Against all odds

Chapter seven coming round

Elrond blinked his eyes several times when he awoke. The healing had strained him good. He had been told to take it easy, but he gladly added some more days of exhaustion for Erestor’s health. Erestor, he had to find out how Erestor was doing.

He carefully glided of the couch.

He saw the twins asleep in his large chair and Glorfindel had fallen asleep on Erestor’s other side. Not willing to wake them up he silently approached the bed. He needed to see if everything was alright.

But the blond was a light sleeper, especially at times like this, and Elrond’s movements woke him up. He quickly got up and wrapped his arms around the lord. Elrond looked too wobbly to him. He led him to the chair he had vacated and set Elrond down.

After a quick study of the applied salve and bandages Elrond addressed Glorfindel. “Thank you, Glorfindel. How is he?”

“Alive and warm. The twins told me what had happened.”

Elronterrterrupted. “Don’t speak it. I’ve seen the blood, even there. You cleaned him?”

“Aye, I did. He will be unable to sit or walk for a while.”

“With his other injuries he will be unable to do anything for quite a while.” There was sadness in Elrond’s voice.

They were silent for a while and stared into nothingness. Elrond broke it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you before, Glorfindel. I…I just needed to blame someone I think. I couldn’t face the truth.”

Glorfindel was baffled. “What truth?”

“That it’s my fault.”

Now Glorfindel was even more stunned. How could Elrond think it his fault? “What?! No! It isn’t Elrond. It’s those bloody orcs. I told you before, it’s nobody’s fault. It’s everybody’s fault. We are all to blame here. Aye, you shouldn’t have taken that road. But Erestor shouldn’t have gone out alone. And we should have stopped him or go with him or something. And the border patrol should not have taken shelter with orcs nearby. And…”

“All right! All right! Glorfindel, all right. I get the message. I just wish there was something more I could do for Erestor, but I fear another healing session will put me in bed for weeks.”

“We can only support him and be there.” Glorfindel doubted Elrond had changed his mind, but he let it be. For now.

“Aye, but I fear the memories will be too strong for him.”

“We mustn’t think along those lines. We must be hopeful. Mandos’ cold stays away. He might stay the same.”

Groans emanating form the bed broke their little argument. Erestor was coming round.

As soon as the darkness made way for light Erestor stiffened, expecting orcs to appear. But they didn’t.

He had to close his eyes to the bright light. Even though the curtains were closed and only candlelight illuminated the room, the light was still too much for Erestor. He heard quick movements around him.

Glorfindel had hud tod to blow out the candles closest to the bed. He now gently woke the twins as Elrond would deal with Erestor. He could see Elrond wanted it the other way around, but Glorfindel had been swift and now would not budge. He knew about Elrond’s fears and his decision to stay away from Erestor but Elrond needed to stay close to Erestor instead.

So it was Elrond’s voice Erestor heard, reaching him in his foggy mind, telling him he could open his eyes, the light had been dimmed. But he did not recognize it, nor did he hear what was said. In his mind he heard the orc leader speaking.

He needed to get away. He screamed and yelled, trashed and lashed, almost falling out of bed.

Glorfindel had fallen to the floor when Erestor’s trashing started. Both out of shock and because he was pushed. The screams woke up the twins and they jumped up in fear. It had knocked the blond to the floor. Elladan and Elrohir were still very afraid of losing Erestor and those screams made it worse.

But Elrond remained calm and quickly approached the bed. His strong arms stopped Erestor from falling off the bed. He let Erestor trash, knowing it would only increase if he tried to hold him down. Instead he used his voice. “Erestor, mellon-nîn, listen to me, you are in Imladris. You are safe. I’m Elrond.”
He kept repeating it. “I’m Elrond, this is Imladris, you are safe” and after long antagonizing minutes Erestor stopped fighting and opened his eyes.

He was relieved to see Elrond but he was still afraid it all was an illusion.

Elrond saw the trepidation in the chocolate orbs but he understood it would tEresErestor time to heal. And mentally would take longer than physically. “Erestor. I am so glad we have not lost you. That they did not break you. That Elladan and Elrohir came in time. They are here.”

Erestor cocked his head and saw Elladan, Elrohir and Glorfindel look at him. Worry and concern was obvious. But what he saw in the twins their eyes scared him. They’d the same look in their eyes when Celebrain had been attacked. But what did that mean?

He closed his eyes to think. He could not think seeing them stare at him. He forced himself to remember what had happened. He had been taken when he was leading Elrond back. The orcs had cut him, kicked him and….
He convulsed when he remembered the orcs on his chest. The convulsions went to heaves when remembering what it was the orc had done. And the one after that. The heaves increased.

He could feel Elrond’s soothing gestures and hear his voice, but he could also detect the guilt in it. He opened his eyes to look at Elrond. He now saw that same guilt in the grey orbs.

Elrond was being attacked by his guilt. Seeing Erestor trash and heave not only made him remember how Erestor had been caught, but also that it was all his fault. He had to force himself to stay put, to not run away in shame. His love for Erestor made the guilt more powerful. He was sure Erestor would be mad at him for this and he could not handle that. He knew he had to stay away, and he would gladly do it if that meant Erestor’s safety, but to have his secret love mad at him forever, was a thought unbearable.

Tears made it to his eyes. He was shocked when Erestor painfully raised a hand to brush it away.

Erestor knew Elrond felt guilty. It was so palpable. He needed to assure him he was not mad. “Don’t cry. It’s not your fault.” Choughs attacked him and he contracted in pain. Every mont hnt hurt him. Although he did no longer hurt internal. That realisation made him look at Elrond angry.

Elrond cringed under that look. He had forgotten how dangerous a mad Erestor was. Unconsciously he slid a little bit backwards.

The blow out that followed was unexpected. “You healed me?!” The voice was soft, a mere whisper but laden with anger and accusation.

None understood this sudden change. Elladan answered in Elrond’s place. “Of course he did, Erestor. You were bleeding internally. You would have died had ata not done that. Would you like something to drink?” He figured they all needed a diversion.

Elrohir was already walking towards them with tea. The younger twin poured a cup and handed it to Erestor.

Erestor did not want any of this attention and his anger, already heated, flared up. He forgot all his pain and he threw the cup out of Elrohir’s hand before lashing out at Elrond. He hit him sght ght on tose.ose. The force of the blow made Elrond fell to the floor. “I hate you, Elrond. You had no right.”

Unable to speak he looked at Erestor begging him to understand. Elladan once more spoke for him. “Erestor! Ata is a healer. He had every right. We’re we supposed to let you die?”

“YES!”

They all stared at Erestor in total disbelieve and utter shock. Elrohir started crying and flung himself to the bed. “But we don’t want to lose you.”

“But you will!” Even though Erestor did not console Elrohir as he would have, he also did not push him away. Elrond noticed it and took it as a good sign. He forced Erestor to look at him when he spoke. “No we won’t. They did not break you. You will heal and stay with us.” Determination sipped from Elrond’s words. He simply refused to believe otherwise.

Glorfindel chuckled. It seemed he was right. And now was the time to make the first meddling move. “Erestor. You and I never got along, but it will be very boring here without you. Besides, Elrond is not going to give you up without a fight. Personally I rather face a Balrog again. Come, children, we leave these two wargs alone to kill each other.”

His jovial voice eased the tension and Elladan and Elrohir actually did follow Glorfindel out the room. But not without throwing worried glances at Erestor and Elrond.

Erestor looked away. He could not look at Elrond anymore. He was tainted now, broken.

“Erestor?” His collorllor’s behaviour greatly worried Elrond. It was changing constantly and at a fast rate. He did not know what to make of it.

Erestor did not turn but he did voice his trouble. “I am broken, Elrond. They forced me.” His voice was emotionless when he spoke. But Elrond dismissed it. “You are not broken! You had no nightmares, you are coherent, you are strong and stubborn, you are not fading.”

Erestor sniffed, showing his disbelief and utter irritation at Elrond’s atte


But Elrond was known for his stubbornness. “ I have a experience in this. Remember Celebrain.”

To that Erestor turned. Of course he remembered Celebrain. “Why do you think I know what will happen?”, sarcasm evident in Erestor’s voice.

Elrond would not give an inch. “Than you make the wrong conclusion. As great a thinker you are, you’re no healer Erestor. There are distinct differences that tell me you will not fade but remain and heal.” When Erestor remained silee coe continued. “Listen. Where Celebrain’s eyes had been empty, yours are still filled with warmth. Whereas Celebrain could no longer accept touches, you did not flinch when Elrohir threw himself at you. When Celebrain turned us all away, you allow us in. Celebrain went silent, you speak up. Celebrain was dead already, you still live.”

Elrond could see his reasg mag made Erestor think.

Erestor could indeed follow the Half-Elf’s line of reasoning. But he did not understand. They had forcim. im. He would be fading. “But they forced me, I will fade.” He had read numerous accounts of forced elves who faded. He knew that would happen to him.

“Aye, they forced you. But that will only break you if you let it. And than you will fade, yes. And there will be nothing any of us can do to stop you. But I rather order you to live than to watch you fade. Even though you will hate me more.”

With that he stood to leave. Erestor needed to be alone with his thoughts. He would come back after a quick meal. This were his rooms after all.

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Erestor had fallen asleep after Elrond had left. Sleep was more luring than to go over everything again.

But now that he was awake he felt alone, alone and dirty and stained and broken. Elrond might have believed otherwise, but Erestor didn’t.

/if you let it/ The words echoed through his mind.

He wondered what would happen if he didn’t let it brake him. He would live and continue his duties. But the behaviour he would receive would never be the same anymore. Could he handle it?

But he had to. Elrond had ordered him too. Not in so many words, but Erestor knew the Half-Elf well enough to know when Elrond would carry it out. Although he could not possibly come up with a reason why Elrond would want his continued presence. To relieve his guilt perhaps.

But what would happen if he died, faded away? He would walk Mandos’ halls. And life would just continue.

When Elrond came back he feigned sleep. And he continued to feign sleep when Elrond gave his chair to Glorfindel or one of the twins. But it was mostly Elrond that sat by his side.

All tried to entice Erestor into a conversation, knowing the raven-haired advisor to be awake. But Erestor never answered or moved. He just lay there, eyes closed, going over his choice.

End chapter seven
TBC