Random Conversations [COMPLETE]

The Disclaimer: None of the LotR characters belong to me. They belong to The Professor. Shana and Valkyrie belong to themselves. ALSO, any references made to other works of fan fiction are NOT meant to be malicious. I only make references to these stories and do not mention titles or specific authors I d I do not know. These are simply sto tha that stick out in my mind and any references are made in all good fun and humor.

The Cast (this chapter): Aragorn, Arwen, Bilbo, Celeborn, Elledan, Elrohir, Elrond, Eomer, Erestor, Faramir, Figwit, Frodo, Galadriel, Gandalf, Gil-galad, Glorfindel, Haldir, Isildur, Legolas, Merry, Orophin, Pippin, Rumil, Sam, Rainien, Shana, Valkyrie

Many partings.

Isildur: *picks himself up off the ground, reflexively testing his jaw* Did you have to hit o hao hard, son?

Aragorn: I am NOT your son!

Isildur: No, I guess you would be my great-great-great…Just how many generations have passed? *looks at Rainien*

Rainien: More than I can figure out. Elrond probably knows, but…umm…I don’t think you want to ask him right now.

Isildur: *turns to look at Elrond who very much looks like he would like to take a page from his foster son’s book and plant a fist in his jaw* Right. What would you have of me, Aragorn? I have paid for not destroying the Ring.

Aragorn: Just how have you paid?

Isildur: Well, I died, didn’t I?

Aragorn: You are MORTAL! You would have died anyway!

Rainien: *standing and approaching them* All right. Enough of this. I have other work to do, you know, and I’ll never get it done if you two continue with this. *leans close to Aragorn and whispers to him* Very soon now, he will begin to pay. *winks* Aragorn, please go sit with Valkyrie. Your time with her grows short. Isildur, for your own protection, you’re going to have to sit with Legolas and me for just a bit.

Aragorn: *returns to sit with Valkyrie.

Valkyrie: *inspects his hand and kisses his bruised knuckles*

Aragorn: Thank you. *smiles*

Erestor: Rainien, why does their time grow short?

Rainien: We’re all coming to the end of our time together. We’re just waiting for one more arrival.

Erestor: *looking around* I cannot imagine who could be next! I believe if anyone nere tre to show up, we could be here for days!

Rainien: *laughing* No, Erestor. Someone will be returning, ths als all.

Erestor: *thinking for a moment* Arwen is the only one who has left. Is it she?

Glorfindel: *mumbles* Arwench.

Shana: *giggles*

Aragorn: *looks from Valkyrie to Galadriel* Galadriel? I would ask…

Galadriel: *raising a hand and interrupting him* No, Ara, I , I will not tell my granddaughter what I have seen today. But YOU will tell her later.

Aragorn: *sighing* As you wish.

Eomer: *chuckles*

Valkyrie: Shana, what are your plans for the rest of the day?

Shana: *looking at each of her elves* As soon as a nice, private place is found, I plan to have a nice long Elf Orgy.

Galadriel: *gasps*

Shana: *smirks* Like you never considered it.

Galadriel: *blushes*

Glorfindel: *softly trailing a finger up Shana’s arm* I do know of a particularly lovely place in the forest.

Shana: *grinning* Soon. *looks at Valkyrie* And you? What are your plans?

Valkyrie: *grinning at Gil-galad, Elrond and Figwit* I think you have a good idea, Shana.

Figwit: *blushes prettily*

Eomer: *looking at Valkyrie* But what about us?

Faramir: *nodding*

Valkyrie: *smiling at Rainien* I think Rainien has plans for the two of you.

Rainien: Oh, yes. We certainly do have work to do. But I’m sure you’ll both enjoy it. I know I will. *grins*

Faramir: *smiles*

Eomer: *blushes*

*music pulses through the air, a heavy bass line, strings, and a haunting voice*

Aragorn: *looking around* What is happening?

Rainien: Songfic

Aragorn: Excuse me?

Rainien: It’s another type of fanfic. Authors sometimes set their story to a specific song. It sets a mood. Sometimes a specific lyric can form the basis for the story, acting as a muse.

Love-Devotion
Feeling-Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into my heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Galadriel: *closing her eyes and letting the music wash over her* Who is the artist?

Rainien: It’s a group called Enigma.

Elrond: *smiling wistfully* And the song?

Rainien: Return to Innocence. It makes me think of the elves and how you will sail to Valinor, to a place without the troubles of this world – a place of innocence.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Galadriel: Quite right. *standing* Ladies, I thank you for a wonderful time. Celeborn, I believe we should go. There is much to be bef before I set sail.

Celeborn: *standing*

Galadriel: Rumil, Orophin, I believe that I am in such a good mood that I can be radiant on my own. Why don’t you go and enjoy the rest of your day? *smiles at them both and begins to move away* Come along, Celeborn! There’s packing to be done.

Celeborn: Yes, but…

Galadriel: And I don’t wish to leave my favorite books.

Celeborn: Yes, but…

Galadriel: And my wall hangings.

Celeborn: Yes, but…

Galadriel: And those adorable little carvings that the twins made for me when they were elflings.

Celeborn: Yes, but…

Galadriel: And…

Celeborn: GALADRIEL!!

Galadriel: *calmly turning to face him* What ever is the matter with you, Celeborn? If you have something you wish to say, all you need do is say it. There is no need for yelling.

Celeborn: *taking a deep, calming breath and releasing it* Do you think that at SOME point during your packing there is the possibility of finding time to have sex one last time?

Galadriel: *steps closer to him and gently caresses his cheek, leans forward to whisper in his ear* First one to our bed gets to choose the position. *takes advantage of his shock to turn and take of running and laughing*

Celeborn: *taking off after her and yelling* You will not walk straight for a week by the time I am finished with you!

Elledan: *shivering* I did NOT need to witness that.

Elrohir: I thought they were too old for that.

Rumil: *laughing* That was nothing.

Orophin: *nodding* They get so loud sometimes I’ve thought of going on border patrol just to get a good night’s sleep.

Everyone: *laughs*

Rainien: What will you two do with your afternoon of leisure?

Orophin: *looking at Rumil* How about a swim?

Rumil: That sounds great! *looks at the twins* Are you going to join us? It’s been a while since the four of us had a nice swim together. *smiles mischievously*

Elledan: Oh! That sounds *looks at Rainien* umm...That sounds great, but…

Rainien: *kisses the twins each on the cheek* Thank you for keeping me company. Go have fun with your friends. I’ll be fine now. I have plans of my own. *grins at Eomer and Faramir*

Elrohir: *smiles* It was our pleasure. *kisses the tip of her nose*

Rainien: *giggles* Go on, now, both of you. Go play with your friends. *pauses as she looks at the four of them* Hold on a second, please. Would you come back for a moment, all four of you? I have one more thing I wanted to say to you.

Legolas: *moves out of the way as the four friends move to stand in front of Rainien*

Rainien: *looks up at the four very TALL elves* Well this won’t work. *stands on the bench so she can look them in the eyes* That’s better. *smiles at them* Now, I’m only going to say this once. I saw those looks you were giving each other and I’m pretty sure there’s going to be more than swimming going on in just a short time. Remember, you may SHARE with your brother, but you will keep ALL body parts AWAY from your brother. Understand?

Legolas: *snickers*

Rainien: *leans down and whacks him on top of the head* I’m not joking! *looks at the four again* Well?

Rumil, Orophin, Elledan and Elrohir: *in unison* Yes, Rainien.

Rainien: *smiles* Thank you. Run along now. Have fun. *watches as they leave the garden*

Legolas: *standing* I think I’ll join them.

Rainien: *grabs him by the sleeve* Oh, no you don’t! I’ve got plans for you.

Legolas: *looking excited* Really? What?

Rainien: I’m not telling just yet. *grins and looks at the four figures moving further away from the garden* Legolas, tell me what you see out there. They’re just past what I can see clearly.

Legolas: *snickering* I see Rumil kissing Orophin, rather passionately, I might add.

Rainien: And?

Legolas: And Elledan is kissing Elrohir. Or maybe it’s Elrohir kissing Elledan. *shrugs one shoulder* It’s difficult to tell at this distance since they look so much alike.

Valkyrie: *laughs*

Rainien: *yelling* DAMMIT! You four stop that right now! You couldn’t wait till you were at the river were I can’t see you?? I told you there wouldn’t be any incest in my story!!

Everyone: *laughs*

Rainien: *sighs and sits down again* Guess it was just too much to ask for.

Pippin: I’m starving.

Elrond: *groans* You’re always starving.

Pippin: Well this time I really am starving. We haven’t had anything to eat in, what is it, three or four chapters?

Gandalf: *standing* Come along then, young hobbits. I will protect you from the kitchen staff and perhaps we shall find you all something to eat.

Frodo: *taking Sam’s hand* I’m glad you’re with me, Sam, here at the end of all things.

Merry: *sighing* It’s not the end of all things Frodo, just our part in this tale. Right, Rainien?

Rainien: I’m afraid so. It was very lovely seeing all of you. *smiling*

Sam: What about Mr. Bilbo? He’s slept through this whole thing.

Rainien: Don’t worry about him. He’ll be fine where he is. I’ll send him along later.

Everyone: *waves good-bye to the wizard and four hobbits as they disappear inside the Last Homely House*

Arwench: There you are!

Aragorn: Hello, my love. *smiling hopefully*

Arwench: Don’t you “my love” me. I know what you’ve been up to.

Valkyrie: Oops! *giggles*

Aragorn: Arwen, I can explain…

Arwench: Not right now. I saw my grandmother…well, rather more of her than I would have wished. I think my grandfather caught up with her sooner than she wished.

Rainien: *laughs*

Arwench: *shivers* Anyway, she told me there was someone here I would very much wish to see. *looking around* Actually, she said I would wish to confront this person, but I cannot possibly imagine who…YOU!

Isildur: Oh, no. *looks at Rainien* May I go back to wherever you pulled me from now, please?

Rainien: *laughing* Nope. It’s time to pay, Isildur. You got off far too easily in my book. Everyone else who held the Ring had to pay a price. Except maybe Bilbo. Smeagol became Gollum. Poor Frodo will not be able to live out his life in the Shire. You simply died, something we’ve already established would have happened anyway since you are mortal. *looks at Arwen* He’s all yours, dear.

Arwench: *walks forward and grabs Isildur by the ear* You’ve got work to do. The dwarves are rebuilding the gates of YOUR former city and could use some help. The elves are replanting the gardens of YOUR former city and THEY could use some help as well, although I doubt they would admit it. There are rocks everywhere still from the battle in YOUR former city and I want them picked up. *begins pulling him, by the ear, down one of the paths* And if you find something, like a RING while you are working, what will you do?

Isildur: Bring it to you and Aragorn?

Arwench: And after you are told what to do with it?

Isildur: Do as I’m told?

Arwench: Very good. You can be taught. That, at least, is a relief. Come along Aragorn! I am not finished with you either.

Aragorn: *quickly follows, waving good-bye to everyone*

Gil-galad: *laughing* That daughter of yours is something else, Elrond.

Elrond: *smiling fondly* I know. She makes me proud.

Figwit: You’ll miss her, won’t you, after you leave for the Havens?

Elrond: Yes, I will. But if what I’ve learned here today is true, we will all meet again and again in the minds and imaginations of these fanfic authors.

Valkyrie: *standing and walking toward Elrond, Gil-galad and Figwit* Speaking of imaginations…

Gil-galad: *smiling* I DID say we could talk later, didn’t I?

Valkyrie: Yes, you did. *looks from Gil-galad to Elrond to Figwit, sitting at Elrond’s feet* You’re all so lovely. I don’t know which to touch first.

Elrond: *looking from Gil-galad to Figwit to Valkyrie* I find myself in the same dilemma.

Gil-galad: Perhaps we could find some place more private where we could figure that out? *looks at Figwit* Is that agreeable to you?

Figwit: *looks slightly overwhelmed* Oh, yes.

Elrond: *stands* My chambers. Now. *takes Figwit’s hand to help him stand, who in turn takes Valkyrie’s hand*

Valkyrie: *blushes*

Gil-galad: *reaches over to pinch Elrond on the rear*

Elrond: *yelps*

Gil-galad: *takes Valkyrie’s other hand and whispers* You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that!

Valkyrie: *giggles*

Rainien: *laughs as she watches the four retreat, rather quickly, into the house*

Faramir: *sighs* I thought she said we were her favorites.

Rainien: And you still are, Faramir, you and Eomer and Aragorn – Boromir as well. But she knew I had plans for you two. Besides, it’s not often a girl gets to participate in an Elf Orgy. *grins*

Shana: Speak for yourself! I get them any time I want. *smiles at Haldir* And I think I want. Now.

Haldir: *grins mischievously and stands, tossing Shana over his shoulder* Where is this perfect place in the forest, Glorfindel?

Shana: *shrieks*

Glorfindel: *stands* Follow me, Marchwarden! *pinches Shana on the rear and takes off into the forest*

Shana: GLORY! I’ll get you for that! *laughs* Come on Erestor!

Erestor: *stands, laughing, and follows the others into the forest*

Shana: *waving* Bye, Rainien! It’s been fun!

Rainien: *laughing* See you soon! Have fun, love!

Eomer and Faramir: *sit on either side of Rainien on the bench*

Legolas: Not it’s just the four of us – five if you count Bilbo.

Rainien: I’ll wake him in a moment. *looks from Eomer to Faramir and takes their hands* Are you two ready?

Eomer and Faramir: *nod eagerly*

Rainien: *stands and begins to lead the pair from the garden* One second, please. *releases their hands and walks over to Bilbo and gently wakes him* Wake up, sleepy hobbit.

Bilbo: Hello again. *looks around* Where did everyone go?

Rainien: *smiling* Here and there. Gandalf has taken the other hobbits to the kitchen to find something to eat. Perhaps you’d like to join them?

Bilbo: Yes, I should like that. *pauses* We did not get to talk much. And I was so looking forward to it.

Rainien: Perhaps another time. I know you were tired, so I didn’t wake you sooner. Maybe you could show me around Valinor one of these days?

Bilbo: That sounds lovely, but how will you get there? You’re not an elf, and you weren’t a Ringbearer.

Rainien: *grins* I’m a fanfic author. I can plop myself down into any setting I wish, if I wish it.

Bilbo: *looking confused* Then why would you choose to come visit me when there are so many others, much more interesting, to visit?

Rainien: Because you began this all for me, running off on an adventure with a bunch of dwarves and forgetting your handkerchief.

Bilbo: *blushes*

Rainien: *kisses him on the cheek* Run along now. If you hurry, the others might have saved something for you to eat.

Bilbo: *standing* Good-bye, Rainien. Perhaps we shall meet again, someday.

Rainien: *waves good-bye as he walks into the house*

Legolas: What about me??

Rainien: *walking hand in hand with Eomer and Faramir, glances over her shoulder and grins* OH FANGIRLSSSSSSSSS!!!!

*fanatical screaming is heard in the background, getting rapidly closer as the Prince takes off running*

Rainien: *giggles* My work here is done.

END

A/N: Whew! That's FINALLY finished. I hope everyone has enjoyed this, my first fanfic. Thanks to those who've read and reviewed. Special thanks to Shana and Valkyrie for their input and support. Credit for the "fanatical screaming" line goes to Shana. Perhaps I will revisit this in the future, who knows. Until later...~Rainien