To Finally Belong

Chapter Five – Training Begins


Tonight’s dream was different than the others had been lately. Lurtz was in it, as usual, but this time he was in the background for the first part of the dream. The elves were present as well as her Uruk and it was confusing as the dream jumped back and forth between her new life and the old one. Rúmil appeared as well as Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn and they all laughed and smiled. It made Círa feel good. Haldir was there too, though he was mocking her, whispering hurtful things into her ear.

Suddenly, the dream shifted and she was hiding behind the tree again, watching Lurtz as he prepared to kill Boromir. She tried to move her legs so that she could get to Lurtz to warn him, but she could neither make her legs move nor her mouth say the words she needed to say. Her feet were frozen in place as she watched the battle take place before her eyes again.

“No, do not fight him!” she cried out in her sleep, though in the dream he did not seem to hear. “I need you!” Growing agitated, she began to thrash violently, trying to get to him before it was too late. She knew that if she did nothing, that her Uruk would die and that she would be left alone. Held in place by some invisible force, she watched in horror one more time as Aragorn took Lurtz’s head, causing Círa to cry out in anguish.

“No! Do not leave me!” she sobbed into her pillow. “Do not leave me all alone.”

A hand on her arm brought her instantly awake and she immediately crouched in a protective stance, swinging her fist before she had a chance to assess the danger. Her wrist was grabbed by a strong hand before she could connect and Círa found herself looking into Haldir’s blue eyes as he knelt down next to her.

“You were dreaming,” he said, annoyed.

Círa waited a moment for her heart rate to slow before nodding her head. Yes, a horrible dream, but it was over now.

“Do you do this often?” he asked, wondering if he would get any sleep while she was around.

“No,” she said; she had rarely dreamed when she was with the Orcs. “I am sorry. I shall try not to do it again.”

“I do not suppose you have any control over it,” Haldir mused. “What were you dreaming about?”

“His death,” she replied, wrapping up in the blanket once again.

Haldir stood and watched her for a moment before he silently returned to his own bed. He had never stopped to consider how the death of her lover must have affected her, because Lurtz had been an Uruk and in Haldir’s mind, not worthy of anybody’s sorrow. If what she had said earlier was true, that they had cared for each other, then it must have been terrible to watch him die. Haldir shook his head. Uruks were not capable of caring for another. Círa had been fooling herself to think that it had been the case, but if it made her feel better, why not let her think that? These thoughts flowing through his mind, he tried to sleep for a couple more hours.

~~~~~~~~~

“I have an elfling’s bow for you to use until you are ready for a larger one,” Haldir told Círa, holding out the small weapon.

“You must be jesting,” she told him, crossing her arms and refusing to take the miniscule bow.

“Everybody starts with this type of bow,” he explained, growing impatient. “It is not a personal comment on your skills.”

“That is because they are elflings when they start,” she pointed out, angrily. “I am very strong and while I may not be able to handle your bow, I can handle the same bow that any elleth here can handle.”

“Oh, really?” Haldir asked. He turned and walked over to one of the female members of the Galadhrim and asked to borrow her bow for a moment. Maybe he was not being fair, choosing the strongest female, who happened to use a male’s bow, but he had a point to make.

“Let me see you pull the string back, like this,” Haldir drew the string back before relaxing the tension once more.

Smirking, Círa did the same, her eyes never leaving his. It had taken some work, but she hadn’t let it show. She was certainly not as strong as Haldir, but she had no doubt that she was equal to any elleth in strength. Her body had been pushed to the limit every day since she had been with the Orcs. These elleths could not have possibly gone through similar training.

Haldir raised an eyebrow and returned the bow to the female warden, who had to fight back a smile. Like most others, she enjoyed seeing the haughty Marchwarden brought down a notch or two occasionally.

Leaving the area for a moment, Haldir soon returned with a different bow. It was the same size as the one she had just tried.

“I stand corrected,” he admitted, grudgingly. “I will expect you to tell me if you change your mind and find this bow too difficult.”

She did not answer. No answer was necessary.

“Rúmil will teach you the basics,” he told her. “I do not teach beginners.”

“Good,” she said, knowing that Rúmil would be a more patient teacher. Haldir would be useful in fine-tuning her skills when she was ready for that because she was sure he would be an exacting teacher. That was not what she needed now.

Haldir walked away, a little upset that he had not been able to get a reaction out of her when he had made his last comment. She couldn’t actually prefer Rúmil’s company to his, could she? She should be offended that he did not wish to teach her. He glanced back and saw them smiling together about something and he quickly looked away.

~~~~~~~~~

“Like this?” she asked, standing as he had instructed.

“Move your right foot just a little,” Rúmil tried to explain. “Can I show you?”

“Yes,” she said as he reached down and changed her feet slightly. She was glad he had asked first, because her instinct would have been to kick him otherwise.

When her feet were in the right spot, he warned her, “Now I am going to reach around you to show you where your hands should be.”

She felt his back against hers as he placed his hands on the bow exactly where he wanted hers to be. She shifted her hands a bit and he stepped away. It had made her nervous having him so close when she was not used to being touched by anybody besides Lurtz, but she would have to get used to it, she told herself. It seemed as though these elves often touched each other to show their feelings and that was foreign to her.

~~~~~~~~~

Haldir glanced over from time to time to see how their newest addition to the Galadhrim was doing and he was shocked to see the progress she was making. It seemed as though she had a natural talent for the bow, maybe even more than most elves. On the other hand, it could be simply that she was more driven. Based on the determined look on her face, he could easily believe that. What surprised him even more was to see Rúmil put his arms around her every now and then to correct a stance or to change the way she was holding the bow. Haldir was amazed that she had not knocked his brother to the ground for touching her. The Marchwarden wondered if he would have gotten away with this or if the elleth had simply taken a liking to Rúmil.

Haldir frowned at that thought. It would not be good for his brother to get involved with her, though the desire to do so was completely understandable. She was very attractive and her background made her rather intriguing, though at the same time parts of it disgusted him. He found himself becoming aroused again, picturing her body as she had emerged from the lake that night, water dripping down her perfect form. Forcing himself to turn away from her, he decided that he would not think about her. Tonight he would be meeting with a different elleth, since last night had gone so badly, and he hoped for better results. Meril was not as beautiful as Alfirin, but more creative, so maybe the night would proceed more smoothly. It certainly couldn’t go much worse than last night had gone.

~~~~~~~~~

“Círa, I think that is enough for today,” Rúmil told her laughing. “You have been shooting that bow for almost eight hours.”

“But I need more work on it,” she said, smoothly releasing the taut string. Rúmil gently reached out and took the bow from her hands.

“You cannot learn it all in one night,” he told her kindly. “There will be many more days to work on it.”

“But I am not tired. There is still daylight to use,” she said, confused. “It would be a waste to stop now.”

“We have worked enough hours today. It is time to clean up and have dinner,” he insisted.

Looking at the target with longing, she turned back to him reluctantly. It felt like cheating to end her work day after so few hours. When she lived with the Orcs, she normally worked many more hours than this, often until she was ready to drop. Against her wishes, she followed him and glanced over to see Haldir’s eyes upon her. The elf turned away quickly when he realized that she had noticed his gaze. Bringing his attention back to the task at hand, he continued to work with an archer that was having trouble.

When they approached, Rúmil told his brother that he would take Círa to his talan and feed her, since he knew that Haldir had plans for the evening. None too pleased about the two of them spending even more time together; Haldir had to make a decision. Not wanting his own plans disrupted, he finally nodded in agreement.

“What do you like to eat?” Rúmil asked her as they walked to his talan.

“Whatever is available,” she said, as though it were obvious.

They stopped at a spot where there was a hole in the ground with steps leading down into the darkness. Rúmil motioned for her to follow as she seemed to hesitate. She was wary at first, because she feared that it could be a trap, but so far Rúmil had been very kind to her and she didn’t think that he would harm her. She followed him, tensing herself to be ready for an attack if it became necessary.

The air grew cooler as they descended the long stairs, eventually coming to a large, underground room. She looked around in awe at the storage area filled with vegetables and fruits. Leading her further through another door, they soon came to a slightly smaller room where cleaned and gutted animal carcasses hung everywhere, from large metal hooks. Rúmil spoke to an elf in the room who proceeded to cut a piece of meat and wrap it in large leaves before handing it to Rúmil. Thanking him, they went back into the first room and Rúmil picked out a couple of vegetables and handed them to Círa to carry back.

“You simply take food and nobody tries to stop you?” she asked, incredulous.

“Why not? I have a job protecting these woods. Somebody else has the job of hunting and growing plants. I only take what I use, as does everybody else. It works out well.”

Círa thought about it for a moment and decided that it wasn’t so different from what the Orcs did, except that when the Orcs caught game, it was still necessary to fight for right to eat. Also, nobody grew plants. The Orcs only ate meat and Círa was left on her own to find edible roots and leaves in the forest, though the others had never understood this habit. She wasn’t exactly sure why she did it but her mother had always made her eat plants and she craved them when she went without.

Climbing back up the stairs, she followed Rúmil to the floor of the forest once more and on to his talan. She watched as he expertly sliced the meat and vegetables before placing them in a shallow kettle. After digging through some containers on his table, the elf found what he wanted and took a pinch of something from each one to add to the food. He started a fire in his small stove and set the kettle on top, settling back to wait for it to cook.

“Orophin is going to be joining us for dinner tonight,” he informed her.

“Orophin is your other brother?” she asked. “The nice one?”

Rúmil laughed, nodding his head. “He is very nice, I suppose, compared to Haldir.”

“All of the elves I have met so far have been nice compared to Haldir,” she noted.

“I do not know why he is treating you this way,” Rúmil admitted. “He is always very…cool and aloof, but I have rarely seen anybody get him as agitated as you do.”

“It is because of my past,” she told him.

“I know, but I do not know why it is such an issue with him. You did not choose to be taken by the Orcs and you had no choice in how you were raised by them,” Rúmil reminded her.

“No, but I made the decision to join with my Uruk and that is what he holds against me,” she said, certain of the fact.

Knowing that it was true, Rúmil nodded and handed her a glass of wine.

~~~~~~~~~

Haldir left Meril’s talan much earlier than he had anticipated. Agitated beyond belief, he stormed down the path to Rúmil’s home. This had to stop! What was happening to him? That …animal … was ruining his life, at least his love life. Once again, he had not been able to perform without thinking about Círa, and that wasn’t encouraging. He was torn between being absolutely disgusted by her and wanting her so badly that he would love to throw her to his bed and take her right now. It was probably just because she was living in his talan, he tried to tell himself. Any elleth that was spending that much time so close to him would probably have the same effect on him.

Marching into Rúmil’s talan, intending to leave immediately with the elleth, he soon found that his brothers had other ideas. They were on their second bottle of wine and all three of them looked slightly intoxicated.

“You two make excellent guards,” Haldir said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Maybe not, but we make excellent hosts,” Rúmil said, causing Orophin to burst out laughing. The three elves clinked their wine goblets in a silent toast.

“It was not that funny,” Haldir told them.

“No, but the look on your face is,” Orophin said, laughing harder.

“Well, the entertainment portion of the evening is over. We must leave now,” he said, grabbing Círa’s arm. Before he knew what had happened, she had twisted out of his grip and was holding him by the front of his tunic as she bared her teeth at him. After a moment of dead silence, Orophin exploded in a new bout of laughter.

“Haldir, my dear brother, have you not yet learned how to approach Círa?” Rúmil asked, smiling. “You tell her if you plan on touching her, is that not right, Círa?”

Haldir did not respond but simply stared impassively into her blue eyes as she stared back at him. She finally let go of his tunic and looked away. “Yes, it is the wise thing to do,” she said, answering Rúmil’s question.

Forcing her heart to slow down, Círa reminded herself that she was with elves now, not Orcs. When he had grabbed her, she had simply acted on instinct and now she wished she had not done so. Haldir took the glass of wine that Rúmil now offered him and after a few moments, he sat down next to Círa, eyes still fixed on her.

Haldir finished his first glass and Rúmil quickly refilled it before turning to open a third bottle. It didn’t take long for the older elf to catch up with the others and eventually he grew more relaxed, leaning back in his chair. The conversation seemed to be generally centered on the elves in Caras Galadhon that Círa might have known as a child. Occasionally she would remember one of the names and was assured that she would be reintroduced to them soon. Now and then her past intruded into the otherwise cheerful discussion, though when she spoke, it was in a very matter-of-fact manner. Haldir watched her closely as she relayed certain events without emotion and he found himself cringing internally a couple of times. When she casually mentioned the beatings she’d grown up with, he at first assumed that she was exaggerating.

“Beatings, Círa?” he asked.

“Yes, beatings,” she replied, elaborating because she thought that she had used the word wrong. “You know, where someone hits you with their fists or a heavy stick…or a rock.” She quickly continued on to something else, not wanting to dwell on the subject, though Haldir couldn’t help but dwell on it. The picture in his mind of the Orcs beating the beautiful elf child was almost too much for him and now he began to see what Lady Galadriel had meant about the torture that this elleth had endured.

When it grew late and the third bottle had been emptied, Haldir decided that it was time to go. Stating as much, he rose to leave despite the protests of his brothers.

“But Haldir, we are having such fun,” Orophin said. “Stay another hour.”

“No,” he said, firmly. “Lady Galadriel wishes to have a celebration in Círa’s honor before we return to the Northern Fences, so we will all be able to have fun and celebrate that night. Tomorrow, Círa must continue her training and she needs to be well-rested.”

“You just want her all to yourself,” Rúmil muttered, earning a strange look from Haldir. From the way his brother started to defend himself, Rúmil wondered if he hadn’t hit upon something with his comment. Haldir noticed that Círa seemed a bit inebriated and went to help her down the ladder but remembered what had happened last time he had taken her arm.

“Can I help you down?” he asked instead.

“The day that I am too drunk to walk down stairs is the day I deserve to fall to the ground,” she slurred a bit. “Besides, you are just as drunk as I am.”

“I am not,” he insisted, offended.

“Yes, you are,” she maintained.

A discussion ensued on the walk back as to their individual degrees of drunkenness and they finally concluded that neither was actually drunk but were both simply feeling no pain. They entered Haldir’s talan and Círa noticed that there were two more of the large pillows on the floor. She looked at him with a question in her eyes.

“I knew that the floor could not be comfortable,” he said, trying not to blush. He hated to appear soft-hearted. It was not something the Marchwarden had ever been accused of before and he didn’t want to start now.

“Thank you,” she said, struggling to get the words out.

Haldir looked at her as she looked down at the pillows. She was the picture of vulnerability right now, as though nobody had ever done a kind thing for her in her life and she wasn’t sure how to react. At that moment, seeing this new side of her, Haldir wanted her in his bed more than ever. He pushed away the thoughts of her Uruk lover and approached her cautiously.

Círa sensed Haldir moving towards her, even with her somewhat alcohol-dulled senses. She raised her head to watch him, not knowing what he had in mind. When he stepped too close, invading her space, she backed up rather than striking at him. She was not sure why, but she sensed that he did not wish to harm her. Continuing to move backwards, she found herself stopped against a table. She held her breath as he reached out to touch a strand of her silky white-blonde hair and let it fall through his fingers. Nobody besides Lurtz had been allowed to stand this close to her in the last two hundred years, unless it was by her own doing. Occasionally, she had to get close enough to demonstrate a move or to thrust a knife into the gut of another. She did not know why she was allowing Haldir this privilege, unless it was simply curiosity to see what he would do.

He slowly lowered his lips to her cheek now, brushing a kiss across her skin and she stepped back, surprised as she knocked the table back a few feet.

“What are you doing?” she asked him, completely caught off guard.

“I am kissing you,” he explained, thinking that it was obvious.

“What does that mean?” she asked warily.

“Have you never been kissed?” he asked, running his hands down her arms now.

“No, I do not think so,” she replied, though a brief image of her father kissing her forehead suddenly came to mind. She smiled slightly at the distant thought. “Maybe my father used to kiss my forehead.”

“That is a different type of kiss,” he assured her. “It is a kiss that a parent bestows upon a child to show them love. The kiss that I just gave you was meant to entice. Is it working?”

His lips dropped to her neck and just barely touched the skin beneath her chin, causing her to flinch and then shivers to run down her spine. It went against everything she knew to let somebody place their teeth near her throat, but she found that she liked it.

“The feeling is not unpleasant,” she admitted, feeling her heartbeat increase. “But why would you want to entice me? You do not even like me?”

“You are beautiful,” he told her, his lips hovering just a hair’s breadth from hers. “There is no reason that we cannot enjoy each other, whether we like each other or not.”

Anger flared in Círa’s eyes. Using both hands, she shoved him as hard as she could, catching him off balance and knocking him to the floor. Haldir sat on the hard wood for a moment, wondering what exactly had just happened.

“Is that what you think of me? That I am some trollop that you can use for your pleasure like your other elleths, with no emotional entanglements?” she asked, stepping closer.

“Why not?” he shrugged, getting to his feet. “After all, you gave yourself to an Uruk. From here on, everything else has to be a step up for you, does it not?”

She resisted the urge to launch herself at him. “Apparently not,” she said, instead. “For me to rut with you simply to give you the release you seek would be a great step down. It will never happen.”

“Are you seriously saying that you would prefer an Uruk to me?” he asked in amazement.

“I am saying that I will never join with one that I do not care about. You and I do not care about each other and do not even like each other. It would be wrong to join with you.”

Turning away from him, she lay down on the pillows and covered herself with the blanket, falling promptly asleep. Haldir stood still, stunned, as her words ran through his head. He crawled into his bed but found that sleep did not come easily that night.

~To Be Continued~