The Music in My Heart

Title: The Music in My Heart*, Chapter 61 (betaed)
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, Glorfindel/Haldir, Elladan/OFC, Elrohir/Legolas, others implied
Rating: R
Warning: AU (Story set 770 years after ROTK; Slash and het.
Feedback: This is my first fanfic, so constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AAF; FF
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Alex Cat for her help in betaing this fic.
Disclaimer: Any of the residents of Middle-earth and Aman that you recognize belong to Prof. Tolkien’s estate. The same is true about Middle-earth and Aman. I’m only visiting and admiring the “views”. Summary: Sauron may be gone, but his legacy of evil still lingers. As Middle-earth faces the threat of another dark lord, a party of elves departs Aman on a mission for the Valar, a mission of mercy long delayed.

Chapter 61 --- The Song

"To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart,
and to sing it to them when they have forgotten."
Author Unknown

*****

A deafening silence descended on the wind-swept plain in the wake of Oropher’s pronouncement. Seere began to shift in embarrassment as the others studied her, either with pointed stares or by sly sidelong glances, for signs that she was Gil-Galad reborn. Studied by all, that was, save one.

Elrond stared off to his left away from her, his body stiff and his eyes set in a hard glare. /This is ridiculous! I am not Gil-Galad reborn./ she thought even as her thoughts began to betray her own belief in that fact. /Though, it would explain why I have such intimate knowledge of his life and why I seem to do things that remind people of him... not to mention the dreams. But, nay, I cannot be Ereinion. I cannot be!/

Looking toward Elrond hoping for some sort of reassurance, his gaze was still fixed away from her and he made no move to acknowledge her confusion. /This must be a shock for him as well, but why has he turned away from me so oddly? Does the thought so repel him? We have talked about my dreams, after all. This possibility must have occurred to him…/

Her Adar broke the uncomfortable silence, “Seere is my daughter. She is a seer, a healer, and has the gifts of her naneth’s people, the Maia. Gil-Galad had none of those gifts for all he was a fine king. Beyond that, it is well known that a reborn fëa goes to the same family and is reborn the same gender. Such is necessary to allow the fëa to adjust to the new life without too much confusion. I know not why you think her fëa was his, but it is not reasonable to think you are correct.”

Taking a deep breath, Erestor slipped his arm around his daughter’s waist and began to help her toward the horses. “This has been a long afternoon and we are all tired. I suspect many of our returned brothers and sisters have questions and are confused. Seere expended much in helping fulfill the will of the Valar and is still recovering from an injury. I suggest we find a suitable place to make camp for the night.” Having said his piece, he sheltered Seere with his body as they moved slowly toward his horse, helping her to mount the stallion.

Seeing Elrond clearly had no intention of aiding Seere’s escape from an embarrassing situation, Erestor had to clamp down hard on his anger at his friend so he could concentrate on his daughter. Her hurt and confusion rolled off her in waves. /If that conceded, arrogant peredhel thinks he will have my daughter when it pleases him and abandon her when it does not, he is badly mistaken! She needed him to rally behind her and yet he turns his back on her, leaving her lost, not even able to escape with her leg still hurt. Back less than a day and Oropher is already playing his games, and Elrond is falling right back into his old habits of letting him make him angry. Well, this time their game is hurting my child and I will not allow that to continue./

Seething with anger at Elrond and Oropher, Erestor helped Seere settle comfortably on his horse before taking his place behind her. Wanting to shelter her from the curious stares she was receiving, he turned his horse to face away from the rest. To his relief, Celeborn, Elrohir, Glorfindel, Legolas, and Haldir moved quickly to surround them, lending silent support.

The lack of enough horses for their greatly expanded number required some logistical maneuvering. Erestor moved his mount away from the main body and left Glorfindel and Aranuir to handle organizing their march. Over an hour passed before the party was ready to move out.

*****

Elrond found himself riding behind the front group of riders. His son and Legolas had closed ranks when he had tried to move forward to ride along side Erestor’s horse, to allow Seere to move back onto his mount with him. He had been surprised to find her seated in front of her father well away from all, but the close family group of Imladris. His emotions were in turmoil and he was not sure how he had failed to see her move away from him.

Determined to move forward and reclaim his position, he was surprised to feel Glorfindel’s hand grasp his arm to stay his movement. Sending a quelling look his way at his nerve in interfering with his actions, Elrond was shocked to see the angry look directed at him from his friend.

“You have caused her enough hurt and embarrassment already. You will not add to it by acting childish now. Stay where you are and, for once, think about her needs before your own.” Having had his say, Glorfindel pushed his horse forward to join the other riders surrounding Seere and Erestor.

Elrond was stunned. /What have I done to earn such a reaction?/

Wrapped up in his angry musing, he did not see Oropher move his mount, Seere’s mare Anoron, next to his. “It would seem we both owe the lady an apology, but I suspect I am the only one to know why I need to give one. Under the circumstances, I will refrain from making too much of this rare sight… the always insightful Elrond Peredhel lost… without a clue! ”

Eying Elrond’s rising temper, he chose to quickly add, “I owe her an apology for making so bold a statement in full hearing of all, especially with emotions still running high. I forgot that a rehoused elf may not know they are rehoused, a gift to make it easier to assimilate into their new life. This may take longer than reaching their majority if the Valar think more time is needed before their past is revealed. It was cruel and rude to have done what I did, but I fell into old habits of baiting both of you. I, at least realize what I did; you, however, have no idea that you deeply hurt the maiden you professed to love, but moments before.”

Seeing Elrond’s angry, yet still baffled stare, Oropher relented. “You turned away from her after I made my announcement and never looked back at her. She was left standing in the middle of a large group of strangers… studying her like she had grown a second head.”

“The elf she obviously expected to support her ignored her, and she was left unable to move away due to her injured leg. Thanks to me, she had just been hit with a claim that affects her whole understanding of who she is. A claim that throws into question her entire life to date and will force her… and others, to ask if it has been based on incomplete knowledge --- that she may have lived and died before, and that she may even have been male… the High King of the Noldor no less.”

“I would also suspect she was worried that it might change how you feel about her, for it was well known you have never favored males. Not even when living in Lindon with Ereinion… who, had quite a reputation for enjoying both sexes, a fact I can attest to personally. Oh yes, the matter of his reputation…” Oropher added. “You of all people should know his reputation affected not only him, but those associated with him.”

“Ah, dear Ereinion… my onetime lover. Well, mine and half of the elves of Middle-earth for much of the early part of the Second Age! That thought might worry a young and innocent maiden… do not glare at me for she is unmarried and the daughter of a noble house with many protectors; obviously she is untouched,” he inserted, his hand raised to halt Elrond’s response.

“A lady such as Seere might not be comfortable facing such a legacy… especially coming to it in front of a large company. A large company of mostly males I might add. If her father had not come to her aid, I suspect she would had been forced to try to hobble away on her own, badly weaken from the energy she expended to help free not only us, but the salvaged fëar of the former Yrch.” Having made his point, he observed, “It seems she has finally stopped crying and has fallen asleep against her father’s chest.”

Seeing the growing guilt and distress on the half-elf‘s face, Oropher decided to continue. “If you truly love her, I suggest you move quickly to right this. If not, end it now so she can grieve cleanly, for grieve she will as she clearly loves you deeply. Indeed, some things never change do they? Why she loves you so dearly given your childish, selfish behavior, I cannot say? We both have much to make right, but you have much more to lose. Think on that, Tercáno.” (Herald)

Smiling at the glare that produced, “You are still an easy mark, Brûnmellon.” (old friend)

*****

Every attempt he had made to get near her had been soundly rebuffed. Elrohir had said in no uncertain terms that it had been a mistake on all their parts not to do more to stop his courtship at the beginning, but they had been dissuaded from causing problems. Being told by his son he would not hesitate to use his sword to keep him away from Seere had been a shock.

She was sitting by the fire wrapped in a blanket next to Erestor and Glorfindel. She did not appear to be eating her meal or drinking the tea they had offered her. She had not raised her head or made eye contact with anyone since she took her seat.

Her crumpled posture worried him deeply. Having had enough of the interference, he got to his feet and moved rapidly in her direction only to have Haldir block his path. “I suggest you get out of my way and let me finally see her or I will not be responsible for my actions. I am tired of being blocked by the lot of you. I want to see if she is alright and I owe her an apology that cannot be delayed further, so move!”

Seeing Seere look up for the first time since they had made camp with hope and hurt warring in her eyes, Celeborn reached over to still both the arm of his son and his friend. “Nay, Haldir. It is Seere’s right to decide if she will forgive him, not yours or the rest of us.”

Noticing Erestor’s move to intervene, he nodded his head in Seere’s direction. Her eyes had locked with Elrond’s and the rest of the world had fallen away for both. Sighing with frustration, her protectors stepped aside and gave them a little room to talk.

*****

/Why does he stay so far away? Is he that disgusted with the possibility that I may have had a past life or is his disgust due to whose life it might have been? That I may have been a male… Ereinion?/

So caught up was she in her hurt over Elrond’s absence, she did not worry about anything else. Nor did she see his repeated attempts to move to her side from the time her Ada placed her on his horse, to the time he helped her to sit by the fire with an unwanted mug of tea in her hands. She was longing for the hour to grow late enough for her to crawl to her bedroll and hide the tears she wanted to shed.

Elrond’s angry raised voice cut through her misery and forced her head up with a snap./”…finally let me see her…?” “…tired of being blocked by the lot of you…?” Elrond?!/

Suddenly he was kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I am so sorry, pen-melui. I was so mad at Oropher I failed you. I let him provoke my anger instead of looking out for you and I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I will understand if you do not want to forgive me, but I pray that you will give me another chance to prove myself worthy of you. Nin goheno, meleth nin.” (lovely one) (Forgive me, my love.)

Elrond waited, his heart racing with fear for Seere to respond. /What will I do if she rejects me?/ He hoped she would at least talk to him and try to resolve the situation. Staring down at their joined hands, he began to despair her answer, as she was taking so long to respond.

He risked looking up to meet her eyes and found them swimming with tears just before she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a frantic hug. “I was so afraid you were disgusted with the possibility that Oropher was right that you did not want me any longer. I could not bare your disgust! Gen melin!!” (I love you!!)

Catching her to his chest, Elrond felt his heart start to beat again. " Gen melin, Seere!! Nin goheno, melme!” ( I love you, Seere!!) (Forgive me, love.)

Neither noticed the resigned, disgruntled looks they received from several of the elves closest to them. Celeborn and Glorfindel exchanged a relieved smile. Erestor found, to his great surprise, that he was strangely relieved by this turn of events. They had again faced a potentially serious challenge to their match and resolved it with a sincere willingness to admit mistakes and accept apologies. This fact boded well for their future.

Comforted, he moved to refill his mug and walked over to join a small group of long-lost friends from his days with the Last Alliance. Nearby, he saw Legolas deep in conversation with his returned grandfather. /This was indeed a day of extraordinary events! Thanks be to the Valar that I was allowed to be a part of this./

*****

As the urgency of the moment passed, Elrond let his grip on Seere ease. He felt the eyes of most of the camp watching them and knew this added to Seere’s discomfort. Whispering softly, he placed his lips next to her ear. “Would you object to our moving away from the fire so we have a little more privacy to talk?”

Feeling her nod, he stood to help her rise. “How is your knee? Do I need to remove the bindings and place more herbs on the wound?” Again, he received a nod in answer.

Concerned with her docile reactions, he slipped his arm around her waist and helped her walk over to her bedroll. Once she was settled comfortably, he moved to his saddlebags to retrieve his healing supplies.

While he was glad to have a reason for privacy from the prying eyes of the camp, he was still worried that her injury was so obviously painful. He sat down by her side and moved her knee to rest across his lap. The lower half of the right leg of her leggings had been split past her knee to allow for the bandage he had applied that morning.

Unwinding the strips of linen, he said, “Please talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking. I cannot tell you how badly I feel that I let you down so completely.”

Looking up from her knee, he was relieved to see a half smile playing across her lips. A lifted eyebrow was sufficient to prompt a simple, “Confused. I feel very confused.” Smiling to encourage her to continue, he paused and waited for her to say more.

“Who am I, Elrond? I do not know myself anymore. You know about my dreams; I know so much about Ereinion, things I have no obvious explanation for knowing. I do not think of myself as him, but I must confess it felt… familiar when they all bowed to me.”

She stopped to gather her thoughts before continuing. “I recognized the young warrior in the marsh; I knew his name and that he used to sing with Lindir around the campfire in the evenings. I felt such a profound relief, as if an old guilt had dropped from my shoulders, when I saw the lights of the freed fëar rise from the water to finally seek their path… I even had a sense of what awaited them in Mandos Hall.”

Pausing to take a breath before asking the question at the heart of her fears, she continued. “If I am… was the High King, will you no longer want me? I am not male now. What can I do not to lose you?”

Elrond felt his heart break at the uncertainty haunting her eyes. Lending in to press a loving kiss to her trembling lips, he tried to smile his reassurance. “Gen melin!! Nothing is going to change that. My devotion to you will not be altered if you did live before… nor by whom you might have been. What matters most is who you are now.” He spoke in a soft loving voice, determined to provide what reassurance he could. (I love you!)

“You are a loving, intelligent, talented, giving, beautiful elleth with a wicked sense of humor, and a compassionate, passionate heart. None of that has changed or will change. You are who you are.” Elrond rested his forehead against hers. “You are Erestor’s daughter and carry his brilliance and loyalty along with your mother’s fire. Thanks to their care in raising you, I see the influence of some of those dearest to me in all of Arda. And beyond all that, you are uniquely you.”

Seeing her eyes begin to shimmer with unshed tears, he added, “I knew Ereinion Gil-Galad quite well and loved him dearly. Whether you only know his memories through some unexplained connection… he visits your dreams to inspire your commitment to this mission perhaps… or if you do carry his rehoused fëa, I could not love you any less as I loved him so very dearly. My feelings for him were complicated… but love was at their core. My foolish behavior was a response to Oropher’s goading, not this possibility. What more can I say to reassure you, my love? Tell me and I will try.”

“You seem to know exactly what I needed to hear. I can still feel the touch of your fëa from earlier; I heard your song in my heart. I can hear it still even though as I am having trouble hearing my own,” she whispered.

“I heard yours too, Lirimaer. I have never experienced a connection with any other like the one you and I share. I will always be here to help you remember when you forget because you song is now a part of me.” (lovely one)

“As I will be for you, Elrond,” she sighed.

For several minutes, they were content to remain as they were, their heads bent together, as the tensions of the day drained away. Soon, he felt Seere sag against him.

Sighing, he pulled back just enough to smile into her eyes as he said, “I need to finish examining your knee so you can get some sleep.” Pressing a gentle kiss to her lips he bent to his task.

Once he was sure no further injury had occurred, he smoothed on an herbal compound. “Your wound is healing nicely and I see not signs of infection around the sutures. The pain you are feeling is likely the result of overuse and stress. I will rewrap the injury with fresh bindings in the morning if they are needed,” he promised.

Setting aside his supplies, he took her face between his hands and whispered once again, “Gen melin!!” before pulling her into a warm embrace. (I love you!!)

“Gen melin, bellas nîn!” (I love you, my strength!)

*****