Because of You, I Am Afraid

Chapter 7

One thing that Haldir knew about liquor was it gave him a tendency to make rash decisions, and to speak whatever was on his mind. And despite that it took vast quantities to do so, he was finding that he no longer could keep track of the drinks before him these days.

The many functions that his office and title demanded he attend meant that he was given ample opportunity to imbibe, and given that Imrhienna and Rumil were always present also, he found he had all the more reason to do so.

He leant sullenly against the wall in the shadows trying not to stare at Imrhienna. But it was a losing battle.

She was resplendent. After talking to the Lady more than a week ago, he found he could no longer fool himself into thinking he did not want Imrhienna.

But perhaps, he thought, half in hope, half in disappointment, that was all it was. Lust. A half remembered dream at the passion they had shared. Yes, he mused, perhaps that what his body longed for, and naught else.

Seeing Rumils arms linked through Imrhienna, his hand at the small of her back, his words making her smile softly up at him, was enough to drive him mad. He could do little to avoid the two of them, but Rumils overtures towards her were not all he realised.

It was her overtures towards him that he paid closer attention to.

He saw her head turn to avoid his lips upon hers. He saw her hand come between the two of them to separate them a little, never allowing him too close. And not once did he see the same feelings Rumil held for her reflected within her eyes.

Whenever they drew close together, her eyes became filled with hesitancy. And Haldir knew that she did not feel for his brother. He knew that she still felt for him. Or at least, his alcohol dulled mind whispered, wanted him. He saw her watching him, just as he watched her.

And one night, a little worse for liquor, and upon seeing her standing on one of the many balconies of the city alone, he decided to bring things to a head.

“Haldir?” she exclaimed, a little surprised at his sudden presence behind her, before her voice turned cold.

“If it is Rumil you are after he has left to address the Lady. He will be back shortly.” He ignored her words.

“Tell me that you feel the same fire, the same passion for him that we shared.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Tell me that whatever you’re feeling his arms is but a shadow of what we had.”

“Rumil is a good elf. I am content.”

“He can not be what I was to you. What I still am to you.”

“What you were.”

“Please, Imrhienna. You have not changed so much in five hundred years. You can still be the elf you were. I can still see your longing for me written all over your face. You long to give in to me.”

She laughed bitterly.
“Lie to me a little more, Haldir. Convince me that you never stopped loving me. I might just forget the difference between myself and who I used to be. You loved me then Haldir. This is me now. And you had best get used to it, for I am not content to be meek anymore. And I may never love Rumil the same way that I loved you, but he sees who I am, not who I was.”

And he needn’t ask who or what had made her so jaded. For the answer sounded resoundingly in his head.

“I caný deny that I still feel something for you Haldir, but you made it abundantly clear on what your feelings on the matter were two hundred years ago.”

“But my love wasn’t enough for you then either, was it, but it’s all you want now,” his anger turned to bitterness, and all rational thoughts quickly flew from his alcohol clouded mind.

He stalked closer.

“Haldir?” she asked, a little confused by his sudden closeness, and the rapid change in his behaviour.

“I owe you a debt, Imrhienna. You saved my brother. Now I’ll give you what you want. I pay my debts, Imrhienna” He pushed her back against the wall of the talan, kissing her fiercely.

She struggled against him, unable to budge him. He tore his mouth from hers.

“This is what you want isn’t it? This is what you’ve always wanted? Should I be on my knees? Isn’t that were you would have me?” He kissed her again, and she brought her knee up sharply, missing her target, but hitting his thigh instead.

He laughed bitterly. “You do not want me now? You change your mind as the sky changes colours in the evening.”

His hands pulled her dress up higher, until it was almost around her waist. She pushed against him.

“Haldir, let go of me! You are little better than the men!”

His eyes, which had been filled with bitterness and lust became filled with a burning intensity. His hands stilled against her thighs.

“Did they touch you, Imrhienna? Did they lay their filthy hands upon you?”

She glared at him.

“Believe me Haldir, you are much closer to raping me than they ever were.”

Her words had the effect her struggles had not. All fire left his eyes. Haldir moved away from her then like she was a hot coal.

Cold reasoning flooded his senses. What had he done? What had he almost done?

She shrugged her dress further up her shoulder, pushing the hem down. “I think that it was not what I wanted that pushed my dress around my thighs, and your body against mine Haldir. Are you sure it was not what you wanted?”

“I….I apologize Imrhienna. I will leave now, and you needn’t be concerned. You will not be seeing me again.” Once again, he spoke through gritted teeth. But not from anger at her, as he had so often in the past. This time, it was through anger at himself.

And from his place in the hall, Rumil turned his gaze from the departing Imrhienna, and back to his brother, whose head now rested in his hands.

He had seen Imrhienna in his brothers arms, but not the struggle between them. Clearly though, they had not parted upon good teems.

Wanting answers, he approached Haldir, intent upon forcing an answer from him, or even from Imrhienna, but was intercepted by Orophin, demanding laughingly that he had a drink with him, and when he managed to look up again, Haldir was gone.

Resigning himself to the alcohol Orophin offered, he resolved to find the answers to his questions first thing the next morning.

A/N: I know this was shorter, but I had to end it there. can’t be giving you too many answers at once now., lol. Also, I’m still writing it.lol. enjoy. and let me know what you think now. please?