To Finally Belong

Chapter 6 – Sparring and Learning


When Haldir rose in the morning, Círa was already awake and dressed. He wasn’t sure whether he was more embarrassed by what had happened the previous night or upset over her rejection of him. Regardless, being alone in the talan with her this morning was extremely awkward. Deciding that he would not allow her to think she had gotten the better of him, he chose to settle for embarrassed. Clearing his throat, he waited until she turned towards him.

“I apologize for my behavior last night. I must have had more to drink than I had thought or I never would have touched you,” he promised. “I will speak with Lady Galadriel about having you stay with someone else because I do not think that this is working out.”

“That would be for the best,” Círa agreed, still upset about his actions.

~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir dropped Círa off with Rúmil with instructions for him to continue her training on the bow, assuring them that he would be along shortly. It wasn’t long before he was standing in front of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, trying to convince them that Círa might be better off with somebody else.

“And who do you suggest for this guard duty?” Galadriel asked. “One of your brothers?”

“No, they both like her and she could take advantage of them,” he admitted, beginning to pace. “I do not know of any female that could handle her, yet I do not know any male that I would trust to watch her. Either they would take advantage of her or she would take advantage of them.”

“But she cannot take advantage of you?” the lady asked.

“No,” he admitted.

“And you would not take advantage of her, either, would you, Haldir?”

His eyes flew to hers at this comment. It may have been said in innocence, but he doubted it. The lady saw much.

He sighed. “I did not try to take advantage of her. I stopped when she informed me that she was not interested.”

The lady smiled, clearly seeing the picture in Haldir’s mind of Círa shoving him to the floor. “The elleth let you down gently, I suppose.”

Haldir raised an eyebrow. “I am not sure that she knows how to do anything gently.”

The lady smiled again and patted the elf on the shoulder. “Haldir, when I said that I wished for Círa to stay with you, there was a reason. I feel that there is much that you can each learn from each other and already there has been progress. Your heart has softened towards her just a bit and you are learning compassion, something that has been lacking in your life for many, many years. I think it best for her to remain in your care for a while longer. Whether you need to continue treating her as a prisoner, is your decision.”

He left when dismissed, wondering how long he could put up with having the elleth stay with him. It had only been two days so far and there had already been problems. He shook his head and continued on to the training fields.

~~~~~~~~

Círa pulled the heavy string back slowly, concentrating on where she wanted the arrow to land. It was more than a matter of eyesight and a steady hand, she had found. Most of it was mental and the concentration was crucial. Waiting until she knew, absolutely knew, that she had everything perfect, she released the string. She hit the target where she had planned, but she knew that it had it taken her too long to do it.

When Haldir approached, she heard his steps but was not aware that they belonged to him. She turned to see after she took her shot and was a little disconcerted to find the Marchwarden watching her with his arms crossed.

“It was a decent shot, but if you are in battle, an Orc will not wait two minutes while you aim,” he said, a bit harshly.

“I realize that,” she replied through clenched teeth. “I just started yesterday, in case you have forgotten.”

“I have not forgotten,” he said, glaring. “I am only trying to help you understand where you need to improve.”

“Well, thank you so much for the help,” she replied sarcastically.

“I would like to have a word with you in private,” he told her shortly, starting to take her arm but changing his mind. “Come with me.”

He led her well away from prying ears before he turned to her hotly. “As you are now a member of the Galadhrim, whether I like it or not, and you will adhere to the same rules that every other member does or you will face the same consequences. Is that clear, warden?”

She began to make a sharp retort, but decided that she wasn’t being fair. She should not require special treatment and if she wanted to be accepted, her cooperation would be essential. She nodded her head in agreement. “I will need to know the rules.”

“Most of them are common sense,” he insisted, “such as treating your commander with respect. That would be me. I will not tolerate my wardens talking back to me or showing any sign of disrespect while on duty. What you do off duty is your own business. If you have a problem with me, you may discuss it with me in private. I will have one of my brothers discuss the rest of the rules with you and I expect you to learn them all.”

“Am I to be moving to a different talan?” she asked when he did not broach the subject.

“No,” he said, sullenly. “Lady Galadriel wishes for you to remain with me for now. We are stuck with each other.”

She wasn’t any happier about it than he was and when they returned to where the others waited, the tension between them was blatant.

“Continue her work with the bow,” Haldir told his brothers. “Tomorrow I wish to see how well she does with a sword and knives so that I know how much work we have to do in those areas.”

For some reason, the last comment earned a smirk from Círa, but Haldir ignored it, continuing. “I want you to quit an hour early tonight. As well as working with weapons, Círa needs to spend some time learning some other things before the celebration in two weeks. She needs to learn table manners as well as dancing, so that she doesn’t make a fool of herself. I heard about the disaster at the Golden Hall, in Edoras.”

Both brothers raised eyebrows at this, but Haldir did not elaborate and Círa merely rolled her eyes and said, “I never even laid a hand on the man.”

“Can the two of you handle these duties?” their brother asked.

They both nodded. Rúmil thought it would be fun to teach her to dance and table manners should not be much of a problem.

“When she is done, bring her back to my talan and she can cook dinner for me tonight. It would not hurt for her to earn her keep.”

She readily agreed, “I do not know how to cook, though. If you wish for me to feed you, it will have to be Orc style.”

“And how would that be?” he asked, not sure that he wanted to know.

“I shall catch a couple of rabbits and we will eat them raw,” she responded. Haldir glared at her.

“I shall cook,” he decided. “You may clean.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Very good, Círa!” Rúmil said, watching her whirl around with Orophin.

“I am going to put my arm around your waist now,” Orophin warned her. He did so and she did not react, but simply did as she was told. They spent an hour dancing and didn’t get around to the table manners but decided that Haldir could deal with that at dinner. They both walked her to Haldir’s talan and told her goodnight before leaving her in the charge of their brother.

Haldir ignored her when she first entered the room, as he was busy cooking their dinner. She was just as good at ignoring as he was and the talan was silent except for the sound of food preparation, for quite some while.

“Well, did they manage to teach you anything?” he asked at last, setting a plate in front of her.

“Yes, I am not stupid, you know,” came her reply.

“I never said that you were,” he said, looking sharply at her.

“You treat me as though I were,” she said, starting to grab a piece of meat from the plate.

“Put that back!” he said. “Obviously you did not get very far on the table manners. First, when we are dining in the Great Hall, I will be your escort. I will pull your chair out for you to sit on.”

“That is ridiculous!” she said. “I can pull my own chair out!”

“Of course you can and normally you will. The rules are different when we dine in the Great Hall, so please cooperate. Let us try it.” He pulled her chair out and after glaring at him for a moment she plopped down into the seat.

He rolled his eyes. “Can you please try to do it a bit more gracefully next time? Now, I am going to push the chair in, but you will have to lift up off the seat for me to do so.”

It took a couple tries to get it right, but finally she was able to make it look smooth.

“Good,” he said. “We shall practice this until the celebration and after that, you will have to pull your own chair out.”

“That is fine with me!” she said, annoyed about the entire situation.

They ate in silence, drinking wine with their meal and after the first glass they finally began to unwind and speak with each other.

“I remember you when you were a child,” Haldir said at last, swirling the wine in his glass.

She looked up at him, surprised that he had not mentioned this before. Taking a sip of her own wine, she invited him to continue with her silence.

“I knew both your mother and father very well,” he continued. “They were wonderful people and we were all greatly affected by their deaths.”

She nodded, not knowing what to say at first, but finally admitted. “All these years, I had hoped that my father was still alive and was disappointed to hear of his death. It took me many, many years to get over the death of my mother. It was years before I no longer saw her die in my arms while trying to sleep at night.”

Haldir looked up at this. “You saw her die?”

Hesitating a moment, she finally told him the whole story, surprised at how well she remembered every detail. “I remember sitting there amidst all that death and wondering why I’d been spared and never really knowing the answer. I knew that the Orcs found me amusing and kept me alive for that reason, but something came back to me last night, when you asked me if I had ever been kissed before.” Haldir blushed at that, not wanting to bring up the incident again.

“My father used to kiss my forehead and tell me that it would protect me. When my mother and I left with the others that day, he kissed my forehead like he always did and told me it would keep me safe. He also kissed my mother and so when we were attacked, I had really believed that we would both be spared. When she died, I knew that it was all pretend, that the kiss was nothing magical and that nothing would ever protect me again. I learned as a very small child that if I did not take care of myself, nobody else would. I had buried that memory in my mind, I suppose. That was my last kiss in two hundred years, until last night.”

“Did your Uruk not kiss you?” he had to ask. As much as the thought disgusted him, he was curious.

“No, Orcs and Uruk-hai are not like that. I suppose Lurtz showed me more affection than I had seen until he came along, but it was not much. An occasional touch, a look in his eyes, nothing more.”

Haldir nodded. He didn’t need to know any more at the moment.

“And your dance lessons, how did they go?” he asked, wanting to change the subject.

“Very well, I suppose,” she told him, letting him know the different moves she had learned. He had refilled their glasses and she began to become more animated in the telling. When she started to talk about one dance, she could not remember the name and did not know how to describe it to him.

“Come here,” she told him. “I will show you.”

He regarded her impassively for a moment, weighing the wisdom of being so close to the elleth, but finally he rose and went to her. She took his hands and showed him the moves and soon found herself wrapped in his arms as he continued on with the dance. He was an excellent dancer, even better than his brothers, and she found herself enjoying the steps as they continued on. At one point he swung her away then wrapped her tight against his chest as he looked down at her.

“I had thought that I was the same height as you,” she said, at a loss for other words.

“No, I am taller,” he said, his face inches away from hers. Time seemed to stand still as they regarded each other for a moment before he suddenly let her go and walked away, disconcerted. He looked back at her, worried, though she did not understand why.

“Did you not have anybody to meet tonight?” Círa finally asked, wondering why he was home for the evening.

“No,” he said, unhappily. “I decided that I needed a quiet night at home for a change.” He didn’t tell her that he had found himself suddenly uninterested in other females.

“What do you do when you are at home in the evenings?” she asked.

“Sometimes I read. If I am not busy with a female guest, I often visit with my brothers or they come over here.”

“What will you do tonight?” she asked.

He wasn’t sure. He had no desire to spend the evening with his brothers or maybe it was just that he didn’t want to share Círa with them, though he did not know what he would do with her.

“I suppose I could read,” he said, shrugging. She nodded, having no idea what she was supposed to do while he was reading. He had said that she could clean so she started by washing the dishes and putting them away before giving the kitchen a thorough cleaning. She did not want to clean around him in the other room, so she moved on to the bathing chamber and cleaned it before taking a long bath. When she came out, wearing just his soft tunic, she could not help but notice that Haldir’s eyes were fixed on her body. He finally closed his eyes briefly before returning them to his book.

When there was nothing else for her to do, she sat next to him on the pillows. He stopped reading and looked at her.

“Do you think it would be possible for you to teach me to read and write in Elvish?” she asked, though she hated to ask him a favor.

He smiled at her and she thought that it was a genuine smile, not a mocking one. “Yes, I could do that.” He thought about it for a minute then asked her to follow him. They left the talan and went to another underground room and this one was filled with books. Carefully using a torch, he found a section of books that were written for elflings and he grabbed a couple of them to take back.

Once back on the pillows in the talan, they sat side by side so that they could both see the book. He started with the alphabet but they were both happy to find that she remembered it after a little prompting. As they moved through the book, she found herself recalling more and more and was able to read some words without help. When they got to the second book, she gasped with delight.

“Haldir, I had this book as a child!” she said, excited. “There is a horse on the second page.” Sure enough, when she turned the page, it was exactly the way she remembered it. He smiled at her excitement and thought that in a way, she was now reliving the years she had missed as a child. She moved through the book quickly, reading the words with excitement. Once he realized that she could do this on her own, he simply watched her as she read aloud, finding that he was comparing her to Alfirin and Meril and seeing that she was so much more than either of them. How he could have ever found the other elleths attractive was beyond him, though, of course, neither of the others went out and killed rabbits for dinner and proceeded to eat them raw. He did not really know if Círa was capable of changing completely, but now he had begun to wonder how much he wanted her to change, anyway. It took most of his will power to keep from turning her head towards him and kissing her, but he would not do so. He would not take advantage of her naïveté and start something unless he was willing to commit himself to something longer than a night or two. He would continue to keep his distance as much as possible, though if they were home alone in his talan he supposed he could show her a bit more friendliness than he did during training. It would not hurt to sit by her and read, he decided, picking up his own book as she continued to read hers.

When Círa finally showed signs of getting tired, Haldir retired to his bedroom, leaving her to sleep on the pillows.

~~~~~~~~~

The Marchwarden watched in amazement as Círa sparred each of the lower ranking members of the Galadhrim and easily beat them all, though she had no break in between. Haldir knew that any one of them could beat her with a bow, but the way she was improving, he did not know how long that would last. She was incredible with a sword, though she had a unique and rugged style. When the last one finished, he sent out Rúmil, then Orophin, still not giving her a break in between. It did not take her long to beat Rúmil, but by the time she got to Orophin she was wearing down. Haldir stopped the match before it was done.

“That was incredible,” he admitted to her afterwards. “Where did you learn to fight with a sword? The Orcs are not that good.”

“No, they are not. They taught me the basics and I taught myself the rest. When you must fight for your food, you learn quickly,” she told him. “Try it with your wardens and I guarantee that the ones who survive will become better fighters.”

He looked at her to see if she was serious, but saw that she was not. She knew that what they had done to her had been wrong, even if it had been effective.

“I suppose it is a good thing that Orcs and Uruks do not possess elven skills or we would all be in trouble,” Haldir said, truthfully. “Stop and have some lunch. This afternoon, I want to see what you can do with knives. Tomorrow, you will spar against me using both weapons.”

“Why, will you be too tired to do it this afternoon?” she asked him.

“No, but you will be,” he informed her.

Sure enough, by the time the afternoon was over, she was wearing down. Granted, she had fought several of the better wardens with knives, one after another. This time, she beat Orophin but could not beat Rúmil, whose expertise was with the knives. She did not think that she would be up to handling a sparring match with Haldir until the next day and was glad that she did not have to do so. The two brothers thought that she would be too tired for her dancing lessons, but she insisted. When they tried to talk her out of it, the elleth admitted that she was very nervous about the upcoming celebration in her honor and was concerned about looking foolish if she couldn’t dance. They obliged her, working with her on the moves that she had already learned before teaching her some new steps. There was one dance in particular that she had problems with and it was frustrating her. Unlike most of the others, this one was a slow dance that should have been simple and they didn’t understand why she couldn’t learn it. When she finally gave up, they walked her home where Haldir had dinner already made.

“You are late,” he admonished her.

“I could not do one of the dances and we kept trying,” she told him, her frustration showing. When they were done with dinner and dishes, he asked her about the dance so she showed him the moves and explained it to him.

“I know why you have trouble with that one,” he told her. “Come here.”

She did and when he took her in his arms, she tensed up. “I thought so,” he said.

“This one is simple if you are not nervous, but if you feel uncomfortable about it, you tense up and it feels stilted; it does not flow. You must relax,” he explained.

“I cannot,” she admitted. Especially when you are this close, she added to herself.

“Try,” he said, “lean against me and relax. We will not dance just yet. I will not do anything, so there is no need to be nervous.”

He began to rub her back softly and talked to her while he did it.

“You are not trying to entice me again, are you?” she asked, warily.

“To use your words, I am not stupid,” he answered. “I am trying to get you to relax.”

She found that if she closed her eyes and leaned against him, it was indeed very relaxing. The feel of his hand moving in circles on her back began to release the tension in her muscles and she felt her heart began to beat more slowly. They tried the dance step again and this time it felt better, as though they were moving as one. In fact, it felt very good, she thought, as Haldir pulled her even closer. If she didn’t know better, she would have almost thought that he was enjoying being close to her. She found herself liking the contact and just wished he didn’t dislike her so much.

When the dance ended, neither of them pulled away at first and when they did, Círa found Haldir looking at her strangely; almost with the same look of longing that Lurtz had once given her. She knew that this could not be the case and quickly turned away silently reprimanding herself for reading something into the situation that was not there.

Leaving Haldir standing in the middle of the room, Círa wrapped herself in her blanket and fell asleep. She dreamed only of elves that night.

~To Be Continued~