Dearly Beloved

viii. The Break-Up

As soon as both boys were inside Dominic pressed Billy vehemently and passionately against the closed door and started caressing Billy’s skin with his tongue and lips, kissing him eventually hard on the mouth. Billy complained silently, whimpered and pushed his lover away.

“Dom…wait…”, he panted. “What if yer mother comes home?”

Dominic shook his head a little in response. “She won’t be here until eight. And, anyway…” He looked into Billy’s eyes, his own ones glittered like two diamonds. “…I won’t need that long.”

He licked his lips slowly and hungry, then stilled his desire by claiming Billy’s mouth again. His hands were everywhere, ran up and down Billy’s spine, and then they slipped under the shirt, feeling the naked skin there. He dug his fingers into Billy, nails scratching him deeply and strongly; Dom was almost exploding with excitement. He wanted Billy right now, needed him so bad. He wanted to drown his problems, his anger, his fear in Billy’s caring and tender embrace.

“Dominic…don’t…”

Dom thought he hadn’t heard properly. Billy was turning him down. Now, when he himself needed his presence the most. But he swore to himself at this very moment that he wouldn’t give up that easy, and so he kissed his way down Billy’s neck, nibbling and biting it gently.

“What, you don’t like it? Don’t like my tongue on you?”, he asked, voice hoarse and deep.

“No, it’s just…Please, Dommie, stop…”

“No.”, was the serious meant answer. “I won’t.”

And with that he lifted Billy into his arms and carried him upstairs.

“Dominic! What are ye doing?”, Billy shouted, terrified, fear vibrating in his voice.

“Carrying you.”

“Yeah, Ah’ve noticed that! But why?”

“Cause I’ve never done this before.” He entered his room. “Might get used to it, feels good to see you helpless like this.” Smirk.

He went over to his bed and threw Billy on it, neither rude but nor very gentle. He felt it; something in him was raging, storming, he was infuriated. Now, yeah, he would let it out right now. Here on his bed. With Billy. The one he loved. The one for whom he cared the most.

“Dominic, please tell meh. Ah know something’s not right. Just, tell meh what happened?”

“Shsh… Don’t speak. Just do what I’ll tell you.”

Dominic sat down in the edge of his bed and put his hands on Billy’s thighs, stroked them, and then he slowly began pulling up the shirt, which still covered Billy’s slightly tanned skin. His head went down, his lips brushing over Billy’s abdomen.

“Lie still.”, ordered Dom.

He wanted to enjoy this, every single second of it, every moment needed to be captured in his memory. A thumb was massaging one of Billy’s nipples while the other one was being occupied by Dom’s mouth. Dominic felt his erection getting really painful in those tight jeans now. He could not put it off any longer.

“Turn around.” His voice sounded almost hysterical.

Billy’s eyes widened in shock. He did not move.

“I said turn around.”

Dom didn’t wait for a reaction to his order. He grabbed Billy’s arm and forced him to lie on his stomach.

“Dominic, ye can’t do that. Please, stop…don’t…”, Billy pleaded, begged, but it didn’t make any change in Dom’s behavior. It made him even more hot, more turned on than ever before. His fingers were now trying to unfasten the belt on Billy’s trousers, finally freeing him.

“No, Dom. Stop!”, Billy cried out and started moving under Dom. It cost a lot of strength, for Dom was naturally stronger than Billy. He heard and saw nothing else, focused on the only thing that was important right now. But apparently Billy wasn’t on his side. It started getting difficult to undress Billy and fighting him at the same time, especially now that Dom was lying on him, covering him completely with his body. For one short moment, maybe even a split-second, Dominic didn’t pay attention and Billy finally succeeded in turning on his back again, facing Dom now.

“Stop. Now.”, Billy commanded. “If ye stop now Ah will forget what just happened.”

“No.”, Dom said angry and threateningly, not even thinking about the words Billy had said.

They lay still for a minute or two, watching each other, trying to guess each other’s next move. When suddenly Dom’s knee moved against Billy’s crotch – not by accident – an excruciating pain went through Dom’s whole body, filling every bone, every muscle. Billy had kicked him, right there where it hurts the most. He cried out in pain and the next thing he knew was him lying on the floor, obviously had been thrown to the ground by Billy.

He lay there, motionless and defeated, then heard a zipper being pulled up. Oh dear God, I nearly raped Billy... Dominic slowly returned back to his senses, only now recognizing what he had almost done.

What was wrong with him? Had the fight with Josh heated him up so badly that he had wanted to let out all his anger and frustration on Billy? The more he thought about it the surer he was that this must had been the reason, there lied the source of his attack on the one he loved.

“Why…”, he heard Billy whisper. “Ah only want to know why. What did Ah do so terrible, so…horrible… that Ah deserve this treatment from ye?”

Dom stayed silent, didn’t answer nor move. All his thoughts, all these feelings had sealed his lips.

“Ah’ve asked you something.” Billy’s voice was trembling as it always did when he was about to cry.

“I…” Dom cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Ah’ve said no, Dominic. Ah have said NO.” He over-emphasized the last four words, teeth clenched, fists balled, fighting tears.

Dominic rolled onto his left side, away from Billy, and pulled his knees to his chest, closing his arms around them. He closed his eyes; he felt his heart causing him an almost unbearable pain. He knew what would happen next.

“What did I do…What did I do…”, he repeated over and over again.

“Nothing yet.”

Billy’s familiar voice was right behind him. He was near Dom. So close. And yet so far. A hand was being placed on Dom’s arm.

“Luckily for us both.”

He paused. The silence lay heavy and uncomfortable in the little room. If Billy really spoke the words Dominic thought of he would fall down. Falling forever. Dying again. Going under.

“Ah will go now.”

And inaudible – for Billy – shattering noise ringed in Dominic’s ears.

“Ah will leave this room, this house, ye.”

You can’t leave me. All alone. You can’t.

“Ah will come back when ye have become the one Ah’ve once loved.”

Lips touched Dominic’s cheek.

“Bye, Dommie.”

Billy stood up and walked away.

If I only knew what’s happening with me, Billy. If I only knew…