Mourning my Love

Sorry for the delayed update, muses were on strike!

Have you forgotten all I know
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then.

Taking over Me - Evanescence


Mourning my Love – Chapter 5

Legolas peered round the tree, hoping that Elrohir was not around. He couldn’t face the elf-knight right now; it was too difficult.
Elrohir had gone to great lengths to re-create their first date, even going so far as to track down the same type of wine and sweetbreads.

At first it had all gone well, they had walked the same path as five hundred years before, talking quietly. They had stopped by the same pond and Elrohir had surpr Leg Legolas in the same way with the food and drink. He had made sure his hand brushed the prince’s as he reached for the cake.
Then it had all gone wrong.

There had been no need to declare his feelings; Legolas already knew his intentions. Instead he had leaned forward to kiss him and recreate that long-ago moment.
Unfortunately, it had not gone to plan. Legolas, seeing Elrohir coming so close, had panicked. He’d scrambled back, knocking over the wine in his haste. “I’m sorry!” He’d cried. “I just can’t!”
Then he’d turned and fled, leaving Elrohir with the ruined picnic and a million memories of happier times.

Now Legolas dreaded having to face his former lover. It wasn’t as if he felt nothing for the peredhil, but he didn’t understand those feelings. He couldn’t tell if it was love or not and he needed time to figure it all out.
He felt terrible for the pain he knew he was causing Elrohir, but he simply couldn’t help it. His whole life was a blank; even his own father still seemed like a stranger.

Strangely enough, the person he felt the most comfortable with was Elladan. The elder twin hadn’t pushed him at all and quietly listened to whatever Legolas had needed to get off of his chest. He never mentioned Elrohir either, knowing that his twin was a sensitive topic with the woodland prince. If Legolas spoke of him, then Elladan would answer, but he never initiated it.

He had also proved useful in othatteatters such as helping Legolas escape a couple of Erestor’s history lessons. The well-meaning councillor was driving Legolas to distraction as he bombarded the prince with the history of his family and Middle-Earth.

“Legolas?”
The prince jumped as he heard his name. He turned and for one heart-stopping moment he thought it was Elrohir. Much to his relief, an emotion he felt deeply guilty about, it wasn’t.
“Elladan. You scared me. I thought you were…” He trailed off, the last word unneeded.
A look of deep sadness flashed into Elladan’s eyes for a moment. He hated that Legolas couldn’t face Elrohir. He gave Legolas a small smile, wanting to pursue the topic, but knowing it would only make matters worse. Instead, he told Legolas what he’d originally sought him out for.
“I saw Erestor a few moments ago. He’s on his way here, looking for you.”
Legolas gave Elladan a grateful look.
“Ai, thank you! I cannot face another of his lessons today!” He smiled and leapt into a tree, disappearing into the foliage in a matter of moments.
“Elrohir is looking for you too.” Elladan said softly once Legolas was gone.

************************

“Please, you must stay! Legolas needs you!”
Thranduil pleaded with Elrond, unwilling to let the Elf-Lord go. Elrond shook his head.
“Thranduil, mellon nin, I must leave. With both Glorfindel and Erestor here Imladris is in the hands of Erestor’s aides. They have no experience in leadership and though they will try their best, I feel it will not be enough. I have done all I can for Legolas; it is up to him now. Your own healers are excellent, as are my sons, who of course will remain.”

Thranduil hung his head in defeat.
“I understand. I could not leave Greenwood so. I will have a contingent of warriors escort you back, the journey is too perilous to be made alone.”
Elrond put his hand on Thranduil’s shoulder.
“Have faith in Legolas and in the love Elrohir bears for him. All will be well.”
Thranduil did not reply.

***********************

Elladan found his brother sitting by the open window in their rooms.
“Elrohir?” He called softly. A strange sound came from his brother and Elladan was horrified to realise that his twin was crying.
In an instant he was beside him, pulling him into a tight embrace.
“Oh brother.” He whispered. “Do not lose heart. ‘Tis early days.”
Elrohir shook his head.
“He ran away, away from me. He will never be mine again.” Sobs wracked his slender frame.
“Yes he will!” Elladan said encouragingly. “He is scared, that is all. You must not give up; he loves you still I am sure! This it a t a temporary setback!”
Elrohir turned wet eyes onto his twin.
“How can you be so certain?”
Elladan smiled.
“Because I know you, I know him and I have seen the love you share. It is too strong to be destroyed by a simple lapse of memory.”
Elrohir gave him a small smile.
“Thank you, brother. I would be lost without you.”
“Which is why I was born first.” Elladan teased lightly. “Now come, get some rest.”
Elrohir nodded and allowed his brother to lead him to his bed.
Elladan pulled the covers over him and kissed his brow.
“Rest. Things will seem better when you awake.”
Elrohir smiled at his brother, thinking how odd and yet comforting it was to be tucked in like an elfling. He thanked the Valar as Elladan quietly left, he’d never have got through this without the support and love of his twin.

He took some deep breaths and tried to rest. Sleep did not come easily these days. To sleep was to dream and the dreams were full of memories. But he did need rest and so he tried to relax.
After a time he drifted off, to return, as always, to the past.

*Five hundred years ago*

Legolas took Elrohir’s hand, leading him into the lavish rooms he occupied.
He slowly closed the door and turned to look at the dark-haired elf, gazing at him lovingly. Elrohir smiled and leaned forward, capturing his lips with his. He. He wrapped his arms around Legolas’ body, his hands roaming over the prince’s back.

It had been nearly a month since they had been together, though as of yet the relationship had not progressed beyond kissing and gentle caresses.
Tonight however, both felt the change. Tonight they would consummate their relationship.

Elrohir’s hands grasped Legolas’ shirt and the prince raised his arms to assist Elrohir in removing his clothing. The shirt was discarded in a heap on the floor as Elrohir then undid Legolas’ leggings.
His heart pounding, Legolas stepped out of the breeches to stand naked before the peredhil. He couldn’t help the slight blush that stained his cheeks.
Elrohir smiled at the glorious sight, his breath catching in his throat. He fumbled to remove his own clothes, before pressing his body up against Legolas’.

“I love you.” He whispered.
“I love you too.” Legolas replied.
Then he pulled away slightly, turning his face away from Elrohir’s.
“Elrohir, I – I have never done this before. I am a virgin.”
A low laugh came from the twin and Legolas looked up in confusion.
“I had feared as much.” Elrohir said. “It is my first time too.”
Legolas looked startled.
“I see.” He murmured. He blushed. “Do you – know what to do?” He asked with no small amount of embarrassment. “I have seen books but…” He trailed off.
It was Elrohir’s turn to blush.
“I stumbled across Glorfindel and Erestor once, in Ada’s private gardens. They didn’t know I was there. I saw – everything.”
“Then you know more than I.” Legolas said softly. Elrohir nodded.
“Shall I – Lead, then?” He asked shyly.
“I think that may be best.” Legolas agreed.

Elrohir took Legolas’ hand and led him to the bed. He gently pushed him down onto the covers. Elrohir leaned forward and kissed the prince, his body resting lightly on Legolas’ thighs.
“Oh, we need oil.” He said suddenly. Legolas looked confused.
“Oil?” He asked. Elrohir nodded and blushed again. “To – ease the way.”
Legolas’ eyes opened wide in comprehension.
“There’s massage oil in the bathroom.” He suggested quietly.
“That should work.” Elrohir replied. He slipped off of Legolas and hurried to the bathroom. He quickly found the glass bottle and returned to Legolas.

Elrohir tried to recall everything he’d seen, no easy task, as he’d been rather embarrassed at the time.
“I think, it might be easier if you were on hands and knees...” He said nervously.
Legolas nodded and positioned himself. He was scared and more than a little embarrassed, but he wanted this very much. Although Elrohir was as inexperienced as he, he trusted him, knew that the twin would not hurt him.

Pouring a little oil onto his fingers, Elrohir reached out with a trembling, uncertain hand to prepare the prince.
As soon as he had entered Legolas’ body, the blonde elf let out a strangled cry.
“Did I hurt you?” Elrohir asked anxiously.
“No.” Legolas gasped, it was just a shock – keep going, I’m fine.”
“If you’re sure…” Elrohir mumbled and moved his fingers a little. Quite unintentionally, he found what he had only heard of.
Legolas let out a howl of pure bliss. Elrohir smiled, pleased that he had given Legolas pleasure.

Deciding he had prepared him enough he coated himself with the oil. He raised himself up onto his knees and lightly gripped Legolas’ hips.
Slightly awkwardly he pushed himself inside the prince, filling him.

Legolas gritted his teeth against the pain. It hurt terribly, but he didn’t want to scare Elrohir. He was sure it wouldn’t always be like this, otherwise people wouldn’t enjoy it so much.

Elrohir was experiencing none of the discomfort that Legolas was. The heat surrounding him was almost intoxicating and he moaned in pleasure.
“Are you alright?” He whispered to Legolas.
“Fine.” The Prince replied, though it still hurt. “I think, perhaps, you should move…”
“Yes – of course.” Elrohir murmured, abashed at being caught so totally lost.
Gripping Legolas’ hips slightly harder he began to slide in and out of the prince, gently at first but gradually increasing the pressure of his thrusts.

Legolas was relieved when the pain began to subside. A moment later, Elrohir found the right spot again and sent the prince spiralling on a wave of sensation. He fisted his hands in the sheets, moaning as Elrohir continued to pound into him.

Elrohir was rapidly reaching his peak. He had never felt anything like this and he hoped Legolas was enjoying it as much as he.
By now, Legolas was. The feeling of Elrohir inside him was all he was aware of and he loved it. He arched up to meet his thrusts, instinct taking over his actions.

Finally, Elrohir could take no more. He came screaming Legolas’ name, spilling himself deep inside the prince as his gripped the pale thighs.
The feeling of Elrohir’s seed inside him also brought Legolas to his peak and his scream mingled with Elrohir’s as he found release.

Exhausted, Legolas collapsed onto his stomach as Elrohir withdrew. His lover followed him and they lay for a time like that, the young twin covering Legolas’ body with his own.
Finally Elrohir rolled over, pulling Legolas close to him. “That was amazing.” He murmured, placing a light kiss on the prince’s lips.
“Aye, it was.” Legolas replied with a smile. “I look forward to exchanging places.”
Elrohir blushed.

*************************

“Legolas!” Elrohir woke with a shout of his former lover’s name. For one blissful moment he thought he was still in the prince’s rooms in the past. But as he looked around reality hit once again and he closed his eyes against the pain.
Glancing down, his cheek coloured in shame as he realised that the dream had caused him to soil the sheets.
With a sigh he rose and stripped the bed before heading into the bathroom.

He filled the stone tub and immersed himself in the water, trying not to think of the dream. “I need to move on.” He told himself. “To forget the past and build a new future.”
But he found that he could not, as it increasingly seemed that his future would not include the Woodland Prince.

He sat in the bath until the water grew cool, then rose and dressed himself in fresh clothes. It was evening now and the cool air calmed him a little. It was a perfect evening for a walk, so without delay he headed outside.

He walked without thinking, so he was a little surprised when he found himself by the pond again. Sitting by the edge he trailed his fingers in the water and began to cry.

Legolas had not eluded Erestor for very long and had been kept in lessons most of the day. But now he was free and was enjoying the cool evening air.
He had not been out long when he saw a figure kneeling by the pond.
“Elrohir.” He whispered. He moved to back away, but something stopped him. Looking closer, he realised that the younger twin was crying.
His heart almost broke. “This is my fault.” He thought sadly. “I have done this.” Not pausing any longer, hnt ant and knelt by his former lover.
He didn’t speak, just took Elrohir’s hand from the water and held it.

Elrohir jumped at the contact and looked up.
“Legolas?” He whispered is disbelief. He had not expected the prince to approach him willingly.
Then Legolas smiled and hope flared anew in Elrohir’s heart.

END CHAPTER 5