In Her Words

Disclaimer: I do not own them, I merely play with them
Title: In Her Words.
Author: Jade (aka Aragornsfavorite)
Email: elvenjade2@gmail.com Rating: mostly R with some NC-17 moments
Warning: AU. Mild sex, Slash Implied
Chapters: Unknown
Feedback: Yes, please
Summary: Glorfindel finds his daughter diary after she has sailed west and reads it to the others.

~ ~ ~


Leaning against the doorway, Glorfindel watched as the younger elf slept. To those who did not know him he would appear to be sleeping peaceful. Glorfindel knew that Elladan’s rest was anything but peaceful. In the few days he had been confined to his bed, Glorfindel had been to see him more then once. Only a few times had he been awake. Elrohir was always at his side, looking almost as exhausted as his twin.
“ He sleeps longer each time” Elrohir said, without even looking towards Glorfindel “ and stays awake less”
Glorfindel pushed away from the door and stepped into the twin’s room. Walking over he placed a hand on Elrohir’s shoulder in support.
“He needs to face his demons before he can heal” Glorfindel commented
“ If he does not fade first” Elrohir had replied
Glorfindel had no reply for that, he to new the risk of Elladan fading before he hand the chance to deal with what had happened to Anira and what he had lost because if it.
“Do not give up yet.” Glorfindel replied to Elrohir but it had also been meant for Elladan, “when he awakes make sure he gets this” He handed Anira’s journal to Elrohir.” Tell him to read as much as he wants.”
Glorfindel saw Elrohir nod in reply then had quietly slipped out of the room. As he passed Erestor’s office he took a glance and saw the advisor looking over some books. A sight he came to expect. Shaking his head he left and headed back to his own room.

“What is this?” Elladan asked weakly as Elrohir had placed the journal in his hands once he was awake
“Glorfindel said you should read it” The younger twin had replied.” I will go get us both something to eat.” Without waiting for a reply he left the room, leaving his twin alone with just the journal.
Letting out a deep sigh, Elladan was not so sure he wished to read her words or see her writing. Even as he debated with himself for reasons why he should not, he still opened the book. His fingers trailing over the page slowly as he saw her writing. After a few minutes he finally allowed himself to read.

~ ~ ~
I am not even sure how the news spread as quickly as it had. It feels as if the minute I had said yes to Elladan that everything got started. It had now been four days since he has even asked me and I am just now getting a few moments to myself and can take a few deep breaths. I have seen Elladan no more then three times since that morning. I know most of this needs to be done but I would like a few minutes with Elladan, to have him to myself for a while. A few minute to just sit quietly on his balcony and feel the soft breeze as I feel his arms around me. Surely this is not too much to ask. It just feels that it has been a lifetime since we have shared a moment alone together.

I have a feeling Elladan is feeling the same way, I have once again been receiving my white roses with a tray of food to my door every morning. Elladan used to do this when we had first begun our relationship. Every morning I keep hoping it is him who brings these things, so far I am still waiting. It is early still and I wait for Arwen to arrive. She is taking me to see the seamstress, something I look forward to yet am nervous about at that same time. I have not yet made up my mind as to what dress I would like to where. The ceremony is still in a year’s time, I do think this give me a little bit more time to make up my mind.

~ ~ ~

Elladan sighed when he closed the journal. He wished now that he could have a way to have a morning tray brought to her, a single white rose along with it. He turned his head and stared out the window. He wondered now what she was doing, if she was safe and if she now felt safe. These were questions he knew could not be answered, not unless he himself were to join her,. Sail west into the Gray Havens . It was a decision he felt he would need to make soon. He had told no one of this idea not even Elrohir for he was sure his twin would make the journey with him and he felt Elrohir was not yet ready to leave. Should he decide to go, he would go alone,

“You forget I hear your thoughts” Elrohir stood next to Elladan’s bed and watched him. “ No one would blame you should you chose to join Anira but do not think that it is a decision you must make alone” he added.
“ I am not ready to make this decision” He replied quietly, still looking out the window
“ I know.” Elrohir replied.” There is only a perhaps only a few entries left in her journal. Read them or listen to Glorfindel read them and when it is finished we will both make the decision”
Elladan finally turned to face his twin.” I would not ask you to follow”
Tilting his head just a bit, Elrohir offered his twin a small smile” you do not have to ask. Should you leave I will be missing half of me. Should you go, I will willingly go with you.”
The two merely shared a look before Elrohir motioned towards the tray of food. “Eat while you read more. I will be back shortly.”
Watching his brother leave again, Elladan looked over at the food and reached for a small piece of toast. Taking only a few small bite before opening the journal once more.


~ ~~

It has been more then three weeks now that I have had any time alone with Elladan. We see each other every day but never more then a few minutes each time. I miss him and I know he misses me. He tells me but more then that I can see it in his eyes when I do see him. They have been a few morning when I wake up to find a white rose resting against the pillow next to me, I know it is Elladan that has placed it there I only wish he would wake me up when he visits, perhaps then we could have some time alone. Even if it just to fall back to sleep in his arms, I would just love to have him close to me again.

Elrohir does visit often usually with a message from Elladan. He gave me an innocent look once and said I could just pretend he was Elladan. It had made me laugh. I learned long ago that the twins were identical in looks but were still two very different people. Though perhaps in some ways I do love Elrohir but not in the same way that I love Elladan. No one could take his place in my life nor would I want anyone to take my place in his.

I really do hope once things settle down that we will have more time to spend with each other. It is hard to see him sometimes and know that it will only be for a few minutes before one of us is whisked away for some reason or another. I do not wish to sound selfish but I want some time alone with Elladan. After I finish writing this entry I am, considering leaving him a note to let him know I miss him and I wish to see him. Perhaps I will have Elrohir just give it o him so I am sure he will receive it.

~ ~ ~

Elladan looked up when he heard someone enter the room, expecting it o be Elrohir. He gave a small smile as his mother moved into the room and to the side of the bed he was in.
“ Elrohir had told me you wish to go to Anira.” She stated softly “ I am not here to try and convince you to stay, Elladan, I merely wish to make sure that this is what you truly want” She finished as she took his hand in her
“It is” he nodded, speaking quietly at first.” If I stay here.”
Celebrian nodded in understanding. She knew as all the others did. If Elladan stayed he would fade and none of them wanted that. It would be easy to see him leave for the Grey Havens then it would be to see him fade.
“ Then I have only one request before you do leave” She told him, continuing as she saw him raise an eyebrow just slightly.” Speak with Glorfindel about this. He has felt the loss as much as you have when Anira left.”
Elladan lowered his head briefly, not quite understanding yet.
“ I lost my wife and my child” he replied, sounding more harsh then he had intended.
“ And he has lost his daughter and grandchild” Celebrian pointed out.” Yours and Anira’s child is as much from his bloodline as it would have been from ours.” She added. Knowing she had gotten her point across, she leaned over and kissed his forehead softly. “Speak with Glorfindel” she whispered before she turned and left the room.

With a sigh, Elladan went back to reading the journal, wanting to forget anything and everything else and just lose himself in Anira’s words. The more he read them more he could here her voice in his mind and the closer he felt to her once more.

~ ~ ~

Elrohir had come by last night and I managed to convince him to bring the note to Elladan for me. He was gone for a long while and I had began to wonder if the younger twin had even delivered the message for me. I do not know at what point I had fallen asleep but it had been the feel of Elladan’s arms around me that woke me up, along with his soft kisses along the back of my neck. I almost had not wanted to open my eyes in fear that his being there would be nothing but a dream. It was when I heard him whisper my name that I knew I was not dreaming. It felt so good to be in his arms again and even better for him to be the first thing I see when I opened my eyes. I loved seeing him in my bed again wearing only his leggings. It was too much of a temptation to resist, I had to reach over and run my hand across his chest slowly. Judging by the soft moan I heard I am sure he had enjoyed it just as much. It was easy to lose myself in his soft kisses and his even softer touches as his hands moved over me slowly, making me realize just how much I had missed and craved his touch.

I loved the feel of the shiver that had moved through me as he had kissed my neck, taking his time to remove my gown as well as his own clothing. Had it been my choice I would have ripped his off. The small wicked smile he gave me let me know that he knew I wanted him and he planned to take his time. There was no doubt he wanted me just as much, I could feel his desire pressing against me as he took his time exploring every inch of my body. His fingers moving slowly over my skin, followed by the soft feel of his lips. Elladan had always been a quick learner and he had been quick to learn the best ways to please me. Using these ways each time we were together yet somehow making it feel as if it were the first time.

When he finally did fill me, anyone who may have walked by would have heard me. I could not help but cry his name out in pleasure. It felt better then ever to have him fill me so perfectly. The instant he began to move I cried out again, all I could do was run my hands slowly though is hair, over his skin slowly. Moving with him I could only hope I was able to bring him as much pleasure as he was bringing me. It was when I heard him plead with me to reach my limits with him that I could no longer hold back. It was his next thrust t hat had brought us both over the edge together,

I remember falling asleep in his arms later during the night and it was a nice surprise to see him still in my bed the next morning. I had been sure our time together was over when we heard the knock at the door. It was Elladan who answered and told whoever was there that we did not wish to be disturbed for one full day. He locked the door once he had closed it and for the rest of that day and well into that following nigh, we stayed in bed, Just the chance to be alone with him like that again was more then I had hoped for when I had sent the message but I would not change a single moment. For that entire day, Elladan was mine again, as I was his.

~ ~ ~

Elladan wiped his eyes as he had closed the journal. He remembered that day well and it was still one of his favorite memories with her. Taking a deep breath, he looked towards the window as he came to a decision. He would go to her, whether alone or with his twin. What mattered most to him now was going to his wife, something he now realized he should have down the moment she chose to leave. Part of him wanted to back then but he hesitated when he should have supported her choice and made the journey with her. He would do what it takes now to make that right. He would keep his promise to Elrohir. He would stay until Glorfindel finished reading Anira’s journal and once he did, Elladan would then leave.
Laying back down, Elladan kept the journal against him, close to his heart with his hand over it protectively. Closing his eyes, he could feel himself finally drifting to sleep Dreams of his time with Anira began almost as soon as he had closed his eyes,


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TBC.