The Price of Pride

Elvish translations

Caun nín – my prince
Caun-neth – young prince
Pen-neth – young one
Meldir – friend (m)
Hiril nín – my Lady
Cuivië – awakening
Mellon nín – my friend


Chapter 5

I spent the morning of Arwen’s birthday hunting with Elrohir. We didn’t catch much, but that wasn’t the point. I needed the escape. There was too much going on in the Last Homely House for me to be comfortable there, too many people who knew that I wobe tbe the one with Arwen that night trying to give me advice. It was only natural, their comments. I’d made enough of the same kind of comments to others soon to be in my position, though I never did after that day. I told myself that they were jealous and they most probably were. Arwen was the most beautiful Elf-maid of the Third Age, maybe of any Age, descended from the most powerful Elves still in Middle Earth. She was all that was desirable and, that night, she would be mine. I wasn’t inexperienced, but I couldn’t begin to imagine what that night would hold.

We returned in time for lunch. Elrohir joined the celebration, but I didn’t want to face the comments so I asked for a tray in my rooms. I spent a long time preparing for the evening’s celebrations. I soaked in the tub until the water was cold. I’d picked out the robes I wanted to wear that evening, but I found myself second-guessing my choices. Fortunately, Elladan chose that moment to join me.

“I have come to lend you support, meldir,” he said cheerfully.

“I am a fool,” I told him as I stood at the armoire contemplating my wardrobe.

“You are only now realizing this?” Elladan asked jokingly.

“I am serious, Ell,” I replied, turning to him with the robes in my hand. “I am giving her what she wants and condemning myself to living a lie.”

Elladan gaped at me. “Are you telling me…?”

“I love her.”

“Then why are you doing this? Why did you not refuse?”

“Because she asked for me and because fat father told me he would refuse my suit regardless of my decision about tonight.”

“Why would he refuse your suit? I would think that you and Arwen would be a perfect match.”

“You would think,” I replied cynically. “Do you remember his vision about Arwen being key to fighting the Shadow?” Elladan nodded. “Well, apparently, her choice of whom to love has a role to play, and I am not allowed to interfere with that.”

“Mellon-nín,” Elladan said, pulling me into hibracbrace. “I am sorry.”

“So am I,” I replied sadly, “but at least I will have something of her. I will not be allowed to court her, but for tonight, at least, I will be allowed to love her.”

“You will always hold a place in her heart, you know. She will not forget tonight and it need not stop with tonight. As long as you do not speak of your feelings or try to turn it into a courtship, you can remain her lover until she finds the one she is meant to bond with. It is not perfect, but as you said, it is something.”

“But so much less than my heart desires. Ai, Elbereth. Help me with my braids, Ell. I have never been able to put lover’s braids in my own hair.”

“You are not supposed to be able to, Legolas. That is why they are called lover’s braids.”

I glared at him. “Just do it so I can get dressed.”

Elladan started work on my braids, interspersing the beads and the silver ribbons that indicated my status that evening. The Imladris Elves had a tradition for celebrations. Silver ribbons for those seeking a partner, gold for those already pledged, for the evening or longer. Then, he helped me into the silvery robes I had chosen, and my thoughts were drawn back to the matter at hand. I noticed as I glanced at Elladan that his elegant braids sported silver ribbons. I didn’t expect it to take long for him to find a partner.

When my companion deemed me fit for polite company, we left my rooms and made our way to the Hall of Fire where the celebration would begin. As the evening wore on, it would spill into the gardens and beyond, but for now we gathered to feast.

Though it was no secret whom Arwen had chosen, tradition required her to appear to search among the crowd for a suitable partner. Thus the silver ribbons in my hair. The choice of partners for a Cuivië was never left to chance, but appearances were at least maintained. To this end, I was seated with other visiting Elves from Mirkwood and Lorien. I made desultory conversation with three of the Galadhrim I knew from my visits there. Haldir, Rumil and Orophin, adopted sons of the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood, were, if not my close friends, certainly more than passing acquaintances. They were also, quite possible, the only ones in the room who didn’t know that I was Arwen’s choice. As the end of the feast nea near, they bega spe speculate on her choice and on the delights awaiting the Elf she chose.

“Look at her,” Rumil said. “She is enough to stir the lust of any Elf.” I certainly agreed with that. Arwen was a delight to the senses in her cream colored gown that contrasted so starkly with her dark hair, braided, like mine, in lover’s braids adorned with silver ribbons. Just the sight of those ribbons was enough to send desire trembling through me.

“Aye, I envy the Elf she has chosen for tonight. To be the first to taste such sweetness,” Orophin sighed.

“There is more to the Lady than meets the eye,” I interrupted, perturbed by the turn in the conversation. Though none could deny her beauty, least of all me, I resented seeing her objectified by these two who knew so little about her.

“Perhaps,” Rumil replied, “but who cares when she is what meets the eye?”

“Insolent pup,” Haldir growled, reading the stony look in my eyes. I was glad he’d intervened. Rumil would accept the scolding from his brother, but most likely not from me. “Tell us about her, caun nín, for we know little of the Lady in the Golden Wood.”

“She is very much her father’s daughter,” I answered, searching for a way to talk about her without giving too much away. Confiding in Elladan and by extension in Elrohir was one thing – they were my best friends. Confiding in the Galadhrim was something totally different. “Both warrior and healer.”

“Warrior?” Orophin scoffed.

“Do not mock until you have seen her,” I countered. “I said the same until she disarmed me. She cannot best me in archery, but her skill at swordplay is exceptional.”

“Strange that one so fair should learn such things,” Haldir observed.

It was not my place to reveal Elrond’s predictions. I was saved from replying by the end of the feast. Elrond invited everyone outside where the dancing would begin. Minstrels set up to one side, led by the infamous Lindir. Elves began to pair off for the dancing. I trailed behind the others, having no desire to dance with anyone besides my lovely Arwen, but it would be hours yet before she would approach me. I would have to endure watching her in the arms of others until then.

Now that the feast was over, I could rejoin Elrohir and Elladan. I hoped Elladan had held his tongue about my feelings, but I didn’t think it likely. He wouldn’t gossip openly, but he’d never kept secrets from his brother. Elrohir’s sympathetic look when I joined them told me that my secret was secret no more, at least not from him. He would say nothing, of course, but their presence was a balm to my soul. I could wait out the evening in their company without the bawdy comments I would probably hear elsewhere in the crowd.

The twins endeavored to amuse me with pithy comments on the ribbons chosen by various Elves. Who must have had a fight with whom, for why else would a certain Elf be wearing silver ribbons? What might the gold ribbons in another Elf’s hair mean? Who was he promised to when no one knew anything of a relationship? Their light-hearted gossip took the edge off my nerves. I was able at last to relax and enjoy the festive atmosphere. Finally I could tolerate the lustful glances cast Arwen’s way with some equanimity. She was beautiful, after all. An Elf would have to be blind not to desire her, but tonight she would choose me. I was the one with the right to stroke her silky hair, caress her pale skin, make her moan with passion for me alone. Yes, I could afford to be patient with the looks and the comments cast in her direction. Tonight, she would be mine.

I was still naïve enough not to consider the cost I would pay and in truth, I paid little for many, many years. Until she met Aragorn. But that was not for more than two and a half millennia.

In the end, I danced a few of the dances. After all, I had silver ribbons in my hair. Even though I wasn’t really available to anyone except Arwen, appearances had to be maintained. After what seemed like an eternity – yes, even immortals can feel the time drag when waiting for a special moment – Celebrian came to my side.

“Hiril nín,” I said, bowing.

“Grant me a dance, caun-neth,” she murmured. I could no more refuse the Lady of Imladris than I could have refused Arwen so I followed her into the swirl of color on the grass. She was silent as we began to dance, but I knew Celebrian. She had sought me out for a reason. I waited patiently for her to explain.

“I do not have to tell you what an important rite this is in the life of an Elfling. You will take good care of my daughter, will you not, Legolas?”

“Of course, Hiril nín.” I could feel the blush spreading up my cheeks to the tips of my ears. I had no qualms about the evening, but discussing the object of my desire with her mother was disconcerting.

“Good,” Celebrian replied. “She will find you soon. Enjoy the night, pen-neth.”

There was no way to reply to that without further embarrassing myself so I just nodded and bowed to the Lady as the dance came to an end. I was making my way back to the twins when the voice that haunted my dreams spoke from behind me. “Caun nín.” My prince. I knew that she spoke my title, that her words were a courtesy, not an endearment, but they resonated in my soul nonetheless. I turned to meet her eyes. They sparkled with life, with excitement, perhaps even with passion.

“Hiril nín,” I replied with a bow. She heard my words as a courtesy, but they were my vow to her. She was and would always be my lady.

“You have not danced with me tonight.”

“I have been remiss,” I replied, “though you have not lacked for partners.”

“I have not had the partner I desire.”

I didn’t know, I still don’t know if she chose those words deliberately, for there were no set words she had to say to indicate her choice, but deliberate or not, their effect on me was immediate. I sent grateful thanks to the Valar that I was wearing robes, not my usual tunic and leggings. The robes hid the arousal caused by her words. “Then we must rectify that situation immediately.” I choked the words out of a mouth suddenly dry with nerves. I held out my hand to her and she took it, her fingers in mine causing the now familiar tingles. I had no idea how I was going to manage a dance with her, let alone several. Now that she had approached me, she would remain at my side until it was time for us to retire to her chambers. Erestor and Glorfindel had left the celebration after the feast and had returned a few minutes before I danced with Celebrian, so I knew that all was in readiness for us within. Now it was only a matter of time and my self-control.