Learn isn’t to Justify,Understand isn’t to Forgive

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. Such genius belongs to Tolkin and suing me would be a colossal waste of time.


To Learn isn’t to Justify, to Understand isn’t to Forgive

Chapter 4


For what seemed like an eternity, the two elves looked at each other. Neither one was willing to make the first move.

Then slowly Erestor moved into a crouch. Hunched down on all fours, looking like a whipped dog, he began small, almost twitchy movements. It was obvious he wanted to flee but he could not tear his eyes away from the blonde’s.

“Erestor, what are you doing?” Glorfindel’s voice was barely over a whisper, his horror blatant.

“I…I…I…” Erestor could just not get the words out. Large droplets of blood still dripped from his mouth.

Glorfindel stood so still, he scarcely seemed to breathe.

Erestor started to cautiously approach…still on all fours. As small and hesitant as these steps where, there was still an amazing grace. He moved as smoothly and easily as when he walked on just his two feet.

It was these small movements that galvanized Glorfindel into action. Within a flash his sword was out.

“Don’t move!”

Erestor froze. His eyes showed a sense of betrayal within there dark depths.

He lowered his head and allowed his hair to fall in front of his face, hiding his eyes.

“Are you going to kill me then?” Erestor’s voice was full of sorrow and resignation.

“If I must.”

Although Glorfindel’s voice was firm, in his heart he was not so sure.

When Erestor made no moves to either move or speak, Glorfindel made his decision.

“But, such matters should be decided by Lord Elrond.”

He reached down to grab Erestor’s arm when he realized he still held the carcass of the dog. For some reason this shook him to the core. Such a beautiful creature that had been abandoned…driven to violence by a betrayal of his years of loyal service.

He turned back to Erestor and his gazed softened. This was still Erestor; loyal Chief Advisor who had never given reason for distrust; the same elf he had shared that one night with him. He didn’t know what Erestor was or what was happening, but he deserved a fair chance to defend himself.

Glorfindel smiled gently and held his hand out after sheathing his sword

“Come, my friend. Let us go speak with Elrond.”

Erestor’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and startled.

Glorfindel decided to pretend to not notice the glittery look of those eyes and the puffy skin beneath them.

Hesitantly, Erestor put his hand in Glorfindel’s, and they quietly left together.


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Glorfindel left Erestor in Elrond’s study with a large bowl of water and several clean cloths to clean himself up a bit while he went to retrieve Elrond.

He knocked on Elrond’s chamber door, hearing much grumbling and cursing within. Shortly the door opened, revealing Elrond as his usual chipper self whenever he would leave his bed.

“This had better be important or you will have stable duty for a fortnight.”

Glorfindel grinned at that but quickly became serious.

“We need to speak about Erestor but I would rather not do it in the hallway. Could we talk in your office?”

Elrond took in Glorfindel’s serious expression and nodded.

“Allow me to dress and I shall be there shortly.”


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The three elves stood in Elrond’s office in uncomfortable silence.

“Sigh. Erestor, is what Glorfindel tells me true?”

“Yes my Lord.”

“Can you tell me why you were eating a deer raw in the forest at night…or anytime? Come to think of it, how could you take down such a large animal? Glorfindel said you carried no knife or arrows.”

Erestor seemed to withdraw within himself even more.

“I was hungry…” His voice was very low and drifted off into a mumble.

“What was that?” asked Elrond, leaning closer. He reached out and lifted Erestor’s chin. Erestor’s face was wet with tears.

Glorfindel’s heart retched at the realization that Erestor had been crying silently all this time.

“I leapt on its back and broke its neck with my teeth,” Erestor repeated.

Elrond was struck with an epiphany.

“Erestor, open your mouth,” he ordered.

Glorfindel started and then leaned in closer to see the petite advisor open his mouth.

His canines where slightly longer than normal…and he was quite sure that they had not been that long before. But…there was still something off. The tips looked wrong…as if they had been cut short…

Elrond looked on sternly, “Okay Erestor, I want the whole story.”

Erestor contemplated lying but decided against it. For one, he respected Elrond too much to lie…not to mention that he could see through any lie with great ease. He also felt a need to tell Elrond and Glorfindel. Hiding the truth had left a heavy weight on his soul…

He sank to his knees.

“I know not what I am exactly…My kind are called the ‘Pyn mom.’ Our clan lives in the great wastelands of the north…”

“But nothing can live in that terrible place!” exclaimed Glorfindel. “It is referred as the Valley of Death!”

“Indeed, that is a good name, but life is possible there.”

“But where did your clan come from?” interjected Elrond. “You appear elfin and yet not. I have never encountered the like.”

Erestor turned thoughtful, “Legends say that a dark god decided to create servants for himself. His children were beautiful and powerful…but his children grew too powerful and refused to follow his wishes. They were wild things and the dark god grew furious at their impudence. He caste his children into the lands of sand and death, where only the strongest creatures could survive.

“It was a land with little food and no water…”

“Wait, how could they survive without water?” said Glorfindel, his disbelief quite apparent.

Erestor looked Glorfindel straight in the eyes and said, “Blood. Blood can take the place of water. This land was a land of predators…each creature depended on the blood and flesh of their kills to sustain them. The Pyn mom were no different.

“When I left the lands of my birth I had not even reached my majority yet.”

Glorfindel leaned closer, “Why did you leave?”

Erestor looked away sadly, “I was too soft…”

See this was a sore spot, Elrond decided that they could skip over this for now, “Please Erestor, continue.”

“When I entered these lands, I saw water for the first time in my life. I just didn’t know what to make of it…It didn’t even occur to me to drink it until I saw other creatures doing thus.

“Rain was even worse. I didn’t understand it at all. I had only heard of such an occurrence in legend. Every few centuries, it would rain in my homeland. They were said to be the tears of our dark lord. Our lord never cried tears of compassion but of hate and pain. They would cause the sands to loosen and turn upon the creatures that dwelled upon the land. The sand would slide down in waves and burry those unfortunate to be in their path alive.”

Erestor suppressed a sob, “I thought I was going to die. The rivers began to flood into the cave I had been staying in. I couldn’t swim; couldn’t breathe! I thought I was being punished by our lord for being weak and leaving the lands he had banished my clan to! He had sent his tears to kill me…”

Erestor began shivering and it took everything Glorfindel had not to take him into his arms.

“I awoke to find myself upon the river shore, far from where I had been staying. I heard the strangest sound…like speaking…but different…I peeked from the bushes that I was hiding in.

There stood an elleth with two children that looked exactly alike. They were with several others. They were all smiling and laughing. They didn’t see the dark creatures till it was too late…”

Erestor paused for a moment. Elrond realized it was Celebrian’s attack. He swallowed the lump in his throat and motioned for Erestor to continue.

“I expected the stronger, faster ones to flee since they were so outnumbered—leaving the weaker ones as a distraction so that they could save themselves. But…they didn’t…I had never seen anything like it before. I couldn’t understand. Was not survival the most important thing? Why try to protect others at the risk of their own lives?

“The realized the two elflings were right by me. I don’t know why I did what I did, but on impulse, I grabbed them and ran.

“I am not sure how long I ran. All I know I is I ran till I thought my heart would explode in my chest. I looked at the tiny forms in my arms. The stress had caused them to pass out.

“I was unsure what to do, so I tried to find some place that had a similar scent as these creatures. That is when I came to Imladris. It was so overwhelming to me. The stress of all that had happened and my confusion finally got the better of me as the guards approached and darkness took me.

“I awoke in the healing rooms…although I refused to show it. Life in the wastelands had taught me the need for subtly. I listened and waited. Finally I decided to take a risk and show that I was aware.

“Such a fuss was made…scaring me badly but I stood my ground. And then…you came in Elrond and asked me my name…

“I had heard others state their names along with their houses…so I made up a house. I kept seeing the giant black ravens of my homeland…therefore; I called myself Erestor of the House of the Circling Raven.

“Over time I learned of things such as gratitude, compassion, kindness, and goodwill. I taught myself to read and write…and later I became your advisor.”

Erestor sighed as he finished.

“But why did you kill that deer?” pressed Glorfindel.

Erestor looked down, “My kind needs the blood of our kills. I don’t need as much as I used to here because of the water and other foods, but I do need some every once in a while. Normally I would go after small game and either eat it whole or dispose of the carcass…but that damn dog! He aroused suspicion and made it too dangerous. Plus the rain kept me indoors. Finally my hunger grew too great. I had to hunt! And that is how Glorfindel found me…”

“And your teeth?” asked Elrond.

“I…I…I would file them down every evening and morning…they grow very fast…But tonight I knew I had to hunt so I didn’t this evening. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem since I never smile…a precaution for just such an event…but I suppose it’s all rather moot now…”

Elrond bent down to look Erestor in the eye.

“My friend, why did you not just tell us?”

Erestor hid behind his hair again, “At first it was because I was afraid naturally. But, then it was because…because…”

“Yes?”

“Because I thought you might kill me.”

Erestor flinched back as if expecting a strike.

Elrond and Glorfindel looked at each other and then back at Erestor.

“Why would we do that?”

Erestor swallowed and said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Because the dark god that created us was…Sauron…”


TBC…

Translations:

Ellon—male elf
Elleth—female elf
Pyn mom—Dark Ones