Such is life

Disclaimer: Still don’t own anything! *sobs*

Author’s notes: Don’t have that much to tell this time… Just a thing my little 9-year-old sister said a few days ago: “What was the Greek goddess of love called again? THEODEN?!”

Dedicated to the darkness and light in all of us…

8. Darkness and light:

“Where the fuck have you been, Dom?” Orli hissed as Dom slumped down on his chair next to his friend, 20 minutes late for breakfast.

“Later…” Dom whispered back as he felt the burning gaze of his teacher in his back.

“Mr Monaghan!” Prof. Mortensen’s voice was dead calm, nearly too calm. “I’d like to have a word or two in private with you. Now.”

Dom let the knife he had just grabbed fall to the table. Slowly he stood up and followed his teacher out of the dining hall.

“What the fuck did you think when you just ran away yesterday? I didn’t know where you were! I mean, I’m responsible for you!” Mortensen raged, trying to keep his voice down.

“So now you’re pretending to be the great teacher or what?” Dom snorted. “You didn’t behave like that yesterday night…”

Mortensen looked down at his feet. “I know that I’ve made a mistake, Dominic. You don’t have to tell me that…” he sighed, combing his blonde hair with both hands.

“A mistake?!” Dom exclaimed. “Of course, what else?” He stared at Mortensen with hard eyes. “Why does everybody think they can fuck with my feelings? Nobody ever cares about what I think.”

“I haven’t forced you to anything!” Mortensen interrupted Dom.

//Pain…// a voice seemed to breathe in Dom’s mind and closing his eyes he immediately buried his fingernails in the palms of his hands. //Breathe… Go slow…//

“Dominic?”

Dom opened his eyes again. Mortensen was looking worried.

//Good actor…//

Breathing slowly, Dom let his gaze trail to the ground. “It doesn’t matter anyway,” he whispered. “It’s just me… Fucking self-centered ignorant bastards!” Slowly Dom started to walk up the stairs with Mortensen staring after him.


~*~


Dom felt sick. Fortunately he made it to the bathroom before he head to throw up his non-existing breakfast. It was just too much. Trembling he walked to his bed and lay down. The room seemed to be spinning.

Mortensen…his family…Vince, the one-night-stand…Orli’s whining voice…and everywhere in between there was Billy. Billy, his lifesaving rope.

Suddenly felt like hearing the voice of his best friend and he reached for his mobile, dialling Billy’s number. “Billy…” he croaked as his friend finally answered the phone.

“Dom? Is that you, mate?”

Dom nodded, but then realized that his friend couldn’t see him through the phone. “Fucked up. Totally so… I don’t want anymore, wanna let go…” With his free hand Dom pulled the blanket over his body.

“Dom? What the fuck has happened?” Billy sounded worried.

“Oh, it’s nothing really special. People just keep using me as a doormat… Fucking bastard. Look, there’s Dom! Let’s go and trample a bit on his feelings!” Dom pressed out from between his teeth with an angry smile.

“Poor darling!” Dom started to calm down when he heard Billy’s voice. “What have they done this time?” Billy asked.

“They fucked me.”

“You’ve had sex? Good joke! What has really happened?” Billy snickered on the other side of the line.

“Professor Mortensen fucked me.” Dom tried really hard to keep the smile out of his voice. He could vividly imagine Billy’s face right now.

“He didn’t!” Billy exclaimed.

“Oh, damn right he did!” Dom replied.

“Bastard! I wanted him first!” Billy pouted. “Tell me everything! How was he?”

“Slut!” Dom laughed, then lowered his voice a little. “It was the best sex I’ve had in the last years!”

“Do I have to remind you that you didn’t have much sex in the last years, Dom?” Billy teased his friend. “So you’ve had mind-blowing sex. What’s wrong with that?”

“Everything.” Dom closed his eyes and took breath in deeply. “I’m just so sick of it… First he tells me how gorgeous I am, then he fucks me and afterwards he pushes me away like some dirty rag,” Dom whispered, his voice barely audible.

“Fuck. But wasn’t that clear? I mean he’s your teacher. You can’t have a relationship!” Billy asked carefully.

“Of course…” Dom sounded tired. “It’s just the way he did it… As if he was just looking for something with a hole in it to put his dick in,” Dom’s voice was dripping with bitterness. “Well, and there was I. Stupid little Dominic Monaghan, practically begging to be taken!”

Billy sighed. “You can’t blame him for being horny, luv. Didn’t you take him for the same reason?”

Dom closed his eyes. “That’s not everything…”

“Not? What else?” Billy asked curiously.

“The question is who else…”

“Oh.” Billy sounded stunned. “Another one?”

“Hmm… Vincent.”

“Who the fuck is Vincent?! Do I know him?”

“No,” Dom shook his head slightly and sighed deeply. “After I ran away from Mortensen I got as drunk as never before and just then this guy, Vince, picked me up.” Dom cleared his throat. “I let myself be fucked by a stranger…”

“Jesus…” Billy groaned.

The walls seemed to be closing around Dom, but he concentrated on Billy’s voice to calm down. “It’s like he’s taken some part away from me and I don’t want it back…” he whispered weakly.

“What do you mean with taken away some part from you? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love!” Billy’s voice sounded alarmed.

“No, I’m not in love with anybody,” Dom stared up at the wall. “I mean that I’ve always thought that I’m better than that. I have always thought that one day I would fall in love properly with my soul mate, that I wouldn’t sleep around.” Dom paused, taking in a shivering breath. “But now I’ve got the feeling that I’ve been living a lie. Maybe a happy life filled with love isn’t what I need…” Dom wiped away a tear that threatened to roll down his cheek. “You know, I don’t have the strength to wait for something that won’t come… I have to be content with what I have.”

“Dom…” Billy sounded sad. “Promise me to never give up hope. It’s the thing that keeps us going and I am not willing to give you up!”

Tears were now running down freely Dom’s face. It couldn’t be, he never cried. “But what if I don’t keep going… I’m so tired of it all!” Dom sobbed angrily. “Nothing ever goes right!”

“Shh… Hush, it’s okay, Dom… Don’t cry!” Billy tried to soothe his friend. “Masses of mental alcohol and air-mail hugs and kisses to you!”

Dom smiled despite his tears. “Thanks, luv. You’re what keeps me going, not hope.”

Dom could hear the smile in Billy’s voice. “I know. It’s only 3 more days in Paris. You’ll make it! At the weekend we’ll meet and drink till you’re drunk enough to tell me all dirty little details of your sexy encounters in Paris…” Billy tried to lower his voice to what he thought sounded like a sexy growl, but failed miserably.

Dom laughed. “By then you’ll be too drunk to remember what I’m telling you, Bill! I don’t think you want to know what you’re missing…”

“Don’t overestimate yourself, Dom!” Billy snorted.

“What makes you think I do?” Dom asked smugly.

“Idiot!” Billy exclaimed.

“But a loveable one!” Dom wiped the last tears from his eyes with his sleeve. “Thanks, Bill, that was just what I needed.”

“I know.” Billy was sounding earnest now. “But isn’t that what a friend is there for? You know that I’m always there for you, right?”

Dom nodded silently, his heart cramping as he realized how strongly he depended on the friendship between Billy and himself.

“Anyway,” Billy continued. “Will you meet him again, that Vince guy?”

“Billy!” Dom exclaimed. “I’m just having a very emotional moment here and you’re spoiling it by saying something like that!”

“So what?” Dom could tell that Billy was grinning from one ear to the other. “Now will you meet him or not? I’m curious…”

Dom sighed, shaking his head. “Thank you for being unbelievable,” Dom smiled. “As for Vince… He’s got my number, I’ve got his… We’ll see what future brings…”

“I see,” Billy replied. “What about Mortensen? What are you going to do?”

Dom frowned, scratching his nose. “Ignore him? Dunno… Might be the best… I don’t wanna fight with him.”

“You’re not the type to fight anyway,” Billy chuckled. “Just trying to imagine you beating the shit out of Mortensen! It’s not like you at all! I bet you’d fight like a girl – with clawlike fingernails and trying to pull his hair out while telling him that he’s an impotent bastard!”

“Perhaps you’re right,” Dom answered dryly and looked down at his hand, pulling his nails across his thigh. “Look, I’ve gotta go now! They’ll be waiting for me…”

“Sure! See ya then!”

Dom put his mobile on the small table beneath his bed and snuggled deeper under his covers, listening to the darkness growing in his heart.


// I don’t know when it started, but maybe it’s always been there and I just didn’t know…//

tbc…