Cuil Eden

Title: Cuil Eden
Part: 54/?
Rating: PG-13
Series: Sequel to Anestel and Ethuil'waew
Pairing: Glorfindel/Legolas
Warnings: mpreg, bdsm
Disclaimer: All the pretty elves belong to Tolkien, I'm just playing with them and will give them back afterwards.
Lots of thanks to my beta for her hard work! :)

A new chapter – which brings a few more truths. And to make up for all these profound conversations, there will be smut in the next chapter again. ;)


54

“Now what is so important that it cannot even wait until tomorrow?“ Glorfindel demanded ungraciously of Haldir, once they had walked far enough away to be out of earshot.

“Oh, I had quite an enlightening conversation with your little prince today…”

“If you think that your little jibes are amusing,” Glorfindel said, his face darkening with anger, “I suggest that you stop now, for they are not.”

Haldir shrugged insolently. “They make him blush – a sight that I think you appreciate, no? I have to admit that he is quite a sweet little thing, if you like the bashful, dependent, domestic sort. I had not thought you did, Lord, but I am certain that there is a charm to his vulnerability.”

Glorfindel stopped, his expression dangerous. “Have you truly come here only to insult my beloved?” he asked incredulously. “I know you pride yourself on your obnoxiousness, but when Legolas told me that you apologized, and moreso that you even defended him, I truly was glad to hear it! It does not please me to see you demoted, but believe me, if you hurt or insult my beloved in any way, I shall go to your Lord with my grievances.”

Haldir laughed and raised his hands. “Peace, Lord – you are right, I did not come to insult him. I was just curious… Certainly you will admit that relations between the two of you have much changed since I last saw you. You must forgive me; I just wanted to hear for myself what position he holds in your life. A year ago, you would not have named him beloved – a year ago, you would have laughed at my jibes and watched with pleasure how every word made him tremble with miserable shame. Can you truly fault me for my treatment of him? I had not known how things had changed between you in the meantime. He used to be nothing more than a symbol of how our enemy had fallen, and it is only now that I have come to know him for more than Thranduil’s son. I made a mistake, and I freely admit it, for it is his brother who deserves my scorn, not your prince.”

“And you have come to tell me that?” Glorfindel asked, still not quite appeased.

“Ah, had I known that the story of the beautiful, lonely prince would touch your heart so, I would have taken him with me then and brought him to you as a present!” Haldir snickered at Glorfindel’s expression. “Of course, I might have been tempted to sample that sweetness for myself, and who knows where that might have led? It is obvious to everyone that you cherish the fact that he has never known another’s touch.”

Glorfindel shrugged. “I am vain,” he said simply. “And Legolas knows my faults well.”

“He does?” Haldir’s lips twitched as if he were trying to suppress his laughter. “Then he is not afraid of the consequences if you found out that he kissed me?”

Glorfindel smiled slowly when Haldir finally came to what had to be the heart of the matter, his eyes cold as he studied the former Marchwarden. “Is that what this is all about? Well, at least that explains his bashfulness when faced with you. I do not know what it is you expect from me. Do you think that I will punish him for something which we both know is solely your fault? Until this morning, Legolas dreaded your very presence – you have humiliated him like no other, save for myself. I wager that he pushed you away as soon as he realized what you were doing; and the Valar help you if you caused him yet more anguish! For my Legolas does not love you, nor will he ever. He does not lust for you either.”

“So calm a reaction; I had not anticipated that!”

Haldir was smiling again, and Glorfindel felt his ire rising at the sight. Did Haldir think that he could play with him?

“To speak the truth – and to reassure you, Lord – I was but teasing him. I was well aware of what his reaction would be like. And he did not disappoint; he truly loves you. No, love is the wrong word… He adores you, he worships you, as if you were one of the Valar themselves and not a mere edhel.”

“Then for what reason do you try to sow disaccord between us?” Glorfindel demanded, bewildered by the direction the conversation had taken.

“I was curious about what he is to you, since I know now what you are to him.” Haldir was unapologetic, although his voice had lost its characteristic drawl. “Do not misunderstand me. I am not trying to defend or protect him; I do not have the right for that, for I do not know him well enough, nor would he want me to. Yet I do know you, Lord. And I know for a fact that these last few weeks, a certain Master Smith of wide renown would not take any new orders, for he was busy with a twin set of blades for Lord Elrond’s sons – as well as another blade which he would not say whom it was commissioned by.”

Glorfindel sighed. “Ai, ‘'twas to be a surprise!” he said plaintively. “Please, tell me you did not spoil it for him – it is the first begetting day he will spend with someone who truly cares for him!”

“Such a romantic you are, my Lord!” Haldir grinned, then shook his head. “Fear not, I did not say a word. Yet, now that I have seen him – now that I have sparred with him! – there is indeed something I was wondering. It is why I asked for this conversation. Was it your idea to have him learn swordplay?”

Glorfindel looked confused. “My idea? You could say so, maybe, but if you think that I forced him into it, you are mistaken! He was jubilant at the chance! And if you refer to the way you beat him – why, Haldir, he has held a sword for less than a year, and then only wooden practice swords! It is hardly fair to judge him in a fight against you, and you well know it! Yet if it turns out that the way of the sword is not for him, I will not be disappointed either. It is not for everyone, and I shall love him just as much if he wants to learn the healing arts, breed horses, or spend his time transcribing Silvan lore.”

“So it is he who dreams of becoming a great swordsman, and you who are so besotted that you would grant him any wish?” Haldir snickered at Glorfindel’s expression. “Ai, I had not thought it of you, but it is true – sometimes we are too close to see what is obvious to everyone else. Do you truly not realize that his desire to wield a sword stems from nothing but the desire to please you? He idolizes you, just as he has idolized his father. Of course he wants to become a mighty warrior! It is what he thinks will please you, as he must have once thought of making his father proud. But the truth, as you should well know, is that he is not meant to wield a sword.”

Glorfindel’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “If that is meant to be another jibe about how he is meant for bedplay, and not swordplay…”

Haldir snorted. “Hardly, though you well know that once, that was exactly what you yourself thought. But no. It seems to have escaped you, even though you must have spent much time staring at his naked body, that your little prince is not built like a Noldorin warrior. He is such a slender little thing! All the easier to force into submission, I suppose, but because of it he will never become truly accomplished with a longsword. It is the small amount of Silvan blood which still flows in his line that shows in him. I have trained many like him, which you know well, Lord – and I must tell you that his strength is in his agility. A truly good warrior he shall only ever be with the bow, or the long knives. The longsword… The only thing you will accomplish there is to make him feel that he is failing you yet again.”

Haldir stopped there, and Glorfindel looked at him in amazement. “That was not quite what I was expecting... Why, Haldir, one could almost suspect that you had a heart, to care about him so!”

Now Glorfindel was the one who laughed at Haldir's disgusted expression, but soon he grew thoughtful again.

“He only ever spoke of a sword, and as that is what we mainly rely on in Imladris – and is also the weapon I excel at, as you pointed out – I never questioned that decision. After all, it is the same training all the other youths go through...”

“Yes, all the other Noldorin youths – who are of course built for the longsword. I myself prefer the sword to the knives that are more usual among the Silvan elves, as you know, because that is what comes natural to me. I have inherited the build of a Sindarin warrior of old from one of my father's ancestors. Yet this way is not for everyone, and if you want to spare your prince the anguish of failing yet again, you might want to look into the way our Silvan warriors fight.”

Glorfindel sighed at Haldir's words and shook his head. “Truly, I never even thought about it – have I been as blind as Thranduil, expecting him to be like myself, and failing to see that his differences simply mean that his strengths lie in different places?”

“His strengths...” There was a tone of disbelief in Haldir's voice. “I fail to see those, but if you say so...”

“Can you truly not see them, Haldir?” Glorfindel asked softly. “Can you see his fears and insecurities, and fail to realize that it was you and I, and countless others like us, who brought them into being? Can you see his kindness, his trust, loyalty and compassion, and fail to see them for what they are? They are not weaknesses, Haldir – love is always strength. Mayhap they are different to the strengths of a warrior, but are they not the very things we give our lives to protect?”

“Infatuated like a girl, that is what you are, Lord,” Haldir said with a smirk. “There might be truth in what you say, yet it will do you no good in the long run to fail to acknowledge his weaknesses. His utter dependence on you – how can that appeal? Are you truly so vain to find it flattering how one so emotionally damaged completely depends on what scraps of affection you accord him? I know it is not so, Lord! You desire submission in bed, yes; but in a companion, slavish adoration and utter dependence could not appeal to you, not for more than a few years. And then where will the little thing be, when you cast him away? The truth is that he has never learned to live – he cannot even order his own life. No, I spent a day with him, and I can tell you that in truth, you do not have one child... You have two children that are both dependent on you.”

Glorfindel sighed but gave Haldir a patient look. “And do you truly think that I do not know that? Look at him, Haldir – of course he is a child! He will see his 42nd begetting day in little more than a week; what do you expect of him? Can you not remember what you felt at such a tender age? The swirl of emotions when you beheld a beautiful maid or a strapping youth, the terrible insecurities when you first approached one who set your heart to fluttering, the doubts and questions as you thought about which path to follow in your future... It is a difficult age, and yet it was easier for us who had grown up loved, certain of ourselves, with friends to confide in. Legolas grew up certain of only one thing: that he did not mean anything to anyone, save perhaps for his brother who nevertheless could not spare him any time, due to his duties as crown prince. Nay, Haldir, do not belittle Legolas' strength. Could you have done what he did? I am not so certain that I could have done it myself...

“Raped when you were still an innocent who had never known another's touch before, pregnant even though that should have been impossible, reviled and exiled by your own father – would you have had the strength to go and live among your enemies who never let you forget that they despised you, to go to the bed of he who violated you, allowing him to humiliate and use you in ways you did not even know were possible... And all that just so that your child would live, and lead a better life than the one that had been given to you?”

Glorfindel closed his eyes, his expression pained, and his voice was soft and thoughtful as he continued. “When he first came to me... I do not think that he expected to live for much longer than the birth of the child. Who knows, maybe that even gave him the strength to do it, to know that no matter what torments I devised, he would not have to endure it for long...”

“Now you are feeling sorry for yourself, just as Legolas likes to do. Mayhap you are better suited to each other than I thought,” Haldir said dryly. “Still, this seems to mean that you are aware that he thinks himself a whore – not because you give him fine clothes of velvet and silk, but because he thinks that he has nothing but his body to give you in exchange for your love, your teaching and your encouragement of him.”

Glorfindel sighed sadly. “It will take a long time for him to believe in his own worth, I am aware of that. But I do love him, Haldir. I love him as he is now, and I love him for what I know he can become.” For a moment he hesitated, but then he took Haldir's shoulder in a firm grip, meeting his eyes unflinchingly. “Can you keep a secret? Just for a few days? A secret that concerns only Legolas and me?”

Haldir's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. “If it does not concern or imperil the Golden Wood or its inhabitants, then yes – I will keep your secret.”

Glorfindel smiled slowly, his eyes growing soft, and he sighed again as he thought about what would soon come to pass.

“I will wed him,” he said simply, his heart filling with warmth at the words. “I will make him mine forever – and become his in return. He will return to Imladris as my betrothed, my beloved, riding at my side with a silver ring on his finger.”

Haldir's eyes widened. “You would bind your fëa to his? To be solely his until the end of this world? Glorfindel – 'tis folly!”

“Folly?” Glorfindel laughed at Haldir's reaction. “It is folly that I did not do it sooner! I desire him, and only him, and no thought gives me greater pleasure than to return to Aman with him and our children one day, to build ourselves a home there, and live a life of peace and joy.”

Haldir grimaced and shook his head. “Not for me, such things... but it truly appeals to you, does it not? A maiden's dream, it seems to me, but then, their company does seem to make you happy. Very well then – mayhap one day I shall leave these shores as well, although I cannot see it, and if I do, I shall come and visit your home, Lord. I will expect to find you surrounded by your brood then: an entire company of adorable, golden-locked children playing at Legolas' feet, and another infant in his arms, suckling his sweet milk.”

Haldir snickered to himself as he imagined it, and Glorfindel shook his head with a long-suffering sigh.

“It is sweet, you know,” he pointed out, “the sweetest thing I have ever tasted!”, and then it was he who laughed while Haldir grimaced in distaste.

“Very well, I shall say no more!” Haldir raised his hands in surrender, shaking his head. “Ai – could you not just have taken a maiden? The more you say, the more I think that there truly is no difference with him in your bed!”

Glorfindel sobered, and the look he now gave Haldir had lost most of its mirth. “From what I have heard, you stripped him to find out for yourself that there truly is no maiden hiding beneath his clothes.”

“True... but he is no longer suckling the child now, is he? A pity you weaned him, I wonder what he looked like when-”

“Enough!” Glorfindel exclaimed, his anger roused anew. “That is more than enough, Haldir! Do you not know when to stop? One could almost think that you want to stay a mere guard!”

Haldir shrugged, still unapologetic despite Glorfindel's darkened countenance. “You make it too easy. Although I guess that now you are to be wedded, I shall have to restrain myself. I still cannot see the appeal in it for myself, but since you truly seem to desire this family, I wish you everlasting joy – and a few more children for your prince to cuddle.”

“Thank you,” Glorfindel said earnestly. “I know we will be happy – if not here, then in Aman, although I do not desire to leave Middle-earth just yet. And if in time the Valar gift us with another child, none would be happier than I for such a blessing.” He turned away from Haldir to watch how in the distance, a laughing Gîlríon pursued Legolas who fled from him, only to let himself be caught after a moment, reversing their roles as it now was the child who tried to escape.

“I am happier than I have ever been, even when I served my King Turgon before the fall of Gondolin. This – it is all I have ever wanted.” He watched with quiet happiness how it was now one of the maidens' turn to pursue the others and how naturally, how joyfully Legolas was a part of this game. Then he turned back to Haldir, giving him a thoughtful look.

Once more, the Galadhel was smiling slightly – almost patronizingly, Glorfindel realized, and he shook his head at the guard's air of superiority. True, this life which he desired for himself – which he was certain Legolas desired as well – was not something that appealed to Haldir, and he could accept that, yet all the same, it was not simply a maiden's dream, as Haldir had called it. It was no romantic notion that made him dream of a tranquil life in Aman with his family, nor was it the wish of one too young to realize that simple happiness took as much effort to achieve and preserve as the more exciting duties of a warrior.

No, it was no bland, uneventful life that awaited him with Legolas by his side. They might not desire fame and glory as much as Haldir did, yet Glorfindel did not think that they would need great battles and events to save them from tedium. For beneath the steady warmth of their love for each other, there lay the bright, hot embers of deep, abiding passion. They would have both – they would always have both, love and lust at once; Glorfindel was certain of it. And if Haldir doubted it, well, there were ways to show him that it was a mistake to deride his infatuation as that of a maiden, for the passion hidden away beneath Legolas' insecurities never failed to rouse him once it had been coaxed to the surface.

“That was an interesting selection you picked for us,” he began, and now it was he who gave Haldir a look of cool superiority. “I think you should ask Legolas if he was satisfied with your choices. He will blush quite beautifully.” He only barely suppressed a grin when Haldir's eyebrows rose and he looked from him to Legolas.

“If you think that he is but a maiden, then you should see him as he has allowed me to see him. There is such strength in him!” Glorfindel continued, goading Haldir. “And as it looks like Gîl will have tired himself out, I shall make good use of your selection tonight.”

He smirked at Haldir whose eyes were dark now with unhidden curiosity, and a good part of it desire as well.

“I shall wed one who has given me the sweet, quiet joy of a family – and one who gives me such passion, such all-encompassing surrender that it leaves me humbled every time, and burning with desire for him night after night. I have known the surrender of many, Haldir, and yet all else pales when compared to what I find with him.”

Glorfindel gave Haldir another smile, and this time, there was compassion in it.

“I will know such joy, Haldir, and it will be all I have ever wanted. I will lose nothing, but what I will gain... Ah, what I will gain is a love so deep and warm, that the very light of Laurelin pales beside it.”

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edhel - elf
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