The Elf and Future King

Thanks to my beta Haleth
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JRR Tolkien owes everything except Amrun.


Chapter Nine
Fear of Rejection


Elrohir, Aragorn, and Legolas left taking Thengel with them. For a minute, neither Amrun nor Eomer said anything or looked at each other. Éomer turned around and began unpacking his horse angrily, taking the saddle and throwing it down, disgusted.

Finally, he turned on her and said, “If anyone had told me you were even capable of this six years ago, I would have never believed you could be so heartless and cruel. I thought I knew you, but the Amrun I knew would never have done this. Even when you broke my heart, I still loved everything about you.”

“I did not do it to be cruel nor to be heartless. When I left you, it was because I knew that we could never be together, just as Theodred and I could never be together. You were destined to be a king: I am just an elf. When I found out I was pregnant, you were already the King of Rohan. I did not know how you would feel about a half-elven child.” Amrun said, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear her.

“I have never treated elves poorly. Why would you think that?”

“No, you always treated me as if I were some magical mystical being that you read bedtime stories about.”

“Do you even hear the words that fall from your lips? I never cared if you were an elf. I wanted you and thought you wanted me as well. When you came to me that night, I felt like all of my prayers had been answered. Then you destroyed me with that letter. You talked about my destiny and my future, but I could have found a way to be with you as well. You never gave me the chance to prove that to you before you ran away. It seems to be what you are best at: running away from anything that you cannot control,” he replied, furious.

“You are so irrational right now. You will not even try to understand that I did this out of love for you, not cruelty.” Amrun turned and stomped back up the stairs. She headed for Elrohir’s house, where he had taken Thengel, so she could take her child home. Éomer caught up with her, grabbed her arms and forcefully turned her to face him.

“You have just proven my point. Once again, you ran away. Because you were fearful or I was not responding the way you wished. You no longer have a choice, I will be taking my son to Rohan. Your only decision is if you choose to accompany us, because he will be leaving with me.” Éomer spoke through clenched teeth, angrier than she had ever seen him.

Releasing his grip on her arms, he stormed off. Amrun bit back tears as she tried to calm her breathing. She went to Elrohir and reached for Thengel, who was hanging from his hands as he happily swung back and forth.

“I think you should wait until the heat of the moment has passed and talk to Éomer sensibly. I warned you this day would come. Éomer has every reason to be angry. You made this decision and acted with no thought for him, now you will have to face the consequences of your mistake.” Elrohir replied, irritated with her behavior.

Elrohir turned and walked away with Thengel followed by Aragorn and Gimli.

When Amrun sat down and began crying, Legolas sat beside her. Reaching out, he took her hand.

Amrun looked at Legolas and said, “What is it? Do you wish to tell me what a fool I am as well? Or perhaps you wish to tell me how selfish I have been.”

“I do not agree with what you have done, but I do not think you meant to do Éomer harm. I am sure you probably feel lost now and as if everyone is abandoning you. I thought you might perhaps need a friend.” Legolas said quietly.

Amrun nodded as she continued to cry. Legolas rubbed her back, eventually pulling her to him as she wept on his shoulder.

When she stopped sobbing, he said “Amrun?” When she looked at him, he asked, “Do you love him?”

Amrun looked at the ground for a long moment as she wiped the tears from her face. She nodded quietly.

Brushing her hair lightly out of her face, he said, “You misjudged him. Now you should reveal your love for him and ask if he can forgive you.”

“And if he cannot?” Amrun looked at him sadly.

“The past cannot be undone. But Thengel’s sake, there must be peace between you two.” Legolas leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Now, take some time and think. Seek him out when you are ready. Perhaps Éomer will be ready to resolve this as well.”

Amrun nodded and Legolas stood up pulling her with him. Smiling, he said, “Thengel will be watched after. Elrohir is taking very good care of him.”

Amrun went back to her cottage. She lay down for a little while, then got up and washed her face. Her thoughts were still confused. How would she face Éomer and explain why she never told him about Thengel? How could a Man understand how an elf felt in the world of Men. Not all were accepted as Legolas was. Legolas had fought at Helm’s Deep, Pelennor Fields, and the Black Gate side by side with Men and was friends with their kings. He would be easily accepted. She was not Legolas. Her son was a half-elven child. Would they ever accept him as the king’s son?

Amrun knew she must go speak to Éomer. Elrohir was right; she must face the consequences and make him understand that it was best for Thengel to remain with her in Rivendell. He was accepted here and likely would not be accepted in Rohan.

Washing and changing her clothes, she put on another dress. Last time she had worn this dress, Elladan said she looked like a vision. Pulling her hair back, she prepared to go look for Éomer.

She was scared to death: scared he would reject her or never forgive her. Or that he would take Thengel from her as he had threatened. At one time, she would never have thought that Éomer would really take him from her, but he was so angry. She was frightened that he would do something drastic without a thought to what was best for Thengel. In his rage, he might do anything. She was thankful Thengel was with Elrohir. She knew that he would not allow Éomer to take Thengel from Rivendell without her consent, no matter how angry Éomer was. She prayed it did not come to that.

Amrun looked down and checked her appearance. At one time, Éomer had found her irresistible. She hoped that was still true and he would remember the feelings of love more than the anger and betrayal. She sighed at her foolish thoughts. It would take more than a beautiful dress for him to forgive her.

Taking a deep breath, she left her cottage. When she found Éomer, he was sitting alone on the bridge, staring at the water beneath him. She could not move at first, she just watched him. His hair had fallen forward, making him look young and vulnerable rather than the powerful man he was. She walked to him quietly. He did not look up at her. She reached down and gently pulled his hair away from his face. The sadness in his face was heart wrenching and she wished she could take away his pain. Knowing that she had caused it was almost unbearable.

“Do not do that,” he said.

Amrun let his hair fall but stayed where she was. Finally, he stood up and faced her. They did not speak for a long time, only looked at each other. Taking his hand, she said in a shaky voice, “Please forgive me. You will never know how sorry I am. I thought I was doing the right thing, both for you and for Thengel. By the time I began to have doubts, it was too late. As Thengel grew older, I felt it would make things worse to tell you. I was frightened.”

“Of what?” Éomer asked softly.

“Frightened you would reject him.” Amrun said, looking down.

“You are lying.” Éomer said. Placing his fingers under her chin, he gently pulled her face up so she had to look at him. “That is not why you were frightened.”

Amrun sighed and said, “I was scared you would reject me as well. I assumed you had married by now. You had your duties as the king and I knew that I would never fit into your world. I was afraid the Rohirrim would not accept the king’s half elven child born out of wedlock.”

Éomer moved his hand from her chin to slide along her jaw. She was shaking as he stroked her face with his thumb. Softly he said, “I would have made my world to fit you and Thengel. You hide behind the excuse that I was king. You did not trust me enough to prove that none of that mattered. I would have given you everything and you could not give me one ounce of trust.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she said again, “I am sorry Éomer. I was wrong.”

“I want to be furious at you. I want to hate you for what you have done. I have lost my cousin and my uncle. My sister lives in Gondor with her husband.” Éomer’s voice caught in his throat and he looked away quickly. When he continued, his voice was strained. “Now I find that I had a family here in Rivendell; one I did not even know about.” Roughly, he wiped a tear away from his cheek. “The first time I looked in that boy’s eyes, I knew he was my son. But when I came to him, he spoke in a language I did not know. Legolas and Aragorn had to tell me what my own son was saying.”

Guilt washed over Amrun in painful waves as she said softly, “He speaks both Elvish and Common Tongue. He must have seen Legolas and thought he should speak Elvish.”

“He can speak to Legolas but not to me.” Éomer said looking away from her. “He does not even know who I am. I do not know what you have told him of me. He goes to Elrohir when he needs something. You say he is not raising my son as his own but Thengel thinks of him as his father. He goes to him to be his father.”

“Elrohir has been here for his whole life and I have not. He has been his father. I was not there when he was born. I never held him as a baby. I was not there when was learning to walk or speak. I have missed his whole life so far. I do not know anything about him nor does he know me. I have never been there to stop him from crying or to teach him anything.” Éomer began pacing.

“You know what the worst part of this is?” he said, looking at her.

Amrun shook her head sadly.

“I wanted all of this. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to have a child with you,” he said, frustrated, “And you took that away from me. You made the decision that I was not able to fulfill my duties to my country and to my family. You decided the throne meant more to me that you and my son. You never asked me what I wanted. You asked me to accept one night as if it were enough. How can it be possibly be enough when the memory of that night constantly haunts me? Every woman is compared to you. When they kiss me, I think of you and when they touch me, I yearn for you. You are the only woman I want and you do not want me.”

“That is not true. I love you,” she said, reaching for him. He moved away, his expression filled with so much hurt and anger that she pulled her hand back quickly.

“Amrun, you cannot say you love me after you have destroyed me. You have never uttered those words to me and I had prayed to hear them from you. You say them after you have shattered all hope for us. This is not something you can heal with a kiss. You cannot seduce me into forgiving you. You could not trust me, now I cannot trust you. Not with my heart. Never again.” Éomer turned and walked away as she watched him.

Stunned, Amrun stood for a moment, thoughts racing through her mind. She had to make this right, win back his love. She could not live without him. After a moment, Amrun hurried after him. Finally, she caught up to Éomer and grabbed his arm. He would not turn to look at her but he stopped. His back was stiff with anger.

“You are right. Everything you said is right. I was a fool and I have wronged both you and Thengel. I let fear make decisions that affected all of us without thought for the consequences. I should have told you about our son when he was born. Elrohir wanted to tell you at the coronation, but I made him swear he would not. Thengel is too young to ask about his father. He knows his father is a great warrior and an honorable man. I have told him that.” Amrun spoke so quickly that she ran out of breath.

Amrun stopped to catch her breath and struggled to think of the words to make him understand how much she loved him. Feeling desperate, she held back tears as she said, “Éomer, I know I am not worthy of it, but please forgive me. I have yearned for you and now my heart is breaking. The thought that I have caused you this much pain is like a sword through my heart.”

Éomer reluctantly let her pull him around, his body still tense. When he looked away from her, she put her trembling hand on his face and gently turned him to look at her. He gazed into her eyes intensely. She raised her other hand to his cheek and holding his face gently, she said, “I love you. I was a fool and I know that, but I love you. I have loved you since you kissed me in your chambers. I was ashamed to admit it but I loved you even though I had just lost Theodred. I did not come to you that night in the camp so you would not be alone. I came to you that night because I wanted to be with you. I was scared to admit how much I needed you. I was scared you would choose your duty over me, so I left you before you could leave me. For months, I cried myself to sleep every night because I missed you, because I wanted to be with you more than anything in the world. If you leave me now, I will die. Do not be a fool as I have been and walk away from me, from us. I know how wrong I was but do not let my mistakes destroy our happiness forever. Please.”

Éomer looked in her pleading eyes for a long time. Taking both her hands away from his face, he whispered,

“It is too late.”

Releasing her hands, he walked to the guest chambers as she fell to a bench and wept.


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