Filling Santa's shELVES

Disclaimer: I don't own anything even remotely connected to Tolkien's universe, and will not profit from this writing in any way. Seriously - I won't get a single, solitary nickel. Not even a coupon for fifty cents off a diet Coke. It’s pathetic.

Filling Santa's ShELVES - A Twisted Christmas Story


It was hours later before the door opened again. The Elves turned to see one of the armed men standing in the doorway. He walked a short way into the room, keeping his rifle trained on the Elves. Saruman entered behind him, his high black boots clacking on the cement floor.

"I wager your dinner was not to your liking?" he asked, eyeing the sandwiches, barely touched, on the tray. "You really must eat to keep your strength up."

Four pair of Elven eyes glared at him, but none of the Elves spoke. They knew full well exactly what he was referring to when he said that they would need their strength.

Saruman nodded toward the door, and another man entered the room, carrying a small box. He placed it on the bed closest to him, then retreated from the room.

"You may want to make yourselves presentable…you'll be having company tonight. Mind you, I know that Elves can control procreation…if you do not cooperate, the Elleth in question will suffer, I assure you."

That said, he turned and stalked out of the room as best as his girth would allow. The final man left right behind him, a nasty grin on his face. Again, the door was bolted behind them, locking the Elves in the room.

"Now what do we do?" Rumil asked no one in particular. "We can't…I won't…"

"Nor will we, Rumil," Haldir said, walking forward to see what the box held. "We'll think of something…he knows much about our kind though…it will not be easy to fool him."

"Hairbrushes?" Orophin asked, picking one up out of the box. He looked almost as though he might laugh. "He thinks we need to pretty up for the Elleth."

Rumil rolled his eyes, and said, very sarcastically, "Certainly. One must always look his best when raping some poor innocent!"

"Enough, you two. The subject is no laughing matter. Elur was truly frightened this afternoon," Legolas said sternly, pulling the brush out of Orophin's hand and dumping it back in the box.

"Look…I don't have any experience with children since I have none of my own, but I do know this much…Elves and their mates may know instantly if they've conceived, but no one else - with the exception of perhaps Galadriel or Elrond - would be able to tell for a while. If we can gain the Elleth's trust, perhaps we can fool Saruman long enough to get out of here," Haldir mused, drumming his fingers on his knee. The other three nodded in agreement, small smiles playing on their lips.

A short while later, the door opened yet again, and Elur was pushed through. She looked absolutely terrified.

"Elur, please do not be frightened. We know what Sarum, er…Santa has told you, but I promise you that no one here will touch you," Haldir said. He touched his fist to his chest, bending slightly at the waist, and continued, "I give you my word as Guardian of the Forest of your birth."

Elur flicked her eyes in his direction, but did not move from the door. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, and she trembled as she stood in front of the door.

Legolas sighed, aching to put this young Elleth at ease. He noticed how lovely she was, and thought fleetingly that, in another time, another place, he would have been interested in her. Her simple nightdress of cotton did little to hide the soft curves of her body, and he thought that her silver hair, falling in waves well below her waist, was the loveliest he had ever seen. He sighed again, dispelling the thought, and smiled at her.

"Elur, we will not hurt you. We'll go and sit at the other side of the room, if it will make you more comfortable."

She bit her bottom lip, nodding slowly. The Elves walked to the opposite side of the room, and sat on beds there facing her. Slowly, Elur moved to sit on the bed closest to the door. Once again, she sat with her hands folded in her lap, her eyes downcast.

Clearing his throat, Haldir broached the sensitive subject of the reason for Elur's presence in their sleeping quarters. "Elur," he began, speaking softer than any of the other Elves had ever heard him, "we know the reason Santa has sent you here tonight. But we would rather die than dishonor you in this manner. Do you understand?"

Elur looked up briefly, a look of shock on her face. Just as quickly, her eyes went back to stare at her hands, but she answered in a quiet voice, "If you do not, then he will kill one of the Elflings for every day you do not."

"We know of his threats, but we have a plan. We wish you to tell Santa that we did…er, do what he commanded, and that you are with child. It will buy us some time to figure out how we are going to get the Elflings and you out of here."

"Out of here? Where would we go?" she asked, confused. Shaking her head, she continued, "besides, he would know. There was a female named Brie here once. She was attacked by one of the guards and made with child. Santa took her morning pee and did something to it that showed that she was going to have a baby. He had the guards take her away, and we never saw her again. But, at least none of the guards every touched us again, after that."

"Are there more females of your age, Elur?" Rumil asked, shaking with horror and anger at the story she told.

"Yes, there are three others… Geshi, Ayaz, and Gish. They are to be sent to you shortly."

"Hmph. Very clever of Saruman…Ice, Frost, and Winter. I would have thought him more creative," Orophin muttered when he heard the names of the other females of age.

"The plan won't work, if Saruman can test the urine," Legolas stated, wrinkling his nose at the vulgarity of the notion of such a test.

Elur was very quiet for a long while, as the four Elves talked amongst themselves, trying desperately to come up with a new plan. Suddenly she rose from the bed, her arms locking themselves around her, trembling, but when she spoke, her voice was stronger than they had yet heard it.

"You said you wanted to fool Santa long enough to get us all out of here. Where would we go and what would we do?" she asked.

"Anywhere, as long as it was far from Saruman. Actually…" Haldir said, a thought occurring to him, "we could just stay here…providing we can get rid of Santa and all his helpers. At least until we find a way to get back to Arda."

"Excellent idea!" Rumil nearly shouted. He sobered quickly, lowering his voice and continued, "but that still doesn't solve the problem, does it?"

"Where is Arda?" Elur asked, drawing their attention again.

"It is the place where you, and all of the other Elflings were born, Elur. It is home," Legolas explained, watching the wistful look wash over the Elleth's lovely face.

"Home? The place with the silver and gold trees?"

"Yes, Lothlorien is in Arda, Elur. I would take you home," Haldir said, smiling gently.

"Then there is only one thing we can do," Elur said, swallowing hard, and putting her chin up. "You must get me with child."

All four Elven jaws dropped to their chests as they stared at the defiant Elleth.

"Absolutely not!" Legolas exclaimed, his ears reddening.

"No!" Rumil and Orophin shouted, both standing at the same time.

"She is right," Haldir said, much softer, a look of sadness creeping into his eyes. "Saruman will know if we do not, and I do not doubt that he will kill an Elfling in retaliation - and there would be nothing we could do to stop him."

The other Elves stared at him, but there was no arguing with his logic. One of them would have to lay with Elur, and give her his seed. But which one?

"I am the March Warden of the Galadhrim - guardians of her birthplace. I will take the responsibility for her and for…the child," Haldir said, his voice not much more than a whisper.

"It does not matter much which of you it is," Elur interrupted, her voice not quite as strong as it was a moment ago, now that the import of what she had said sunk in. "Geshi, Ayaz, and Gish will all be sent to you as well…unless only one of you wishes to father all the children…"

"I cannot believe we are even discussing this!" Rumil shouted, finally losing patience. "It is absurd! More than that - it is an abomination!"

"Do you have a better idea, brother? If you do, I'd be more than willing to hear it!" Haldir shouted back, his voice echoing off the metal walls.

Rumil opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His jaw snapped shut with an audible pop, his brows meeting in a fierce frown.

"I thought not. Rumil, none of us are pleased about this, you know. Would it that there were any other way, including slitting my own wrists, I would take it, gladly."

"I know, Haldir, I know. It's just…she's so young…" Rumil said with tears in his eyes. Haldir drew his brother close, comforting him as he had when Rumil was just an Elfling himself.

"Santa said that when you decided who it would be, to knock at the door, and the others would be let out until…until…until it was over," Elur informed them, twisting her hands nervously in her lap.

Sighing, sadness etched on their faces, the other three Elves stood, and looked quietly at Haldir. Silently, he nodded at them, and they walked to the door, rapping on the metal frame.

The door opened, and more men with guns escorted out the three Elves, the door swinging shut and bolting behind them, leaving Haldir alone with the frightened young Elleth.