A Lonely Love

Chapter 7


Erestor did not go to the dining hall for the evening meal that night, nor the next, nor the next; days turned into weeks. A shadow had taken over Elrond's chief advisor, a shadow that he could not lift. His mind kept wondering back over every aspect of his life with Carandhol that he could remember. Mostly, his thoughts kept going back to one phrase over and over, "I’d rather not touch you more than is necessary." Each time he was sure his shadow was lifting, that phrase would pop into his mind, always rekindling the darkness within him.

Erestor, being an elf always aware of duty and protocol, never let his work suffer for his shadow. His work became his only escape. In the sanctuary of documents, petitions, rosters, and budgets, he found his comfort. He began to work well into the late of evening, when most of his fellow elves were relaxing and enjoying time with friends or family, or lovers.

Elrond grew increasingly worried over Erestor's behavior. He could see that his counselor was slowly withdrawing from all around him. The only comfort he took was from Elladan and Elrohir though even his interactions with Elrond's sons was forced, as if it pained him to be around others at all.


A true shadow loomed over Erestor this morn and by the sound of the footsteps he knew who was standing before him. Slowly Erestor looked up, "Yes, my lord, do you have need of me?"

Elrond sighed and looked directly into Erestor's eyes, as only he could;
his eyes boring into his very soul. Today, Erestor could not keep that gaze for long. Elrond moved to shut and lock the door, went to fetch something from his office, only to come back with a glass of miruvor for them both. Erestor took his and replied in surprise, "tis a little early for this heady drink my lord, is it not?"

Elrond sat elegantly down in the soft plush chair across from Erestor's desk. "It is an elixir," Elrond said smiling slightly.

"Celebrian and I are worried about you. You are not yourself of late. There was ever a sadness to your eyes meldir, but lately I see only deep sorrow and pain in your beautiful gaze."

Beautiful gaze! He snickered to himself; he was repulsive to even touch!

"Will you not speak of this shadow to me?" sighed Elrond with worry in his eyes.

Erestor's eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. "I cannot," he shook his head. "Please do not ask this of me," he looked pleadingly into Elrond's gray eyes.

"You do not take your meals with us of late dear counselor, why are you are isolating yourself," spoke Elrond quietly, though never shifting his gaze from Erestor's saddened eyes.

"I have never been one for company, you know of this," Erestor offered as an excuse.

"No, this is different Erestor, you have always been a part of my family, you are as a brother to me," Elrond whispered with unshed tears now in his eyes. "May I speak of that which I think is troubling you?"

Erestor shook his head, "Elrond, please do not, for I could not bare it right now." A single tear fell down the counselor's beautiful face.

"I will not pursue this further, this day, meldir, but you must promise to come to the hall for your meals once more." Elrond raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

Erestor made to protest as Elrond cut him off," the twins miss you, as do Celebrian and I."

Elrond stood and moved next to Erestor and signaled for him to stand. Erestor hesitantly rose only to find himself being pulled into a much-needed embrace. Unable to control the flow of tears any longer, he sobbed into Elrond's shoulder as his hair was lovingly stroked. Reading Erestor's thoughts briefly with that touch, Elrond whispered into his silken raven hair,
“ You are not alone."

Pulling away gently, Elrond held Erestor at arms length. "Now, let us get back to our work, before elves try to break down our doors, I've heard the handle jiggle about 5 times now," teased Elrond adding, “what would we do without you, meldir?"

Elrond opened the door, as Lindir almost fell in, for he was leaning against said door thinking it must be stuck. Erestor always had his office door unlocked in the morning; it was never barred against entrance. Elrond caught the minstrel in time, as embarrassed, Lindir blushed his apologies profusely, "forgive me Lord Elrond, I thought the door was stuck."

"Indeed?" he feigned innocence as he headed to his rooms to change his tear soaked robe, "why not knock next time instead," he added grinning.

Erestor himself had to suppress a smile at Lindir's flummoxed expression at their lord.


Elrond had more business to attend to that morn, after changing his robe of course, for as a lord, he always wanted to look his best. Celebrian always teased him that he was more interested in clothes, and had more in his wardrobe than she did. To this he could not deny, for it was a secret passion of his. Thinking on all this he found himself at his destination, the office of the captains of Imladris.

Knocking purposely, for Elrond did nothing without a purpose, he entered to see a startled Carandhol strapping on his sword belt. Carandhol bowed his head, “Lord Elrond," is anything amiss?

"Be at peace, captain," urged Elrond, as his eyes took in the office in slight disgust. He made a mental note to have someone come and tidy up the office. Fighting the urge to ask why there were so many weapons strewn about here instead of the weapon's room, he briefly closed his eyes.

"My Lord?" Carandhol questioned with worry in his voice.

"Erestor's two-thousand and fiftieth begetting day will be upon us this spring, will it not?" asked Elrond slyly.

"I suppose, but I am unsure of what year it is for him," answered the warrior truthfully.

"That does not sit well for a spouse," added Elrond into Carandhol's eyes.

Carandhol shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Is there anything else besides Erestor you wish to discuss with me, my lord?

Captain, that was quite rude of you, do you not wish to discuss Erestor or his upcoming begetting day?"

"I care not what you do for him."

"Why is that?" Elrond changed his voice to a more authoritative tone.

"My Lord," Carandhol sighed, "you were in Lindon when I served under Gil-Galad, I would do anything for our High King."

"Including moving to Eregion?" asked Elrond, though he already knew the answer.

"Aye, including that,” sighed Carandhol in remembrance.

They heard horses hooves and weary voices outside the office and many greetings. The patrol with Glorfindel was back from its two-week patrol of the borders of Imladris.

Glorfindel came bounding into the office to deposit some supplies. "Ah, Lord Elrond, what a surprise, did you come to personally welcome me home?" teased a very tired looking and road weary blonde warrior.

"Now my surprise is ruined," Elrond teased back, adding. "Welcome back meldir, how was your patrol?"

"Blessedly uneventful, my lord," smiled Glorfindel brightly.

Carandhol moved to greet Glorfindel hand to shoulder in their warrior greeting. "Welcome back, meldir."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have recruits to train," Carandhol replied as he exited the office quickly without finishing his conversation with Elrond.

Noticing the look of surprise in Elrond's eyes, Glorfindel questioned, "Did I interrupt something?"

"No meldir, go rest and bathe, and I will see you at dinner," smiled Elrond as he stressed the word bathe.

Glorfindel laughed heartily at the implications. Yes, he would bathe, rest, have dinner and hopefully challenge Erestor to another game of chess. He smiled thinking of the game and conversation he would share with the quiet,
intelligent, kind and beautiful counselor. No, not beautiful, exquisite. Glorfindel sighed; this was not the direction his thoughts should be going in. After all, Erestor belonged to another elf, an elf that, in his humble opinion, did not deserve such a spouse.


TBC….