The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 40: Fallout
Haldir glanced over at Kalina to ensure she was soundly asleep, then stealthily crept out of bed. He felt a pang of reluctance at having to depart, but he continued to dress quickly.

Kalina stirred, causing Haldir to jump in terror. He dropped to the ground and lay there until he was certain that Kalina was not awake, but had merely rolled over. Still, just to be on the safe side Haldir finished pulling on his shirt crouching, then began to crawl to the door. Looking behind him one last time, he twisted the doorknob and opened the door, praying that the light from the corridor didn’t rouse the sleeping elf. He hurried through and shut the door gradually, not wanting it to bang suddenly.

And then the realisation sank in. He had successfully achieved what he had been hoping to do for several years now: getting to fuck Kalina senseless with minimal grovelling and pain on his part. Best of all, it had been exactly as good as he had hoped, if not better. A smug grin began to creep over his face. He’d got away with it. Kalina was totally oblivious to what had actually taken place in her bed. And with a little luck she’d be none the wiser.

Realising he was trembling slightly from adrenalin, he decided to go find something to eat. He swaggered towards the kitchen, humming to himself. At last the universe was starting to right its He He was finally starting to get the things he deserved from life. His greatness had at last been acknowledged.

Haldir pushed open the kitchen door and pressed on to the sizeable pantry at the other end of the kitchen, still humming and wrapped up in his own smug little world. Therefore he failed to notice that he had nearly stepped on a rather naked Maglor clinging nervously to an equally naked Legolas who appeared to be smeared in creamy mashed potatoes. Both of them stared at Haldir as he continued to ignore them, finding a plate of cold roast chicken. He had almost departed when he looked down and stared in mild horror at the nude carnage on the floor.

“Do you MIND?” snapped Legolas as Haldir continued to stare.

“Do you like potatoes?” asked Maglor hopefully. Legolas shot him a hurt look, displeased at the prospect of sharing this intimate moment with anyone else.

“I’m flattered, but I think I’ve been sated for one night,” replied Haldir, seatisatisfaction saturating every syllable.

“Oh?” asked Legolas, snorting in disbelief. It wasn’t like Haldir to pass up an opportunity like this. “So who did you pay?”

“Nobody! She was pretty much begging for it.”

“She?” inquired Maglor. Haldir’s bliss started to waver.

“Yes! She!! What? Is it so impossible to believe women find me attractive?” he snapped at the Noldo.

“No, no, not at all,” said Maglor a little too quickly.

“Well GOOD!!! Because I’ll have you know Kalina couldn’t get enough of me!” spat Haldir. Legolas stared at him.

“Kalina willingly t wit with you?” he asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow. That didn’t sound right.

“Well… she did think I was you on account of her being severely drunk,” said Haldir reluctantly.

“She mistook YOU for me… HOW?” demanded Legolas incredulously.

“Well… I sort of fell asleep in her bed after stealing some of her drugs and she must have assumed I was you before throwing herself at me,” confessed Haldir. “Which reminds me. I don’t suppose you could sneak back into her room and pretend
you’ve been there all night?”

“NO! That’s just wrong!! And Kalina is going to find out and if I assist you in any way then I’m going to die an even NASTIER death than any she could possibly devise for you on account of assisting you!!” shouted Legolas, getting to his feet and ignoring the fact that he wased aed and flaking chunks of mashed potato as he moved.

“But she won’t find out!” insisted Haldir, starting to fret.

“Hang on a second… am I to understand that you took advantage of the daughter of someone who is pretty much a son to me in all but name?” said Maglor.

“She took advantage of ME!”

“Anyway you’re one to talk,” Legolas added, glaring briefly at Maglor.

“Fair enough, you have a point,” conceded Maglor. Haldir stared at him in horror.

“YOU SLEPT WITH KALINA?!” he gasped, pointing a shaking finger at Maglor, who failed to look even vaguely repentant.

“Oh yeah, you were off being brainwashed and missed Maglor turning up and the Glorfindel-Courgette incident that I inadvertentlre wre witness to,” explained Legolas.

“STOP IT! YOU’RE HURTING MY BRAIN!” wailed Haldir, clutching his head.

“Oh stop that. And I suggest you start packing your bags,” said Legolas.

“Why?” demanded Haldir.

“Because if Kalina finds out I knew about this and didn’t tell her that would leave me bereft of my primary source of
deviant sex and probably a few limbs,” hissed Legolas, grabbing Haldir’s collar and jerking his face close to his. Maglor sat up and leaned against a sack of potatoes, enjoying the theatrics and tentatively hoping the two blondes would start shrieking and slapping each other.

“Fine! Take her side! See if I care!” Haldir pushed Legolas away. The prince sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Look. Why don’t you two go talk to her and I’ll come with you and prevent any carnage?” suggested Maglor. Much as he would have enjoyed seeing the two of them squabble, Maglor saw that this confrontation was particularly volatile and it would be a shame to see these this friendship come to an abrupt end before he could take advantage of it. It had been a while since he’d had a threesome with a pair of attractive blondes.

“That’s probably the sanest thI’veI’ve heard so far,” said Legolas. “She’ll probably listen to Maglor and you may as well get this over and done with now.”

“What? No!! At least let me enjoy my accomplishment for a few hours!” objected Haldir. He felt cheated. Everything had gone so damn perfectly until a few minutes ago. He narrowed his eyes at Legolas and unwittingly began to pout. The bastard had a point. No matter how he looked at the situation, Kalina was bound to discover the truth. At least this way he could hide behind Maglor. “Very well. Lead me to my execution,” he snorted, finally giving in.

“Good. Maglor, hand me my trousers!” commanded Legolas. This was all very exasperating. What had started out as an intimate encounter with Maglor had suddenly resulted in him having to sort out Haldir’s life. He really didn’t want this right now. And the mashed potatoes were starting to dry out and get all crumbly.

Sighing reluctantly, Maglor handed Legolas his trousers and watched the elf pull them on, muttering under his breath. Still, there would be other drunken evenings. With that thought consoling him, Maglor began to clothe himself.


“Right. Stand back,” said Legolas. Maglor and Haldir lurked behind him as he threw open Kalina’s door and stepped aside. No weaponry sailed through the air, so Legolas crept inside.

“Kalina?” he hissed from a distance.

“Nrrgh… What?” asked the young elf, sounding sleepy.

“Haldir has something to confess to you,” said Legolas.

“WHAT? No I don’t!!” yelled Haldir from outside. “You do the talking!”

“What’s the cunt done now,” groaned Kalina. “And what time is it?”

“FINE!! I’ll do the fucking talking! Just get inside!” shouted Legolas.

“Ow. Too loud. Head hurts. Alcohol.” Kalina sounded disgruntled as Haldir was marched in, Maglor’s hand on his shoulder to prevent him from trying to flee suddenly.

“Remember how you had crazy drunken sex earlier?” asked Legolas, not exactly sure how to start this conversation tactfully.

“You mean we had drunken sex which was actually rather substandard for you,” Kalina said nastily. This sudden disturbance was making her feel exceptionally bitchy.

“SUBSTANDARD?” shrieked Haldir suddenly. Kalina looked at him quizzically, tilting her head to one side and trying to figure why Haldir would be that outraged over a remark directed at Legolas. “YOU WERE SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF!”

And then the hideous realisation dawned. Kalina’s jaw dropped in horror as Haldir realised that he had for all intents and purposes confessed.

“You? How?” stammered Kalina, genuinely stunned.

“He passed out in your bed after stealing some of your drugs and you seemingly failed to tell the difference between him and me,” said Legolas, lookingt.
t.

“I was drunk!! I saw something blonde and wrapped up in my duvet and I assumed it was you!” protested Kalina. “Or possibly Glorfi, bu, but I think he was trying to hit on Elrohir when I went to bed…” amended Kalina, starting to ramble like Elrond. She shook her head, then focused on Haldir. “BUT YOU!” She pointed an accusing finger at Haldir.

“Meep!” The noise escaped Haldir’s lips as he scurried behind Maglor, fear taking control.

“Kalina, don’t do anything rash now,” said Maglor calmly as Kalina pulled out her dagger.

“He’s got a point. If you kill Haldir your father wan want to know whnd tnd that will probably require letting him know more about what you get up to,” said Legolas, hoping to play on Kalina’s sense of self-preservation.

Kalina said nothing and continued to grip her dagger, hoping for an opportunity to throw it at Haldir. However Maglor didn’t seem to be getting out of the way. And Legolas DID have a rather sound argument. She set the dagger down and continued to smoulder in silence. Finally she spoke.

“Mention this to ANYONE and I swear that you will meet a very unfortunate accident. In exchange for your silence I won’t kill or maim you. Now get the fuck out of my room.”

Haldir panted in relief and lunged for the door before Kalina could change her mind.

“I suddenly feel violently sick,” announced Kalina. “And why do you have what looks like cold mashed potatoes stuck to your face?” she asked Legolas.

“It’s his fault,” said Legolas, pointing at Maglor.

“Ahh. So that’s where you were. Excuse me a minute, I think I’m about to vomit.” With that, Kalina jumped out of bed and hurried to her bathroom. The sound of retching soon followed.

“I think I’ll just wander off and try and get some of this potato out of my hair,” said Maglor, starting to feel awkward.

“Er, yeah. You do that,” said Legolas.

“By the way, my nausea has nothing to do with your strange potato lust,” called Kalina from behind the closed door before another fit of gagging struck her.

“Well that’s good to know. Good night,” said Maglor, suddenly feeling a bit more subdued. It had started out as such a fun evening as well, and now he was all alone and covered in congealing starch. He sighed and departed to his chamber, closing Kalina’s door behind him.

“You okay?” asked Legolas once the sounds of chunder died down.

“Yes,” replied Kalina, opening the door suddenly. “And you have no idea how hideously sorry I am that I mistook you for Haldir,” she added earnestly. She looked up at him worriedly.

Legolas blinked in surprise. Kalina had just apologised to him and had done so sincerely. Plus she looked legitimately shaken by the entire fiasco.

“Well, it’s not like you’re going to mention it to anyone,” said Legolas, all irritation over the mistaken identity slipping away.

“I’d hug you right about now but I’d sooner you got rid of all that starchy crap on you before I let you near me and into my bed,” said Kalina, reaching out and flicking an offending piece of potato off Legolas’s ear.

“You’re taking this incredibly well. I expected at least one or two pints of blood to be spilled,” commented Legolas as he headed into the bathroom.

“Yes, w the there’s not really much I can do about it right now,” said Kalina. Something in her tone told the prince that she was plotting something, but at the present he was too worn out to care what sort of vengeance she had in mind.