Knocking At Heaven's Door

Title: Knocking At Heaven's Door
Author: Emmess
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Everything I can think of without being overly gross and offensive.
Pairings: Almost every Elf in Arda
Disclaimer: I do not own anything even remotely associated with Tolkien's universe, and actually…very little of anything else.
Summery: Ever wonder what happens to fanfic writers after they die? Would heaven be heaven without Elves and sex? Um…no. No, it wouldn't.


Chapter 6
All-You-Care-To-Eat Elf Buffet


My eyes took a few minutes to adjust to the dim interior of the restaurant, lit only by candlelight and torches placed evenly around the walls. Evidently death hadn't granted me super powers, because I was straining to see the figures gathered at the tables.

"You could put in elevators and in-door plumbing, you can watch DVD's, and you've built the Mall of the Gods, but you couldn't throw in a 60 watt lightbulb here and there?" I asked the trio of Elves who stood in the doorway with me. "I can't see a damn thing."

Chuckling, Haldir clapped his hands and light illuminated the dining hall. I was impressed, despite myself.

"Wow…nice trick. What else can you turn on with those hands?"

"I'll show you in about an hour or so," he replied, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively above his gray eyes.

"Don't let Haldir impress you too much, milady," came a voice from nearby, "he had these lights hooked up to the Clapper. He has, I'm afraid, a rather juvenile sense of humor."

"Glorfindel, really…don't you have a balrog to slay, or something?" Haldir retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I turned to the first speaker, eager to make the acquaintance of the infamous Lord of the Golden Flower. I wasn't disappointed.

Glorfindel was, indeed, glorious. Tall, imposing, his features were regal, and his bearing gave witness to his life as a warrior. Reams of thick golden hair streamed down his back and shoulders, gleaming brightly in the light. His deep blue eyes, framed by elegantly arched brows, stared coolly over my head at Haldir, not in the least bit intimidated by the March Warden.

"Haldir…I suggest you run along and play with your brothers. The Lady and I were just about to become better acquainted."

"And I suggest that you find someone else to feed your drivel to, you reincarnated lump of dung!" Haldir growled stepping forward.

"Mind your tongue, Elfling, or I'll have it on the tip of my sword!" Glorfindel hissed, also stepping forward.

My eyes widened, my throat feeling tight with nervous fear. I was now trapped, pressed between the two snarling Elves. Snarling? If they were so angry with each other, then why was I suddenly feeling two rather large, conspicuous lumps pressing against me from both front and rear? Comprehension dawned on my face, as I looked up at Glorfindel, who lost his composure and grinned down at me.

"Oh, for Eru's sake, will you two please give it a rest? The Lady isn't going to be suckered in by all this absurd false posturing!" a new voice interjected. I felt a warm hand on my arm, pulling me out from between the two Elves. I didn't know whether to be relieved, or really pissed off.

"Erestor…" Glorfindel began, spreading his hands, trying to explain.

"Erestor, nothing! She's here five minutes and already you two have her pressed flat like a shirt in a Chinese laundry! Growling at each other like a pair of oversexed teenagers! Honestly, is this Heaven, or High School?" Turning to me, Erestor offered me his arm, leading me to what appeared to be the head table. "Please excuse them…they're both very pretty, but not much in the creativity department. Believe it or not, they thought that fighting over you like that would turn you on, as if you were some adolescent schoolgirl!" he said, shaking his head.

I just didn't have the heart to tell him that they had been succeeding.

Speaking of pretty, Erestor was that and then some. Tall (they were all tall - I don't know why I insist on having to repeat it), slim and dark, his eyes were unfathomable black pools, under smooth, dark brows. An aquiline nose and full, shapely lips were set over a strong, cleft chin. Hair the color of midnight flowed down his back in long, silky strands that begged to be touched. I was wrong…he wasn't simply pretty - he was stunning.

"Go ahead," he said, smiling. "And thank you."

"Go ahead and what, and thank you why?"

"Go ahead and touch my hair, and thank you for thinking that I'm stunning," he laughed, bending to allow his expanse of thick, black hair to flow toward me.

"This mind reading thing is getting a bit annoying," I sniffed, barely able to resist running my fingers through his locks.

"It's all right…really, you know you want to," he encouraged, lifting my hand and placing it on the side of his head. My fingers felt the silky smooth strands beneath them, lifting a handful to rub against my cheek.

He smiled again, cupping my chin with his hand, kissing me softly. He leaned and whispered in my ear, "When it is time for me to seduce you, my attempt will not be as vulgar as that sorry, fumbling excuse at seduction by those two…I will court you with fine wine and candlelight, with music…"

I sighed. I simply couldn't help it…he was the most suave Elf I'd met so far.

"And likely the most suave you will ever meet," he chuckled, once again taking my arm.

I didn't have the opportunity to chide him for reading my mind yet again, since we had reached the head table and several Elves had risen to their feet to greet us. Erestor introduced me to them, beginning with my host, Lord Celeborn.

The Silver Lord lived up to his name in every way. His skin glowed faintly, as did all the Elves' and yet, there seemed to be a luminescent quality to his that the others didn't possess. I was nearly certain that he would glow in the dark. Hair the color of moonbeams flowed, framing a handsome face with pale gray eyes that seemed silver themselves. What impressed me most about Celeborn, were his hands. They were large, strong-looking, with long slender fingers that looked quite capable of extraordinary accomplishments.

He welcomed me to the dinner in my honor, taking both my hands in his, enveloping them. He seemed reluctant to let go, even when Erestor began to introduce me to the Elf on Celeborn's right.

"Milady, may I introduce you to Elrond, Lord of Rivendell."

I slipped my hands from Celeborn's and looked up into the dark eyes of the Peredhil Lord. Elrond's eyes were the color of the midnight sky, more black than blue, deep wells of indigo. His smile was disarming as he also grasped my hands and welcomed me.

The final Elf was Thranduil, and even Erestor's voice held a note of reverence as he introduced me to the only King in attendance. As light as Erestor was dark, the Elfking was not the color of moonbeams and silver as was Celeborn, but rather the dark gold of Tiffany's, gleaming with richness. He motioned from me to take a seat next to him at the table. Erestor sat on my right, and between the two of them, I learned a great deal about history, politics, and battles.

I was very grateful not to have fallen asleep in my Chicken Piccata.

Shortly after dessert was served, as we sat sipping wonderfully strong and aromatic coffee, Celeborn stood and addressed the room.

"It's time for the raffle!" he said, pulling a large fishbowl out from under the table. The fishbowl was filled with tiny, folded slips of paper. I raised my eyebrows, wondering why I hadn't been asked to join in the raffle.

"What's the prize?" I asked Erestor, who was leaning forward on his elbows expectantly.

"Why…you, of course." Seeing the extremely confused look on my face, he continued, "we can't very well all please you tonight…that's an impossible logistic, even in Heaven! So we decided to hold a raffle. Three grand prize winners get you, and the rest of us will just have to make do with each other."

Oh, my sweet lord…were they kidding? A quick vision of an entire room full of grunting, sweating, pumping Elves flashed before my eyes, and I found myself beginning to pant.

Celeborn motioned for me to stand, and I realized that they expected me to draw the winners. Since, with an entire roomful of hot Elves to choose from, even I didn't know which ones I would like, it was going to be as much as surprise to them as to me.

I swallowed hard, then dipped my hand into the fishbowl, pulling out a small, folded piece of white paper. I handed the paper to Celeborn, who read the name on it.

"Our first winner of the evening is…Elrohir!"

A cheer went up from the crowd of Elves, and I spotted a dark haired Elf sitting at table near the back of the room, rise, and make his way toward the head table.

Again my hand went into the fishbowl, pulling out another name.

"Our second winner of the evening is…Haldir!"

I watched the grinning Galadhrim jog up the aisle toward me. I remembered him saying that he had had plans for me that evening, and wondered how he had managed to rig the drawing.

For the final time, my hand fished around in the bowl, drawing out the last of the three winners.

"Finally, our last winner tonight is…Legolas!"

My eyebrows shot up…I didn't even know Legolas was at the dinner, though I had wondered. He had always been one of my favorite Elves, and I had been a bit disappointed that I hadn't met him yet.

I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face when I spotted the one who could only be him stalking up the center aisle of the restaurant. Golden, like his father, his eyes the color of a bright summer sky, skin flawless and pale, he was everything I'd ever thought he'd be - absolutely fabulous.

The rest of the room moaned, then the air filled with chatter again. I noticed Elves moving about, changing seats and tables, and realized they were picking their own partners.

Celeborn introduced me to Elrohir, who was a dark beauty of an Elf. I thought how interesting it would be to be trapped between him and his twin, and he grinned boyishly at me, reading my thoughts.

"We will be sure to arrange that as soon as possible…Elladan will be thrilled," he whispered, kissing my hand.

My breath caught in my throat when I turned and was introduced to Legolas. His blue eyes darkened, locking with mine, as he forsook taking my hand, instead opting to slip one of his behind my head, another behind my back and bend me backwards in a fierce, hot, tongue-wrestling kiss.

When he finally released me and let me stand up, I noticed Haldir unbuttoning his tunic, smiling a very lascivious grin. My eyes darted to Elrohir, who already had his tunic off and was working on the lacings of his leggings.


I realized that the grand prize was about to be taken, right there, in front of the entire room, probably smack in between the platters of miniature cream puffs and petit fours.

Scanning the crowd, I thought that I had never seen anyone get so involved, so fast. Clothes were virtually flying through the are as various couples, threesomes, foursomes, and in one corner, I swear I counted an eightsome, set about filling lips and various other apertures with tongues and other appendages. Rears were already rising and falling everywhere, mouths busily sucking, throats moaning.

Haldir took one strong arm and swept the table clean of plates and cups, not caring one whit about the breakage. I felt fingers at my back, unlacing the ribbons of my dress, feeling it slide to the floor, pooling around my ankles. I felt the same hands slide up my stomach to gently cup my breasts, thumbs teasing the nipples erect. A hot, hard erection rubbed itself enticingly along my backside, while soft lips nipped at the back and sides of my neck.

Haldir climbed on top of the table, his magnificent body nude, muscles rippling under his smooth skin. He came face to face with me, kneeling on the tabletop. Grabbing my head with one hand, and his stiff, pulsing organ with the other, he crushed his mouth to mine, while stroking him self slowly.

Someone had squeezed under the table, because I felt fingers gently prying my thighs apart, and a soft, hot, wet tongue delving into my most private area, sending shivers up my spine. I didn't know at that point whether it was Legolas or Elrohir under the table, or behind me, but I actually couldn't have cared less. I was doing what the brochure had suggested - enjoying the ride.

Hesitantly, I reached for Haldir's member, closing my fist his girth, delighting in the velvety soft skin and feeling its heat warm my palm. He sighed into my mouth, closing his hand over mine, showing me the pace he wished me to set. My other hand reached behind me, sliding over the soft, smooth skin of whichever Elf was there.

My breath was turning ragged from the Elves' attentions, but it was evident that my release was not be to given so easily. Sensing how close I was getting, Haldir pulled himself from my grasp, his organ pulsing and weeping. He stepped off the table, making room for the Elf who had been behind me to climb up.

Legolas took a moment to ravish my mouth with his before climbing up on the table. Settling onto all fours, his eyes locked with mine while stroking his erection.

Elrohir rose from under the table, climbing onto the table and positioning himself in front of Legolas. I gasped as Legolas flicked his tongue over the head of Elrohir's organ, licking pearly drops of moisture from the tip.

Lifting me bodily, Haldir placed me gently on the table, just behind Legolas, kneeling with my hands on Legolas' back. He climbed up himself, but didn't mount me as I had hoped. Instead, he knelt between Legolas and me, running one hand down Legolas's back to massage his rear, while stroking his own organ again. He leaned down to kiss me, then whispered in my ear, "Take him."
I looked at Haldir questioningly, not understanding what he meant.

Smiling, though his eyes were dark with lust, Haldir spread Legolas' smooth cheeks with both hands, exposing the small, puckered pink opening hidden there. Dipping his head, Haldir swept his tongue over the opening, causing Legolas to lift his rear and moan softly.

I moaned with him, watching Haldir's slick tongue flick enticingly over and over Legolas's clenching orifice, wetting it thoroughly. Sitting back on his haunches, Haldir took my hand and slid my finger into his hot mouth. My breath was ragged again, realizing now what it was he wanted me to do.

I touched my finger to the puckered flesh of Legolas' opening, feeling the muscles contract ever so slightly under my touch. Slowly, I slid my finger into his depths, feeling the tight silky sheathe grip my finger. He moaned, pushing his rear up into my touch, driving my finger into him to the hilt.

Watching over his shoulder, I saw Legolas take Elrohir fully into his mouth while Elrohir held Legolas' head with both his hands.
I bent, covering as much of Legolas' back and rear that I could reach with feather soft kissing, softly nipping at his delicate flesh, as his hips bucked faster onto my finger. My free hand reached between his legs, gently massaging the sac that hung there, feeling its fullness.
Haldir moved behind me, sliding his fingers into my depths from behind. I was more than ready for him.

The tip of his hot hardness pressed against my opening, and I felt myself press backward onto it, much as Legolas had done, anxious for him to fill me.

With one sure stroke, Haldir slid his entire length into me, groaning over my back. Over and over he slammed into me, hitting my pleasure spot each and every time, driving me mad with mounting desire.

Of my own volition, I added another finger to the first that was sliding in and out of Legolas' tight ass at a frantic pace. His groan was long and raspy, and his hand moved faster and faster along his own shaft beneath him as he spilled his seed over his hand.

Elrohir threw his head back, flinging his long black hair, as he climaxed into Legolas' mouth.

Watching them threw me over the edge, a violent orgasm wracking my body. I felt Haldir's hot seed fill me as his moan filled my ears.
The four of us collapsed on the table in a panting, boneless heap. Barely able to turn my head, I saw a room full of Elves reaching their own climaxes, the air full of moans, grunts, and sighs.

Laying my head down on Legolas' rear end (which made a very cushy pillow, might I add), I quickly fell asleep.