Broken

“…if we stick to our story, it will all go away. Trust me.”

~~Sean.~~

“Elijah? Go get someone!”

******************

“Sean.”

Elijah sits staring in a deep sadness, a profound shock. “You were supposed to look after me.”

Someone threw a blanket over him.

The trailer took shape around him. Elijah can’t remember what day it was. He sits on his bed, pressed snug against the wall. He doesn’t remember how he got there. Before him, Tracy spreads a light blanket to cover his bare feet. It’s usually a big production to get them off. Yet somehow, Tracy had magiy rey removed them without his noticing.

“I’ve told Peter you’ve taken ill. It sounded like he was expecting it,” Tracy said quietly.

Elijah wipes at his face. It is sticky with tears. The shock begins to fade, but the sadness remains.

“If you want, I’ll let them in.”

Elijah looks up at Tracy, not sure he heard her right.

“I told Peter you had taken ill. He sent first aid after you, but I didn’t let them in. I won’t let them in, unless you want.”

Slowly, Tracy crawls onto the bed with him, watchful.

Finally, he understands. She is protecting him. Keeping him safe. His welling guilt makes him look away.

Tracy’s heart sinks. “I’ve ruined things, haven’t

“No, no.” Elijah grabs Tracy’s hand. Calming himself, he squeezes gently and unsuccessfully forces a smile. “Thank you.”

They sit for a long while, silently holding hands.

Tracy didn’t know she could be so still and so quiet for what seemed like forever. But with Elijah seemingly on the edge of speaking, she didn’t want to do anything to stop him if he actually began.
ll hll holding her hand, he wipes away a falling tear. “How long has it been? Since they’ve come ‘round?”

“Better of forty minutes.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put you in the middle of all this.”

“I don’t care about that,” she urges him. Tracy only gives a moment’s thought to wonder if Elijah knew he was speaking in his English accent. She inches closer to. “T. “They told us not to ask.”

“I didn’t know...”

Tracy inches closer. After struggling for endless moments, she gives in to her instincts. She pushes the words out, but only succeeds in forcing out a whisper. “You can tell me. If you want.”

A single tear escapes, racing down his cheek. He doesn’t notice it. Staring into her expectant eyes, he sees salvation. “I’m broken.”

****************************

“This is very simple.”

~~Sean?~~

He was in the room. It’s the only way to know this. To have witnessed it. Because in fact, he was not there.

“He doesn’t use. We were all drinking. We were with him all night, so we know he didn’t take anything.”

But Elijah was in the room.

The monitors told the tale of a young man, fragile, unconscious.

And yet he remembered now, with such clarity. He remembered the touch ean ean holding his hand. He remembered the antiseptic smell and squeaky floors. He couldn’t open his eyes, didn’t understand, but he remembered…Remembered everything they said about him while he appeared to be sleeping.

“And he won’t remember anything from last night.”

“We can hope he doesn’t remr.” r.”

~~Billy’s? Is that… where?~~

“He won’t remember. It’s a normal side effect, right?”

“I never fuckin’ remember anything the next day.”

~~Dom.~~

“Even if Dom hadn’t given him too much-”

“I didn’t give him too much. He didn’t have anymore than I’ve ever had at once.”

“Does building up a tolerance mean anything to you?”

“Fuck you Sean! This is not my fault.”

“No one’s blaming you.”

“He’s blaming me!”

“You two are gonna get us thrown out of here. This isn’t helping.”


“Sean, Lijah’s got an incredible memory. We’ve all seen him do it.”


“Have you guys ever talked about it before last night?”

“Maybe a couple times.”

“Have you, or haven’t you Dom?”

“Hell, yes, God.”

“Good. He’ll remember talking about it, but he won’t remember doing. And after tonight, we have a reason for him never to try it, seeing as he can’t even hold his alcohol, right?”

“Here’s an awful tangled web you’re spinning Sean. Can we really do this to him?”

“Are you suggesting the truth Billy?”

“What’s wrong with the truth?”

“Would you believe us?”

“I’m just sayin’… Don’t they have tests for that? Won’t they know?”

“It doesn’t matter. Elijah won’t know, he won’t remember, so they can’t confront him with it. And if we stick to our story, it will all go away. Trust me.”

“… Sean…”

~~why won’t my throat work…~~

“Elijah? Go get someone!”


**************************

“Maybe it was all a dream.”

“It wasn’t a dream,” Elijah concluded sadly.

“So they tricked you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Elijah...”

“I don’t think so. I can’t believe they would do that. Not all three of them.” Elijah hesitates. He doesn’t want tot het he needs to say his next words out loud, needs to hear himself say the truth. “I got myself into this.”

“But why would you do something like that?”

“I’ll try anything once. Maybe not bungee jumping, I don’t exactly have a death wish but… There’re lots of other ways to… There're a lot of things you don't know about me Tracy. This... Something like this was bound to happen...”

“I’m so sorry they hurt you.”

“They didn’t mean to. I mean…” he pauses, checking his breathing, again preparing himself for some hard truth. “I don’t remember… ever… saying no.”

A knocking came from the door across the trailer. “Elijah, it’s Peter.”

“Fuck,” Elijah breathes, wiping his face yet again. It feels sticky but dry.

Tracy watches him struggle to compose himself. She remained unmoved, defiant.

Elijah shook his head in disbelief. “Let him in.”

The trailer gives way to a serious tilt as the portly director waddled in and sat before Elijah in the rear of the trailer.

“Hey Lijah. What’s going on?”

Elijah blows his nose and fights to muster some energy. “I’m a wreck Pete.”

“Having a rough time of it, huh? Sure you’re not locked in here making out with the feet girl?” Peter asks, grinning at Tracy.

“I wish.”

“Well, it sounds like you’ve got your accent strapped on snug. And we are working on film three today. You could use all this state you’re in. We’d be done in no time.”

Elijah almost smiles. Tracy recognizes the performance.

“If you’re really tuckered, I suppose I could find something else to shoot.”

Elijah looks at Tracy, who smiles back at him. “Actually, I’m feeling better. I'm just... having trouble getting started.”

“Great! If you bring yourself round, I won’t even make you wear rubber feet today.” Peter pats Elijah’s knee and heads for the exit.

“Actually Pete, I’ll do the feet if I can have Tracy today.”

Peter and Tracy both look at him, surprised.

“She helped me. I mean… I need her… Just for today...”

“Ramp yourself up quick enough and I’ll give you the girl, without the feet. But this better not get back to the other Hobbits or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

The trailer tilts drastically again and Peter is gone.

“I love that man,” Elijah chuckled, laughing and crying at the same time.

“He acts as if nothing's happened at all.”

“I know. God bless him.”

Tracy hands Elijah a hot cloth to scrub his face tear-free. Pulling the cloth away, he has wiped all his make-up off as well.

“No worries, that’s the easy part,” Tracy smiles. “You work with Sean today? Will you be alright with him?”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t remember anything, remember?”

Elijah and Tracy share another somber silence. He pushes back a new wave of tears and swallows hard. “I just need to get through this day. Get through this day."

Elijah stands, taking her hand. She watched him temper his breathing, finding calm. His grip on her hand slowly loosens and a familiar concentrated centerness surfaces on his face. He seems less fragile now and a small glint of life is slowly returning to his eyes.

"And you’ll be there, right.”

Tracy nodded silently.

“Good,” he sighed. “Sometimes it’s tough being the only weird one in the bunch.”


-30-