Slash Me Twice

Guilt


"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!" My mind screams at me as I watch the accursed elf walk away through narrowed eyes. Damn that observant fool. Always watching everything from those big, brown eyes of his and drawing conclusions. Do they have to be the right ones? Can't that blasted boy be wrong for once? And why for fuck's sake is he telling me off? He's not Sean's keeper! The only keeper Sean could possibly need is me! I'll only have to make him see.
"But you lied," my mind starts again, "You lied to one of your intende's friends. It could damage the outcome of the ritual.
"No!" I say, startling the few crewmen walking nearby. Smiling apologetically I wander off, picking the way that leads me as far away from the other actors as possible.
I lied to Orlando. And lying to Sean's friends is almost as bad as lying to Sean himself, no doubt about that. I'm an idiot. A complete and utter fool. How could I? What excuse do I have? I hurt Sean! And I was so caught up in myself that I didn't even notice it. How can a single man be so stupid?
I want his love, how could I think of achieving that by hurting and lying?
Anger suddenly boils within me and I feel the urgent need to smash somethign. Preferably something living. Damn Orlando. Damn him for being so damn preceptive. Damn him for making me see, for waking me from my dreams. There is only one thing I can do now.