When Muses Attack!

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A/N:
Emmess – I don’t know why no one has told them? Want me to send him over and clear them out? *laugh* He tells me he has to leave but he could be just jerking my chain (again) and it wouldn’t surprise me. Eru! One is bad enough! I couldn’t imagine more of them! Hopefully they are a little more considerate than Mr. Wicked.

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“What the hell are you doing here? Curse your vile hide!” I mutter venomously under my breath. He has decided to show up at my job and crash a meeting. I am very unhappy with this turn of events.

“So this is what you do all day,” he murmurs in my ear. “Impressive.” His sarcasm is not lost on me.

“What do you want?” I hiss trying to shoo him away as I take my seat. “I am busy!”

“Come now, you’re not paying attention in the first place,” he points out. “You could easily be writing my story.” He glances around the room at my co-workers and snorts.

“And how am I supposed to do that? I’m not at my computer,” I retort.

With a quick flick of his wrist, he opens my notebook and drops the pen in my lap. I roll my eyes and sigh.

“Tell me how it ends,” I growl.

“No,” he replies. “I will go to Helm’s Deep, just like in the movie. And when she returns from her mission to Elrond, she will go there, too.”

I start writing. The boss is impressed. Little does he know, eh?

“Live or die?” I murmur. No answer. I grunt in annoyance. My co-workers eye me suspiciously.

He begins to show me possibilities and probabilities as I diligently scratch away on the paper.

“What is that writing?” He grumbles. “I cannot read it.”

“Greek alphabet. So no one else can read it, either.” I retort.

He grows silent for a while and I think maybe he’s gone for the day but he soon re-appears. After a few moments of contemplation, he points to one outcome. “This one,” he says softly. I sigh. Finally!

“And I want more sex,” he demands.

“For the love of Pete!” I groan miserably. “Don’t start that here!”

He chuckles horridly. I just want to strangle him. Just a little. Just until he passes out, that’s all. Then I’ll stop. I promise! Just this once!

“Oh, yes, Mel,” he whispers silkily in my ear. “Lots and lots of sex. You’ve made us all wait so very long. I think it’s the least you can do for me and for my readers.”

I try to concentrate on the meeting but it’s no use. I can smell him and feel him leaning over the back of my chair so that my head is resting against his solid abdomen.

“Lots of ‘hawt’ sex,” he purrs and strokes my hair. “Oral sex, hmmmmm.”

I chomp down on my pen to keep from screaming but he is relentless. What the fuck is he trying to prove, anyway? That he can drive me insane? Not a long trip from here!

“Yes,” he says in that throaty voice of his. “Shall I describe it to you?” He teases.

“No. Shut up and go away!” I hiss under my breath. My God, will this inane meeting never end?

As if answering my prayers, The Boss announces that unless anyone has any other business to discuss, it’s back to the salt mines for us. I leap up and run out of the room, Mr. Wicked’s chuckle echoing in my ears.

When I get home, I’m seriously pissed.

“What the fuck did you do THAT to me for, ya moron? You trying to get me canned or what?” I demand.

He doesn’t show himself but I know he’s there. I can feel him. I can sense his smugness and it irritates me even more. “Show yourself you coward!” I demand hotly.

Still smirking, he appears in the doorway. “My, my, aren’t we the temperamental one today?” He teases.

“You bastard!” I spit. “How dare you show up to my place of business and torment me?”

He seems a bit surprised at my anger. “I meant no harm,” he replies.

“The hell you didn’t! It’s one thing to tell me how something ends – it’s another entirely to start talking about oral sex in the middle of a fucking meeting for the love of all things unholy!” I shout at him.

“I can assure you that I meant no harm,” he soothes. “You seemed rather bored and I thought I would entertain you for a moment.”

I narrow my eyes at him. I want to believe him but I cannot. “Don’t let it happen again,” I snap. “This isn’t Lothlorien,” I add darkly. “How would you like it if I showed up at your job and raised hell?”

He laughs at this.

“What? You don’t think I could raise some hell?” I frown. I’ll show him!

“Oh, no! I think it would be rather amusing to drop you into Lothlorien,” he grins.

I grunt and grab a beer from the ‘fridge. “Want one?” I ask, holding the beverage out to him.

He eyes it suspiciously and I open the bottle so he can sniff it. He wrinkles his nose delicately.

“Ah, that’s right. I forgot. It’s the wine you like, yes? At least Legolas did,” I smile innocently at him. He scowls.

“No wine. And none of that, either,” he jerks his chin at my beer. I take another healthy swig and burp loudly enough to make a frat boy proud then giggle hysterically at his dark look.

I sit down at the computer and check my mail. He leans over me and strokes my hair in silence for a while.

“Turn on the music,” he finally says. “The music you made for me.”

I obey and he sits on the couch. “Sit here,” he says patting a cushion next to him. “I want to talk first. No writing yet.”

“You’re not gonna get all weird on me, are you?” I demand, refusing to sit down and swigging more of the beer. I just hate it when he gets all melancholy and moody. Talk about a buzz kill!

“No. I want to talk before writing,” he says.

I am not convinced and swig some more beer trying to figure out what he’s up to. And he is up to something of this I am sure. He has that gleam in his eye that means trouble for me. Why do I get the feeling that it’s going to be another long night of writing?

“You’ve been ignoring me,” he purrs into my ear when I finally sit next to him.

“No, I’ve just been busy lately,” I reply.

He gives me his look that says, “as if”. I snort. “It’s true,” I protest.

“That’s just an excuse,” he says. “I think you’re ignoring me. Intentionally. I think you are jealous of me.”

I fall over into the cushions laughing hysterically. He frowns.

“Why in the hell would I be jealous of YOU?” I giggle, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes as I sit back up. “You’re not even REAL.”

He scowls. “I am real enough for your readers, aren’t I?” The perfectly shaped brow shoots upward. He mocks me.

“OK. I’ll give you that. But why would I be jealous of you?” I don’t even know why I rise to his bait. I’m such an idiot sometimes.

That Cheshire cat grin. Here it comes. “Because you want me all for yourself. And the only way you can have me all to yourself is to draw out our time together as long as possible,” he purrs triumphantly.

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