problem! Ask her about the trauma of childbirth, her car accidents, ask her about fanfiction.net, Chrysler, the reason why education is failing our children, politics, her ex-husband, her ex- fiancé...

Both Muses looked at each other...

"ELROND!"

"She will go on and on and on..."

All together now...

"On and on and on and on..."

Elven and Wizardy snarky grins lit the corner.

"Okay!" HalMuse thought for a moment. "A second reason..."

"She loves to... eat?"

"Oh my yes! She loves Mexican..."

"Frijoles... beans. Pinto beans... and bean burritos and anything with jalapenos..."

"Cabbage! She adores cabbage... broccoli..."

"Cajun. She cooks too... Cajun, that is. The hotter the better..."

"Of course, this makes for unusual musical body sounds..."

"And smell..."

Two Muses now snickering, HalMuse waving long finger in frof hof his nose as if to ward off unpleasant smells...

"The third reason..."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Weeeelllll..."

" She is quite... socialable."

"Oh my, yes!"

HalMuse was ticking at his fingers.

"She has been married once, engaged once, had... how many boyfriends..."

"Many!"

"We aren't saying she is easy, but..."

"Rumor has it the small college town where she went to college... well, she was listed in the student directory as Head Of Social Activities..."

"And she didn't even GO to that college!"

High fives over the comr.
r.

HalMuse looked at the list. "Name 3 Reasons why he should NOT choose you... Oh that's easy!"

1. HalMuse
2. SnapeBaby
3. HalMuse and SnapeBaby's weapons of choice - namely a bow and arrow, curved sword and a Zapping, fiery wand.

SnapeBaby looked back to the list. " number 3 - Name 3 Things you like about him." SnapeBaby mused for a moment.

"Well, he DID kill Saruman."

"Did he now?" SnapeBaby was impressed.

"And he did throw the palintir out the window of Isengard at Gandalf."

"What brains our boy has."

"And," HalMuse continued. "I have noticed a penchant for the wearing of the color black."

"Tries to emulate me, does he?"

"Oh my, yes!"

2 pairs of eyes look back at the list.

Name 3 Things you do NOT like about him...

SnapeBaby chuckled. "He tries to be me!"

HalMuse muttered under his breath. "Tries? Try, comes pretty damn close to being a greasy, slimy git..."

SnapeBaby zapped HalMuse in the ass...

"HEY!"

"Second... He wants Zee. Face it! He has been enthralled with our lass for the longest time and he does NOT take no for an answer!"

HalMuse was still rubbing his sore behind. "He isn't the only one..." he muttered.

"Third...." Both Muses looked at each other. "Thirdly... he simply exists!"

Silence as they watched the screen scroll.

5) WHERE you and Grima would go on your date should you be lucky enough to be chosen and WHY you would like to go there!

"This is tough."

SnapeBaby reencased his wand. "No it isn't. She would take him to Disney World."

"Ooooh! Nice date."

"Most certainly. Standing in loooooong lines for hours for a 2 minute ride. Roller coasters, thrill rides, lots of little kids, screaming and whining. Expensive hotdogs and burgers. Walking everywhere in the raging heat. Oh my, yes. Most certainly a lovely date."

Silence.

"Maybe a picnic at the foot of Mount Doom."

"Ah. Such a scenic view, I'm sure."

"Oh yes. And the smell... lovely."

Silence.

"She could bring him HERE. Cook for him..."

"Cajun."

Two evil grins.

"We could be the servers."

"Could?" SnapeBaby's eyebrow rose. "Could, my ass! We would and will be!"

A sound from the bed again.

"Are we done? Anymore questions?" HalMuse had begun to peel his clothing. SnapeBaby did likewise.

"No."

"Save. Off."

Click.