Emerald

Title: Emerald (5/?)

Author: Ambur

Beta: Fianna

Rating: R

Warnings: mild sexual frustration

Parings: Orophin/OFC

Disclaimer: LOTR belong to Tolkien

Dedication and AN: See chapter one

feedback : PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! amboo1979@yahoo.com

Chapter 5 Shall we speak of kisses, my sweet…


Fat…weak…coward…fat…boar pig…witch…simpleton…fool…weak…It had been a struggle for Emerald to overcome these voices she heard in her head. The healing process for her had been long and difficult. She suffered anxiety attacks daily and had withdrawn into herself even more so.

The withdrawal she experienced had been most wretched. The headaches and nauseas she felt on a daily basis in the beginning had almost been more than she could bear. Perhaps it would not have been so difficult for her if she had not destroyed her immune system. She was ghastly white, as if she were trapped between the living and the dead.

Healer after healer would come and sit with her, dampening her head with a cold cloth, keeping her body cool, feeding her cup after cup of herbal tea to help her rebuild what she had torn down. But most of all, they were there to ensure she did not hide her food or try and sneak away to run.

Orophin’s time with her had been very strained. On the occ occasions he was allowed to see her, he was met with such ferocious anger, it seemed as if she were blaming him for being kept by the Lady’s healers. Many times Orophin would leave quietly, feeling thoroughly defeated when she would scream at him to go away and had even once told hie hae hated him.

The healers had been very patient with her, although this kind of sickness was new to them. It was difficult for them to understand such hatred toward one’s own body, but after hearing of the girl’s childhood and her father, it was obvious this self-hatred steeped from something much deeper than her physical appearance. This girl felt out of control and by doing what she did to her body, she convinced herself she had some semblance of control over what happened to her. She failed to see that she was a slave to her own thoughts and emotions. But in order for her spirit to be healed, she had to have the physical strength to endure it. The first priority was to improve the girl’s health.

Emerald fought the healers in the beginning. She would cry and scream and even had to be restrained once. Her food was fed to her in small pieces and small amounts so as not to overwhelm her. She would pick at the food while whining, but in the end, she would eat.

After many months, she began to see how warped and confused her thoughts had been. The Lady had helped her discover where these negative voices she heard came from. Emerald was shocked to discover that she in fact was poisoning her own mind. It was a terribly frightening to realize. No longer could she use these things as a shield to hide herself behind, no longer could she use her bitterness and pain to hide her from the world.


**
Orophin sat beside Emerald on the grassy knoll listening to her hum softly and enjoy the beautiful surroundings of the city. This had been the first time he had spent with her alone since she had regained her health. He had been looking forward to it for several days. Emerald turned her head to speak to him, but felt her face grow warm when she realized he stared at her. She stared at the ground as she plucked at the grass around her.

Orophin chuckled softly amused by her childlike shyness. He had grown to care for her more and more each day. He had never admitted the truth to himself because he feared the consequences. What could come of it? What would happen if he allowed himself what he truly wanted from her? He knew he loved her. He loved her dearly and he had never denied his attraction to her. He noticed her peep at him quickly before turning her gaze downward again. Clearing his throat, he spoke, “Is there something you wish to speak on, Emmie?”

She glanced back at him, chewing her bottom lip, “You are leaving in a few days aren’t you?”

His sigh was heavy. It was true. The Lady had called to him only the day before to tell him he would be joining his brothers on the border in a few days and that he would be gone for a month. Orophin felt he had shirked his duties long enough, but he could not ignore the ache he felt in his heart about being away from Emerald for so long. He was beginning to see how Haldir felt on the borders when he was away from Serena and why his brother was often dour.

“Yes Emerald. I must return to my duties as Warden.”

Her expression fell into a pout, “But do you have to go? Can you not stay…just a little longer?” Her small voice was hopeful.

He shook his hand, taking her hand in his, “I cannot Emmie. I have sworn to protect my city and kin. I have been away for several months already. I cannot delay it any longer and it is not fair for me to do so. There are other wardens who have wives and children and they deserve to have time with their loved ones as well.”

Emerald nodded her head in understanding. She took a deep breath, as if to brace herself for his answer, “Can I come with you? I promise not to get in the way.” She knew the question was foolish, but could not stop herself from asking.

“No Emerald! Out of the question. The watches are long and hard and I do not wish to put you in danger.” His lips brushed the fingers he held, “Besides, can you imagine my brother’s reaction to such a request?”

Orophin released her hand and put his hand over his heart dramatically as he began to mimic Haldir, “Are you mad Orophin? The borders are no such place for children! I thought you to have better sense than that!”

Orophin was awarded with a burst of giggles for his trouble. As her laughter died down, she sighed deeply. “I shall miss you while you are gone.”

Orophin gave her hand a gentle squeeze before noticing her bottom lip trembled as she struggled not to cry.

“Emerald, why do you cry?”

“I’m not crying!” She denied in a stuffy voice. Orophin gathered her to him, holding her in his lap.

“Of course you are Emmie. And I will know the reason for it.”

Emerald wiggled closer against him, burying her face against his chest. She inhaled deeply. She had always loved his scent. He smelled of sandalwood and moss. She would miss his smell.

“I just wish you did not have to go. You are my friend…and I…don’t want to be alone.”

Orophin stroked her head tenderly, “Oh come now Emmie. You will not be alone. You have made many friends since coming here.” He placed a kiss on her silver blonde head. “Do you not prefer the company of maids such as yourself?”

“No! I prefer your company. Not the company of a passel of silly, giggling girls!”

Orophin laughed, “You are a silly, giggling girl! You shall fit right in. Do not give me that look Emerald. You are being unreasonable. Besides, you will not miss me too terribly.” He tightened his arms around her, holding her closer.

“Yes I will. My heart will pine for you until you return.” Emerald lifted her head to regard him. A few tears spilled over her cheeks. Though she did not understand the look, she had seen Orophin stare at her in this way many times before. She had always wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but thought better of it. What if he had not been thinking what she hoped? All she knew now what that she wished he would kiss her. She had wished it for so long and many times she had thought he was going too, but instead he would pull away.

Orophin regarded her intently. He gaze fell to her soft, pink lips. Her lips were parted slightly as if in invitation, but he could not. No matter how desperately he wished to kiss her, he could not. She was so young and such an innocent. He did not wish to hurt her, but it was becoming so difficult to be around her when he could not express how he truly felt. He wanted to take her now, crush her against him and claim her lovely mouth for his own. He knew how desperately she wished he would kiss her and he could see the confusion and hurt in her eyes when he did not.

“Orophin…” Her voice was silky smooth as her hand reached out to stroke his cheek. Orophin shifted her quickly so she would not feel his growing arousal. Her voice rippled through him like the soft caress of a spring breeze. He felt as if thousands of tiny fingers pranced up and down his spine.

“Orophin…” She was staring at his mouth, his full soft lips. Never had she desired to kiss anyone before, but it was all consuming to her now. She wanted her first kiss to be with him and it seemed she was finally going to get her wish when his lips hovered just above hers. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her cheek. Her eyes were wide and pleading. So close…his lips were so close…but just as before, he pulled away.

Quickly, he stood, lifting her with him with an arm around her waist. Again, he tried to pull away, but she would not let him. She grasped his hand tightly, “Orophin, why do you pull away? Why will you not kiss me? Do you not want too? I have thought that you did.”

Orophin turned back to her, his eyes full of emotion. “Emerald, you do not understand how desperately I want too, but I cannot.”

“Why? I do not understand. If we both want too…”

He took her in his arms once again, “It is more than just a kiss to me Emerald and you are so young…so innocent…you have been through so much. I do not wish to cause you more grief.”

“Yet you cause me grief when you will not kiss me.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

She was startled when he gripped her arms tightly, “Kiss you? That does not even begin to explain what or how I feel! Do you know desire Emerald? Nay, you do not but I do my sweet. It rages through me like an inextinguishable flame! If I were to kiss you…I could not stop there…you must try to understand.”

Her blank expression showed him she did not. He pulled her against him, holding her tightly. “Yet you do not understand. But someday, you will and you will see why I do not act on my feelings. This kiss would be just a kiss to you, but for me…I dare not say for fear of tearing my heart into.”

He released her, stepping away from her. He left her standing alone without a backward glance. Emerald shook her head in frustration as the tears began to fall, “But I do understand. I understand more than you think! And I love you Orophin. I will love you until the end of time.”

***

Emerald sat with Serena, watching as the she elf prepared dough for baking bread. Emerald had often sat with her mother during times like this and Emerald found comfort with Serena in this way.

Serena watched the girl from the corner of her eye. She had been most dour since returning from her walk with Orophin. She had seen Orophin return alone, his face troubled. Serena had hoped Emerald would speak on the matter, but the girl had been silent as of yet.

“Serena?”

“Yes Emerald?”

Serena waited and Emerald did not answer. She turned to see the girl’s eyes were glued to the floor. Serena could see the flush of color on her neck. Serena wiped her flour covered hands on a towel and tossed it aside, moving to sit beside the girl. Serena took Emerald’s small hand. “Do you wish to talk Emerald?”

Emerald looked into the elf maiden’s gray eyes. The young girl had quite a serious expression until giggling softly, “Serena, what is it like…to make love?”

Serena reared back slightly as she was not prepared for this question. A smile of understanding formed over Serena’s expression. “Emerald that is not such a simple question to ask. It is different for everyone. When Haldir and I…” Serena stopped when Emerald made a face.

“Emerald, what is the matter?”

“I cannot imagine Haldir wanting to fool with such things. He is so valiant and brave…and cares nothing but for the things of war.”

Serena laughed, causing the color to once gain return to the girl’s cheeks. “Oh Emmie, I can promise you that Haldir is most keen on this matter.” Serena looked around the room in mock secrecy, “And I will tell you a secret…” Her voice dropped to barely a whisper,
“When he returns from his duties from the borders, I can expect to find myself on my back for at least two days.”

Emerald’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped in shock. She truly did not believe Haldir would enjoy such things. Serena laughed softly at the girl’s embarrassment.

“Now, tell me why you wish to discuss this Emerald.”

“I have not had my first kiss Serena. I keep hoping Orophin will kiss me. I know he wants to. He as much as admitted it, but he says he cannot.”

Serena’s brow burrowed. She was afraid Orophin would pull away from Emerald. She had just hoped she had been wrong in her feelings. It was obvious Orophin felt deeply for her. Perhaps he was still so wounded from Bianca. Serena sighed, usually the female had to take things in hand. “Why do you not kiss him?”

“Oh! I could never…I mean…it is not proper…a lady must not…”

Serena struggled to remain composed at Emerald’s scandalized expression. Suddenly aware of her stammering, Emerald’s eyes went to the floor and she sighed, “But I do not know how to kiss. He is leaving in a few days and I shall not see him for a month! I think I will die from the wait.”

Emerald looked back at Serena and saw the pained look in the she elf’s eyes. Emerald grabbed her hand. “Oh, forgive me! I have no right to complain. I know Haldir is leaving again as well and he has only just returned. I cannot imagine how that must feel.”

Serena gave her a small smile, “No, you cannot. I keep thinking it will become easier, but it is more difficult. The ache in my heart grows stronger. I am so afraid he might not return to me someday.”

Emerald looked away from Serena then. The pain in the elf’s voice brought back the dream Emerald had had so many times before. Lately, she had seen Haldir within these dreams. She dared not believe them to be things that would come to pass. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and squeezed Serena’s hand.

“Do not fear for the March Warden. Who could ever strike him down? He is the most capable warrior I have ever seen. Why, he is revered even in my home of Rivendell. I heard tell of the fabled March Warden years before I came to know him.”

Serena patted Emerald’s hand, “Yes. You are right. I am just being silly. I miss him already and he is not yet gone.” Serena wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek, “You shall stay with me while our loves are gone. We will comfort one another while we miss them together.”

Emerald nodded rapidly, “Oh yes! I would love that Serena!”

“Now, would you like me to show you how to go about a kiss Emerald?”

Again the girl nodded, blushing furiously.

“Very well. You may practice on yourself using the back of your hand. Observe…”

As Serena took Emerald through her first kissing lesson, her mind wandered once again would she ever have to be without her beloved husband. Emerald’s sudden change in expression did not go unnoticed by the elf. She wondered what the girl saw, but was too terrified to ask. She also knew that one day, Emerald would understand completely what it was like to watch her soul mate, her very heart leave her to duties unknown. At least she hoped Emerald would understand, not the pain of separation. Alas…if she ever knew love she would also know the pain of separation. She only hoped Orophin would put aside his fears and embrace what could be a most perfect love.