Faer na Faer (Spirit to Spirit)
Chapter 6
Thranduil had vague memories of a blonde elfling being placed in his arms from time to time, an action that usually precipitated the child into wailing and tears almost instantly. The babe would be whisked away and he would not think of him again until the next time he was brought to see the king. For nearly fifty years, Thranduil believed this infant was one of Gildin's children, and not until the child had become an young adult did he finally comprehend that Legolas was his. What joy had visited him then, for he'd believed both wife and babe deceased! From that time forward, Thranduil had strived to heal, hoping to have a second chance to be a father to his youngest son.
Legolas, he had quickly discovered, was not easy to get to know. Occupied with his duties as a warrior, they rarely saw one another, though Thranduil made it plain to Gildin that he wished Legolas returned to the stronghold to be with him. It had hurt deeply to hear that Legolas was unwilling to accommodate this request, and for a time the grief took hold anew. Thranduil dulled the pain with wine and avoided both his sons, jealous of the elder for usurping his place in the younger's heart. Yet as Legolas grew older, he came more often to sit with his father, and Thranduil had caught him more than once weeping freely, face buried in his arms, so overwhelmed with sorrow that it nearly broke the king's heart. Again he made the struggle to defeat his illness, fearing his young son would succumb to the same malady. Gradually, they both reached a less perilous state of being. Thranduil recalled the first smile Legolas had given him with intense feeling.
A silent pact developed between them: each would work to help heal the other and neither would give in to sorrow again. Despite this breakthrough, there was ever a barrier between them, though Thranduil could see plainly the love and adoration in Legolas' eyes when they were trained upon him. Why this wall was so solidly impervious to his efforts to breach it the concerned father could not understand. He only knew Legolas did not confide in him. He also knew Gildin and Galion conspired to aid in this reticence.
At first, Thranduil had imagined this was because of the strength of the bond between Legolas and Gildin, but that notion evaporated quicker than the mists of dawn in summer's heat. Legolas and Gildin, while devoted to one another, were often at odds and the tension between them legendary. Everyone knew, even if no one spoke of it. What caused the contentious atmosphere was, again, protected scrupulously by both brothers. As if reciting a set script, each would complain about the other, Gildin citing Legolas' rash and reckless tactics in battle, Legolas griping about his brother's overly protective tendencies.
That the matter had to be serious, Thranduil had long ago concluded despite Galion's many assertions that it was simply due to Legolas' fears of worrying his father or causing him strife. What the nature of this secret might be had perplexed the King and kept him from dreams on more days than he could count. Something divided his two children, something vital enough to over-ride the nearly parental bond between Legolas and Gildin.
Thranduil, as has been mentioned, was no fool and certainly not deaf. The rumours finally reached him despite his sons' efforts to prevent it. At first he'd resorted to denial, watching Legolas keenly for signs of this supposedly aberrant craving for male flesh. Satisfied that Legolas deported himself with the utmost dignity and grace, Thranduil permitted himself to believe the rumours were false. Unable to summon the courage ask his son directly, he decided it was time to discuss the subject of finding a mate with Legolas. To call this disastrous would be over-stating the case; Legolas simply refused to talk about it, saying he had no desire to wed, and the king's suspicions were renewed.
Standing in the alcove between the playroom and the bedroom, observing the interaction between the March Warden from Lothlorien and his son, there was no room remaining for speculation or denial. Here was the cause of all the strain revealed at last, but Thranduil was more upset about the perception Legolas carried of him. Nothing in all of Arda could alter the depth of his love for Legolas or cause him to feel disgust for his son. It was terrible to realise that his son did not know this and had lived his entire life in fear of bringing sorrow upon his father. Thranduil had to wonder if, deep in his heart of hearts, buried so deeply even he would not have to see it, Legolas believed his mother's death lay at his feet, too. Gildin, he decided, had done his best but had not been able to keep a certain amount of resentment from infecting his raising of his brother.
All of this flew through Thranduil's mind as he stood in the shadows of the arched opening, an unseen witness to what could only be called a love scene, though next to no physical contact had taken place. For several seconds he remained frozen, shocked beyond words, thoughts, or motion by the intimate character of the conversation, to say nothing of Legolas' comfort with being naked in this stranger's presence. Equally disturbing was the nature of the injuries exposed by this nudity, for naturally the king was aware of the laws of his own realm and the punishments exacted for breaking them. If he'd had any doubts, the conversation between the two dispelled them.
Yet could he really claim to be surprised? No, for the placement of the injuries had raised his concerns and to satisfy those concerns once and for all the king had decided to over-rule the healers and visit his son. Finding that Legolas had retreated to his old nursery again roused his alarm, for the archer generally preferred his talan to the underground caverns. Clearly, he had been in too much discomfort to go there. Thus, Thranduil had gathered a sample of delicacies offered at the feast and carried this tray along to his son, determined to examine the hurts and get a full explanation. Discovering that Haldir of Lothlorien had nearly the same goal was unsettling.
Yet was it truly? Thranduil watched the March Warden, noting the gentleness of his touch and the soft music of his voice as he sought to comfort Legolas. His strong words also inspired respect. Clearly, this was a worthy and honourable elf, as he must be to have earned Lord Celeborn's trust and admiration. Thranduil sighed, understanding that what he was observing was love, reciprocated, devoted, unmitigated love. What to do now?
His deep breath was detected by the March Warden, who had not imagined there was a second entrance into the sleeping chamber. He stilled and turned slowly to the location of the noise, going pale and nearly losing control of his bodily functions to learn the spy was none other than King Thranduil. Hastily he jumped back from the bed, then flushed as he realised Legolas was naked and scanned the vicinity for some means to cover him up. Seeing this, Thranduil couldn't help but smile a little. He raised his hand to indicate no fear was warranted and then motioned for Haldir to follow him out. They repaired to the playroom and stood face to face before the fire, regarding one another warily. Finally the strain was too much for the March Warden.
"I cannot imagine your thoughts but I wish to assure you that I love Legolas more than my own life," he blurted out boldly, bracing himself for what he knew not: a blow or confinement in the dungeons or banishment and disgrace were all possibilities. He nearly fainted in shock when the king replied.
"I believe you, for I confess I was watching for several minutes. In fact, I cam upon the scene almost as soon as you did, so I know all. Thank you for encouraging him to confide in me," said Thranduil calmly. Now that it was out in the open, he found the truth easier to bear than other notions he'd entertained about Legolas' distance from him. Knowing Legolas feared to lose his father's love and respect was better than wondering if he resented him for being absent through all his formative years.
"What will you do?" asked Haldir, worried that Legolas faced more reprisals, for the laws had not dissolved in the last few seconds.
"Nothing. He has already admitted his error and been punished, much too severely in my opinion. Gildin and I will be having a serious discussion later," intoned Thranduil. He settled on the stone hearth and sighed. "I don't believe Gildin meant to hurt him so severely."
"Forgive me for being blunt," Haldir could not restrain his indignation, "but Gildin should not have hurt him at all. I will tell you plainly, if anyone here attempts to lay a hand on Legolas again, I will react with all the force at my disposal to prevent it."
"Even at the risk of causing war between our people?" queried Thranduil sharply.
"Aye, for I know my Lord would support my actions. Celeborn the Wise would never sanction such barbaric practices, all because someone desires a mate of like gender." Haldir lectured. "With all the troubles facing the Woodland Realm, doesn't this seem a trivial concern? What can it matter? Why inflict more suffering on top of that which the Necromancer is so ready to hand out?"
"That's enough, March Warden," admonished Thranduil. "It isn't for you to decide what is best for the folk of Greenwood."
"It is certainly my place to decide what is best for my mate," retorted Haldir.
"He isn't your mate," Thranduil managed to get the words past his teeth with effort.
"I will be his mate and Legolas will be mine."
Thranduil noted the look of stubborn defiance that filled the March Warden's cool blue eyes. Comprehension of the reason for Galion's sudden counsel to send Legolas to Lorien flooded his soul and swept the last of the fury away, leaving behind the broken detritus of fear and sorrow; he would lose Legolas forever if he opposed the elf before him. He took hold of his rising anger and stifled it, destroying it with the memory of Legolas' stricken voice as he pleaded with Haldir not to reveal anything to his father. More than anything, Thranduil wanted his son to trust him, and the elf before him was the key.
"Yet if this desire of yours would come to pass, then let us not continue this contention. I love my son and I would have him know happiness. If you are the one to provide it, I have no choice but to accept it, distasteful though it may be."
Expecting only angry accusations, Haldir was again stunned by the king's words. He stared, not realising his mouth was gaping wide until Thranduil actually pointed. Haldir shut it and sat down, feeling the need to calm his reeling thoughts.
"I wish to spend some time with Legolas," Thranduil said. "He and I have many barriers that must be broken before he leaves. I want him to know I will not forbid this love his heart has found. When I am through, I will send Galion to fetch you, for I have no doubt Legolas will wish to share the rest of his time here with you."
It took a minute before Haldir realised he'd been dismissed, so amazed was he to hear Thranduil promising him free access to Legolas. Finally he rose and bowed, stuttering out some sort of thanks, apology, and farewell all jumbled together. He exited the same way he'd come in and found Rumil standing watch at the end of the hall. The brothers returned to the feast, having much to celebrate.
TBC