When Tomorrow Comes...

Pairings: SB/KU, OB/VM, OB/SB

Rating: NC-17

Summary: When tomorrow comes, all that will be left are fond memories…

Notes: Flashbacks with Viggo or Karl are marked with *…*, Flashbacks with Sean or Orli are marked with **…**. And the flashback scenes itself are marked with *~*~, chapter division is marked with ****. AND thoughts are expressed in ‘…’

Feedback: Yes please! send it my way.

When Tomorrow Comes… Part 1 out of 2
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He had always enjoyed the blissful quiet at night as he lay upon his bed to sleep. But tonight, the silence seemed to press itself against his eardrums, deafening him with echoes from the past and the insistent, almost maddening, hum of the air conditioner. He had stopped talkinr a r a long time now… until he could not bear to hear the silence any longer and decided to turn the T.V. on.

Orlando stared at the screen, not listening and not watching – merely staring at the previously blank face of the screen bursting into life with just a click of the button. And in his mind, he wondered about tomorrow.

A quick glance at the digital clock next to him told him that it was late, and that he should probably get some sleep if he wanted to be awake early enough tomorrow to see Sean off to the airport.

He could have listened to that rational voice in his head and grabbed a total of four to five hours before facing tomorrow… a tomorrow without Sean. But thinking about Sean even for just a moment chased sleep away as it always had for the past couple of weeks.

Sean. His Sean. His Sean who had loved and made love to him one moment, only to leave him for Karl the next…

**I love you, Orli**

Orli rubbed his eyes as he felt the familiar prickle of tears forming behind his lids. Too many tears had been shed now. Too much regrets had been endured. And Orli wasn’t going to make the same mistakes he had done in the past. Wasn’t going to give Sean up without a fight because to Orli, Sean meant the world and more.

Orli felt that if he had been so passive as to allow Karl to take Sean from him, then he didn’t really deserve Sean at all... because Sean deserved only the most devoted kind of lover – someone who was willing to fight for him. And that was exactly what Orli was doing before the silence overwhelmed him, compelling him to stop speaking into the tape recorder.

He reached out for the device, pressing the ‘rewind’ button and toyed with it for a moment, trying to muster up his courage to go to Viggo for help. Trying to muster his courage to give the tape to Viggo, in a desperate attempt to get Viggo to get Sean back to him… because he was too spineless to get Sean for himself.

Viggo had been a good friend. He had always been there for him, listening to him talk about Sean, consoling him when he cried because of Sean, and had even fucked him when he was too lonely and too needy to sleep in his room alone.

But no matter how hard Viggo tried to be there for him, he just wasn’t Sean. And Orli wanted no one else. He wanted only Sean; wanted desperately to have back the moments that he had had with Sean – the love, the kisses and the passion.

By the time he arrived at a decision, he was already dressed even before realizing that he was dressing. That was how he functioned lately. Just going through the motions of everyday life while all the time, his mind seemed to be detached from his body.

Being detached like that usually ended him up in many surprising situations. Just the other time when he had been thinking about Sean as he was heading back to his room, he found that his feet had brought him all the way down the corridor towards Sean’s apartment.

Orli had waited outside, hands raised in mid-motion of knocking, while he listened to the moans that came from within. And he’d just stood there, facing the thin barrier of the door, listening to Sean calling out Karl’s name before walking back to his own room.

Once in the privacy of his room, Orli would go through the whole familiar process of crying and then picking up the phone to call Viggo. One thing would lead to another, and soon he would stumble out of Viggo’s room, semen dripping from his arse, feeling wretched and dirty. Dirty. Because he had allowed Viggo to do to him what he had previously allowed only Sean to do.

But no more. He’d made his decision, and had decided to choose Sean. He wanted no one but Sean, and Viggo would just have to understand that Orli had given his heart away and there was no chance of getting it back. And that was how he wanted it.

Clutching the tape in his hand, Orli took a deep calming breath before stepping outside into the corridor… and as luck would have it, he bumped into Sean who was making his way towards his own room.

Time stood still.

Orli would look back many years from now, to that moment in time when he looked into Sean’s eyes – and he would think about certain cynics who would brush off the concept of time freezing, saying that it was nothing but a gross exaggeration.

And Orli would tell them that they were wrong about that.

Because when Orli looked at Sean, the world seemed to be superficial, time unimportant and creeping by unnoticed. Because Orli could feel everything. And yet feel nothing. Feel happy and yet sad. Just feel all those emotions that Sean could evoke in that split second while his eyes locked into Sean’s.

“You’re awake,” Sean was saying, looking at Orli straight in the eye. Not shifting around, not looking away. Just staring – eyes roving slightly over Orlando’s pale features. Eyes that saw too much yet revealed too little. And with that thought in mind, Orli shivered with want and need.

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep,” he replied, looking away so that Sean couldn’t read the expression in his eyes.

Sean paused for a moment and Orli sneaked a peek at him, eyes taking in Sean’s tousled hair and rumpled clothes. Eyes taking in Sean’s fly that was zipped half-way. And Orli had to look away again, this time, to prevent Sean from noticing the suspicious moisture that had suddenly formed in his eyes.

“How are you, Orlando?” Sean said finally, stuffing his hands in his pockets, his shoulders bent with the weight of an invisible burden.

Orli shrugged, not trusting himself to speak for fear that he might tell the truth.

He bit his lips for a moment and then asked.

“How’s Karl?"

Sean winced a little at the name and this time, he was the one who looked away.

“He’s fine.”

Silence.

“Well, I guess I’d better go and do some last minute packing,” Sean murmured, looking at everything except Orli.

Orlando just looked at Sean trying not to look at him, and felt the familiar twinge in his heart. Sean turned and began to walk towards his room before Orlando’s soft voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Why can’t we talk anymore, Sean?”

And Sean closed his eyes, his back still turned towards Orlando.

“Because there’s nothing to talk about.”

Orli was silent for a long time, just watching the tension forming in the lines of Sean’s shoulders and back. Watching Sean’s back stiff and held unnaturally straight. And Orli moved slowly towards Sean, placing a tentative hand on a tense shoulder and felt a muscle twitch reflectively with that small touch.

“We used to be able to talk for hours, Sean. Remember?” he whispered, his breath lightly caressing Sean’s ear.

Sean jerked away, flustered, any form of expression rapidly smoothed away from his features.

“You’ll find a better person, Orlando. Someone who deserves you. Someone who can make you happy,” he muttered, taking a couple of steps backwards – away from Orli.

“I was happy with you,” came the answer, soft and sad. And with that Orlando walked away, head hung low, shoulders hunched against that damning pain that blossomed anew in this chest.

“Orlando,” Sean called out and with that Orlando paused and turned around, brown eyes locking into green. Sean paused for a moment, biting his lips indecisively.

“Stay away from Karl,” he said then, his voice tight with strain. Eyes bored into Orli’s, full of hidden meanings that he tried to convey without words. And Orlando gave a humourless laugh.

“I don’t intend to sleep with him, if that’s what you mean,” he said bitterly. But Sean shook his head, his eyes not looking away – just looking right into Orlando’s.

“That’s not what I meant,” he murmured before walking away quickly, head bowed so low that his chin was nearly touching his chest.

He did not look back.

Orli watched him for a long while, listening to the way Sean footsteps dragged along the carpet as he made his way towards his room. A deep sigh lingered in the air, lodging itself in the depths of Orli’s heart. And it was that little sound that he carried in his heart as he made his way down the familiar path to Viggo’s room.

**********

Viggo had been dreaming when he heard the faint knockings on the door. He rolled over in his bed, silently cursing because it had been a good dream and he hated to be interrupted in the midst of it. In his dream, he was with Orlando, doing all the kinds of sinful things that he ought not to do with someone who was supposedly in love with another man.

And Orlando had loved Sean. He truly did. Not matter what kind of a bastard Sean had proven himself to be, Viggo knew that Orli still loved him. And it was the very thing that pissed him off because although he tried to make the young man forget Sean, he knew that he would never be anything more than a cheap substitute for something that Orli could not have.

The knocking was persistent, and with a muttered expletive, Viggo accepted the fact that sleep had eluded him and made his way grudgingly towards the door.

He schooled his face into something less ferocious when he saw the young man standing before him, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he was saying, biting his lips, his eyes darting to and from Viggo’s face.

“It’s alright, Orli. What can I do for you?”

Orlando stared at the man who had been so kind to him and wondered for a moment if he had the right to disappoint Viggo by asking him for help. But he remembered the look on Sean’s face when he left the room with Karl – that split second in time when their eyes met – and Orli was reassured that there was no one he wanted more Sea Sean.

And with that, he pushed the tape into Viggo’s hand.

The older man looked down at the content in his palm, an eyebrow raised in question.

“What is this all about?” he asked, his voice gentle and soothing, its gentleness somehow making Orlando even more uncomfortable.

“Listen to it. You’ll find out,” he murmured, trying to inch away from the door, waiting to flee into the solitude of his room.

“Won’t you like to come in?”

*Won’t you like to come in, Orli? I can make it good for you.*

Orli hesitated but shook his head determinedly. Opened his mouth to say “no” but stopped when he saw the pained look upon Viggo’s face.

*Let me love you Orli. I can make you forget Sean.*

**I love you, Orli**

“I-…”

*Fuck me, Viggo. Make me forget*

**I love you, Orli**

“Orli?”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” he babbled almost incoherently.

Viggo looked grave, his hand clutching onto the tape tightly. Orli was breathing heavily, confessions upon the very tip of his tongue, but was afraid to tell Viggo what he really felt.

“It’s about Sean, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice taking on a bitter edge.

‘Isn’t it always?’ Orlando wanted to say but didn’t.

“I don’t want to forget him, Vig,” came the firm reply. The voice trembled ever so slightly, but it was decisive all the same. Orli had chosen. And he had chosen Sean. There was not a damn thing Viggo could do about it, and the older man knew that. His lips twitched in a semblance of a reluctant smile.

“Alright, Orli. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he said as he gestured towards the tape in his hand. “And I’ll take a listen.”

Orlando could do nothing, but nod his head gratefully and all but flee towards his apartment, all the while aware of Viggo’s eyes boring into his retreating back.

**********

Sean had never believed in instant attraction, let alone love at first sight. Any mention of that secret tingle in one’s spine as they locked eyes with one another for the first time or the fact that one’s breath hitched at the sight of the other’s smile was enough to make his toes laugh.

But… (and it was a huge but considering the fact that he never had a shred of romance in his soul)… but it was different with Orli. With Orli, he wanted to become whatever Orli wanted him to be. He wanted Orli to be happy, to feel loved and safe in his arms. And for one blissful moment, he thought he could give that to Orli – to love Orli as much as he knew Orli had loved him.

And then something happened. Karl happened. And everything changed. All that he had wanted to say… wanted to be… changed just like that… because of Karl.

Sean never knew how he got the receiving end of all this shit from Karl. Never knew what he did to deserve what Karl was doing to him. To them. To Sean and Orlando. And deep inside, Sean felt the beginning of heartache… a heartache that he was not supposed to have, because since his last divorce, he had told himself not to let himself feel ever again.

But Orli… Orli was different. And the pain of hurting Orli… even the mere thought of hurting Orli was enough to convince himself to let Orli go. Let him be happy. Let him be happy with Viggo because Viggo could take care of Orli better than Sean could. And Sean was willing to do that. To let Orli go so that he could be happy. Because Orli did not deserve someone like Sean. Someone who was so afraid and so lost. Orli needed something concrete to fall back on… not a basket case like Sean.

Sean cursed a little under his breath as he tried and failed to find his black sweater. Everything was cleared away and packed neatly into his suitcases. All but that one offending article. And it pissed him off because it was his favourite… more so because that was the very sweater he wore the first time Orli made love to him when he was drunk.

He sighed, frustrated and angered, flopping onto his bed… the very bed where he had first told Orli that he had loved him. It had been like that for some time now. Everything reminded him of Orli, calling out Orli’s love for Sean. And there was not a damn thing Sean could do about it.

His gaze fell unbidden upon the envelope on his dresser. Its content the very reason why Sean could not be with Orli. And once more, he felt that familiar resentment and despair simmering somewhere in the depths of his heart.

Sean gritted his teeth and against his will, he started to remember…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He had just returned from England after his divorce, and the burden that had lain heavily upon his shoulders was, incredibly, lifted. It was one thing to be sleeping around behind your wife’s back, and it’s quite another when the person you are sleeping with happened to be one of the same sex. All in all, Sean was glad that Abby hadn’t found out about the relationship he had with Orlando.

He was happy for a while after that. Two wonderful weeks of bliss. After confessing his feelings towards Orlando, he felt as if everything would go uphill from there. It seemed he had everything. He had Orlando, had an incredible career and even had a best friend to boot… a best friend he found in Viggo.

And then it came to him one morning before he woke up. It was lodged under his room door, exactly two weeks after the first time he made love to Orli. The envelope. And when he saw its contents, his blood ran cold.

Pictures. There were pictures of him. And Orlando. Making love. Christ.

His hands shook as he sifted through the pictures. There were many. Pictures of them in their most intimate moments… in different positions. And in the envelope, there was a letter written in what was unmistakably masculine hand writing.

‘Be in your room tonight. Alone.’

It was unsigned. And all the while, Sean felt panic gripping his very soul. Who took the pictures? What did they want from him? Or worse still… had they been circulated amongst the casts? Had they been circulated on the internet? Did the press know of these pictures?

Questions after questions throbbed in his feverish mind but there was nothing he could do. Nothing at all. All he could think of was that he was glad Orli had left early to be on the set.

He had been jumpy the entire day. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’tn hon hold a decent conversation. Afraid to touch and be touched by Orli for fear that someone somewhere was watching… taking pictures of every moment of their time together.

“Stop that, Orlando!” he snapped as the younger man pressed small kisses upon his neck. Orli recoiled, eyes wide with hurt but he said nothing. And in the far corner of the trailer where Viggo was, the man raised an eyebrow, but he too said nothing. Sean hadn’t bothered to apologize. He was too tightlund und with tension, ready to lash out at the slightest provocation. Orli had by then started to understand. He didn’t ask to sleep in Sean’s room that night or any other night after that. And Sean would never offer.

Sean had waited for two bloody hours, alone in his room as instructed. He was furious. And Orli hadn’t helped at all when he had fixed that damned hurt look upon Sean when he refused to sleep in Orli’s room that night. Every minute dragged into hours… an eternity even. He paced restlessly like a caged beast, occasionally raking his hand through his hair.

There was a short knock on the door before it opened.

Karl entered the room. And then, it happened… and everything changed that night.

Sean had reacted instinctively after the initial shock. His hands curled around the man’s neck and slammed him bodily against the wall.

“Give me one good reason… just one, you cunt… for not breaking every single bone in your body,” he snarled, banging Karl’s head against the solid wall with each word he emphasized.

Karl shoved back. Hard. And Sean felt his teeth clicked over his lips, drawing blood his as head connected with the floor. And then Karl was straddling him, his fingers choking Sean. Jesus. He couldn’t breathe. The edges of his vision dimmed a little before Karl eased the pressure, smirking as he listened to Sean gasping for breath.

“One reason?” Karawlrawled, watching Sean with something akin to amusement before leaning forward to drag his tongue across Sean’s bloodied lips. Sean spat into Karl’s mouth and then flinched when Karl gave him a vicious backhand across his face.

There was a short silence. Silence that was punctuated only by Sean’s laboured breathing.

“You know, your wife would have all the excuse in the world to want to gain sole custody of your girls after looking at those pictures,” Karl said, his gaze thoughtful.

“You son of a bitch! What the fuck do you want from me?” Sean snapped, trying, but not succeeding to throw Karl off his chest. Jesus Christ. What had he ever done to deserve this?

“Simple. I just want one night with you,” came the shocking reply. Sean lay still for a moment… stunned beyond words. And then…

“Fuck off! I don’t want to dirty my hands touching you,” Sean choked out.

Karl laughed, a full bodied, mocking laughter.

“I don’t think you are in the position to argue, love. It’s really simple. Let me fuck you and you wife won’t have to know about what you did with Elf boy.”

Karl pressed an obscene kiss upon his lips, ignoring Sean’s growled protest. He rolled off the prone body beneath him, stood up and reached out a hand to help Sean up. The older man slapped the hand away and struggled to stand, glaring at Karl warily as he straightened his clothes. Karl watched Sean with a smile upon his face. Just watching. Not saying a word.

“Get out,” Sean hissed, shoving Karl towards the door. “Don’t you ever fuck with me, Karl. Get the fuck out.”

Karl stepped out of Sean’s room. He made as if to walk away, but turned around, his hazel eyes looking right into Sean’s.

“You’ll give in to me, Sean. Mark my words. One day, you’ll say yes,” Karl said, smiling. And against Sean’s will, he felt the first stirring of unease as Karl’s smile didn’t reach his eyes.

After he slammed the door into Karl’s face, he slid down onto the floor – knees too weak to support his weight any longer.

Jesus…

A week passed without any other harassment from Karl. The younger man had only watched him from a distance, casting heated glance through half-lidded eyes… watching… wanting… and Sean would shudder in disgust, simultaneously glad of Orli’s comforting presence next to him and worried about Orli’s reaction towards Karl’s obvious perusal of him. But if Orli had noticed anything, he certainly had said nothing.

He had thought that Karl had forgotten about that indecent proposal. Nothing else happened for a while and the photos he had kept safe and hidden in the drawer of his dressing table. His insecurity had also been allayed because he no longer slept in his room, but in Orli’s… Although, he would leave in the middle of the night to go back to his room just in case Karl decided to mess around is ros room once more.

When he was sure that Karl wasn’t going to come, even though he could not bring himself to make love to Orli anymore, he would return to Orli’s room and find what peace of mind he could with Orli curled up next to him on the bed, his warm breath fluttering in Sean’s ear in a sweet caress.

But it didn’t last long and it took only one phone call to change his mind…

“Hey Molly, it’s nice talking to you, love. But I have to get back to work. Send my love to the others, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy… love you… oh, by the way, a nice man called last night. Are you a good friend of his?”

“Friend? Who called sweetie?”

“Someone named Karl. He said you didn’t like him very much, and you prefer someone named Orli compared to him.”

A pause.

“That’s not very nice, Daddy. He was a really nice man. He said that he will send some pictures over. You never send me any pictures. So you be nice to him, okay?”

“O-okay sweetie. Listen, I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Okay, Daddy, bye-bye!”

And with that, he’d gone straight to find Karl in his trailer, pushing open the door without so much as a knock. Karl was with Viggo, apparently deep in conversation. It was only because of Viggo, whom Sean respected and liked so much that he didn’t hurl much-deserved abuse in Karl’s direction.

“Karl. I want to talk to you. Now,” he said, his voice tight with anger and strain.

Karl gave him a slow smile and turned towards Viggo.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Viggo murmured and with a last quizzical glance at Sean, he left the trailer, closing the door tightly behind him.

Sean stood before Karl, chest heaving with every breath he took. It was tempting… so tempting to just throw caution to the wind and drive his fist into that smirking face. But he restrained himself… barely.

wan wanted my attention? You got it. Just stay the hell away from my girls. You hear me?” he said, his voice harsh, laced with bitterness and defeat.

Karl looked at Sean from beneath his lashes, his gaze hot and needy.

“Just give me one night, Sean. And I swear I’ll give you the negatives to the pictures.”

Sean strode towards the door and paused, his hand poised upon the door knob.

“Fine. Just one night. I’ll meet you in my room at one tonight. The door will be unlocked.” And with that, he had walked off, heart pounding painfully in his chest.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Christ but it killed him. Even now as he was lying in bed, all the memories flooding though his mind, it was killing him still. In his head, he saw clearly how he’d fucked Orli that night. Fucked Orli as if he would never touch him again… As if he couldn’t bear the thought of touching Orli ever again after what he was going to do with Karl. And Orli had just lain on the bed, eyes clenched shut as if trying to remember the tenderness that Sean used to shower upon him while Sean fucked him senseless.

Orli had gone straight to sleep, ski skin bearing the start of fresh bruises that Sean had unintentionally laid upon the unblemished, smooth skin. There was so much that he wanted to say to Orli. So much to tell. So much to confess. But this was his problem, and damned if he was going to drag Orli into this fucking mess.

Sean remembered leaning forward to brush a kison ton the sweaty brow and the words that slipped out from his lips before he knew that it was there.

“I love you, Orli. Always. Remember that.”

Orli hadn’t answered back, merely carried on sleeping, lashes resting lightly upon those lovely cheekbones. And Sean had walked out, locking the door behind him as he journeyed towards his room down the corridor.

Karl was waiting, lying upon Sean’s bed… no… Sean and Orli’s bed… his cock already pushing eagerly through the fly of his jeans. Sean had closed the door behind him, hands shaking and stomach churning.

“Take off your cloths, Sean,” Karl drawled from the bed and Sean had complied, unable to ignore the increasing rhythm of Karl’s breath, as Karl stroked himself and watched Sean stripping before him.

Before long, he was naked and feeling disgrace, sharp and painful disgrace with himself… disgrace at the extent of shame that he had to put himself through to salvage his reputation, his family and everything else worth sacrificing for – by demeaning himself in front of Karl.

Karl slung himself off the bed, feet hanging over the edge as he dragged Sean upon his lap. Sean stiffened as Karl’s large, calloused hand fell over his cock and start stroking life into his uninspired penis.

“I want to see you come, Sean. I want to see you come like you came when you fucked your boyfriend. Come for me,” Karl murmured over and over again, sucking greedily at the slender curve of Sean’s neck, his hand fisting Sean’s cock, working over it while Sean’s body responded reluctantly to Karl’s caresses.

Karl was relentless. His pace was designed to make Sean squirm and sweat in an effort to stifle his moans. Karl’s knowledgeable hands stroked Sean, pausing every now and again to tickle his balls, relishing the way the sacs tightened with inevitable hunger to seek release.

And Sean had tried. He really did. He tried hard not to give Karl the satisfaction of hearing him cry out. But he failed. Because when he came, his body shuddered with the force of the ejaculation.

His back arched, hips thrusting eagerly into Karl’s fist while Karl murmured dirty words in his ear. And he had lain in Karl’s arms after that. Spent and utterly disgusted.

And then Karl made Sean pleasure him. He unbuckled his jeans, pressing Sean almost gently to his knees and made Sean suckle upon his cock.

“Suck hard, Sean. Show me how badly you want those negatives,” Karl choked out and Sean had sucked hard. Moving his tongue and lips in ways that would give Karl the most pleasure. Karl groaned with every trust of his penis into Sean’s hot mouth and deep inside his heart, Sean died a little more.

When Karl came into his mouth, it was a relief for him. He had hope that Karl would let him go then. But Karl had other things in mind that night, and Sean died even more when Karl pushed him onto the bed and slid his cock into Sean’s ass. Sean died every time Karl pumped his hips into Sean, Karl’s cock brushing against Sean’s prostate. And Sean died when he heard himself give a reluctant moan when Karl’s belly rubbed against his cock.

It seemed to continue forever. But finally… finally Karl came, calling out Sean’s name and Sean came too… but only because friction felt good. That was all there was to it. Friction. The wonderful sensation of having a hard cock rubbing against your prostate. But deep inside… deep in that space in his chest where he called his heart… he felt empty. Used and abused.

Karl had rolled over and fallen asleep. Sean considered throwing him out of the room, but decided against it because Karl still hadn’t given him the very thing that he wanted most… the negatives.

Sean made his way back to Orli’s room after that. Felt the stickiness between his thighs and felt like throwing up. He had pushed the spare key into the lock, frowned when he realized that the door was unlocked, and panicked when he saw that Orli’s bed was empty.

He’d heard odd sniffles coming from the bathroom and immediately turned on the light… only to see Orli’s angry eyes glaring at him. Christ. His heart stopped then. Somehow he knew… somehow Orli knew that Sean had sullied their love by fucking Karl.

‘I had to do it Orli. I didn’t choose Karl over you, you understand. I chose my girls. I couldn’t help it. Please say you understand,’ he had thought. He’d wanted to say it then. Wanted to confess… until he saw the absolute loathing upon Orli’s face and felt the hard porcelain bathtub cracking against his skull.

And it hurt. Not because of the blow to his head, because that kind of pain is easily forgotten. But it hurt more to see the betrayed look upon Orli’s face. That confusion… love and hate warring over those features. And he knew then. He knew that he had to let Orli go.

“Stay,” he had said. “Don’t leave.”

Christ.

‘I want to Orli but I can’t. I’d love to stay…but my girls… my babies…please, you MUST understand.’

And so, Sean had left Orli that night. Just like that. And he didn’t even look back because he did not want Orli to see the pain in his eyes. Instead, he had gone back to his room, looked at Karl looking at him… and had allowed Karl to fuck him again. And it didn’t matter anymore, to be fucked by Karl. He didn’t feel anything. Because when you have nothing else to lose, nothing matters anymore. And nothing mattered after Sean walked out on Orli.

That had been months ago… but the pain still lingered, intensifying when he saw Orli getting closer to Viggo everyday. It heightened for a while into agony when he saw Orli leaving Viggo’s room one night. But that too subsided… and all that was left of his heart was gone, disappeared into nothingness as he clung onto the very edge of existence with the knowledge that his girls would be safe from Karl… because Karl had promised.

Karl stayed with him after that. And Sean with Karl. Because Karl decided that night, that he enjoyed fucking Sean so much that he would only hand over the negatives when Sean was ready to leave New Zealand for England permanently.

Sean hadn’t said anything. Did not give even a squeak of protest because it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters ever since he lost Orli. The deal was made. His deal with Karl. And it could not be unmade because too much damage had been done. To him and Orli.

But Jesus… Orli wasn’t making it easy for him. Orli called him every night and every day. Left tons of messages in his cell phone. Messages of Orli cursing him, begging him, crying and God…. even singing to him. What was he to do? Nothing! The choice was made. Karl made him choose between Orli and his girls. His family. And Sean had chosen his girls. It could not be undone.

And then Sean had found Orli in his room. With Karl. Jesus. What was he to do? The first thing that crosses his mind was the pictures. Jesus. If Orli ever found out about them… and about what Sean had done to stop people from finding out about those pictures… Sean couldn’t bear to think about it.

**‘You don’t love him, Sean! I know! I can see it!’**

Jesus. Sean had walked away again, all the time hearing the hurt and confusion in Orli’s voice. And it was worse when he looked back, forgetting that it was something that he must not do… and Orli saw it then… the look on his face and the expression in his eyes. The love he still held for Orli after all these months… displayed clearly for Orli to see. Sean saw hope upon Orli’s face and hated that look because Orli didn’t realize that there was no hope. None. And there never would be. Because Karl had efficiently put a sto hto hope… by blackmailing him with those pictures.

There was nothing he could do…

A knock on the door. Sean closed his eyes, hoping that it wasn’t Karl. He had given everything to Karl. Everything Karl wanted… but it was never enough because Karl had wanted something more every time they fucked.

Another knock on the door. Sean dragged himself out of bed… ready to plead with Karl to let him go.

More knocking. Soft but persistent.

Sean shuffled towards the door… strangely close to tears.

‘For fuck’s sake Karl. Just leave me this one night to think about Orli,’ he wanted to say, but kept silent.

Sean flung open the door and his heart just stopped in his chest… and then constricted painfully.

It was Orlando.

To be continued in part 2. Watch out for the exciting finale! That is.. after i get some reviews *smiles*