Beautiful Nightmare

Haldir’s heart dropped as he saw the girl’s shoulders begin to tremble. Briefly he had spoken with Galadriel, but she said nothing of any lingering sadness the girl—Sarah—displayed, and the Lady had left him with a smile on her shining face and he had felt reassured to meet with the human girl again. Sarah straightened her back, quickly, and Haldir heard her sniffle, muttering something to herself that was nearly inaudible. She lifted her pale arms above her head and stretched them until her fingers curled and her body trembled. Her skin was the color of snow in the early morning—with such a light tint of rosiness that it only just gave her complexion any life—and her black hair tumbled from her shoulders to her back in heavy waves enveloped in a warm sheen from the light of morning pouring down upon her as she stretched. Haldir admired the shape her body took as she stretched into the morning’s warmth, and how her hips rocked from side to side as she seemed to relish the calm she was given, as if she had overcome her sadness alone. Bringing her arms to her sides once more, he saw her touch the place where her wound had been, and he saw enough of her face to see the small smile that crept upon her lips, and her lowered lashes fluttered thoughtfully as her eyes wandered across the floor of the talan. He heard her sigh sweetly, and then she shifted her weight and brought her legs from beneath her, running her hands over each limb slowly, leaving pink impressions were her fingers pressed into her pale skin. Her white nightgown was gathered around her hips, and Haldir was allowed to see the shapely curve of her thigh as she ran her fingers over her left leg.


He moved away from the door and turned his head patiently, straining to keep his gaze from the girl, knowing that she expected privacy. Should he make his presence known? She clearly did not know that he was waiting outside her door, but he did not wish to startle her. He looked down to the bundle in his arms, and decided that he would leave her gift for her to find, and he would return at a more decent time. So, he slowly knelt and placed the bundle at the edge of the talan for her to find later. But as he rose, his eyes were captured once more where they should not have been, and vainly he tried to look away. He was caught, and he could look nowhere but the bare form of the girl as her chemise fell about her ankles and she stepped away from it. Haldir felt his mouth open slightly in awe, and he knew he should have looked away, but he could not, try as his conscious might to pull his eyes away from the pleasant view of Sarah’s naked body glowing with warmth in the morning’s blessed light.


She stood beside her bed, and as she walked she stumbled a little at first as if she lost her balance, but she reached out and took hold of her blankets to steady herself. Her skin flushed a faint rosy color when the morning air struck it, and when she gained her footing she wrapped her arms around herself to warm her skin. He saw that upon her bed was lain a lovely gown and articles of clothing Haldir knew he should not be looking upon, though they were different from elvish clothes. But his gaze did not tarry long upon the bed or anything else but her body as she bent forward and took hold of her clothes. Her every move was delicate and unsure, even in supposed privacy. His heart swelled to see how her feet turned in when she stood still, and how the gentle curve of her spine shifted as she stepped into a new chemise, and pulled it up slowly, letting the thin folds of fabric rest plaintively upon the dip of her gracious hips. She was thoughtful with every move, and every glimpse he caught of her face showed her brow furrowed contemplatively and her lips pursed slightly. How he wanted to say something to her! He longed to see her eyes as she twisted around to find the laces of the chemise, her cheeks flushed, and from her lips escaped a sigh as she found the lace she sought and turned around right. Holding the lace between her fingers, she pulled the chemise up and put her arms through the sleeves, concealing their whiteness from sight forever. Haldir blinked for the first time since he had laid eyes upon her that morning.


She moved with a rustle of soft fabric to the bed once more, lifting the yellow gown before her. He could feel her smile, as if it radiated out from her rosy lips, even though he could not see it. She held the dress up to her body and swayed from side to side, her smile growing warmer. Haldir heard her voice as she giggled. He had not heard that sound from her lips before, and he smiled, his heart warming as she laughed to herself and said something which he did not understand. Her voice came like a song—she was singing.


She sang lightly and delicately, under her breath as if she feared she would be heard. And though he could not understand what the girl was singing, he knew that it was a happy song, for she giggled once m ore and laid the dress upon the bed, taking up a corset and wrapping it around her soft waist. The corset tightened as it should, and when she had done binding herself she tied the long laces in a bow behind her back. Then, she lifted a second chemise over her head, and this was made of satin, shimmering in the light coming down upon her, glimmering. At last, she pulled the yellow dress over her head, slipping her arms through, allowing the billowing, gathered sleeves of her second chemise to show. There was a pause afterward, and Haldir thought that perhaps she was done and he could speak to her at last, but as he made to rise to his feet, he saw her reach her arms behind as if she was trying to reach something, but could not. Then he saw that her dress was not closed behind, and she could not reach the laces for the way her corset hindered her movement.


“Lady…” Haldir said gently, tapping on the wall of the talan. Sarah gasped and whirled around, clutching her chest as her wide eyes fell upon Haldir standing at her door. Her cheeks flushed instantly, and he smiled at the glow of nervousness that overcame her peaceful state. “I pray you allow me to aid your trouble?”

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“Lle anta amin tu?” His voice came out of nowhere, scaring the wits from me, for I thought I was alone.

How long had he been standing there? I blushed to think that he could have seen me naked. Damn it, I should have gone to find some little closet to stand in and change! I wanted to see him, but I didn’t want him to see me getting dressed… I mean, who would like to see me getting dressed? The familiar self consciousness Haldir seemed to be so good at making me feel welled up inside of me. There went any chance of him liking me…

“What do you want…?” I snapped, immediately regretting the harshness of my tone as he recoiled slightly and went back to stand by my door. He was looking at me strange… like I was something that might explode at any minute, and I might. He should have told me he had been standing there… if he had been standing there long enough to see anything. He might not have been… I hope he had not been…

Haldir looked to the ground and then to me, standing unsure where he was not ten feet away from me. He looked amazing, more beautiful now in the morning’s light, when my eyes weren’t sore from crying, and when I could look upon him more closely. He wore a silver tunic and a cloak was wrapped around his shoulders, the hood drawn over his head. But his face shone bright as if it was made of moonbeams, and his grey eyes were as bright as daytime stars as he looked on me with what I thought was a smile resting faintly on the corners of his elegant mouth.

I reached up and pulled my hair over one shoulder—like I often did when I was nervous—to hide my face as I looked down and away from his piercing stare. Haldir laughed quietly, I could hear him, and the sound both irritated me and made me want to laugh as well. I was afraid that he was laughing at me, but the sound of his cheerful laughter made me feel the way church bells would on Sunday mornings: happy, light inside, glad for everything. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him step forward slowly, and his feet didn’t make any sound—the way he moved looked like a ghost, for he was weightless and his existence was effortless. I looked at him again, feeling my cheeks grow hot and red as a nervous sickness swelled up inside of me. Haldir reached out his hand and took mine, asking me a question that I could not understand. It was as if he had forgotten that I couldn’t talk like him, and he lifted his long hands and made a gesture like he was lacing a corset or boot or something, cris-crossing strings. I giggled when he made a cinching noise and pulled the imaginary laces tight. Then he nodded slowly and raised his brow questioningly, gesturing behind me, no doubt to the open back of my dress which I couldn’t reach to lace up.

“Oh, um… yeah, sure, if you want…” I stammered, shrugging heavily, immediately regretting how awkward and ungraceful of a motion that was. With a soft rush of air he had walked around me and in half a second I could feel his fingers pulling at the silk ribbons that laced up the back of my pretty new yellow dress. As he pulled and laced, I petted the front of my new gown, relishing the feel of the heavy, elaborate material—whatever it was—that hung in billows from my short waistline like something out of a historically accurate Renaissance-time-period movie. The little embroidered flowers shimmered in the sunlight as I moved the fabric beneath my fingers. I noticed how dirty my nails were from charcoal drawing assignments I had undertaken at art school in Kansas City and hid my nails beneath the folds of my skirt. My arms hung at my sides as I waited for him to finish.

It seemed like he took longer than he should have, and very near what should have been the end of his task, he slowed down. He was so slow that I could feel the friction of the laces moving through the embroidered holes. I blushed, wanting to turn around, but I couldn’t, for if I did, I knew he would be looking at me. I could feel him as if he were standing in front of me, staring into my eyes.
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Her ebony locks pulled over her pale shoulders and the graceful line of her neck as she looked down to fiddle with her fingers before her was a lovely sight, Haldir thought to himself as he pulled the laces through their holes in her rich, yellow gown. He admired the color against her pale skin, and how every tress of hair which tumbled off of her shoulder was so very deeply black. She was a human girl, and every time she blushed on her cheeks, he could see the lobe of her left ear flush as well, and her shoulders flushed in patterns down her back, concealing themselves beneath the confines of her many undergarments. No elf woman was as giddy and unsure of herself in his hands as this human girl. He had not even touched her soft skin—as furiously he longed to do—but he had only put himself close behind her, touching her dress, and already she was blushing and playing with her fingers nervously. He felt himself grin a little and he slowed his pace intentionally, watching the patterns of rosiness dance across her shoulders once more. He felt her move uncomfortably before him, and he saw he glance slightly over her shoulder to see what he was doing, anticipating what he would do next already.

He could touch her shoulder, exposed as it was to the morning air by the delicate neckline of her yellow dress, he could grace the tender skin of her neck and feel her give in to his touch. He could turn her in his arms, slowly, and touch her cheek with his thumbs, look into her sorrowful eyes and make them smile for him. He could do these things—and more, he amused—but he did not. As the anticipation the girl was feeling built around her in an aura so thick Haldir could feel its heat, when she had nearly turned around to look upon him, he finished lacing her gown and tucked the ribbons into her neckline definitely.

As he walked around her, he knew he saw a fleeting moment of disappointment shadow Sarah’s sweet face, her rosy cheeks paling. She looked upon him and smiled a small smile, shrugging slightly as she bowed her head and thanked him in her own tongue.

It was a murderous feeling to know that their speech was hindered so by their unknowing of each other’s language, and for a moment Haldir stood in front of Sarah and looked upon her with his lips parted as if to speak—he longed to understand what she mumbled as he looked on her and she fought not to meet his gaze.
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I wanted to look at him, but for some reason I couldn’t. For some reason I was embarrassed that he had been so close to me, or, rather, that he had been watching me dress—whether or not he saw me naked—which embarrassed me, and then offered to lace up the back of my dress, which—oddly enough—felt like an incredibly intimate act of familiarity. I was embarrassed that he saw me embarrassed, and that he was so calm and sure of himself and the wars in my head were raging as I told myself over and over again that I wasn’t anything compared to Galadriel, or even Haldir himself.

Why had he practically stopped near the end of lacing up the back of my dress? Panicking and only furthering my anxiety, I tried to think of something that would be horrendously wrong with my back: acne, my high blood pressure making my skin all blotchy and gross like it did anytime I was nervous, angry, sad, hot, or stressed in any way. Damn it… I wanted to crawl up in bed once more, for I knew that’s what it was; my skin had gone all blotchy, and he probably thought that was just the weirdest thing… I didn’t think perfect elves’ bodies did things like that.

And he was looking at me! Standing to one side of me, staring at me as if he was thinking deeply about something that I was too afraid to turn and read in his face. Wasn’t he supposed to be taking me to visit the city? That was the impression I got before from Galadriel—and the elaboration of my wishful thinking—but now I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.

“What are you staring at?” I asked finally. My voice sounded breathier than I wanted it to and I knew he couldn’t understand me. I summoned all of the courage I could and looked up at him, turning to face him. I tried not to smile as I looked into his face, but the look in his eyes both shocked me and gave me such a feeling of elation that I thought I would laugh for sure. His grey eyes were softly staring and his beautiful face glowed with the hint of a smirking grin, one elegant brow raised slightly. He didn’t reply, though I didn’t expect him to. “What are you looking at?” I asked again, and allowed a small smile to shape my lips, looking up at him though my head was tilted down little in a vain attempt to hide my blushing cheeks. Haldir’s eyes met mine and they smiled, his brow raised, a grin curving the corners of his mouth. He reached out his hand and touched my cheek gently, retrieving his hand quickly as if he was afraid he’d offend me, but he chuckled in his throat, nonetheless. He understood me, though I hadn’t said a word in whatever language he spoke. He was laughing at me for blushing.

Horrified, I covered my burning face with my hands and turned quickly away to stand at the other end of the tree house with my back turned to the elf, afraid to even open my eyes to find him laughing at me. He didn’t like me! I knew it, I just knew it! It was the same with every boy I had ever liked: there was always something wrong with me that set me apart from other girls so that, for whatever the reason might be, I was unattractive. I never knew why, and I was never told, always laughed at secretly, led on to my face.

I felt hot tears well up in my sore eyes, the familiar sting causing my throat to swell with oncoming sobs. I sniffled, wiping my cheek furiously with my hand as tears tumbled down from my eyes. I cleared my throat and looked at the floor of the tree house, wringing my hand in the folds of my skirt, feeling about two inches high as Haldir stood watching me cry—I could feel him watching.
“What?” I asked, turning my head slightly, not far enough to see him, but far enough for him to know that I was addressing him directly. “What are you laughing at, Haldir?”
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Sarah turned away quickly, her pretty face hidden by her pale hands as she mumbled something to herself and walked to the side of the talan opposite to where they stood. Haldir reached out to take her hand, but something stopped him. Instead, he let her walk alone to the end of the talan, her back turned toward him, and all he could think to do was watch. There was something about her presence that suddenly seemed very angry: the way her shoulders went rigid, or the way she folded her arms across her chest firmly, still not looking at him. Haldir furrowed his brow, stepping a bit closer. He thought he might caress her shoulder comfortingly to show her that she need not be angry with him, but when he was merely one or two steps from her, he saw her shoulders tremble and heard a small whimper pass through her lips as she sniffled and wiped what he knew were tears from her cheeks. She wouldn’t look upon him, but she turned her head enough for him to see the curve of her jaw and said: “What?” A question he did not understand.

Haldir mouthed the word, whispering it lightly to himself as he pondered on its meaning and how to answer. “What are you laughing at?” She continued in her strange, chirpy language, and then he heard his name: “Haldir?” It sounded sweet coming from her forlorn voice, even with the sharpness her tone bore toward its question. He sighed lightly and reached out his hand once more, laying it gently on her shoulder, and with just enough force to turn her around, he demanded her attention. She looked upon him with vibrant green eyes that seemed to glow with her tears. A surging heat flooded Haldir’s body and he removed his hand from her. He could think of no way to tell her she had nothing to weep for, and he could only look intently into her eyes, hoping that she would understand him somehow as he said: “Forgive me, for I did not wish to make you fret.” Though he could see confusion cloud her venomous glare as soon as he had done speaking. She sniffled, her eyes flitting from his, to the ground, and back. Haldir bowed his head in frustration and straightened his shoulders, placing his hand over his heart, bowing low at the waist. It was a customary gesture of endearment and respect for the Silvan elves, and Haldir was sincere in this gesture, hoping that the human girl would understand its importance through the barrier of time and culture that separated the two of them.

The elf straightened once more, and placed his hands behind his back, looking on the girl hopefully as she ran her gaze over him twice, wiping tears from her cheeks once more. They were red, and her eyes were swollen. The familiar grief clouded her eyes and Haldir cringed within as his heart wrenched apart in two.

Sarah sniffled once more and shrugged her shoulders slightly, swaying to and fro, playing with the folds of her heavy skirt as her green eyes swept the ground, hooded with thick, wet lashes. It looked as if she was confused, and she thought a moment, only glancing Haldir’s way once before she released a small sigh and after wiping away the last of her tears held out her right hand firmly.

Haldir took it, though it was strange how she extended her fingers so rigidly and turned her hand completely to the side; but, nevertheless, he placed a small, lingering kiss on the pale knuckles of her small fingers. Releasing her hand, she held it against her bosom thoughtfully. Then, she turned her reddened, sad eyes upon him and as he allowed himself to smile, she did the same. Her face grew bright, her round cheeks rising to lift a lovely, delicate smile formed of lush, rosy lips that longed to speak, but found no words which could break their established barrier of differences. Sarah nodded her head quickly and, sniffling one last time, brushed past Haldir, walking toward the small table in the center of the talan. There was her comb lying upon it and she took it up and ran it through her long, ebony tresses slowly, turning to face Haldir again.

Waves of midnight black tumbled over her pale shoulders, tumbling onto her breast until she swept them up over her neck and twisted them into a loose pile on the back of her head. Heavy curls fell around her face as she watched him. She wove the teeth of the little comb he had gifted her through the bundle of hair until it held, wrapping her arms around herself patiently when she had done. “Ready?” She smiled slightly, and gestured toward the edge of the talan.

“Ready?” Haldir repeated slowly, following her gaze to the plunge beyond the talan. He was unsure of her question—yet again—but he understood that she wished him to take her away from the flet. He could only imagine she wished to see Caras Galadhon, and it was a beautiful morning to do so. Perhaps he might take her beyond the trees to see the winter snow glistening upon the vast Celebrant, and perhaps they would ride to the Anduin. Haldir smiled widely, something he rarely permitted himself to do, but he found himself strangely excited to show her all that he could in hopes that she might see her fate as a better one than she clearly saw it now.

“Caras Galadhon…” Sarah said shyly, pointing once more over the edge of the talan. “Galadriel told me to see it… Caras Galadhon… it’s your city?”

“Caras Galadhon!” Haldir said brightly, walking quickly to the edge of the talan. Looking over his shoulder he gestured that she should follow him and she did, after slipping her small white feet into simple, cloth shoes. A happier smile than any before donned her fair face as she reached out her hand and he took it, pulling her to his side. “Now wait here, lady, until I call for you.” He commanded gently, though he knew she didn’t understand a word. He gestured firmly to the ground and settled his brow. Sarah nodded quickly. “I’ll stay here.” She said quietly and smiled. Haldir nodded and walked to the edge of the flet. He knew of a way to shock her, only to jest and play with her mind a little. He continued walking, right over the edge, casting his arms up as he disappeared over the edge in the blink of an eye.

I fancy he would have found amusement in the terror that tore at Sarah’s face.