In Her Words

Disclaimer: I do not own them, I merely play with them
Title: In Her Words.
Author: Jade (aka Aragornsfavorite)
Email: elvenjade2@gmail.com
Rating: PG-13 now, R later
Warning: AU. Mild sex, Slash Implied
Chapters: Unknown
Feedback: yes please
Summary: Glorfindel finds his daughter diary after she has sailed west and reads it to the others.

A/N Given that I have done this chapter with only one good eye, there may be even more spelling mistakes then usual.


~~~~

Glorfindel shifted restlessly in his chair as he waited for the others to be seated and get settled in before he began to read. He had not been in the best of moods lately and had having had red more of Anira’s journal only made him realize just how much he was missing his daughter.

“ Are you alright Glorfindel?” Arwen asked softly
“ I am fine” He replied in a calm tome that everyone knew al to well. He was not fine, however he was also not going to talk about it.
Glorfindel looked up to see Erestor’s concerned look but chose not to read too much into it for now.
“ If everyone is ready?” he finally asked, clearing his throat quietly
“ We are” Celebrian spoke for everyone.
Seeing that no one else had disagreed, Glorfindel opened the journal, reading to himself at first then started to read to the others

~ ~

I had told everyone not to make a big deal over the fact that it was my birthday, I know I told them and I know they heard me. As usual, they chose to ignore me. It should not have surprised me when my morning had started by a messenger and my door, a rose in his hand and a note from Elladan. I would have been happy with just that, however it seems that even the oldest twin was in a defiant mood, for not even five minutes had passed when another messenger was at my door. This one also with a rose for me and a message that I was to meet Elladan in the gardens for breakfast. I had no plans to go. Elladan must have already guessed this and with a few minutes, Elrohir was at my door and he left me no choice but to go with him. I plan to let Elrond know that alone, his sons are relentless. When working together it should be against the law in every realm. I once hear someone say that when the twins were together, no orc stood a chance, well I guess the same can be said about every , elleth, ellon and mortal they meet. I have no idea what Elrohir may have said to me on the way to the gardens, I was lost in my own thoughts of revenge. Revenge on Elladan, Elrohir and everyone else I suddenly saw in the gardens as we arrived. I will get even with every one of them there, one way or the other.

I was glad when that breakfast was over and everyone except Elladan had gone their own way. I enjoy the gardens more when they are quiet and it is just the two of us. Well it was just the two of us for a while, Elrohir had arrived with his latest interest. I can never remember their names and I do not know how he does, perhaps that is why he calls them all ‘meleth’ just so he does not call her by the wrong name.

~ ~

Glorfindel had to stop reading, he was laughing too hard. Even Elladan was barely holding back his own laughter as he looked over at his twin, who had turned a very interesting shade of red as he stared at something on the far wall and over Glorfindel’s shoulder.
After he had stopped laughing, Glorfindel took a few deep breaths and made sure everyone had been ready for him to begin again. He had started reading in a bad mood but his daughter’s words were quickly helping him to relax, something she had always been able to do.

~ ~

~ It would seem that by the end of the day, my surprises were not quite over. After spending the day at the lake with Elladan and a few of the others. I was treated to a quiet dinner on Elladan’s balcony. That was the best part to the whole day and I got to have Elladan all to myself for a short time. That does not happen nearly often enough lately and I have missed our quiet moments together. When I heard the knock at the door I had figured it to be Elrohir again. I had not expected to see Haldir. It was not planned for him to be here that day but it worked out perfectly in my opinion. He was there to bring a message to Elrond. Seeing him made me miss Lorien as well as his brothers. We still write to each other but that is not the same, seeing him made me realize that. I did think it was sweet when she slipped into the role of my big brother, though Elladan may not agree. Haldir had a list of rules, as he called it, for Elladan and most of them concerned me. I believe at one point, Elladan had become fed up and pulled Haldir aside, far enough that I could not hear what was being said. Whatever it was he had told Haldir, the marchwarden had seemed pleased. After that, Haldir made it his duty to tell us of everything that had been going on in Lorien. I was curled up on Elladan’s bed with his arms around me as I listened to Haldir and at some point I had fallen asleep. When I woke up it was the next morning and Haldir was gone. Elladan was asleep next to me and I loved seeing him there, sleeping peacefully. If given the choice now I would love waking up to Elladan every morning. Somehow though I get the idea that my father would not approve of this, not yet anyway. Come to think of it, My father would most likely still object even if I were bound to Elladan though it might be a little amusing to see how he would stop it.

I saw Haldir again later in the day as I was having a walk with Elladan. He told us he was staying for a while longer then he had originally planned, that he wanted to be here for something that was to happen. I also saw the warning look Elladan had given him that only made him laugh as he had walked away. There is something Elladan is not telling me and I still wonder if it had anything to do with his talk to Haldir the other night. I hope Elladan will tell me eventually or I will have to pay Erestor a visit. If anyone knows what is going on it would be him and he will not lie to anyone so it would be fairly easy to find out of course that is only if Elladan takes too long to say anything. ~~~~

Glorfindel closed the Journal slowly and took a deep breath. It was only a few months since Anira had sailed west but yet Rivendell had seemed empty from the moment he had saw her leave. Reading her journal was helping to ease some of the pain, not all of it.
“She is greatly missed by everyone, my Friend” Elrond said quietly
Glorfindel looked over at him and nodded, knowing he was right. He grabbed his dink and finished it on one sip before placing his glass back down. Everyone was saying good night and making their way out of the hall when Glorfindel caught up to Elladan and handed him the journal.
“ The page that is marked next is for you to read only” Glorfindel told him” I know Anira would not want everyone to hear what she wrote this time”
Elladan looked down at the journal now in his hands and took a deep breath
“ I am not sure I can read it” he admitted quietly.
“ you have to at least try” Glorfindel said” return it to me when you are done, there are more entries that I wish to read” He said before giving Elladan’s shoulder a slight squeeze and leaving him along to his thoughts and with the journal.

Elladan was not sure how long her stood there for, staring down at the journal in his hands. He had looked forward to every time Glorfindel was to read what she wrote but the thought of reading her words himself had him nervous. He missed her more then he was admitting and it hurt to go back to his empty room every night, to sleep alone and wake up without her beside him.
“it will do you some good” Elrohir’s voice sounded in his ear.
I can not do this” Elladan said, sadly as he looked at his twin,
Elrohir could see the sadness in his eyes and it broke his heart even more to see his twin suffering like this.
“Elladan, you must do this” he said finally” Glorfindel knew this as well, if you do not face this then we will lose you.” He said before rushing off, the idea of losing his twin was too much to handle for the younger twin.
Watching his twin leave, Elladan took a deep breath and made his way back to his room. As he sat down on his bed, he glanced down once more at the journal. His hands were shaking as he finally opened the soft cover to the marked page. At first he closed his eyes at just the sight of her writing. A style he had come to know by heart. Taking a few more deep breaths, he finally dared to start reading silently

~~

It is hard to find anytime alone with Elladan. With Haldir always insisting I spend time with him or Elladan’s duties calling him away for days at a time. I know it is selfish of me to want to spend all my time with only Elladan but I cannot help feeling that way. When we finally did get some time alone last night, Elladan made sure we would not be interrupted. We stayed inside him room, curled up together close to the fire and just talking. Elladan would always sneak a kiss in after a few minutes. When it became late enough for me to be heading to my own room, Elladan had leaned over and kissed me again, only this time it did not stop there. As the kiss ended, Elladan tilted his head and began kissing my neck softly then made his way to my ear. I know he had heard the soft gasp that escaped me. If I thought his attention to my ear was nice, the feel of his fingers against my skin was even better. I had not even realized that he had unbuttoned my gown, nor did I care at that point. All I know is that the more I felt his touch the more I craved it. My whole body began to respond to one single touch from him. I loved his reaction when I reached over to touch him, pushing my hand up under his tunic to feel his skin beneath my fingertips.
My breathing was the hardest thing to control. There were times I found it could not breath at all as he had started to kiss over my skin, sending delightful little chills through me. No words were spoken as he removed my clothes and I removed his, nor did we need to say anything as he had lifted me up and carried me to his bed. The feel of his skin against mine was better then I had ever imagined it would be. I felt him shiver once or twice as I moved my hands slowly over his shoulders and down over his back as he had moved above me. I could feel his desire and knowing it was me he wanted only increased my desire for him as well.

Things only became better with each passing minute. Elladan's hands slowly moving over me, touching me everywhere and soon his kisses had made the same path as his hands. All I could was close my eyes and enjoy every touch, every kiss. It was not enough after a while, we both wanted more. We needed more. I know Elladan could tell I was nervous and I am very grateful now as I was then that he took his time. Kissing me softly at first and letting the kiss deepen. I felt him enter me and was unable to keep from crying out. I had expected it to hurt and it did. Elladan kissed along my neck and shoulder and within a few minutes the pain was gone and the minute he started to move all I felt was pleasure. We were together all night this way, bringing each other to our limits over and over until we had no energy left. It was morning when I left and I did not get more then an hour sleep. Elladan waking me up in ways that only he can, making love to me once more before I left his room. By the time I reached my room I had less then an hour to get changed and head to the library for one of Erestor’s lessons. I was glad he did not why both Elladan and I had seemed so tired, though I am sure he had noticed. ~~~


Elladan took a deep breath as he closed the journal carefully. It was late and he would wait till the morning to return it to Glorfindel. Placing the journal on the night table beside his bed, he merely stared at it. He remembered that day well, even after all their years together he could remember every single detail of that night with her. Closing his eyes now he could almost feel her with him. His bed no longer feeling the same emptiness as it had every other night since her departure. As he had many nights before this he let his tears fall, always and only when he was alone did he let his emotions get the best of him. His guilt of not being able to protect her would not let him heal, would not let him get past what he had lost, not only his wife but his child as well. None of the others could understand the amount of pain and guilt he was feeling. Reaching up to the necklace around his neck, her necklace. Given to him the day she left with a promise that he would give it back to her when he saw her again.
“Anira, meleth nin” He sighed as he closed his eyes, drifting off to a restless sleep after whispering “ Goheno nin!”
~~~~

TBC.

Translations: Meleth nin=My love
Goheno nin= Forgive me