The Music in My Heart

Title: The Music in My Heart, Chapter 44
Author: Sharon
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, Glorfindel/Haldir, Elladan/OFC, Elrohir/Legolas, others implied
Rating:.NC-17 for future chapters
Warning: AU (Story set 770 years after ROTK); Slash and het.
Feedback: This is my first fanfic, so constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive:
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Alex Cat for her help in betaing this fic. Thanks also to Lady Victoria for her comments and support.
Disclaimer: Any of the residents of Middle-earth and Aman that you recognize belong to Prof. Tolkien’s estate. The same is true about Middle-earth and Aman. I’m only visiting and admiring the “views”.
Summary: Sauron may be gone, but his legacy of evil still lingers. As Middle-earth faces the threat of another dark lord, a party of elves departs Aman on a mission for the Valar, a mission of mercy long delayed.

Chapter 44 --- The Past is Never Dead

“The past is never dead. It's not even past.”
William Faulkner

*****

Imladris, FA 774

Confused by her pronouncement and worried about obvious exhaustion that marked her face, Seere could feel the eyes of her family staring at her from around the table. Elladan reached over to take her hand, concerned by the obvious distress in her tired eyes. “How can such a dream be a memory for you, pen vuil? The battle there was fought many millennia before you were born.” (dear one)

Moving quickly to halt the speculation before it got out of control, Elrond offered, “I may be to blame for that, my son. That too was the memory I dreamed about. Tis possible Seere was picking up the images that disturbed my sleep because she felt my distress. If so, I am deeply sorry for having caused you this pain, meleth-nîn.” (my love)

Smiling behind the rim of his teacup, Elrond watched his family try to sort through the twin shocks he had dealt them with his explanation and the use of such a telling endearment. /Seere is my love and they need to start accepting this fact. Of course, the notion we have developed such a deep connection that it would be possible for her to see my dreams… yes, that was quite s shocking comment I dropped in the middle of our breakfast table! Not that they would dare ask the next logical question… have we bonded. And if they do, how should I answer? Would ‘its coming along nicely, thank you for asking’ suffice?/

Catching the amused twinkle that brightened Seere’s tired eyes, he marveled once again that she seemed to not only understand his sense of humor, but also share a similar sensibility. /Ereinion would have enjoyed my diversionary ploy too. I have missed having an ally in these word games./

Setting his cup back in its saucer, he let his mind mull over the fact that Seere should dream of Dagorlad on the same night he was plagued with his ancient guilt. The loss of the souls to the Dead Marshes had haunted him since the night after the battle. The marshes had overtaken the plains so quickly, they had been unable to gather the fallen for burial. Worse yet, many wounded had also been trapped and covered by the spreading bog.

Standing on the edge of the once dry plain, the elves had felt, nay, heard the screams of the trapped fëar crying out for help. The means to provide help had never shown itself and many more souls had been lost as frantic attempts to save the trapped had resulted in the rescuers being pulled down to join the dead.

Long into the night, Ereinion had stood staring at the eerie glow of the lights sparkling under the murky surface of the marsh, Elrond at his side. He still felt his King’s pain and had shared in it. The High King had commanded so many of those trapped. As his Herald, Elrond had led them in battle and known most for many years. To see them unable to seek the refuge of Mandos Hall or follow the path of the mortal dead had affected them both deeply.

Lorien had suffered the greatest losses, but Greenwood had suffered, as well… including the loss of their king. Oropher, seeking to take advantage of a modest opening in the enemy’s lines, had disregarded Ereinion’s orders and charged into the fray too soon. It had been a trap. He and his troops had been slaughtered. Thranduil had always blamed the High King and his Herald for their deaths, for it would have been too painful to admit his father’s own overeager mistake had led to the carnage. Millennia later, the riff had yet to heal.

Elrond had carried the memory of those tortured screams within his heart for over four thousand years. He had prayed for guidance… for ways to free them, but answers never came. Sleepless nights hearing the cries of the fallen echo in his memory had been a part of his life ever since.

Looking at Seere, it seemed the memory still plagued Ereinion too. / Could this explain why he visits her dreams? Is he seeking someone to take up their cause and visits Seere’s dreams hoping she will help him? She is a powerful seer… and my soulmate; this will require further thought. If he is seeking our help, it explains his sharing so much of his life with her. She would need to understand it all…. his life, to understand his profound guilt over their suffering… over Oropher. I need to get her away from our audience so we can discuss this./

“Seere? If you are finished with your breakfast, we received a batch of old reports from the combined security force covering the years we have been lacking. I would like to begin reviewing them this morning if you are free.” Meeting her eyes, he saw immediately that she understood what he was saying beyond his words.

Before he could rise to his feet, Elrohir interjected, “Are we not going to discuss the possible implications your dreams, Ada?”

“My dreams of Dagorlad have haunted me for over four thousand years, ion nin… beginning the night after the battle. I have had this identical dream…or memory, countless times in the years since. The cries of the lost haunt me and will until we find a way to free them.” (my son)

Sighing, he offered as explanation, “Last night was only different in that Seere heard them too, but as she is a gifted seer and is very sensitive to what is happening around her; I am not surprised she sensed my distress.”

Pausing, he considered his son’s question a little more fully. “If you think I am missing something… something about the death of so many long ago that relates to our current….”

Elrond froze as the answer to his own question hit him squarely between the eyes.

*****

The look of mingled wonder, awe, and grief that suffused Elrond’s features left his family speechless. Without uttering another word, Elrond rose to his feet and drew Seere up to his side. “We need to talk… talk now, melamin.” Holding her hand firmly clutched in his, Elrond began walking out of the dining hall, leading Seere with him. (beloved)

“Elrond? What is it, ion nin? What could Dagorlad possibly have to do with our current crisis?” Celeborn called after him. “Elrond?”

Seere looked back at their family, her confusion clearly evident on her face. Elrond continued out of the room as if he had not heard Celeborn speaking to him. From the expression on his face, she felt certain he had not.

/What is going on? What does he want to discuss? Why the urgency… it happened over four thousand years ago, after all?/

The family table was speechless after Elrond and Seere’s abrupt departure, but soon erupted in conversation as they tried to make sense of his strange behavior. The speculation continued for some time as everyone had an opinion to offer or comment to make… everyone but one elf.

Noticing the dazed expression on Haldir’s face, Glorfindel traded concerned looks with Celeborn. /What has upset him so? What has been said that… Ai! Dagorlad! He lost his father to the Dead Marshes!/

Glancing back at the Lorien elf’s foster father, he saw that Celeborn had come to the same conclusion. Sighing, he reached out to cover his love’s hand in a show of silent support. While Dagorlad was an ancient grief for all of the eldar, it was a never-ending tragedy for the families that had lost kin to the marsh.

*****

Lindon, Second Age 1529

His absence from the evening meal had not gone unnoticed. Gossip had been running rampant throughout the palace since Oropher’s departure that morning. It was common, if unofficial, knowledge that the two had been lovers for many years. The all too apparent end to their affair and the resulting political implications offered opportunities for much speculation. The King’s retreat into his study had only added fuel to the fire.

*****

A hesitant knock on the study door came long after the evening meal had ended. It startled Ereinion from his sleep. Groggy, the King slowly raised his head from his arms as he tried to identify what had disturbed his rest. A second knock caused his eyes to focus on the door. Before he could form an angry response to whoever had invaded his sanctuary, the door quietly eased open and worried silver eyes met his through the opening.

“Ereinion? I know you left instructions not to be disturbed, but I thought I might offer my assistance with whatever demands so much of your attention. Is there something I can do to help… with your work?”

Ereinion stared at his herald. His waking mind struggled to make a connection to a tantalizing and important piece of information that seemed to hang just outside of his awareness. Unable… perhaps unwilling to make the connection, he let his mind focus on his friend’s offer. “Work?”

Smiling softly, Elrond advanced slowly into the room. He had quickly assessed the situation and realized his king had needed time alone to sort out his feelings over the ending of his relationship with the King of Greenwood. He had suspected this was the case, but worry had driven him to check on the king to be sure.

“It is late. May I suggest you leave whatever matters still demand your attention until tomorrow and that you retire to your rooms for a good night’s sleep. I would be happy to have a light meal brought to you as you missed both the midday and evening meals... and perhaps breakfast as well.” Hesitating briefly, Elrond added, “Maybe you would allow me to join you for a drink while you eat… for company or to talk, as you will.”

Still groggy and disoriented, Ereinion turned his head to look out the window. He was surprised to see that it was night. “I missed the evening meal? What time is it?”

“The meal ended two hours ago; it is well after ten. I would gladly have a meal prepared for you… served here… or in your chambers so that you might thereafter retire. What say you?” Elrond pressed.

About to refuse, the King heard his stomach grumble its protest at the lack of food. Realizing he had not eaten anything that day, he nodded his head in acceptance of Elrond’s offer. “A light meal would be appreciated, mellon nin.” (my friend)

Relieved, Elrond turned to the door to go in search of a servant to fetch a tray. “Do you wish it here or in your rooms? I could ask your attendant to prepare you a bath once you have eaten to aid your sleep.” He gave Gil-Galad his most hopeful look, silently urging his friend to accede to his prodding.

The first smile since the scene in his chambers the night before appeared on the King’s face. “Very well, meldir. My chambers it is. I seem to remember your offer to join me for a drink to keep me company while I eat.” (friend)

“Aye, indeed I did. I will arrange for your meal and join you there,” Elrond responded before turning to go and make the necessary arrangements, a relieved expression transforming his face.

Ereinion sat for several minutes, smiling after his herald’s retreating form. For some reason he could not yet name, the gloom that had assailed him earlier had lessened. The faint remnants of his smile still clung to his lips as he rose and left his study to return to his chambers, closing the door behind him.

*****

Imladris, FA 774

Elrond opened the door to his sitting room and ushered Seere inside. Once she had crossed the threshold, he closed it firmly behind them and led Seere over to the cushions piled before the fireplace. Once she was settled, he placed several small logs on the smoldering embers after using kindling to stir the flame to life. Satisfied the fire was burning freely, he moved to join Seere.

Pulling her into his arms, he placed a hungry kiss on her lips, needing the comfort of her love before he could face the conversation he knew would follow. Cradling the back of her head in his hands, he let the kiss deepen as his tongue eased between her lips. Seere wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled close against his chest, understanding his need for contact.

Slowly, he let their lips slide apart, as he moved his head to bury itself in the soft curve of her throat. They sat thus entwined for several long minutes, storing the emotional energy needed to continue.

Elrond moved his head the few inches necessary to place his lips against her ear. Sighing, he asked, “Tell me about your dream, melme.” (love)

Shivering, she pressed closer against him, needing of his warmth. “It is always the same. I see the battle…”

*****

“The dream always ends with me standing by the spreading marsh. I can smell the stench of the foul water… see that it was still spreading from the light of small fires burning across the bog. The faces… I see the faces of those that shared their evening meal with us for so many nights… sat with us by the warmth of the campfire and joined us in song to bring a bit of home to our camp of war. I see their faces below the stagnant green-gray waters of the marsh… lit by an eerie glow. Elves I... he sent to their doom! I… he hears their voices. Some cry out in pain, others in despair… fear… rage. I can hear the voices even now.” Sagging against him, exhausted from the memory, she felt his tears sliding down to mingle with hers.

Elrond rocked her gently in his arms, recovering from the memories the recounting of her dream had evoked. He shuddered from the intense emotions racking his heart. /She could have been there for the detail and accuracy of her description. Her tale mirrors as much as I know of Ereinion’s actions from that night. He was devastated by the losses of the battle, but more so by the realization the bodies trapped in the marshes were still attached to their fëar --- men, elves, and dwarves trapped with the evil fëar of the orcs forever. For them, the battle continued even after death in the murky gloom of the marsh./

Tilting her face up to his, he caressed the traces of her tears from her face. Their gazes locked as they tried to express their mutual grief and love. He gathered her to him and let their kiss speak where words would fail.

*****

They lay in each other’s arms soaking up the heat of the fire to stave off the chill the memories brought. As improbable as it would seem to others, they shared a personal grief over their lost kin… friends and family… lost and yet not lost. Their pain was only made worse by the fact they knew where they were, but knew no way to help them.

“A thought occurred to me this morning that might explain why Ereinion has visited your dreams for so long. I think it possible he has been seeking someone to take up the cause of the trapped fëar of the Dead Marshes. It would explain why he has shown you so many of his memories. He may seek to have you understand his grief and guilt in a personal way, so you would make their cause your own. It would also explain why he has not returned from Mandos; his pain still consumes him.”

Looking down into her expressive face, he watched Seere consider his explanation to her dreams. Slowly, she began to nod. “Aye, this does make sense… but would the Námo allow such a thing?”

“I do not know; we need to discuss this possibility more fully. But, it may provide comfort in your concern over facing his death. If this is indeed why he has been visiting your dreams, he may have no intention to share that memory with you. Why would he?” Elrond mused.

“Tis an interesting theory, melme. If his intent is to motivate me to help find a way to free our trapped kin, he has succeeded.” Leaning her head back so she could meet his gaze, she prompted, “We should consider this option further, but first I would like to hear what made you want to leave the dining hall so abruptly. What was so urgent it could not wait for a few minutes, Elrond?” (love)

“To answer that, I need to first ask something of you, Seere, but that will be both difficult and painful. I feel there is an important link between our visions and these dreams, if we can but find it.” Looking down into her intense golden eyes, his silver gaze offered reassurance. “Can you do this for us, ind nin?” (my heart)

“What can a dream of a long ago battle tell us, Elrond? Your question confuses me, but... if there is something I can do to help, you have but to ask,” Seere responded.

Cupping her cheek, he smiled his thanks for her trust and faith in him. “Recall the last of your dream. Concentrate on the bodies in the water, pen vuil. Do not focus, however, on their features. Focus on every other aspect of the memory. Then, describe to me what you see, Seere.” (dear one)

Puzzled, she let the requested image form in her mind, but found it difficult not to concentrate on the face. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to study the image of the elf that rose in her mind… an elf that had once been a guard at the palace in Lindon. Concentrating, she began to notice the way his hair floated about his face in the murky green water, the ripples of water flowing across the features indicating there was movement below the still surface of the marsh, the eerie glow… nay, a light that emanated from the body itself casting a strange green glow…

“Ai! Naneth!”

*****