Feel so different

Title; Feel so different (9/?)
Author; Az (ElladanadoresElrohir@gmx.net)
Parings; Legolas/Elrohir (Glorfindel/Elladan Haldir/Erestor implied)
Warnings; MPREG, AU, Angst if you’re squeaky.
Rating; R
Summary; after Legolas’ child is born, he finds that there are still loose ends that needs to be fixed.
Disclaimer; don’t own them, don't sue me
Authors note; this is the sequel to Underneath it all, I want to thank all of you who gave me such sweet fb when I really, really needed it. And I want FB as always (I live for ou kou know :P )
- Please visit my homepage http://www.nad-no-ennas.net
This is betaed by Lisbet Karlsdottir – thanks sweetie.

-Az


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Restore my broken dreams
Shattered like a falling glass
I'm not ready to be broken just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget

Be still my beating heart
You must learn to stand your ground
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so

Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

Never to be wrong
Never to make promises that break
It's like singing in the wind
Or writing on the surface of a lake
And I wriggle like a fish caught on dry land
And I struggle to avoid any help at hand

Sting – Be still my beating t
t

Chapter 9 – At night a candle’s brighter than the sun.

Glorfindel left the training halls, clearly upset. It had taken a lot out of him to say what he had to Elladan. He rushed to his chambers. He wondered if he could tell Elrond at all or if he should just run. He should tell his old friend, but he was sure Elrond would try and either make him stay or pry it out of him why he wanted to leave, and to tell Elrond he was his son’s unwanted lover was not on his favourite things to do list. He sighed and was just relieved he had reached his chambers without being distur He He quickly stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. There he saw something he had not counted on. “Chief advisor Erestor!”

Erestor turned in his chair. “No need for the formalities.”

“Oh,” Glorfindel said and slumped down in a chair. He was in no mood for the cunning advisor that would without doubt gloat at his misery. “Then pray tell, what brings you to my chambers?”

“You did,” Erestor said calmly and slowly pried off his black leather gloves.

Glorfindel looked absolutely puzzled. Never in his life had he summoned the dark haired advisor or needed his counsel. “When?” he said and sat down.

Erestor laughed a strange soft laughter. “You didn’t summon me, and I just happen to have ears and eyes everywhere, dear Glorfindel. I know what you are thinking of doing.”

Glorfindel looked up at the raven-haired advisor. “And you came to stop me?” he asked with a hint of defiance to his voice.

“No I didn’t, I came here to offer my support,” Erestor said. When Glorfindel still looked suspicious he smiled and continued, “I know it's a hard time for you, but leaving for Valinor might be a bit too rash, don’t you think? – I mean you are a grown elf after all.”

The elda looked up at the other advisor in complete amazement. “I will travel as I see fit, Erestor. I do not need your council.” Glorfindel crossed his arms over his chest.

Erestor leaned over and looked directly at Glorfindel. “Are you telling me you really want to give up living in middle earth because of some brat?”

The golden elf frowned. “He is not a brat!”

“Oh alright, what do you call his behaviour then?” Erestor said with a smirk.

“Confused,” Glorfindel said with a victorious smile, but frowned once more as soon as the words left his lips. Why was he defending Elladan? And upon seeing the devious smirk on Erestor face, this had been his plan all along. “Enough of this,” Glorfindel said and stood up.

Erestor stood up as well and laid a hand on Glorfindel’s shoulder. “I am always here, should you get too lonely,” he said with a genuine smile.

Glorfindel smiled back. “Thank you,” he said and clapped Erestor’s hand on his shoulder affectionately. “Will you inform Elrond, and take him a parcel from me?”

“That is the least I can do, my friend,” Erestor said.

“Then I will leave the parcel at your desk before I depart,” the elda said in a sad voice.

Erestor nodded and opened the door to the corridor. “You will be missed.”

“Perhaps so,” Glorfindel said and looked at his feet. “You will all soon find someone to take over my tasks,” he said.

Erestor shook his head but stayed silent as he left Glorfindel’s chambers.

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Haldir and Orophin met up in the stables, but had no need to exchange words between them; in silence they prepared the horses, each with their minds full of their own thoughts. When they had finished and were about to lead the horses out to the courtyard, Orophin suddenly grabbed Haldir’s shoulder. “We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?” he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Haldir nodded and caressed his brother's cheek gently. “Yes my dear brother, we are doing the right thing, the only right thing we can do,” he said and smiled reassuringly.

Orophin seemed to be relaxed by his brother’s comfort, and smiled back.

Once on the courtyard they stopped as they saw Elrohir sitting on the stairs to the main house. Haldir handed his horse's reins to Orophin and walked over to the prince. “My prince,” he said and smiled.

“Haldir,” Elrohir said and stood up. “Legolas will join us shortly” he added, and sighed. “He is having a hard time with this, departing from Amcar.”

“I understand,” Haldir said and sighed as well. “I would too, and I did not carry him in my body.”

An awkward silence spread between them, and they stood there, until Haldir suddenly spotted Legolas walking toward them with Amcar in his arms, and Elrond at his side carrying a knapsack.

Elrohir turned and watched his father and lover walk outside toward him and Haldir. “Legolas,” he said and reached to caress the blond's arm, but Legolas twitched away and glared angrily at Elrohir, as if he blamed his husband for this.

“You don’t have to, Legolas,” Haldir said softly and took the knapsack that Elrond handed him.

“No, Elrohir is right. It is the right thing to do,” Legolas said with a thick voice, and blinked furiously as he felt new tears form under his lashes. He kissed his son on the forehead and handed him to Haldir, who gently took the child and cradled him with one arm against his chest. “Please promise me he will be unharmed,” Legolas whispered and bit his lip as the fist tears began to fall. He had promised himself that he would not cry. But that seemed like a promise he couldn’t keep.

Amcar stirred, seeing his parent cry, and started to whine himself. Legolas let out a strained groan and leaned against Elrond for support. “You should leave now,” Elrohir said and looked worriedly at his husband, suddenly not so sure this had been the right decision.

Elrond nodded in agreement. “Farewell Haldir; the parcel for the Lady is in the knapsack, along with Amcar’s belongings.”

Legolas buried his face in Elrond's robe, afraid to watch his son move out of his sight along with Haldir. He was not sure he would be able to let them go if he looked up. At the same time he wished he had had a proper goodbye with his son, but seeing him upset clearly upset Amcar too, and the last thing on earth he wanted was to upset his son. He felt like a part of his heart was chewed into pieces, and would only be healed once he had Amcar resting peacefully in his arms again.

Haldir shared Legolas' grief, and hurriedly walked off with Amcar before the scene got too painful. He had not imagined it would be like this, but what had he imagined? That Legolas would kiss his cheek and happily see him and their son off? He had not expected this guilt that he felt right now, that he had inflicted this grief on Legolas, hating to see his child’s other parent in tears like that.

He returned to his horse and gently mounted it, wrapping Amcar in his cloak. Orophin picked up tnapsnapsack on the ground and looked puzzled. “What about Rumil? Don't we have to wait for him?”

“We can't,” Haldir said and looked towards the trio on the stairs. “We will leave now,” he said with a strained voice and looked back at his brother.

“But…” Orophin said, but upon seeing the sadness in his brother’s eyes, and hearing the pained sobs from Legolas on the other side of the courtyard, he had to agree with his brother. “Yes, we have to ride now,” he said. “Rumil will understand.”


Haldir smiled at his brother. He was glad Orophin saw it his way, and that they could leave this place in a hurry.

Legolas heard the horses move on the stone, then swiftly ride towards the bridge leading out of Rivendell, and it was not until he could no longer hear the horses at all that he dared to look up, seeing Elrond a bit teary eyed as well. He smile Leg Legolas, squeezing the little blond closer.

Legolas felt as Elrohir took over where Elrond had held, and guided Legolas’ steps towards their rooms. “You did well,” Elrohir whispered and kissed Legolas’ hair.

“No, I had promised I wouldn’t cry,” Legolas sniffed and rested his head against Elrohir’s shoulder.

“You were brave, my love,” Elrohir said softly.

But Legolas did not feel brave; he felt sad, little and lost.

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-tbc-