To Finally Belong

To Finally Belong

Chapter 8 - Competition

“Go after her, Haldir,” Celeborn said, still clutching his midsection, “Tell her that I am fine.”

~~~~~~~~~

Círa continued to run blindly until the trunk of a Mallorn tree brought her to a sudden, painful stop. Finding herself flat on her back, she remained in that position while she waited for a wave of dizziness to pass. Closing her eyes for a moment in hopes of keeping the trees from spinning, she opened them at last to see Haldir kneeling at her side, his face a mask of concern. He put a hand to her forehead.

“You are bleeding,” he said, pulling back fingers that were sticky with the evidence of her collision, “What happened?”

“What does it look like?” she said, trying to hide her embarrassment. “That tree jumped out and attacked me. Do you not see the imprint of my head on its trunk?”

“No more than the imprint of your elbow that Lord Celeborn now bears on his ribs,” he answered wryly.

“I feel so stupid,” she said, fighting back tears. “I knew that I would ruin everything. Maybe Legolas will take me with him when he goes. I can go to another elven realm, or just find a place in the forest somewhere.”

Haldir’s back stiffened at the words. “You will do no such thing. You belong here and this is where you will stay.”

That got her into a sitting position. “The last time I checked, you did not run MY life. I will go where I wish.”

“And is that what you wish, Círa, to leave Caras Galadhon?” he asked quietly.

“No,” she said at last, “but how can I stay? I have now officially assaulted the Lord of the Golden Wood. Everybody will want me gone.”

“They do not want you gone, it is Lord Celeborn who sent me after you,” he informed her.

“Oh,” she said. “I had thought that maybe you had come after me by your own choice.”

“I would have done so,” he assured her. “I just had to make sure there was no serious damage to Lord Celeborn first.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet but did not let go of her hands.

“Please tell me you will stay, Círa,” he searched her eyes, which were now reflecting the moonlight.

“Why do you even want me to stay?” she asked, petulantly. “You were never happy about my being here in the first place, Haldir. I seem to remember you saying that it would have been best if they had killed me when they first found me.”

He closed his eyes against that memory. “I am so sorry that I ever said that,” he told her, honestly. “I did not really mean it then and I certainly do not feel that way now.”

Perhaps it was time, he thought. Not necessarily time to start a relationship but to at least to take the first step and tell her how he felt. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, he looked into her eyes and ran his fingertips across her cheek.

“Círa, I…”

“There you are,” Legolas’ voice rang out. Instinctively, both Círa and Haldir stepped back, creating space between them.

“You are bleeding,” the Mirkwood prince said. “Haldir, she is bleeding!”

“She had a run-in with a tree, but I think she won,” the Marchwarden said. “The tree was no match for her.”

“Come with me, Círa,” Legolas said, placing an arm over her shoulder, “we will get you back so we can look at your wound.”

“No,” she said, “I cannot go back.”

“Yes, you can. Lord Celeborn is fine and is in fact joking about the incident, though it hurts when he laughs. The dancing is still going on and most of the participants did not even realize that anything happened.”

“I want to clean the blood off before I return,” she insisted as a small compromise.

“I will take you to the talan,” Haldir offered, but Legolas began to walk with her.

“You go on back to the party, Haldir,” Legolas countered. “There were a couple of elleths looking for you. I will take care of Círa.”

So much for telling her how he felt, Haldir thought. The Marchwarden walked along behind the other two elves for a while until their paths separated. He didn’t even think they were aware of it when he changed directions and began to move away from them.

~~~~~~~~~

Círa turned and watched Haldir walk off, but since he didn’t say anything, she also remained silent. He was a hard elf to figure out. She wondered briefly what he had been planning to say to her when Legolas had interrupted, but she decided that if it were important, he would bring it up later. Turning her attention back to Legolas who was taking animatedly about his adventures at Minas Tirith after they had parted, she finally realized who was missing.

“Where is the dwarf?” she asked.

“Oh, Gimli has been entertaining Lady Galadriel with his tall tales this evening,” Legolas told her. “I think he is a bit infatuated with her.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, not recognizing the word.

“Well, he likes her, but it is more than simply liking her. He would love her if he could, but he cannot. Does that help?”

“Yes,” she said. It was exactly how she felt about Haldir. She frowned. Now, where had that come from? The head injury must be worse than she thought. She led Legolas to the talan and went straight to the bath chamber to get a cloth.

“You have your own bath chamber?” he asked, surprised. “Is that not rare in Lórien?”

“I guess the Marchwarden merits special treatment,” she replied, dampening a cloth.

“The March…we are in Haldir’s talan?” Legolas asked, confused.

“Yes, it is where I live now,” she shrugged, lifting the cloth to her forehead.

“Let me do that,” Legolas said, his frown deepening as he began dabbing her forehead. “Why are you living here, of all places?”

“It was Lady Galadriel’s idea,” Círa told him. “I guess it was because Haldir did not trust me and wanted to keep an eye on me. I do not know why I am still here.”

Legolas glanced up into the bedroom. “And where is Haldir sleeping, now that you are here with him?”

“In his bed, of course,” Círa stated.

“With you?” Legolas asked tentatively.

“Legolas!” she said, shocked. “Did you think he would have me in his bed simply because we are sharing the talan? I sleep on the floor.”

“You sleep on the floor,” Legolas repeated, his eyes hard. He decided that a talk with the Marchwarden might be in order. Curious about their situation, he asked Círa what had happened since she had left Helm’s Deep and she told him everything. By the time she was done talking, he had cleaned the blood off of her face and determined that she would be fine. There was a fairly long gash down her forehead, but the bleeding had stopped at least. As she had talked to him, Legolas had grown angrier over her treatment at the hands of the Marchwarden.

“Legolas, are you upset?” she asked, mid-sentence.

“Of course I am upset, Círa. Are you not upset? He has knocked you to the ground, withheld food from you, tried to get you into his bed even though he admitted that he did not like you, and has basically kept you a prisoner in this talan.”

It was her turn to frown, “No, Legolas, it is not like that now. Yes, it was in the beginning, but he has changed. I also brought some of it upon myself. He would not have knocked me to the ground had I not attacked one of his wardens.”

“For food,” Legolas added, setting the cloth aside. “Maybe I should have brought you with me, Círa, and none of this would have happened.”

“Legolas, it is not as bad as I apparently made it sound. Please do not say anything to Haldir. I am happy here,” she pleaded.

Legolas looked for the truth in her eyes and finally nodded, but he would keep his eye on the Marchwarden while he was in the Golden Wood.

“Let us return to the celebration,” he told her. “This gathering is for you, after all.”

“If you are sure,” she said, still nervous.

“I am sure.”

~~~~~~~~~

Haldir was dancing with Meril now and he wished he were somewhere else. The elleth’s incessant chattering was grating on his nerves. How had he ever thought her interesting? Now he just wanted to shove something in her mouth to shut her up. Looking around, he saw that somebody had dropped a linen napkin on the dance floor and he couldn’t help but think it would be just the right size… The song was ending and Haldir decided that he would not subject himself to another tedious dance with either Alfirin or Meril. He wished Círa would get back because she was the one he wanted to hold in his arms. That was not all he wanted to do with her, but the rest would have to wait until the time was right.

He finally spied her as she returned with Legolas and he cringed when he saw the gash on her head. Excusing himself, he walked away from the still-chattering Meril and made his way over to Círa to ask how she was doing. She assured him that she was fine, but he sensed that she was nervous and he knew why.

“Círa, let us go speak with Lord Celeborn. I know that it will ease your concerns to do so,” Haldir said.

“I will take her,” Legolas said, frowning at the bigger elf. “I am sure you have better things to do.”

Haldir stood, confused as the two of them walked away once more. What was happening here? Was Legolas developing an interest in the elleth beyond a simple friendship? Haldir didn’t like that possibility at all.

~~~~~~~~~

Approaching Lord Celeborn slowly, Círa found that she could not meet his eyes when at last she arrived to stand in front of him.

“I am so sorry,” she said to the ground. “I cannot believe I did that to you. Are you hurt badly?”

“You appear to be the one who is hurt,” the elf-lord said, looking with concern at her forehead. “What caused this?”

She told him, still too embarrassed to look at him. Celeborn smiled and lifted her chin so that she could see him. “Círa, I will be fine. My ribs may be sore for a while, but it was my own fault. I knew better than to startle you.”

“You should not have to worry about being assaulted when you only wished to dance…” she replied.

“Stop,” he told her. “We will not discuss it any further, but I do still wish to have that dance.”

“You are not afraid that I will hurt you again?” she asked, unsure.

“No, I am not. Shall we?” he stretched out a robed arm towards the dance floor.

Nervous beyond belief, Círa looked around until she found Haldir and finally let out a pent-up breath. Keeping him in sight, she took his advice and pretended that she was now dancing with the Marchwarden, rather than Lord Celeborn. It helped and the dance was over before she knew it, the music slowing once more. Before she had a chance to leave the dance floor, Haldir was back, gathering her into his arms for the second slow dance of the night.

He smiled at her. “I am finding it difficult to have any time with you, tonight. It seems that every elf in the realm wishes to have you by his side this evening.”

“Only the very brave ones will want to dance with me now,” she said, still upset with herself.

“Well, I am very brave,” he assured her, his blue eyes glittering in the torchlight. “If you find yourself without a partner, I will always be here for you.”

That finally drew a smile to her lips and she found herself meeting his gaze. There was something about looking into his eyes that made her heart beat faster. Or maybe it was simply the feel of having him so close; he was such an overwhelming presence. It would be so easy to fall in love with him, if he would ever allow it. But no, she reminded herself. He had his other elleths and they were not only beautiful but also prim and proper, unlike Círa who was still more like an Orc and probably always would be. She was certain that Haldir simply felt a need to protect her, as she was now in his care. The evidence of his chaste kisses would attest to that fact. Had he seen her in any other way, he would be giving her the enticing kisses and he had already made it clear that he was not doing that. No, she would not allow herself to think of Haldir in that manner.

As the dance ended, Legolas stole her away and she did not have another chance to dance with Haldir that night. If it was not Legolas, it was Rúmil or Orophin. Most of the others were being cautious now, but occasionally one would get brave and approach her for a dance. Grateful that she was able to get through the rest of the evening without maiming anybody else, Haldir approached her to walk her home when the celebration was finally over.

“Are you ready to go home, Círa?” he asked her, anxious to spend some time alone with her so that they could finally talk.

“I told her that I would walk her home later,” Legolas said, appearing out of nowhere. “We are going to go for a walk first since we really have not had much of a chance to talk.”

I know the feeling, Haldir thought. He resented the fact that the younger elf had taken so much of Círa’s time already throughout the evening, but didn’t feel that he had the right to say anything about it.

“Do you mind, Haldir?” she asked him, searching his eyes for something.

“Of course not. You are free to do as you wish,” he said shortly, turning and walking away.

Alfirin approached him at that moment and whispered something into his ear. Círa didn’t hear it all, but from the part she did hear, she had to assume that Haldir would be occupied for the rest of the evening. She grabbed Legolas’ arm and they left.

It was tempting, Haldir thought, but he couldn’t do it just to obtain relief from the tension that Círa was causing in him. It had been a little different when they had both enjoyed spending time together, but if he were to go with Alfirin now, he would be using her. Not only that, but he now felt the need to be true to his own feelings about Círa. Until a decision was made on that issue, he would stay away from the other elleths. He watched Alfirin as she stormed away after receiving his answer then laughed as she immediately moved on to another. Haldir shook his head. It sure hadn’t taken her long to get over her hurt.

~~~~~~~~~

As they walked along through Caras Galadhon, Legolas took Círa’s hand, which surprised her.

“Why did you do that?” she asked him.

“Do what?”

“Why are you holding onto my hand?”

“Because I want to,” he laughed. “Does it bother you?”

“I simply do not understand what the purpose is,” she admitted.

He stopped and turned towards her. “Círa, I like spending time with you. I want to get to know you better and I guess this is sort of like your enticing kiss that you told me about.”

“Oh,” she said, trying to comprehend. “So you wish to rut with me?”

“Well, I…uh…” he was at a complete loss for words. Sure he did, but he was not about to scare her off by admitting it so soon. “I do not know what to say. I wish to…explore the option of having a relationship with you. I do not mean to try and rush you into something,” the elf’s face was bright red, even in the moonlight.

“Oh,” she nodded. “That is good, because I do not like to be rushed. I guess I do not mind if you wish to hold my hand.”

A wave of guilt washed across her as she thought about Haldir, but then she remembered that he apparently had other plans for the night. If he had no interest in her, why should she worry about him? She would enjoy her time with Legolas.

~~~~~~~~~

Haldir went straight back to his talan, increasing his pace when he saw Meril trying to catch up with him. Understanding that he was intentionally trying to avoid her, the elleth stopped her pursuit. Climbing the stairs, Haldir entered the talan and lowered himself to the pillows where he sat down and tried to think. Maybe it was nothing. Perhaps Legolas simply was being kind to Círa out of friendship, but Haldir thought he had seen more than that in the other elf’s demeanor. He would kill the Mirkwood prince if he took advantage of Círa’s naïveté. Of course, said a little voice, Haldir was just as guilty of trying to exploit the elleth’s innocence. He sighed. Círa was naïve, but she was no blushing maiden, either. She had not only had a lover but he had been Uruk-hai. If she could handle something like that, surely she was able to decide for herself whether or not she wanted the attentions of a certain Mirkwood elf. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was that Haldir had not gotten the chance to tell the elleth how he felt about her and now it might be too late. He grabbed a book and tried to read, but could not do so. At last he went out to sit on his balcony where he could at least enjoy the clear night sky.

~~~~~~~~~

Círa walked along with Legolas and they talked, comparing their very different lives. It felt strange to hold his hand, but it felt good, too. She remembered holding both her mother and father’s hand as a child and it had always made her feel safe. Maybe that’s what she was feeling now. It certainly wasn’t the same sort of feeling she got when Haldir was close.

When they returned to her talan, Legolas turned towards her.

“Would it be all right if I kissed you, Círa?” he asked, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes.

“Which kind of kiss?” she asked.

He smiled. “I shall just do it and you see if you can tell me which kind it is.”

He lowered his mouth to hers as he let his hands slip down around her waist, bringing her a little closer. She tensed at first, but there was something relaxing about the feel of his lips on hers. When he finally pulled away, he asked her, “Which kind of kiss do you think it was?”

“The enticing kind?” she asked, not completely sure because it had not caused her body to react the way that Haldir’s enticing kiss had done.

“Yes,” he smiled. “Goodnight and I will see you tomorrow.”

She climbed up the stairs to the talan confused. Legolas was very kind and she enjoyed spending time with him, but he didn’t make her heart rage the way Haldir did. She went inside, a frown upon her face, and noticed immediately that Haldir was not in his bed. So he had gone to be with the elleth, as Círa had suspected. She changed into her sleeping tunic and fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillows.

Haldir waited until he heard Círa’s breathing pattern change to indicate that she was asleep before leaving the balcony. He did not want to speak with her tonight because he didn’t know what to say. Part of him still wanted to tell her how he felt and the other part wondered if she wouldn’t be better off with somebody like Legolas. The prince had so much more to offer her than Haldir did. Many of the Galadhrim did not take mates because of the life they led, spending so much of their time protecting their borders. Is that what Círa deserved or would she be better off going to Mirkwood to live in that kingdom with the prince? The debate raged in Haldir’s mind as he quietly slipped into his bed.

~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Círa noticed when she woke up the next day was that Haldir was very quiet. Though the elf was normally on the taciturn side anyway, today he only replied to her questions and comments with short monosyllabic answers.

“Haldir, what is wrong?” she asked. “Did you have too much wine last night?”

“Did I have too much wine? Are you serious? You do not know what is wrong?” he asked, astounded.

“I already apologized for attacking Lord Celeborn,” she said, wondering if that were the problem.

“Círa,” he said, not knowing where to start, and finally just blurting it out. “I saw you kissing Legolas last night.”

“How did you see that if you were busy with that skinny elleth?” she asked.

“I was not with that skinny…with any elleth. I was here on the balcony. I have not been with anybody since the night after we returned from Helm’s Deep,” he said quietly.

“I did not kiss Legolas, he kissed me,” she countered.

“But you enjoyed it,” Haldir grumbled as he pulled on his boots.

“I did not mind it,” she admitted. She would not admit that it had not compared to Haldir’s kiss. There was no point giving the Marchwarden more fuel for his ego, when she knew that she meant nothing to him.

He sat on the edge of his bed, looking at her. Should he tell her or not? Right now he wanted to pull her into his arms and ravish her mouth, but did not. He looked away before she did.

“Let us go, we are late for practice,” he said, shortly. “Your friend, Legolas, will undoubtedly be there today, wanting to impress you with his abilities on the bow.”

“He is very good on the bow,” she said, buckling on her quiver and grabbing her weapons.

Haldir gave her a dark look as they walked out of the talan. He hated this. He was actually jealous for the first time in his life.

“You go ahead to the training fields, while I go check on Lord Celeborn,” Haldir instructed, intentionally reminding Círa of her transgression the previous night. “I will be along soon.” He turned and walked off without another word.

Círa whirled and stalked away from the bad-tempered elf. She did not know why he cared if Legolas kissed her, since he didn’t want to do it himself. He should be happy that somebody was showing an interest in Círa. If she were spending time with somebody else, he would not need to sit around the talan and read with her as he had been doing. He could get back to the life he had enjoyed before she came along. Of course, she did not care much for that idea since she liked the time they spent reading. She just didn’t understand why he was unhappy about the kiss and wondered if she would ever figure these elves out. Orcs were so much simpler. If they growled and bared their teeth at you, it probably meant that they were going to attack. If they ignored you, it simply meant that you were safe for now. There were no games and no ulterior motives. Even in her relationship with Lurtz, there was nothing beyond the basics and she had always known where she stood. Elves were so much more complex that sometimes she just wanted to be an Orc again.

Círa approached Rúmil and he worked with her for a while on her archery. Before long, Haldir showed up and she tried to ignore him as he stood behind her, though it was not easy. When she had shot all of her arrows, she went to retrieve them and risked a glance at the Marchwarden as she walked back. He met her stare with one of his own, neither of them wanting to be the first to back down.

“Uh oh, it looks like all is not well in Paradise,” Rúmil muttered under his breath. Haldir’s mouth was a straight line and Círa was having trouble keeping her lip from turning up in a sneer. The tension was finally broken when Legolas walked up, his voice pulling Círa’s attention away from the surly elf in front of her.

“Would it be a problem if I worked with Círa on the bow today?” Legolas asked. “It would free the rest of you up to do other things.”

“How thoughtful of you, once again,” Haldir replied, throwing the elf a dirty look.

“What was that all about?” he asked as the larger elf stormed away.

“I think I know but I am staying out of this one,” Rúmil said, taking his leave. Legolas looked at Círa who shrugged.

“He is moody and hot tempered. He gets mad at me when I do things that I do not even know are wrong!” she complained.

“What did you do?” Legolas asked.

“He is mad because I let you kiss me last night,” she stated. “Why should that bother him? He does more than that with his she-elves so why does he judge me?”

The light began to go on in Legolas’ head. “Is it possible that he has some feelings for you, Círa, other than just wanting to get you into his bed?”

“If he does, he certainly has not said or done anything to let me know,” she insisted. “He is protective of me but that is because I am in his care.”

Legolas nodded, but was not sure that was the case. He might have some competition for the elleth’s attention. Turning back to her, they started their lesson.

~~~~~~~~~

“So, did Círa enjoy the celebration last night, except for her little attack on Lord Celeborn?” Rúmil asked.

“How would I know?” Haldir fumed, shooting one arrow after another. “I barely got to talk to her. Legolas walked her home so I did not see her afterwards, either.”

“I would think you would be relieved to have somebody take her off your hands,” Rúmil replied, placing his own arrows exactly where he had intended.

Haldir glanced at his brother, then back at the target. “I do not wish to discuss it.”

Rúmil smirked as he aimed his bow. It was exactly as he had thought. Not that he blamed Haldir; Rúmil and Orophin both thought the elleth was wonderful. It had just taken their older brother a little longer to get past her history and realize how much more there was to her. A little competition from the visiting elf might stir things up a bit.

~~~~~~~~~

They stopped to eat bread, fruit and cheese at noon but Legolas once again stole all of Círa’s attention. By the time they were done eating, Haldir had had enough.

“Círa, I want to work with you on swords for a while now. You have already had several hours on the bow and it is good to diversify your training.”

Legolas started to protest, but one look from the other elf shut him up and instead, he stood back and watched.

“How is Lord Celeborn?” she asked as she circled Haldir, sword balanced lightly in her hand.

“He had two broken ribs, but Lady Galadriel was able to heal them,” he answered.

Círa cringed. “I still cannot believe I did that.” She lunged forward and struck three times in rapid succession, never looking at the target, but only at Haldir’s eyes.

“Good, Círa!” he said, jumping back. “Those were very hard to block!”

She watched him as she kept her feet moving, preparing to jump to either side or back, as necessary. Seeing that he was tensing, she knew that he was about to strike and she moved onto the balls of her feet, centering herself. When he struck, she easily sidestepped his maneuver and swung her own weapon at him while he was trying to regain his own balance. He brought his own sword down in time to block the attack, but barely.

“Excellent,” he laughed, loosening up a little. “Working with you should improve my own skills as well as yours. You are keeping me on my toes.”

They continued in the same manner until once again Círa expended too much effort at one time and let herself grow weary. He made his move and in a matter of seconds had his sword at her throat once more. Noticing that she did not look down in shame this time, but met his eyes proudly, he raised an eyebrow. She was making serious progress and he told her this as he pulled the sword away.

“You must not let yourself grow tired, though, Círa,” he reprimanded her. “It is the reason you lost both matches yesterday and the one today. You must pace yourself and wait for the right moment to strike.”

She nodded, knowing that he was right. She had grown impatient and had hoped to catch him off guard. Obviously, that would not happen.

Legolas immediately walked over and interrupted. “Do you not think that you are being a little hard on her?”

“No, I do not,” Haldir answered, annoyed. “If she were to make a mistake like that in battle, it could mean her life. Furthermore, she wishes to improve her skills and that is what I am helping her to do. I would appreciate it if you would not interfere with a lesson between myself and one of my wardens.”

“Especially this one?” Legolas asked the very loaded question.

Haldir did not answer but simply waited until the other elf walked back to the sidelines before continuing the lesson.

When they were done for the day, Haldir asked if she would be joining him to dine with the Lord and Lady that night, as they had both been invited.

“I will be going, but Legolas already asked if I would accompany him,” she said, wondering why Haldir seemed hurt by her answer.

“Can I at least walk you back to the talan or is Legolas planning on doing that also?” he asked.

“I would be happy to walk back with you,” Círa told him, almost shyly. They had not been able to spend much time together lately, with Legolas around, and she missed their discussions. His bad mood from the morning seemed to be gone now, too.

They talked a little while they walked but Haldir didn’t bring up the subject that he really wanted to discuss with her. He began to grow frustrated with himself and as they took turns bathing and preparing for dinner, he tried a couple of times to approach the topic, but the time was never right. It wasn’t until he heard the still distant voice of the Mirkwood prince talking to somebody outside, that Haldir finally took action. Not knowing what to say, he spoke her name.

“Cira?” he began, stepping closer.

“Yes, Haldir?” she turned to him.

The sound of the footsteps grew closer and he knew there wasn’t time for the conversation he had desired. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

“What is it Haldir?” she was growing perplexed.

“Just this,” he said, taking another step towards her. He pulled her into his arms and brought his mouth down upon hers in a searing kiss, one that left no question as to its intent. Shocked at first, Círa found her knees growing weak as he parted her teeth with his tongue and began to plunder her mouth. The knock on the door registered in the back of her mind, but she was so intent on the feelings rushing through her body that it just didn’t seem important at the moment. Withdrawing slowly at last, Haldir bit lightly on her lower lip before stepping back, their eyes locked.

“What…?” she had a hundred questions for him but didn’t even know where to start.

“It is just something for you to think about, Círa,” he said, before turning to walk away. She tried to regain control of both her mind and body as she went to answer the door on unsteady feet.

~To Be Continued~