Paramour

Saelbeth could not stay away. He simply could not bear it.

Although Lord Elrond has assured the archer that his friend would
eventually return to a conscious state, the flaxen haired youngster had
to see things for himself.

Scaling the trellis with ease as he had often done, he hopped over the conycony’s curved railing, landing soundless upon the other side. Very
little light crept into darkness of Tinuvel’s chambers on that evening,
Elrond having drawn the draperies closed, stating that it was best for
the guise of night to keep matters to itself and allow Tinuvel his
rest. Saelbeth, however, disagreed, for it was darkness that had
tempted the fates of Tinuvel’s life. If anything, the archer thought it
counterproductive to the healer’s recovery, but he would not argue with
Lord Elrond. He was far wiser than that!

Keen night vision pierced the silent gloom of twilight’s embrace as
Saelbeth crept towards the bed that he had come to know quite well in
the past several months, taking care not to rouse the sleeping Elf
within its blanketed confines.

The fire within the hearth had long since burned to nothing more than
smoldering ash, and Saelbeth wondered if his friend was chilled. Before
he could summon the will to relight the fire by way of mental prowess
alone, he had slipped between the sheets and taken Tinuvel into his
arms, holding him close as a parent would a precious Elfling.

The healer responded only with a groan, but did not awaken fully.
Saelbeth could feel that his friend was less that coherent, but he cared
not, for Tinuvel’s fevered warmth triggered an oddly protective instinct
within the young archer and he held the healer closer, drawing the
coverlet over their bodies to lock in the heat.

“Sael. . .” Tinuvel murmured hoarsely, bur his his face in the soft
confines of the flaxen mane beside him.

The healer was not actually aware of his presence. Saelbeth somehow
knew this, but it mattered little, for if the Elf needed him in dreams
or in waking, he would be at his side.

“I am here, Tinuvel,” Saelbeth reassured him, stroking the healer’s dark
hair with gentle fingers.

“Dartha. . .” Tinuvel rasped pleadingly.

“Aye. I will stay,” Saelbeth said, “as long as you have need of me, I
will remain.”

A delirious smile parted the healer’s cracked lips as he snuggled
closer, nestling himself against the lithe archer with a contented sigh
which suddenly hitched into a strained fit of rattling coughs that shook
not only himself but Saelbeth as well. For a moment, Saelbeth
considered waking Lord Elrond once more, for he hated hearing his friend
suffer so greatly, but there was little that could be done. It was best
to allow things to run their course unimpeded.

Gently, Saelbeth rubbed the healer’s back until the spasmodic cough had
eased.

“Sael. . .?” Tinuvel murmured once more, his voice little more than a
scraping whisper as he clutched at the woolen gray of the archer’s tunic
in an almost fearful manner.

“I am here, merilin. . .” Saelbeth said, hand passing through the thick
tresses comfortingly. “I would never leave you. . .”

The Elf within his arms lapsed back into a dreamless, fevered slumber,
the fisted fingers still curled tightly around the coarse fabric of
Saelbeth’s clothing. But Saelbeth would not rest. His eyes remained
fixed upon the pale visage of Tinuvel, unwavering as the healer slept
within his embrace.

Slowly the shadows that twisted and writhed about him began to take
shape and Tinuvel moaned at their insistent annoyance. Fingers as thin
and cold as mid-winter branches swatted at the suffocating blackness
that threatened to crawl up and choke him. tangling within its inky heat
as the healer struggled to surface from unconsciousness

The foggy haze of fever still clung to his oversensitive skin and
Tinuvel winced as his body jerked into awakening. The harsh sting of
reality scraped on his nerves leaving him raw and unsettled and
squeezing his dry eyes shut tight, the healer wished himself anywhere
but here.

As the healer’s world began to come into focus, the shadows paled to
reveal the soft play of sunlight upon whitewashed walls, its filtered
luminescence painting swatches of golden warmth within the cool room

As the Elf's world began to come into focus, the shadows paled to
reveal the soft play of sunlight upon whitewashed walls, its filtered
luminescence painting swatches of golden warmth within the cool room.
Voices carried to his ears from nd hnd his confinement, the low sounds
of laughter and conversation jumbling together to create a confusing
number of thoughts to run through his still incapacitated mind.

Beneath the oppressive weight of wrapped bedding, Tinuvel reflexively
shifted his legs, his once responsive muscles sluggish and slow to
comply. His whole body felt weighted and painfully tired and as he
turned his head better access his location, a wave of nauseous vertigo
warped his vision and sent the room spinning around him in a flash of
light and color.

Tinuvel moaned and rolled onto his side, his hands coming up to press
against the dull throb that had started behind his eyes and was quickly
escalating into al pol pound. Bits and pieces of images flashed against
his closed vision, teasing him with answers that seemed just beyond his
reach.

The effort of sorting out the pictures proved more exhausting than they
were worth and Tinuvel squeezed his eyes tighter against the unwanted
onslaught. Feelings of dread and despair began to well up in his throat
and the healer caught himself mid gasp as tears began to roll unbidden
down his flushed cheeks.

Both his mind and body seemed out of his control and soon the sobs
escalated into shaking shudders racking his weak body with their
intensity and loosing a violent fit of coughing that shook him to his
core and left him gasping for breath.

* * * *

From his tangled position in the chair, Saelbeth awoke with a start.
Having been unable to sleep soundly in his own chambers, he had instead
chosen one of the chairs in the study nearest to Tinuvel’s room. While
he had wanted very much to sleep beside his friend, Elrond had urged him
away once more, stating that Tinuvel needed as little disturbance as
possible.

Although Saelbeth hardly felt that his presence would disturb the
healer, he had obeyed without question. Now, the unnerving hack of
Tinuvel’s rattling cough had awakened him once more. Running his
fingers through his slightly disheveled flaxen hair, he rose to his feet
and climbed the stairs leading to his lover’s chambers.

Pausing at the entrance, he listened for a moment as Tinuvel’s cough
lessened to a somewhat less threatening sound, but this was not the only
noise that had roused. Th. There had been something more. . .

Gently easing the door open, he peered inside, fully expecting to find
the healer still in a semi-conscious state and was most surprised to
find him otherwise.

“Tinuvel!” the archer exclaimed, dashing to the bedside before he could
stop himself and engulfing his friend in a fierce yet careful hug. “By
the Valar, I feared you may never awaken!”

Try as he might, Saelbeth could not resist kissing the fevered cheek,
w was was damp with. . . was that perspiration? Or something else. . .?

Tinuvel’s body immediately protested the sudden movement and
instinctively he tensed within the archers embrace. An uncomfortable
heat emanated from Saelbeth, and the healer pulled away from its source
placing a protective hand between himself and the attentions of his
concerned lover. The archers lips trailed fire along his jaw and his
eyes held a spark that burned him painfully. Unable to stop himself, the
healer curled into a ball and rolled out Saelbeth’s embrace to bury
himself in the cool of his pillow. Safe within the darkness, away from
the visions and the luminous blue eyes.

" Leave me be Saelbeth...., ' muffled the healer from with in the depths
of his pillow. Another bout of coughing , brought on by his emotional
imbalance, wracked the healers trembling body and he pulled his knees to
his chest in support. " Please......."

Saelbeth jerked his hand away in surprise, confusion registering within
his gaze.

“Leave you. . .?” he echoed. “How can you ask me to leave you? I. .
.I cannot. . .”

Sitting upon the edge of the bed, he rubbed Tinuvel’s back gently until
the wracking cough subsided somewhat.

“You are tired, meleth,” Saelbeth said. “I understand this, but do not
reject my hand simply because you are unwell. I only wish to help you.”

Tinuvel tried toe awe away from the archers touch, but his body would
not yet respond according to his desires. All he wanted was to return
to the darkness, to go back to the blissful numbness that had cradled
him earlier. This reality was far to painful to endure.

Saelbeth’s soothing words grated upon his ears. If the Elf truly wished
to help him, he would let him be. If he would not take the hint then
perhaps a harder shove would be necessary.
Rolling onto his back, his hair sticking in dark slashes to his damp
cheeks, Tinuvel focused his listless gaze upon the soulful blue of his
lovers eyes.

"Why did you bring me back Saelbeth? Why could you not just let me pay
for my incompetence.....instead I must bear it a thousand times more.
Please..if you want to help me....let me go." Tinuvel brought his fists
to tangle in his hair , pulling at the ebon mane as if to rip it from
its roots. More pieces of the puzzle continued to fall into place as
Tinuvel agonized upon the bed, the haunting face a small girl hovering
in the forefront of his mind.

Saelbetghedghed but did not withdraw his hand. “Meleth,” he said
gently. “There is naught that could have been done for her. You did
all that you could to the very best of your ability. Do not blame
yourself.”

His friend did not know what he was saying. Of that, he was convinced.

Grasping the hands that sought to tear at the healer’s scalp, Saelbeth
pried the gripping fingers away carefully. “Stop it, Tinuvel. This
will not make things better for you,” Saelbeth said a bit more sternly
than he intended.

Tinuvel pulled his hands away from Saelbeth’s warming grasp and grabbed
the archers face with in his cold embrace. forcing the Elf to look
within his dulled eyes.

" Saelbeth....I cannot bear you near me, your touch soothes me not and
your words fall upon deadened ears.. I cannot bear your concern and
neither do I deserve it. Leave now......for I hold no future for
you..... I am numb. I feel nothing but the icy chill of death running
through my body."

Tinuvel let his hands slip to fall limp upon his chest and turned his
head away from Saelbeth, gazing only at the starkness of the wall.

" Leave me....Or I shall have you removed.."

Deep within his frozen heart Tinuvel wept , for he knew that his words
were like poison to his lover, but he could not surface enough to stop
them falling from his lips.

The blue of Saelbeth’s eyes narrowed into glittering slits. “There will
be no need,” he said. “I shall leave on my own, but know that I shall
be back. And next time, you shall not rid yourself of me so easily.”

Despite the harshness of his lover’s words, Saelbeth leaned to place a
kiss upon his forehead, smoothing the dark hair away before taking his
leave, an odd mixture of hurt and pity playing through his mind.

However, he did not want to agitate the healer, for his condition was
still fragile, his mind not yet clear. Surely that was the reason for
his behavior. . .his harshness.

Closing the heavy oak door behind himself, Saelbeth leaned against the
wall for a moment, attempting to clear the thoughts that now raced
within his head.

Tinuvel could not bring elf elf to look at Saelbeth for he feared the
pain that he would see reflected back . His words had been harsh and
meant to hurt his lover as much as he himself suffered, but the archer
did not seem to rise to his bait, simply caressing his face and leaving
him in peace as he had asked. It seemed no matter in what he tried to
accomplish lately, he failed.

The healer rolled himself tightly into a ball, burying himself beneath
the layers of blankets that tangled around him. His head had begun to
spin and the unease in his belly left him clammy and clawed at his
innards like a knife, forcing him to rock against the discomfort.
Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to will himself to slip back into the
black of unconsciousness, for only there did the pain stop. Anguished
moments passed before hot tears began to soak his pillowed sanctuary as
he realized with a strangled sob...he had failed at this too.

* * * * * *