Oblivious

Part Seven.

Feel Elijah sink down beside me. He doesn’t say anything, just leans against my side. Things have been a little weird since I saw him kissing Dom. It’s almost like he’s pulling away from me. Like somehow when I got drunk I hurt his feelings. Watch in silence as Dom and Billy fool around. They’re practicing a scene. Well it originally was a scene, now it’s Pippin chasing Merry, trying to tell him without words he’s loves him. But Merry doesn’t get it, he’s totally oblivious. Pippin’s getting frustrated now, grabbing Merry by the arms and kissing him. Merry’s shocked but you can see his delight. Or is that just Dom?
Feel Elijah sigh, rest his head on my shoulder.
“Are you alright?” soft.
“Yeah.” He’s so quiet, has been for days. “Just haven’t been sleeping.”
“You need your sleep Lij. Bet you haven’t been eating much either.”
Sighing half nod, his cheek brushing my shoulder.
“Do you want to…?”
“Do you think I could…?’
Start and feel him tense.
“You could stay with me if you want.”
He sighs in relief, relaxes against me.
“Are you sure?” tentative.
Slide an arm round and hug him.
“Positive. I’ll cook dinner and force you to eat then I’ll send you to bed where you’ll sleep all night.” Half joking.
Can feel him grinning. Impulsively kiss the top of his head. Feel him nuzzle into my shoulder, suddenly quiet.
“How does that sound?”
“Perfect.” So soft.
Frown.
“Lij are you alright?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” But he’s so quiet.
Frown but don’t press him.

Lay next to him in the dark and know he’s awake.
“You should sleep.” Softly into the warm darkness.
Silence then suddenly.
“Do you mind me sharing your bed?”
Frown.
“No.” pause, blush. “Actually feels kind of lonely without you.”
“Really?” like he needs the reassurance.
Reach out slowly, gently skirt the pillow and find his hair, stroke it softly.
“Yes.” Simple and it’s the truth.
Warmth over my fingers drawing them down, holding them.
“I’m sorry I’ve been a shit lately. I’ve done some really, really stupid things. Things I wish I’d never done cause I only ended up hurting people.” So soft. “And I never meant for that to happen. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.” Fevrant. “Was just being stupid cause I’m frustrated. So I’m sorry.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he’s holding my hand to his cheek, just holding it there.
“I’m sorry. So, so sorry.” Soft and broken.
What on earth did I miss? Stroke his cheek from under his hand.
“It’s alright Elijah.”
“No it’s not!” voice like he’s hurting. “I didn’t mean to…” but he stops so abruptly.
“Didn’t mean what?”
Warm wet. Holy shit. Sudden fear. Move closer, sliding my other arm under his shoulder, bringing him up against me. He tries to protest, pull away, hide his tears.
“What didn’t you mean?” ask gently.
“Me, Dom…it was stupid.” Then suddenly. “I’m sorry Orlando, so sorry.”
Frown lost.
“It’s alright, really.” Stroking his back, his wet cheeks. “But…”
“Me and Dom. I shouldn’t have kissed him it was stupid, desperate. I didn’t mean to…” quiet little sob.
“So you and Dom aren’t?”
“NO!”
Why does that feel so good?
“No and I shouldn’t have it was so stupid.”
Silence. Then so softly.
“I’m so sorry Orlando.”
Press a kiss to his forehead.
“Stop saying that. Billy isn’t mad is he?”
Head slowly shaking.
“Or Dom?”
Another shake.
“So it’s alright.”
‘You’re not with Dom! Everything is just fine.’
“You don’t understand.” Miserable.
Ouch, that hurts.
“I’m sorry Lij.” Soft, want to pull away but I can’t.
“I saw you kiss Dom.” Quiet confession before I can think.
“You did?” somehow unsurprised.
“Yeah.”
Silence for a long time.
“Orlando?” sleepy.
“Hmm.” Rest my cheek against the top of his head.
“Can I stay here? With you?”
Nod sleepily.
“If you like.”
“You don’t mind?” unsure.
“No.” stroke his back. “Gets lonely.”
“Is that why you went clubbing by yourself?”
“I don’t know…maybe.”
“You didn’t want us with you?”
“Yeah but…” don’t know how to even begin to explain. Still don’t understand it myself. “I love you guys, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Silence.
“You guys are like family. I love you.”
God does that feel weird. But it’s true, all of it. Every last word.