No Ordinary love

No Ordinary Love

Chapter 1 - Garden of solitude

Elladan did not know where it had begun, maybe it had been there always?
There was a time when it had not been a problem for him, sharing his bed with his sibling..
He had always admired Elrohir, been impressed with his skills.
Elrohir was one of those kinds of elfs who was good at everything..
Whatever he decided to pick up, he mastered within the year,
And who ever he decided to court was his within the evening.. Elladan felt sick to the core,
This could not be true, and yet he knew it to be so.
For years he had stolen glimpses of Elrohir, wanting him from afar.
Wanting him not as a confidant, not as a brother, but as something else..
He had made a futile attempt to make Elrohir understand that they should not share room..
Elrohir, his blessing and curse..

Elladan sighed and leaned back against the tree trunk...
Suddenly someone stood panting in front of him, strange that he had not heard someone coming.
"Elladan, finally I found you. Why have you been hiding here?" Elladan opened his eyes slowly,
And focused on his mirror image, "I haven't been hiding, I just needed some time alone" ..
Elladan smiled strained.. Elrohir smiled and padded his brothers shoulder,
He leaned in to whisper something..
Elladan felt his brothers warm breath and his lips brush his ear..
Why was the gods testing him so? "Tyalieien have been looking for you all day"
Elrohir whispered, and Elladan felt the lips on his ear curl upwards into a smile..
"Will you go see her?" Elladan sighed.. No way he was going to spend time with Tyalieien,
He couldn't stand her company, hated her stare and her frequent touches..
"I am needed in the study" Elladan lied..
Elrohir looked worried at his brother.. "Surely you don't mean to spend such a lovely day inside?"
Yes if it will take me far away from you, and that female,
Elladan thought, but didn't utter a word.. "Oh well" Elrohir said,
And looked at his brothers stone face.. "I will just direct her to the study then,
And maybe she can take your mind off those old books" he said softly and giggled..
Elladan looked mortified.. "NO!! Don't you dare tell her where i am"
he unwillingly yelled and quickly clasped a hand over his mouth...
Elrohir stopped his giggling.. "Ok, if it means that much to you, I wont say a word..
" Elladan moved uncomfortably in his seat.. "Thank you" he whispered..
Elrohir just smiled worried, and kissed Elladan gently on the for head..
"Don't worry about it" he whispered, and left just as quickly as he had emerged...

Elladan sat alone again, watching his brother run over the grass towards the house..
Elrohir loved him, no doubt about it.. Loved him more than anything on the face of Arda,
But that just seemed to pain Elladan more.. That Elrohir put his trust in him,
Lay his life in his hands when on patrol, and in return he only got Elladan's impure thoughts,
His unnameable fantasies.... He could feel he was on the verge of crying.. He bit his lip,
No way was he going to sit here in the garden and cry like a elfling!
He stood up with a sudden move and walked towards the house.

Hours later, Elladan sat in the study, drinking some tea and reading,
trying to distract his troubled mind.. When the door suddenly gently was pushed open,
Ean lan looked up from his book.. "Ada? What brings you here?" He asked softly..
Elrond smiled warmly and walked over behind his son, and massaged his shoulders..
"I just wanted to see what you were doing this afternoon" Elrond said..
Elladan relaxed under his fathers touch and leaned his head back to rest against Elrond's chest.
"Uhm, nothing really, just reading a bit" Elladan said..
Elrond stopped massaging and looked down on his son...
"Elrohir tells me you asked for separate bedrooms, why is that? Did you have a fallout or so?"
Elladan could have laughed at his fathers concerned look, but just smiled..
"Honestly ada, its no such thing.. You know me and Elrohir could never stay mad at each other"
Elrond smiled reassuring to Elladan.. "I know.."
As much as Elrond wanted to know the reason behind Elladan's wish,
He also knew better than to push his son, so he took up the massage instead, saying nothing further.. After what seemed like forever, Elladan broke the silence.. "I just thought that he would get more privacy that way", his voice dropped to a whisper, "and its not like we are joined at the hip, ada.. He can have a life" Elrond chuckled, he had just all ways seen them as inseparable.. Elladan was right, he had noticed that Elrohir had become quite the catch amongst the females, and maybe Elladan just felt that his brother needed some time to run off his horns.. "Yes! I agree.." Elrond said softly "I will grant your wish and have a room prepared for you within the week.." Elladan sighed.. Within the week?. No NOW, he wanted to yell at his father, but just took a sip of his tea instead. "Thank you ada.. I love you" he said and looked up at his father.. "I love you too Elladan" Elrond said and tucked in a stand of rebel hair that kept falling down in Elladan's eyes.. Elladan returned his gaze to the book in front of him. And Elrond knew that this was Elladan's way of saying - end of discussion-
so he let go of his sons shoulders with a gentle squeeze..
"I hope you will join us for dinner later" he said and looked at Elladan..
"Sure" came the answer from Elladan,
who was trying very hard to keep his eyes on the words in the book...

When Elrond finally left, Elladan let out a sigh of relief..
He couldn't wait until it was his turn to go on patrol again.


When night fell, Elladan's eyes hurt from reading in the dim light.
He closed the book, and massaged his temples.. What was the time? Had he missed dinner?
His stomach was growling, so it had to be so...
Why hadn't anyone come to get him? He pushed the chair back, and got up slowly..
He was tired and wanted nothing else but to sleep,
But the mere thought of getting under the sheets with Elrohir was enough to jerk him awake again.
He decided to go to the kitchen, and grab some food.. He opened the door to the corridor,
and heard cheer full laughter from the garden.. He walked as fast as he could,
Trying to shut out the fact, that he recognized the chuckle..
He was just going to get some food and then to bed.. If Elrohir weren't there,
Maybe he would be able to fall asleep.. Elladan sighed again.. Who was he kidding?
He would lay awake and wait for Elrohir...
He stopped outside the kitchen.. Now he had lost his appetite as well..
He walked slowly down the corridor again, and stopped by the doors to the garden..
He could see the silhouette of Elrohir, and some maid.. From what Elladan could see,
Elrohir was feeding the girl sweet fruits... Elladan looked away,
Ashamed that he wished that he would feed him sweet strawberries from those slender fingers...
Elladan shook his head... He was sick, that was what he was... If sick, there was a cure,
ada all ways said so!


Elladan walked down the soft lit corridor towards his and Elrohir's shared room..
He slowly pushed the door open, as if expecting someone to be there,
But the room was dark and empty.. Elladan smiled.. He was not able to face anybody right now...
He stepped inside and closed the door,
Walked towards the large bed him and his brother had shared for so many years,
And then he quickly stripped down and slid the nightshirt on..
He sat down on the bed and hid his face in his hands... When had it gone this far, this much out of control?
When did he long so much it was impossible even to have a normal conversation with his twin??
He could not keep this up, Elrohir or father would suspect something.
To get a separate room was just not enough..
He would have to persuade father to let him go somewhere...
Yes! That was it! Tell Elrond that he needed a year in his grandparents care...
To attain better skills at woodman ship.. Yes! That was the answer!
Elladan threw himself on his back on top of the covers..
But how would he prevent Elrohir from going with him?
Elrohir would not understand and would probably not let him go alone..
He would have to have a plan... Think Elladan... Think!.. He scolded on himself!
Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice anything before the door was opened slowly
And Elrohir walked into the room.. He walked over to the figure on the bed..
"Elladan?" He whispered.. "What's wrong?" Elladan was brutally ripped from his musings
And quickly sat up.. "Nothing... I was just lost in thoughts... Why do you ask?"
Elrohir looked concerned, sat down between Elladan's legs,
and reached up his hand to caress Elladan's chin. He wiped off a tear..
"Because you are crying. .Oh Elladan, please tell me.. Who hurt you so?" Elladan smiled..
"No one dear brother, I was just in melancholic thoughts.."
Elladan could see that Elrohir did not believe him at all, but as long as he stopped asking,
he didn't care.. Elrohir wiped off more of Elladan's tears.. "Go to sleep Elladan..
Maybe some rest will cheer you up" he said softly... Elladan caressed Elrohir's hair,
"Perhaps so" he whispered.. Elrohir let go of him and stood up..
"Good" he said, smiled and then walked over to the other side of the bed..

Elladan crawled down under the covers with his back to his brother..
He did not have to watch to know.. He heard the fabric of Elrohir's clothes hit the ground
and he could see Elrohir's pale flawless skin behind his tightly closed eyelids..
How he longed to touch it.. To taste it.. To have it flush with desire just for him..
To his horror he felt, that he got aroused by these thoughts. And he curled up to a little ball,
Praying that Elrohir wouldn't notice..

Elrohir silently slipped under the covers as well and drowsy cuddled up behind Elladan..
Elladan froze.. What was he to do??
When Elrohir buried his face in his neck, he had to stifle a yelp..
When he wrapped a arm around Elladan's waist, he could have screamed...
Every nerve in his body could feel Elrohir's touch and responded by sending a fire down
To his groin... Elladan made a little pathetic noise and Elrohir tightened his grip around him..
"Why wont you tell me?" Elrohir whispered sleepy against Elladan's neck and when Elladan didn't
Answer, Elrohir continued "we used to share everything.. Why do you shun me Elladan?"
Elladan could feel his tears begin to fall again.. "I just can't tell you"
He said with a strained voice.. He wanted to roll over and kiss those soft lips he felt
Against his neck, or run away... What ever he did, he could not stay like this..
"I worry about you Elladan, something is wrong, I can feel it and it saddens me.."
Elladan bit his lip.. Those words hurt him more than Elrohir could ever imagine,
The last thing he wanted was to hurt his brother..
It was so unfair that Elrohir had to suffer under this, his forbidden dreams, his dark desire.
"I'm so sorry" Elladan whispered with a strained voice.. Elrohir stifled a yawn..
"Lets talk in the morning" he whispered and placed a soft kiss against Elladan's neck...
A slight moan escaped Elladan's lips, but if Elrohir heard, he did not react..
Elladan was more than thank full for this, while he lay there,
Waiting for his brother to fall asleep..


Once he heard Elrohir's breathing steady,
he gently removed Elrohir's arm and ever so slowly moved out of Elrohir's embrace.. Out of the bed..
Once he stood on the floor, he grabbed a robe and leaned over to kiss his sleeping brother..
Elrohir smiled and mumbled something, Elladan turned around and quickly left the room...
He hurried through the corridors and out into the garden,
thankful that he did not meet anybody on his way..


He walked quickly to the other end of the garden and sat down, leaning against a large tree..
There he finally let his tears fall freely... He would break Elrohir's heart if he told him,
But if he didn't he would break his own.. There was no escape from this..
The fire in his groin was still there and Elladan slowly opened his robe...
He gently caressed his own need, he had to get release from this tension.
To let his fantasies run wild in this place where there was no one to tell him he was wrong..
Here Elrohir would respond to his kisses.. To his touches..
He would ask for him to make love to him and Elladan would gladly grant him his wish.
Making him tremble with need again and again..
Elladan gasped for air as he found his release in his own hand...
He sat there panting against the tree, but this act somehow seemed to make him feel.
More lonely than anything else...
He wiped his hand and belly clean and got up to walk back to the house... How was he ever to get back into that bed?? He had to, that much he knew..

He returned the same way he had gone out and finally he sat down on the bed where Elrohir slept..
He was lying on his back and had kicked off the covers.. Elladan sighed..
He couldn't wait for father to get that room ready for him..
He would have to remind him again in the morning. Elladan stood up and slipped out of the robe..
Quickly crawled back into the bed, dragging the covers over his head, when suddenly,
Elrohir rolled over and wrapped his leg and arm around Elladan's side.. "Where have you been?"
he whispered.. Elladan paled, he had no idea that Elrohir had noticed he was gone..
"Hush.. Go back to sleep" he whispered back..
"Mmm I just wish you would tell me what torments you so" Elrohir mumbled..
Elladan gently began to stroke Elrohir's hand.. "Don't worry beloved, just go back to sleep.."
Elrohir mumbled something more, but Elladan could not tell what it was, and was just
happy, that Elrohir had fallen asleep again... When sleep finally claimed Elladan.
He welcomed the dreamless bliss that followed...

Chapter 2 - Plays for today

The following morning, Elladan woke with Elrohir sitting down
in the bed next to him.. To Elladan's surprise,
he was carrying a tray with bread and fruit..
Elladan looked at Elrohir and the food.. "What.. Ehm.. Why?"
Elladan knew his brother better than this..
"What are you up to Elrohir?" he said and looked firmly at his twin..
Elrohir shifted a little nervously in his seat..
"Ehm, I just thought that you were so troubled last night.
That I wanted to cheer you up a little.." Elladan rolled his eyes,
"Oh yes, and pigs have wings.." Elladan paused and looked at Elrohir
again.. "Really Elrohir, what did you do?" Elrohir looked away
and suddenly lit up in a grin.. "Promise you won't get mad" he giggled..
"About what?!" Elladan said in his strictest voice,
trying to sound like Elrond.. Elrohir began to laugh..
"Ok its like this; I figured that the reason for you sulking about,
was that the maidens seem to pay attention to me, not you...
So i thought that" Elrohir trailed off and Elladan looked utterly
surprised.. "What did you do?" Elladan said with his mouth full
of food..
"I ehm, kind of... Ehm... Arranged a little meeting for you later..."
Elladan spurted out half eaten food all over the bed..
"What?! You set me up with some female?" Elrohir stopped giggling
and looked serious,
"Yes Elladan, I thought it would do you good to get some ...Ehm.. Attention"
Elrohir confessed... Elladan looked angry now, not like Elrohir
would have thought, he would have reacted.. He had thought that he might
be surprised, but not mad.. After all, he was only doing him
a favour...
"No!.. I wont do it! Elrohir. By the Valar how could you?
I'm not your charity case! If I wanted a maid I would court one!"
Elladan hissed.. Elrohir looked startled at his brother..
"But.. But.. I just thought that..." Elladan pushed the tray away
from his legs and got out of the bed in one fluid move..
Elrohir turned around to look at his brother...
"But why are you so mad at me?" he whispered.. Elladan didn't answer,
he just went to the bathroom.. "Elladan!.. Answer me!."
Elrohir yelled after his brother, only to get up and walk after
him into the bathroom..

Elladan stood at the bowl of water and splashed water in his face..
When Elrohir entered, he turned around and looked strangely hurt...
The facial expression on Elladan confused Elrohir... Elladan looked
so frail as he stood there, with wet hair sticking to his face
and a childish pout.. "Oh now I know" Elrohir exclaimed relieved
and moved closer to Elladan, who looked like he was about to panic..
"You simply do not prefer a maid to warm your bed...
That's it, isn't it?" Elrohir said softly.. Elladan couldn't believe
what he had just heard and had no idea what to answer..
If only he could make Elrohir believe this, that him lusting for
another male was the problem.. Then he could easily explain the
request for a separate bedroom and him wanting to go off on patrol
alone.. Besides, it was not like he was lying to his brother,
so he just nodded.. "Oh Elladan, silly, silly you! You really
should just have told me" Elrohir said in a cheer full voice in
the hope to make all fear leave his brothers mind.. He walked over
and hugged Elladan lovingly..
"I know someone you would be happy to meet then... Believe me,
he knows a trick or two.. Unless off course, someone all ready holds your
heart..." Elrohir whispered in a husky tone..
Elladan that had been lost in his brothers embrace,
had not heard what his brother said and there for just answered,
"what ever you say", closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet scent
of the other... "Fantastic!" Elrohir whispered and planted a kiss
on Elladan's cheek dangerously close to his lips..
"I will go send a message for him right now!" he giggled,
as if they were doing something forbidden,
turned and hurried out of the room.. When it finally dawned to Elladan
what he had agreed on, he let out a frustrated grunt..
He was sure that Elrohir would not keep tight and that he would
tell father.. Elrond would be here faster than lightning..
To tell him that everything was all right and that he didn't
care what kind of lover his sons had, as long as they were happy..
But that was just the problem, he would never be happy again..
He needed completion.. He was not Elrohir, who took pleasure
in any beautiful creature who was willing to give it to him..
He needed someone to share his soul with and not just
-Someone -somebody, but Elrohir... Elladan slowly finished up and
had just begun to braid his hair when he heard that well known knock
on the door.

"Come in ada" he said flatly.. Damn that had been fast, he thought..
Had Elrohir met him in the corridor? "Elladan.." Elrond said softly
and came up behind him..."Let me braid your hair this morning.."
Elladan sighed at his fathers request, but sat down in front of the
bed so it would be easier for Elrond.. This familiar touch made
Elladan sadden.. He didn't like to withhold anything from his father,
but nor would he dare to tell him the truth..
He leaned back on Elrond's chest, the sound of his father's heartbeat
had always calmed him as a child... Why did it not work now?..
Suddenly Elladan turned around, hugged his father around the waist
and buried his face in Elronds rich robe.. Elrond who was caught
slightly off guard by this, responded with holding Elladan close..
"Elladan, my sweet child... What is the matter with you?
I wish you would confide in someone.. It hurts us all so to see you
like this.. You are but a shadow of yourself..." Elrond whispered
stroking Elladan's hair gently.. Finally Elladan gave in, he could do
nothing else.. He began to sob and clinged on to his father for dear
life.. Oh how I wish I could tell you ada, he thought...
Elrond held his crying son closer..
"Please Elladan, I can not help you if you do not tell me"
he whispered against the top of Elladan's head..
How on the face of Arda was he to tell his father what was
tormenting him so? Maybe he would buy the same lie as Elrohir,
he had to! "Didn't Elrohir tell you?" Elladan whispered and let
go of his father a little.. "No, I have not spoken to Elrohir today..
I saw him run down the corridor as if Gothmog himself was after him,
or maybe just Erestor.." Elrond chuckled at his own joke, but Elladan did not join in his weak attempt to cheer him up.. Elrohir had not told father? Why had he come here then? Aiii, was it that obvious? Elladan looked up at his fathers concerned face.. "I....I.." he began.. It was harder to lie to his father than to Elrohir... "I am not like Elrohir... I.." Elladan took a deep breath and closed his eyes "I have no love for maidens.." There.. He said it.. He had almost told his father the truth, almost.....Elrond smiled reassuring.. "Oh sweetest Elladan" he just said...Not an accept, but then again, Elladan had not expected one.. "I'm sorry ada" he whispered and rested his head against Elronds chest again... "There was no need to keep that within.. Nothing you could possibly do would make me love you less, you know that" Elrond said softly.. Elladan nodded and bit his lip.. If Elrond had just known the whole truth, he would have sent him in exile somewhere and never allowed him near Rivendell again... Never close to Elrohir.. Elladan heard Elrond take a deep breath to talk
and he felt the panic well up in every nerve of his body..
It felt like a million little spiders crawling up towards his scalp..
He knew what would come next, but still when he heard his fathers
voice ask him, he couldn't help but flinch.. "Anyone special?"
Elladan wanted to run... Had he been able to,
he would have darted out of the room.. "No" he mumbled quickly and
hoped his father would believe him...

Elrond sat there with Elladan for a long time,
Un till he felt that his son relaxed.. Elladan reluctantly let go of
his father and got up on his feet... "I'm ok ada... Honestly.."
Elrond just looked at Elladan and for once he did not believe a
word Elladan told him.. "You must have matters to attend to ada and
so have I... I'm sorry I kept you here for so long" Elladan said
and lend his father a hand to help him stand.. "Very well" Elrond
sighed and took Elladan's hand..

With Elrond out of the door Elladan sighed and leaned heavily against
the door.. That had been close.. Too close.. He had to get out...
Had to keep himself busy.. While home from patrol,
he had no real chores, but he would go to the weapons master to
see if he could help train some young soldiers, he used to do that...
It would not look as an escape..

Chapter 3 - Wicked game

Elrohir had tried to talk his father from letting Elladan have his own chambers, but had no luck.. Elrohir stood and looked at the room he and Elladan had shared for so many years.. He sighed and lay on the bed.. He could still smell Elladan on the covers.. This smell he would be without, his heart could not bear it... Why had he arranged that stupid meeting for Elladan? Because his brother was sad and he was so eager to make him happy again... Elrohir rolled unto his back, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the bed.. He still saw the image of Elladan from this morning, with damp hair in the bathroom... Oh he knew why, he thought to himself and smiled ... If he had not done so, he would have told his beloved twin that he was the most wonder full being he had ever lay his eyes on.. Oh yeah, that was sure to go over well, he thought sarcastic.. Elrohir frowned.. What should one say? Oh but dearest Elladan, I can make you happy again, if you only let me.. Let me taste those rose petal lips and watch your eyes grow dark with need... Elrohir slammed his fist down in the madras.. It was not something you said to your brother.. Elladan would surely think that he had gone mad.. He had tried everything... Tried to drown these feelings in others, pretending they were Elladan.. No one would have to know.. No one would ever know! Elrohir had sworn this to himself a long time ago...

He could still remember the first time he had seen Elladan like *that*.. It had been on a patrol, long time ago.. Elladan had snuck down to wash himself in the Bruinen and Elrohir had followed, like he all ways did.. What ever Elrohir said or thought, he had all ways felt like he was in Elladan's shadow and this only made him try even harder to best him..

No.. He had to talk Elladan out of the moving into another chamber idea.. He would not be without sleeping next to him, cuddling up to him, smell him and feel his heartbeat.. This was all he had... As much as he liked the pleasures of others, just as much did he yearn and crave for the intimacy that only existed while they slept..

Elladan was looking at some beautiful crafted swords, trying to decide which one to take, when he heard footsteps behind him... "Glor.." he said turning around, thinking it was his fathers advisor and friend, but it was not.. It was Elrohir.. Elladan felt like he was trapped and the accusing look on his twins face just made it worse... "Elladan, we need to talk" he said.. Oh no! Elladan thought.. He knows, he saw it, he felt it... How could I be so stupid? I might be able to fool ada, but not Elrohir... Oh by the Valar! Elrohir must have noticed the panic, for he reached his hand out and took Elladan's hand.. "Will you walk with me?" he asked softly.. "Yes off course" Elladan said, feeling the tingling sensation of Elrohir's hand in his.. He would never be able to deny his ber aer anything.. Elrohir didn't say anything, but just dragged off with Elladan until they were in the large garden..

Elrohir took Elladan's other hand and stood in front of him.. Elladan looked into the ground not sure what to say or do.. "Look at me Elladan" Elrohir said quietly.. Elladan slowly raised his head and looked into his brothers endless grey eyes... Elrohir did not so much as blink.. "Please don't go through with this Elladan... I would be very lonely if you choose to get your own separate chambers..." Elladan looked surprised.. This was not what he had expected... Oh well, what had he expected? "You don't understand. I have to, Elrohir" Elladan whispered desperately.. Elrohir tightened the grip on his brothers hands... "I don't care Elladan! Do not leave me alone." It pained Elladan like nothing else to see his brother so sad.. "Please... don't.." Elladan begged, but Elrohir didn't stop.. His grip on Elladan's hands was now so hard he could not feel his own hands anymore.. "Why do you avoid me so? Did I do or say something wrong? Something so wrong that I have earned your coldness?" Elrohir could not help himself anymore and the last words came out as little sobs.. He felt the tears begin to run down his cheeks.. He didn't care if Elladan thought him weak or little, he just wanted him to stay.. At the sight of Elrohir's tears and obvious sorrow, Elladan gathered Elrohir in an embrace.. "You never did anything wrong beloved.. never! Please don't cry Elrohir." Elladan felt like his heart would burst when Elrohir cried harder at his words.. "Then why?" Elrohir's plea hung in the air and Elladan could not give him an answer.. Would not, but Elrohir still needed one. He was entitled. "Sweetest Elrohir, think of all the maids you can entertain when I'm not there" Elladan said in a stained voice...Elrohir pushed Elladan away from him.. "Is that it?" he gasped and Elladan nodded helplessly.. It was the truth after all..

Elrohir couldn't believe his ears... Was that really what bothered Elladan? Why would that affect him?
Not knowing what really happened in just that moment, he took Elladan's head in his hands and kissed him. Not like a brother, but as a lover.. Elladan was so surprised by the kiss, that he did not know how to react.. He had dreamed of this for so long that it seemed like an eternity... He let Elrohir deepen the kiss and at the taste of the other, the silk tongue tasting him, Elladan felt like he was about to faint.. This was so right and at the same time, oh so wrong..... When Elrohir ended the kiss, Elladan opened his eyes and looked at his brother.. Elrohir's grey orbs were glowing with love, his lips slightly parted, bruised from kissing his own.. This magnificent view made Elladan breathless.. Elrohir broke the silence... "if you go, I will follow.."

Chapter 4 - To have, Not to hold

Why he had run, he did not know. Was this not what he wanted? Had he
not wanted to taste? To touch? Elladan sat alone in the hay ment for the
horses, he needed to be alone. He sobbed quietly, not to make anyone
aware that he was there.
Had he not wanted that kiss? Had it not started a flame? A flame that would
burn up his body and soul he thought bitterly.
It had been wrong! Against all laws of his fathers realm, against all
morale of both elves and men, maybe even orcs. He felt dirty.
Why did Elrohir play games with him? And why had he fallen for it?
Deep inside he knew. Because he so desperately needed to believe,
that these frightening feelings was not his alone, that they shared that too.
Elladan hid his face in his hands. He could still taste Elrohir. Could still feel his hands on him,
burning his skin. Could feel his own arousal grow, heard himself moan in
his brothers mouth, felt the warm skin when he had gently pushed his
hands up under Elrohir’s tunic. Had allowed his hands to know the firm
chest of his love. Elrohir had mirrored his move and when his brother
had slowly moved his hands down his back. He had felt like his knees
would give in, his world spun around. He had felt so at home in that
touch, it scared him. Terrified him. Right there and then he had
lost his heart and when he had felt his brothers warm dry hand gently
touching the tip of his weeping need, he had crumbled. The world had
fallen apart. He had pushed Elrohir away and not even stayed long
enough for him to get back on his feet. Not able to look into
his eyes. -If you go, I will follow- was that not his words? Then
why had he not? Why had he stayed behind? Had he himself even wanted him to follow?
Elladan was confused and ever so lost. What was he going to
do? The spring feast was already being planned, he could not ask
ada's permission to leave in the middle of a grand party but after,
yes! Immediately after, he would ask, even beg him if he had to,
to let him leave. Alone to Lothlorien.

Elrohir had been so startled when Elladan pushed him and ran
away, he yelled after him, begged him to stay. Screamed that he
was sorry and he was. Sorry that he had scared off Elladan, his
twin, his love, his heart. Not sorry he had kissed him. He had felt the
urge in Elladan’s mouth, the desperation in his touch. He had seen the
lust and the guilt mingle in his eyes. A look that had mirrored his
own. Elrohir walked slowly back to the house. Maybe it was a good thing
he had sent that message. Maybe the fair prince of Mirkwood could
chase the shadows from Elladan. Maybe Legolas would soothe the pain where
he himself had failed. Elrohir smiled to himself, remembering the last
time he met Legolas. Oh yes, he would be perfect to rid Elladan
of his dark mood. Elrohir felt a little sting in his heart by imagening
Legolas and Elladan together. If Legolas was able to lift the spirit on his
beloved brother, who then, was going to comfort him? He would usually go to
Elladan when the world was dark and all hope seemed lost,
drowning his fears in the familiar touch of his brother. That he had
lost, that and so much, much more. He kicked a stone on his path.
Elladan had wanted that kiss just as much as him. Or not??? What if
Elladan was just confused and had played along? No that could not be so.
That was not like Elladan, but come to think of it, Elladan had not
been himself for some time and all those nightly trips he made. He always came
back later, smelling of the fresh air and something else, Elrohir could not
quite put his finger on. Lust. The smell of pleasure given and
taken. Oh yes, he had noticed Elladan sneak out of bed. Where did he go?
Who's bed did he warm? Just how stupid did Elladan think he was? For
the last two years it had been going on and he did not ever recall Elladan being
bewitched by the stars to the point where he would give up his sleep.

That night Elrohir lay awake waiting for Elladan who never came. He
tossed and turned, trying to figure out where his twin could possibly
be and not untill the break of dawn Elrohir finally dozed off.

Elladan opened the door quietly and walked as silent as he could.
Suddenly he stopped at the end of the bed and looked at Elrohir
lying there on his back, naked as the day he was born with the covers thrown
on the floor. Streaks of dried tears showed on Elrohir’s cheeks.
Elladan’s heart leaped of joy at the mere sight of his brother
like that, but that leap became a turning dagger. How he had wished
for him to be waiting like this, but he knew it not to be
true. Who did you entertain in my bed dear brother? Elladan thought to
himself. I hope it was worth it. He frowned, fighting the
urge to lay down beside his twin and let his hands freely roam that pale
skin. Until.. Until.. Elladan could not think that thought to an
end. This was his burden to bear, he should not really blame Elrohir,
but still. It hurt to be so close.

Elrohir felt that he was being observed even in his sleep. He
purred and slowly opened his eyes. "Elladan" he said, surpriced when he
saw who the voyeur was, he suddenly felt very, very naked. He quickly
reached for the covers on the floor. Elladan crossed his arms over his
chest. "Was it fun?" he hissed. "What ever do you mean?" Elrohir
asked. Elladan did not answer, he just rolled his eyes and looked
disgusted. Iwas waiting for you, Elrohir wanted to scream and shake Elladan,
but he just wrapped the blanket around his waist and stood up.
"And why do you have hay in your hair dear brother?" he snapped back.
Elladan didn't know what to answer, "none of your business!" he said
flatly. Elrohir walked over to his brother and plucked out a straw of hay
from his hair. "A stable boy, is it?" he whispered acidly. Elladan
looked lost and sighed. He extended his hand to caress Elrohir’s
cheek, but Elrohir moved away from his touch and Ean’san’s hand fell
useless to his side. "I just came to gather my belongings" he
whispered. "Oh" Elrohir said clearly irritated. "Don't let me delay you"
and with that he quickly left for the bathroom.

Elladan stood alone in the room they once shared. Lost in a
sea of feelings. A part of him wanted to run after Elrohir, tell him
everything.. Another part felt like punching him in the face.
He hurriedly began to gather his clothes and personal things in a box, hoping
to be done with it before Elrohir came out of the bathroom.

Elrohir sat on the edge of the tub. Feeling stupid. He really should
apologize to Elladan, he had been angry, hurt and jealous. He
regretted every harsh word he had uttered to his twin, but his body would
not respond, would not move until he heard the door slam. Then he
let himself slide down on the floor and cry his heart out. He missed
Elladan already.

Days would pass with Elladan avoiding Elrohir, or was it the other way
around? No one knew. Elrond on the other hand had noticed the cold air
between them and while the servants was fussing over the party,
Elrond went to search for his sons. He would get this straightened out.
It was heartbreaking to watch. They used to be inseparable, but now
they did not even want to converse. Dinner was a nightmare. The
delight full chatter that had once filled the room, was replaced with
uncomfortable silence.

Elrond walked out in the garden and found Elladan, in the midst of moving a bench.
"Elladan! Can I have a word with you?" Elrond
said loud. Elladan stiffened on the spot and hesitated, but a servant
took the bench from him and he walked towards his waiting father.
"What is amiss ada?" he said softly, like a child trying not to draw
attention to the mess it made. "Please follow me to my study" Elrond
said and turned around so Elladan would have no choice but to follow.
Most of all he looked like a dog about to take a beating. He
had really wanted to behave normally towards his twin, but it was not
like Elrohir acted normal either. One thing had taken the other
and now they stayed clear of eachother most of the time. He knew this
was what his father had noticed, this to their father strange
behaviour and all the way to the study Elladan tried to come up with a lie
which Elrond would believe.

Elrond made a gesture for Elladan to sit in one of the chairs, while he
himself slammed the door. "Elladan! This has gone on for far, far too
long!" Elrond said with almost visible rage in his voice. "What do you mean?"
Elladan almost whispered. He had wanted to act innocent, but now
his courage and voice failed him. "Elladan! For the sake of Arda,
this is *not* the time to play games! What have come between you and
Elrohir?" Elrond raged and slammed his fist down in the oak desk. Elladan
jumped in his seat, he had never in his life seen father this mad. Oh
yes, maybe once, but that was quite different. Back then he had just
admitted to his crime and had been comforted and forgiven. Not this time.
definitely not this time, Elladan thought with a sombre grimace. "I’m
not playing games ada.. " he tried, but he could not look Elrond in his
eyes, he had to look away. "I asked you a question!" Elrond tried angrilly,
maybe intimidating Elladan would make him talk. "We just grew apart,
that’s all" Elladan answered dangerously close to tears. Elrond sat down and
sighed. He himself had a twin once and Elladan knew this. Then who did he think
he was fooling? Twins did not grow apart, they just chose
different paths. He had never in his life thought that it would happen
to his sons. What could be so important? This was peace times and
no one had forced a choice from them. The Valar knew that Elrond
would prolong their choice for as long as possible. "Is your fait what
burdens you?" Elrond asked softly and that soft hurt tone, made the
tears he had fought for so long, run down Elladan’s cheeks. "No and yes
ada. That is the only answer I can give you. Please believe me"
Elladan looked up at Elrond. His eyes were pools of pain and torment.
they made Elrond’s heart twitch. "My dearest child" he started, but
was cut off by Elladan who stood up from his chair and walked over to
him. To Elronds surprise he sat down on his lap and wrapped his arms
around his neck, juike ike he had done when he was an elfling. Elrond
embraced his son. "Ada. Let me go to grandmother and let me stay
there for some time." Elladan tightened his grip on his father. "I beg
you" he whispered. Elrond was at a loss for words and swallowed a
lump before he himself would begin to cry. The desperate tone in
Elladan’s voice could not be ignored. "If that is indeed your wish my son,
I will let you leave" Elrond whispered. Elladan raised his head and
looked at his father. "Then let me leave here with the other Lorien
elfs, after the spring feast. Alone." Elrond looked startled "so
soon? and without Elrohir?" Elladan looked dark and serious. "Yes
ada. Oh please grant me that one wish". Elrond nodded sadly, "you
have my blessings Elladan" and the gratitude that beamed from his son
was not mistaken. "Thank you ada" he paused and took a deep breath.
"Will you tell Elrohir? For I have not the heart". Elrond looked
surprised. "Would you want me to? I believe he would take it kinder from
you". Elladan hung his head slightly, "Perhaps ,but would you?
Please ada? I know I have asked much of you already, but do me this
last favour". Elrond nodded, "I will tell him later, now go take a
bath and get ready, for the guests will soon arrive". Elladan smiled
sadly and kissed his fathers hand. "Thank you again ada. I love you".
With those words Elladan let himself slide down from his fathers
lap and walked out the door, leaving Elrond to his troubled mind ,which
had not become less troubled by their conversation.

Elladan went to his chambers and found his tub to be full, one of
the servants must have filled it for him. He smiled and discarded his
clothings then slowly lowered himself into the hot water. He couldn’t
believe his luck, that father had let him leave for Lothlorien. Maybe all
this would go away if he stayed there and worked for grandmother, he needed
something to take his mind of Elrohir.

When the door opened, Elladan did not even notice, he was lost in
thoughts. When he suddenly heard a soft voice which he knew well, he
opened his eyes and looked into a pair of crystalblue orbs.
"Legolas! What are you doing here in my bathroom?!" Elladan said with a gasp.
Legolas squatted down, leaning his arms and head on the edge of the
tub, looking at Elladan. "Well you told me to come" he said and smiled
at Elladan’s sudden blush. "I did?" Elladan tilted his head, he
could not remember sending word to Mirkwood, but then again, Legolas
was not known to lie. "Yes. Asking me to ride my horse to the brim of
exhaustion, for you had urgent matters to discuss with me, so I did"
Legolas said with a smile and continued, "I was never one to say no
to the fair princes of Imaladris, in their hour of need".
Elladan’s mouth became a thin line. "Get out!" he whispered. "You have the
wrong twin! My brothers room is further down the corridor".
Legolas did not move. "Elrohir did not ask me to come, you did" Legolas
said with a strange smirk. "Get out now!" Elladan yelled and stood up
pointing at the door. Legolas did not move, but just looked at
Elladan. "Oh my, Elladan" he said with a laugh and Elladan suddenly became
aware that he was naked. He sat down in the water with a
splash, soaking Legolas. "Please leave" he said with a strained voice.
Legolas looked worried at Elladan "I will wait in the next room.
Let us speak when you are clothed". Elladan nodded and blushed.
Legolas stood up and left Elladan alone. Elladan could not believe what had
happened. Why was Elrohir so eager to make
him take Legolas as a lover? There was no doubt in his mind that
this, was what it was all about. Elrohir had send that letter,
claiming to be him. Elladan slowly got out of the tub, and dried himself
off. He then decided to wear the same pants as before, for he was not
going to show himself to Legolas like that again. Though his
brother had done a wise choice, there was no denying that Legolas was
indeed a beautiful elf and a kind soul, he was not the one he wanted to
share his passion with. Legolas was his friend. Elrohir said that the
elf he knew had known a trick or two. Had Elrohir been intimate with
Legolas? Elladan shook his head, off course he had. What was he
thinking? Elrohir had been intimate with all of Arda as far as
Elladan knew. He sighed, put on his game face and opened the door to
find Legolas sitting on his bed.


Chapter 5 - If only I knew all the right words

When Elladan opened his mouth to ask about the message, Legolas just
smiled "I saw the cook, making those sweet cakes. Should we? Come on
Elladan, say yes!" Elladan had to laugh. He clearly remembered. When
they were just elflings, the three of them snuck down in the kitchen
stealing sweet cakes, much to the cooks irritation and to their
regret after the cook told Elrond. "Yes, lets go!" Elladan
chuckled and Legolas lit up in a bright smile again. He left his belongings
on Elladan’s bed and they quickly ran down the corridors heading for
the kitchen. Once at the kitchen door, they looked at each other and
they both had to suppress a laugh. Legolas quietly opened the door and
peeked inside, waving for Elladan to come and Elladan snuck up behind
him. They quickly ran into the kitchen and grabbed as many cakes as they
could have in their hands. Then hurried out again without being
detected. Walking casually down the corridor, they looked at each other and
both burst out laughing "we definitely got better at this" Elladan
laughed. "Aye, don't you tell me that all those tedious training sessions
did no good" Legolas giggled and Elladan laughed harder. "Maybe this
time we will not have to spend the entire feast in ada's study". Legolas
laughed so hard, he cried and had to steady himself against
Elladan’s shoulder.

Just then Elrohir walked around the corner and saw the two of them..
"Legolas. Elladan" he said and nodded to them. "Elrohir" Elladan
said and stopped laughing. "Oh, there you are Elrohir. Want a sweet
cake?" Legolas said still giggling. Elrohir’s face hardened. "No
thank you" he said, trying to sound polite, but in vain and before
Legolas or Elladan could answer, Elrohir swept past them. Legolas just stared
at Elladan in disbelief, "what’s wrong with him, he never said no to
sweets before". Elladan took a bit of a cake, instead of answering and
just shrugged. Together they walked towards Elladan’s room again.

Elrohir was furious and it was so, so stupid. Had he not sent for
Legolas himself? Had he not written the letter pretending to be
Elladan? And now that the prince was here, he was.. was Jealous! Both on
Legolas and Elladan. Legolas had been HIS lover, Elladan was HIS
brother and his to love. Elrohir saddened. The two of them
together made him feel left out, unwanted. But then again. To deny Elladan some
happiness because of his selfish feelings. It was most un-brotherly.

Just then, both Elrohir’s musings, Elladan’s cake eating and
Legolas' giggling was brought to a halt. The sound of horses in the
courtyard, and all the three faces lit up. "Grandfather" Elrohir exclaimed
and in the other end of the house Elladan dropped his cake on the floor
"Grandmother!" he yelled and darted out of the room. Leaving Legolas
to try and catch up.

Once outside, Elladan ran to the lady of the forest and threw his arms
around her. "Grandmother, I missed you so much". Galadriel smiled
warmly. "Oh sweet little Elladan, I missed you too". When he suddenly
heard a voice he had missed for so long "Elladan! Elrohir!", his face
lit up and Galadriel let him go. "Arwen!" he heard Elrohir yell.
Without a thought, they both rushed to their sister and embraced her
warmly, all three of them resting their foreheads against the others.
When Elladan opened his eyes, he looked right into the deep grey of
Elrohir’s and with a clumsy move, he let go of both his siblings.
Arwen looked puzzled, but smiled. "Legolas, my flower" she said when she
saw him standing a bit away from them. He smiled and went over to
get an embrace too. When suddenly Legolas' face darkened. Elladan
looked in the same direction as the prince, and noticed that he had seen the
marchwarden. Why had they brought Haldir? Out of the corner of his eye
he could see Elrohir frown too. Poor Legolas, he had been so in love
with the galadrim, but had been put down. Not very kindly either, one
could say. Did grandmother not sense that Haldir had no place here?

Luckily Haldir did not seem eager to speak to either of them, and left
with the lord and lady of the woods. Suddenly Elrohir said "where is
Estel? He never missed a feast before". Elladan chuckled, Elrohir was
right, that was indeed amusing. "He will come" Elladan said with a
smile. Elrohir looked, first at his brother then, at Arwen. "Come sister,
let us take a walk, I must hear about your time in Lothlorien". Arwen
looked back and forward at her brothers, but just shrugged and smiled,
so Elrohir took her arm and walked off with her. Legolas and
Elladan was left in the courtyard alone and suddenly Legolas began to laugh
again. "We should really go change clothes before the feast". Elladan
looked puzzled, but then he too had to laugh, Legolas was right. He
was only wearing pants, no tunic and bare feet, plus his hair had not
been braided. He must look like a sad excuse for a elf and not like
the eldest prince of Imaladris. Legolas too. His clothes was still
soaked and he most of all looked like a drowned mouse. "Yes you are
right, we could use some dry clothes indeed!" and so they went off into the
house again.

When they arrived in Elladan’s room, Legolas went straight to his
belongings and began to find some dry clothes. Elladan was getting his
ceremonial robe, why was he suddenly nervous? He hadn’t noticed that he
was, but his fingers wouldn’t button his robe. Spending an entire
evening sitting beside Elrohir at a feast, having to keep up a facade,
made him terrified. Scared of not being able to hold up his mask. Just
don’t drink the faewine, he thought to himself, but how in the world was
he to get through the evening pretending to drink? That would simply
not be possible. He woke from his troubled state of mind when a hand
gently shook his shoulder and Legolas' soft voice Said "are you ok?"
Elladan smiled to reassure the other elf "sure" he said and then
Legolas lit up in a grin. "Need help with the buttons?"
Elladan looked down his robe and he had buttoned it all wrong. He
sighed. This was going to be a horrible evening!

Once Legolas had finished fixing Elladan’s robe, he looked amused at
Elladan. "Want me to braid your hair?" Elladan just sighed and
nodded. Legolas went to sit on the bed and Elladan sat down between his
legs. He leaned back against Legolas and let himself relax,
feeling the blonde letting his fingers untangle his hair. "Will
you try and speak to Haldir this night?" Elladan asked after a silent
moment. Legolas sighed, "no, there is no use". He paused, "and why
would I want o tho that?" Elladan felt Legolas gently remove the hair
from his ear and felt soft lips against the tip of his ear, "When I
have you right here" Legolas whispered in Elladan’s ear. Elladan felt
himself pale. "w..wh...What?" he studdered. Legolas didn’t move an
inch, but wrapped his arm around Elladan’s shoulder and let his hand stay
on his stomach. "I said; Why would I want Haldir when I have you right
here?" Legolas whispered and let his lips run down the edge of
Elladan’s ear. Elladan let out a strained groan, like an animal in pain.. Had
the world gone mad?. "Get off me!" he hissed. Legolas seemed to stop
his actions, but didn’t move. Elladan stood up and in doing so, he
pushed Legolas away. "What do you think you are doing?" Elladan said in a
high pitched tone, much to his own irritation. Legolas was clearly very
confused, he just sat on the bed and blushed ferociously. "But I thought
that..." he started, but Elladan cut him off. "I don't care what you
think! I want you to leave my chambers". Legolas looked like he had been
slapped, but Elladan just continued. Standing at Legolas' feet towering
up above him. "I did NOT write that message, I am NOT the one summoning
you to Imaladris and I am NOT the one who's bed you will warm!" When
Elladan had finished with letting out his rage, he looked upon Legolas
who now was on the brim of tears. "I am so, so sorry Elladan" he
whispered, "but.. But who then..?" At these words Elladan sadened, biting his
lip. "Go find Elrohir, I’m sure he would be delighted with company" he
hissed, but Legolas layed still on his bed, saying nothing. "GO!" Elladan
Yelled. "Leave me!" Legolas grabbed his travelling bag and ran out of the
door, not looking back. Elladan slammed the door after him. Damned, just how
much harm could this do? He had yelled at Legolas and that was one
of the last things he wanted.

He kicked the small table beside toor,oor, it felt good, so he kicked
it once more. Before he knew what had taken him, he had ravaged
his entire chamber. Elladan slumped down in the midst of the mess, and cried
like a child. He had lost his brother, his friend and him self. He
dozed off in dark thoughts, when suddenly he felt warm hands on his
cheeks, slowly raising his head. When he opened his eyes, he saw
Glorfindel’s worried face. "Elrond is expecting you at his table, young
Elladan". Elladan let out a sigh of despair. Glorfindel continued,
while wiping Elladan’s tears away, "but it looks like you're in no condition to
attend a feast. Shall I make your excuses?" Elladan shook his head,
"I will be there" he whispered, but still looked utterly hopeless.
Glorfindel tucked Elladan’s hair behind his ears. "Let me help you" he said
softly, but at this remark Elladan just looked scared. "Elladan"
Glorfindel just said and stood up. "I have known you since you were
born and yet you act like I would hit you, while my only request is to
help you". Elladan slowly got up on his feet and blushed in shame.
Why had he reacted so? He knew that Glorfindel would never think so of
him and that he was probably just worried. "Forgive me, I would
appreciate your help very much" he said avoiding Glorfindel’s worried
eyes. "Relax Elladan. Now let's get you ready for the feast and fast, for
your father will start believe something is amiss if I don’t come with
you within the hour". Glorfindel walked over to the bed and
picked up Elladan’s head jewelry from the floor. "Or he will die out of
hunger" Elladan said and smiled. Glorfindel had always lightened his
mood, there was something about his calm nature that stuck with him.
Glorfindel laughed, "Indeed and the rest of the feast too. Your
grandfathers stomach is not to be jested with". At last Elladan
relaxed and laughed too, Imagining Celeborn having a hysterical fit.
Glorfindel was finally allowed to finish up Elladan.

It took Glorfindel a long time to get Elladan’s unruly locks to sit
where they were supposed to. Once finished, Glorfindel smiled and
said "shall we?". Elladan nodded and followed him out the door.
Feeling like a lamb to the slaughter. He had to get through tonight.
Halfway out in the garden, Glorfindel suddenly turned. "Elladan,
forgive me for being so free, but when troubled at heart..." Glorfindel leaned
in and whispered in Elladan’s ear, "get drunk!" Even Elladan had to laugh
ats. Hs. How did Glorfindel know what was wrong? As if Elladan had spoken his
thoughts out loud, Glorfindel smiled. "Oh yes, it shows little one". Elladan
blushed, why he had no idea and Glorfindel chuckled. Oh if he had
only known who's love it was he acquired, but Elladan was determined to
keep his mask up. Glorfindel didn’t seem to notice, or even to
care, for he just dragged Elladan with him towards the garden.


Elladan walked towards the chair assigned to him. He would sit
opposite of Elrohir, who was talking to Legolas at his side, with Elrond
between them at the end of the table. Elladan looked down at the
other end of the table where grandmother and grandfather sat. How he
wished he could sit there instead. Just when he was about to ask his
father if he would not enjoy conversation with Celeborn more,
offering to trade seats with him, Glorfindel sat down
next to his own seat. Well at least that was a comfort. "Sit
down child so we can begin" Elrond said and Elladan knew that he had
wasted his chance of changing seat. Glorfindel padded Elladan’s
arm gently. "Here" he whispered and filled Elladan’s glass with potent
wine.

Elrond held a speech about the splendour of spring, Elladan didn’t
listen. He tried not to look at the two elves on the other side of the
table, sitting there whispering and trying just as hard not to look at
him. When Elrond finally finished and the food was carried in, Glorfindel
filled Elladan’s glass once more and the pure torture of being
seated there, made Elladan drink the sweet wine faster than he usually
did. He risked a glance in Elrohirs direction, both he and Legolas seemed
to be drinking at the same speed. Strange Elladan thought to himself, one
would think they needed a clear mind. For.. For... He could not think
that thought to an end. "You are not eating" Glorfindel whispered and
right enough, Elladan’s plate stood untouched. "I’m not hungry" he
whispered back. As if to save Elladan from further questions, the
music began and elves began to sing and dance. Elrond leaned over
to Legolas, "why do you not sing for us? you sing so fair in
Mirkwood" he asked him. Legolas blushed for a second, but got up to join the choir.
Elrohir took a deep sip of his glass. When an elf maid came to ask him if
he would care to dance, Elrohir did not feel like dancing, but it would
be a lovely excuse to leave this table. Elrohir took the maids hand
and walked over to the space where the musicians was seated. Elladan took his
glass, which was miraculously full again and turned to watch Elrohir
dance. Why was he tormenting himself so? It will soon be over, he thought
to himself and looked at the Lorien elfs. He would leave with
them, but as much as he did not want to watch, his eyes was fixed on
Elrohir. Then suddenly Legolas grabbed Elrohir’s arm and pulled him
over.

Elrohir was quite surprised when Legolas had pulled him away from the
maid, but when Legolas had grinned and begun to sing, Elrohir had
wrapped his arm around Legolas joining him. None of them had noticed
Elladan’s facial expression change. When Elrohir and Legolas stopped
singing and the choir of elves took over, Elladan was so tense that even
Glorfindel noticed. "What’s wrong child" he asked softly, but Elladan
didn’t answer, Afraid he would scream and yell at the golden haired elf.
Then, when Elrohir and Legolas began to dance and laugh freely, Elladan
turned, took his goblet and ran from the table.

He could hear his father say something and then Glorfindel’s voice,
apparently telling father to leave him be, for no one came after him.
He went down the hill to the flower garden and sat down. He could
still hear the noice of the party and he felt tears sting in the corner of
his eyes. He took a sip of the goblet. Glorfindel had been right,
getting drunk was the best way to get this evening over and done with.
Elladan saw a figure coming towards him which he recognized
immediately. Elrohir! He came over to Elladan and sat down in front of
him. "What’s wrong? Why did you leave?" Elrohir asked softly.
Elladan looked away. "I just needed some time alone" he whispered. Elrohir
noticed the lie and gently stroke Elladan’s arm. "Look at me beloved" he said.
Elladan turned his head slowly and looked Elrohir right into his deep
grey eyes and Elrohir continued "is it Legolas?" Elladan still didn’t
answer but just bit his lip, for it was Legolas, but that was not all.
It was Elrohir.. "Come Elladan, think no more of it" Elrohir stood up
and lend Elladan a hand. Elladan took it and stood up too. He took another sip of
his wine. Elrohir smiled and they began to walk slowly back to the
party. Elrohir suddenly broke the silence. "It's not Legolas is it?
it's the fact that you're leaving with grandmother tomorrow, am I right?"
Elladan spat out the wine. "What? Who told you?" Elrohir suddenly
looked mad. "Then its true! I told ada he was a liar, for I was sure
that you would have told me!" Elrohir had to strain himself not to yell
and attract attention to them. Elladan looked sad. "I should have,
you're right Elrohir. I should have". Elrohir grabbed Elladan’s arm
hard. "Yes you should". Elladan looked at his brother. "Yes, but you
shouldn’t have written that letter to Legolas! So I guess we're even".
Elrohir let go of Elladan’s arm. "I didn't..." he started. "Oh, but I know
you did Elrohir! It's all right though, you can keep your little fair
haired lover! I don’t want him!" Elladan hissed, knowing that it
sounded too harsh, but he was so mad he couldn’t control it. To
think that Elrohir tried to lie to him!
Now Elrohir raised his voice. "I did you a favour Elladan and in return you
only hurt Legolas feelings!" Elladan snorted irritated, "oh so *I* hurt your
precious little bed warmers feelings. That’s just too bad brother dear.
Remember I never asked for him to start with! Legolas was my friend,
how could you Elrohir! The next time keep your favours to yourself!" Silence
met the last word Elladan spat out. Elrohir’s mouth turned into a thin
line. "Elladan.." he just said and reached out to caress Elladan’s cheek.

Elladan didn’t even think, but just hurled the goblet and the rest of
wine in the face of Elrohir. "Don’t ever touch me again!" he yelled at
him. Elrohir stood still for a second, with his hand on his forehead
where the goblet had hit and wine running down his face. Then
like thunder from a clear sky, he punched Elladan in the face. Elrohir
felt like his heart would break when he saw Elldan’s expression,
but then Elladan hit him back and now Elrohir had no choice but
to defend himself.

Elladan suddenly felt strong arms restraining him, dragging him away
from Elrohir who was laying on the ground. Elladan saw Glorfindel
holding Elrohir in a similar way and Legolas standing next to them.
"Come" a voice said firmly and whoever it was, dragged off with him.
Then the tears came. Elladan sobbed like a child. What had he been
thinking, fighting his own twin? No wonder Glorfindel and Legolas
took Elrohir’s side. When Elladan looked down, he saw the arms that
held him wore the clothing of a Lorien elf. Off course he thought
bitterly. I am their responsibility now. The haunted look in
Glorfindel’s eyes wouldn’t leave him, he had thought that Glorfindel
was his friend, but apparently not! He felt a sting in his stomach.
He was not ready. No, No, No! This was all wrong! He didn’t want to
leave. He wanted to stay here and he wanted it to be back to normal.
Elladan cursed himself, for ever giving in to his fngs ngs at all!

He felt the restraint loosen as he got seated on a bench and
finally he could see who had been holding him. "Haldir?" he said
surprised. He had never thought that the marsh warden would care what he did or
did not do. "Why do you look so surprised Elladan?" Haldir said and
raised a brow. Elladan just looked lost. He wasn’t even aware that
Haldir knew his name. "Would you get me some more wine?" Elladan said with
a small voice. Haldir crossed his arms, "I think you had more than was
good for you already". Elladan just yelled "I don’t care!" and
then he looked at the marsh wardens stern face. "Please Haldir?" Haldir
smiled, much to Elladan’s surprise. "If you promise me not to leave
this spot" he said and Elladan nodded obediently. After few
minutes Haldir returned with a bottle and two new goblets. "Did grandmother
set you up to this, to keep me away from Elrohir?" Elladan asked when
Haldir had filled his goblet. "No" Haldir just said and emptied his
goblet in one drag. Elladan laughed, "someone is thirsty" and Haldir had to
laugh too. "I sure am. These feasts are... Oh well pretty boring
actually" Haldir chuckled. Elladan took another sip of his own goblet as Haldir
filled his again. "Have you spoken to Legolas?" Elladan said, instantly
regretting his words. He just remembered that the two of them had
met at another feast in Lorien. "Gods no!" Haldir exclaimed. "Why
would I want to talk to that mewling little brat?" Elladan laughed and
Haldir laughed with him. Elladan decided that he liked Haldir and was
glad he came to this feast after all!

Elrohir shook of Glorfindel, or rather Glorfindel let go of him. "Gods
Elrohir! What was that all about?" Glorfindel asked with a stern voice.
"Never mind!" Elrohir snapped. Legolas just looked concerned. "Come
Elrohir, lets have a glass of wine and relax". Elrohir nodded and took
Legolas hand and so, Legolas sent a knowing look to Glorfindel who disappeared
into the shadows.
"Elrohir? Are you alright?" Legolas asked. Elrohir looked at his old
friend and his eyes brimmed with tears. "No I’m not, Legolas. How
can you even ask such a question?" Legolas bit his lip, "I’m so, so
sorry Elrohir". Elrohir smiled a strained smile, "I know, peace
friend" Elrohir whispered. "I better go and entertain grandmother and
grandfather since they are leaving too soon" Elrohir said with a
sigh. Legolas nodded and le