Bum Bandit

Title: Bum Bandit

Author: Lydia NightShade

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Viggo/Orli-bear

Warnings: Mild BDSM….if you’ve liked my other PWP’s ya can handle this…it’s a gag thing really. Oh and if the pairing didn’t tip you off, this is Slash!

Disclaimer: As much as I’d like to say I know these gorgeous men and have shagged them wild… I cannot… even my evil ass can’t get away with a lie that obvious. I don’t know them, or their sexuality…*grumble* But you can’t have my dreams! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Feedback: Hit me baby! Oh yeah! More!! Who’s been a naughty authoress!

Beta: I won’t drag anyone else into my damnation.

Author’s Notes: Is it a sin to write gay porn while watching a nun on television pray the rosary? I asked me mum but she just started laughing……. yeah…… I’m going to hell! Oh and this is based on that obligatory interview in which Orli said Johnny was smacking his bum all throughout the swordfight scene. I think I’m obsessed with the pirate Orli look…. I can’t get it outta my head!

Author’s Notes 2: This is Timbre’s PWP so I hope she and the rest of you enjoy. As for the name…. hehehehe….


Laughter resonated off the walls of the modest beachfront home. Two men where running all through the house, one much younger than the other. The younger of the two had shoulder length brown hair and was slim in build. The older had shorter, strawberry blonde hair and a stronger build. He chased the youth all over the home, threatening good-naturedly.

“Viggo, stop it!” the youth giggled as his older lover finally cornered him in the bedroom.

“Oh, no! You aren’t getting off that easy!” he said, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

“It was nothing! Just a few bum slaps! Honestly! I didn’t know he was going to do it!” Orli laughed, trying to make a break past Vig. He didn’t make it. Viggo wrapped his strong arms around the budding heartthrob and pinned him to the mattress. “Dirty pool,” Orli grumbled, trying pathetically to free himself. “For fuck’s sake, Vig, you could bench press me!” He tried to pout but the artist was unmoved.

“And I’m certainly not a track star… now what to do with you?” he purred huskily, bending down so that their foreheads where touching. Both were still panting from the chase and their bodies already slwithwith sweat.

“You look tired, Vig. I don’t think you have the stamina left… old fart,” Orlando teased, wiggling his eyebrows and smirking suggestively. Viggo scoffed and leaned up.

“That was uncalled for,” he quipped, slowly sneaking his hand under the young man’s tank top. He tweaked a nub and enjoyed the pleased gasp it caused. “I think I should take this off you…you could overheat,” Viggo suggested, tugging the offending garment up Orli’s torso.

“Oh, so ity /hy /health/ your worried about, eh?” he laughed, raising up so Vig could slip the tank top off his body. “You’re in worse shape than me… I’d be worried about yourself old man,” he teased again, knowing he was getting to his lover.

“That’s it!” Viggo exclaimed, stopping his foreplay and getting off the bed.

“Aww, Vig, I was just kidding! Don’t get your knickers all in a twist!” He heard some rummaging in the walk-in closet and furrowed his brow in confusion. Usually when he teased Viggo about his age it made him determined to prove the youth wrong and he’d shag Orli into the mattress. ‘Did I go too far this time?’ he thought nervously wondering what Viggo was doing. “You’re not /packing/ are you?” he called out, sounding very vulnerable.

“I’ve had enough of that smart mouth of yours, you whippersnapper!” Viggo said in his best old man voice. He had something hidden behind his back.

“What’s that?” Orli asked, trying to get a good look. He was pushed back onto the mattress and Viggo once again straddled him. “What are yo-…” he was cut off as Viggo shoved a black silk sash into his mouth and tied it behind his curly haired head. “Mrrrrrpphhh!” Orli growled, glaring up at his elder lover.

“Hate me don’t ya!” Vig laughed victoriously. He grabbed Orli’s slim hips and flipped the Brit onto his stomach before grabbing his writs and tying them behind his back with another sash. He heard the muffled protests, but he laughed them off---he knew Orli liked it when he got aggressive. Viggo bent forward, putting his weight on his arms and leaning over his lover’s body.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when Orlando Bloom, chatterbox of the stars, would be speechless,” he cooed, running his tongue up the rim of Orli’s ear. He heard the muffled squeal and felt the shiver that ran through the lithe body. “You smell so good, baby… what are you wearing? Oh that’s right… you can’t answer me, can you?” Viggo giggled evilly, as he nuzzled the silky curls and breathed in his lover’s scent. Orlando growled, but it soon became a moan as he felt Viggo run his tongue up the length of his spine.

‘Oh, god… Viggo,’ he thought happily, as Viggo started to kiss his neck. The older man licked up the side of the smooth, tanned neck then blew softly causing Orlando to shiver. He loved it when Viggo put him through this erotic torture. Orli bent his knees so that he could rub his bum against his lover’s crotch, coaxing the ample organ to swell and press against the man’s jeans.

“You’re evil,” Viggo groaned. He wrapped his hands around Orli’s waist and unbuttoned the young man’s pants, slipping his hand inside to wrap around the throbbing member. Orlando’s breath hitched in his throat, making Viggo smile and start to stroke the silky skin slowly. Orlando felt his body quiver at the sensation and he started to thrust into Viggo’s hand.

Viggo, however, had other plans and he grabbed the slim hips, preventing Orli from thrusting. He heard the Brit’s aggravated protests, but once again the gag held true and it came out as absurd gurgles. Viggo chuckled and ran his thumb over the sensitive head, effectively turning his lover into a boneless mass of mush.

“Mmmmmrrrrraaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” Orli moaned, squirming and arching his back even more.

“See, I can turn you into a jellyfish if I wanted---I have the power!” he teased, watching as Orlando’s eyes shut and an expression of sheer ecstasy spread over his face. His young lover sighed encouraging Viggo to speed up his pumping. He rubbed the small slit on the , sm, smearing the beads of pre-cum and using it to slick up Orli’s pulsing sex. The lubrication helped his hand move with more ease and soon he had his young lover moaning openly into the sash.

“Cum for me, baby. Show me how much you like this,” he whispered huskily into Orlando’s ear, sucking on the delicate lobe. A strangled whimper was his response as the youth burst into Viggo’s hand. The method actor brought his fingers to his lips and licked them clean.

“Mmmm, you taste good baby,” he purred. Orlando slumped back down to the mattress panting from the intensity of his orgasm. He was in so much bliss he didn’t notice Viggo slipping his jeans from his hips or when Viggo removed his own remaining clothing. Orlando also didn’t hear when Viggo reached for the lube and coated his still moist fingers. Vig gently spread Orlando’s legs, taking his position between them.

“Come back to me, Orli… there is still much more pleasure to be had.” He emphasized his point by tracing his lover’s twitching orifice. He smirked as Orli spread his legs wider, making himself completely vulnerable and showing Viggo the amount of trust he had in the older man. “You’re beautiful, baby.”

He inserted his index finger, moving it in and out before he added a second. Viggo curled his fingers searching for Orli’s sweet spot. He knew he’d found it when Orlando once again arched off the mattress. The younger man started to push back against his lover’s fingers, stroking his prostate every time. Viggo added a third finger for the sole reason of stretching Orlando more. He withdrew when he thought Orlando was going to cum again. He wanted the next orgasm Orlando had to be a shared experience.

Orlando whined behind the gag and turned to give Viggo a pleading look. Viggo laughed, “Like I said earlier… you’t g’t get off that easy.” Orlando rolled his eyes at the misplaced humor and squirmed on the bed, desperate for any kind of friction. “The impatience of youth,” Viggo sighed, shaking his head as he slicked up his own dripping member. Orlando moaned just at the sight of Viggo’s cock thick with need and twitching with desire.

Viggo rolled Orli onto his side and came up behind him. He used one of his legs to prop up Orlando’s thigh and slowly slide inside his eager young lover. The artist found himself breathless as the sensation of Orlando’s body surrounding him filled his world. The only sound he was able to make was a loud feral groan. He started kissing up and down Orlando’s neck, shoulder, and back.

Orlando was in heaven. He felt Viggo start to thrust into him and he rocked his hips back to meet his lover with every movement. This was even better than Orli could have imagined. He was going to have to remember to send Johnny a /big/ thank you present. He felt his lover’s hands roaming over his body and whimpered wantonly. Viggo circled his finger around Orli’s nipple and nipped at his neck. He continued to thrust into his younger lover, going faster and deeper each time.

Feeling that he was near completion, Viggo wrapped his strong hand around Orli’s erection once again and started to stroke him vigorously. They were both panting madly, the gag losing the battle against Orlando’s cries of bliss. Viggo saw the muscles of Orlando’s back tighten and felt the youth’s quivering sex as he spilled his load into Viggo’s hand. The muscles in Orlando’s body tightened as a result of his orgasm and Viggo felt them squeezing the climax right out of him.

The two lovers lay in an exhausted heap on the mattress. Viggo somehow had managed to form the thought to untie Orlando’s hands. Orlando then lazily reached for the gag, removing it. He turned his head just enough to kiss Viggo tenderly.

“I’m going to have to make you jealous more often,” he said impishly, winking at his older lover before he turned back to snuggle into the pillow. Viggo chuckled and pulled out of his lover slowly as not to hurt him. He pulled the Brit close to his chest and nuzzled the sweaty curls before placing soft kisses on his neck and shoulder. Orlando covered Vig’s hands with his own and kissed them affectionately. It wasn’t long before they both drifted off to sleep, happily wrapped in each other’s arms.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Laughter filled the grounds of the quiet home in the French countryside. A little boy played hide and seek with his mother as a little girl played Barbies with her handsome father. The little family was the picture of serenity.

“Daddy look!” the little girl called out, pointing to a delivery truck coming up their private road. “Who’s that daddy?” she asked curiously.

“I don’t know, princess,” he replied, genuinely perplexed. The truck stopped at their driveway and a rather hefty man came out, holding a clipboard. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Mr. Depp?” the man asked, reading off his clipboard.

“I am.”

“Sign here,” the man pointed to the dotted line and handed him a pen.

“What’s this all about?” he asked, signing and handing it back. He noticed his girlfriend and son coming up as well.

“Delivery from a Mr. Bloom,” he stated flatly handing Johnny a manila envelope. “Okay boys! Unload her!” He shouted at the other burly men piling out of the truck. They made swift work of their task. The small family stood staring, mouth’s agape. There in their driveway was a brand-new Mercedes Benzes, electric blue… Johnny’s favorite color.

“Open the envelope!” Johnny heard his girlfriend shout. Johnny snapped out of his awe and looked inside. The keys were included along with a small note with a poem.

//Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Viggo shagged me wild

Because of you!//

-Orlando



~Fin~

Oi! I know that wasn’t the best love scene I’ver wrr written, but forgive me I’m quite tired and my brain just recently exploded taking an evil psych test! I have no idea what Johnny’s fav color is, but I do know he’s a Gemini and most of the Gemini’s I know love blue so I took a guess.