Never Offend the Lady

Title: Never Offend the Lady (4/9)LOTR Elrond/Legolas mpreg NC17
Author/Email: sandyg writearts2@e...
Pairing: Elrond/Legolas, Elladan/Elrohir/Legolas
Rating: NC17 mpreg
Summary: Elrond 1st person POV. Our four confused pregnant male Elves try and deal with their startling condition. Plus Elrond steals a special treat from his twins.
Feedback: Sure, bring it on, kids!
Content: M/M sex, incest, hysterical pregnant male Elves
Disclaimer: All words and deeds are complete fiction from my sick little old mind. Names borrowed simply for entertainment. I love them all and merely let them play under the lovely, ancient trees.

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Since he had only been working on casual research Mithrandir decided to stay with us. His four pregnant male Elves fascinated his intellectual curiosity. While Mithrandir stayed I encouraged my old friend to research anything he could on this phenomenal. Perhaps it had occurred before. If Galadriel had thought of the concept I felt sure it had happened before somewhere in Middle Earth, although I wouldn’t be surprised if the affected males wanted to suppress the news. I know I wished I could.

Perhaps clever Mithrandir could at least find a spell to create birth canals. I still wasn’t happy with being butchered like a fallen deer. Yes, I was ancient, I had endured horrible battles, seen wanton bloodshed but I hated the concept of being cut open. Wrong, so wrong. I didn’t want a knife near my belly. All right, I was allowed one major fear, right?

Even though I already knew the answer I asked if randrandir could do anything to correct our bizarre conditions. Of course I received one of the old wizard’s long, cold stares. Yes, fine, I know, no one crossed mighty Galadriel and all that lofty nonsense. At least Mithrandir admitted to me even if he wanted to help us he sensed Galadriel’s spell insured that nothing could be done. These were tamper-proof children. They would be born whether I liked it or not.

I didn’t like it.

The news quickly spread about our impossible conditions. No one said anything to me but I definitely caught my fellow Elves staring closely at my suddenly interesting new waistline. I became adept at delivering scolding sharp gray stares. My friends, my eyes were up here.

During the following weeks we saw a definite increase in visitors to Rivendell. Yes, everyone from far and wide wanted to see the quartet of beautiful pregnant male Elves. I almost wanted to charge a fee for them to meet with me; yes, I’d sit on my suite’s balcony under a sign reading "Meet the Pregnant Elf Lord." Everyone across Middle Earth sat about concocting stupid minor questions for me just so they could visit stately Rivendell and gawk. Nonsense.

At least the charming Hobbits were honest. They came right out and asked to see the pregnant males. I could deal with their bluntness even if they treated Rivendell like a fair ground. They’d come, gawk, then picnic along the river. Oh, they were lucky I was fond of the Halflings.

Still, if anyone dared ask me, "Tell me, oh mighty Lord Elrond, what color is the sky?" while sneaking a peek at my rapidly growing middle I promised myself I would throw them straight into the great waterfall and let them drown under the Bruinen’s fury. Splash. In my current prickly mood that act would give me supreme pleasure.
fou four of the messengers that I sent to Lothlorien had returned safely. Their only news: Celeborn had gone into retreat. The news told me he must be pregnant. Of course Galadriel refused to see my messengers. Ha, at least she let them return to me.

What surprised me deeply was my Arwen’s lack of response. It also hurt my old soul. Was my daughter too disgusted with me? Or hadn’t she heard the news? That was highly unlikely. Very odd.

But we did hear from a furious Thranduil via a momentous scroAfteAfter reading the long missive poor sensitive Legolas cried for days, since his wicked Father callously told him don’t ever bother returning to Mirkwood. Banishment from one’s home forest was cruel. I felt sympathy for the beautiful Elf.

Of course along with banishment wicked Thranduil also called his young son many an epic, insulting name. Hmm, it looked like we were stuck with the tender Prince. Feeling sorry for the beauty I told sweet Las tas that he was most welcome in Rivendell, which gained me a passionate embrace. Excellent for the ancient senses.

Yes, the following weeks saw a rapid increase in my growth. Ha, it almost seemed that now that I knew about my bizarre condition I swelled heavier and heavier. By the start of my fifth month my middle was extremely round and hard. My taut skin itched. Nasty hunger invaded my system and wouldn’t leave. I felt snappy and ill-tempered. I felt restless. I felt incredibly lusty.

Welcome to being a pregnant male. Yes, I suffered all the cliché pregnancy amusements wrapped in a highly uncliché pregnancy. How annoying.

Ugh. Come on, up, up... oh by the Old Gods what was I trying to prove?

Panting lightly I rested on an upper tree branch, gazing down at my glorious kingdom. Ha, I was trying to prove that I wasn’t a six-month pregant male. My denial wasn’t working. I hiked back and forth across Middle Earth from sunup to sunrise and this big belly just kept growing with child. Each day I walked for restless leagues but my growth continued on unabated.

It was so annoying. My lazy sons did nothing but drape about decoratively, eat sweets and make fun of poor swollen Legolas, yet their pregnant bellies grew slowly like I remember from Celebrian’s term. They had tight, taut low bellies, obvious but nothing ridiculous. But fore ree reason Legolas and myself grew at a hilarious rate. Poor Legolas looked like he had already reached a normal full term. I wasn’t that bad but I resented looking like a fat male. Swelling so huge worked at my ancient ego.

Funny how one never thought about the ego when you traveled through life being immortally taut and hard.

Now that had all changed.

Ha, I wanted to leap from the tree and see if Galadriel’s spell truly protected the baby. Would she let my pregnant belly hit the ground? She’d probably make sure that when I hit I’d smash my face into a rock. No, not a clever idea.

Brooding darkly I leaned against the tree, watching the setting sun drift through the leaves, the far orange rays dancing over the stern snow-capped mountains. What bothered me more was I felt so bitter about my bizarre condition. Understandable since I was male. But shouldn’t I feel something more toward what grew within me? Yes, something other than deep, hard resentment? This child was part of me, just like my sons. Ha, more so than my sons. Pregnancy was such an intimate experience and I felt... distant and frustrated by the event. I hoped my attitude would change.

Sigh.

All right, you pregnant Lord of Rivendell, dinner called you. And I was starving, although I didn’t look forward to sharing time with my sons.

Lately they annoyed me even more than my condition did; yes, not so much Elrohir but Elladan made my fingers twitch in anger.

Odd how pregnancy revealed facets of the personality that one had never seen before. I usually enjoyed my sons, not want to strangle them.

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Changing out of my adventuring clothing I took my time washing off in the tub before pulling on a silky ruby toned robe. I enjoyed the fine silk’s softness but I didn’t enjoy how tightly this robe fit around my girth. Please, it fit fine two weeks ago.

I glanced at my unfamiliar body in the full-length mirror then I glared. Frowning deeply I narrowed my sharp gray eyes at my annoying reflection. My slender arms moved up, crossing angrily atop my high round belly. Above the neck I looked the same, handsome and regal. But below my neck...bah.

Oh no. Ha, my sulky gray glare looked exactly like my Elladan’s.

The sight made me laugh. All right, you mighty sulking Elf Lord, stop being so dramatic. Go stuff your face with food.

By the time I reached our family dining room everyone else was there, they respectfully waiting for me. "Sorry, all, I was out walking then I had to dress. Go ahead, don’t wait for me."

The words were barely out of my mouth when Elladan shoved three stuffed dates into his elegant mouth. How attractive.

Gazing at me Mithrandir shook his head. "Well, Elrond, another of your messengers returned today unscathed. Same report as before."

I smiled mockingly, reciting their oft heard words. "No message from Arwen, no meeting with Galadriel and Celeborn’s still in retreat. Bah, I might as well write the notes. I tell you Arwen truly puzzles me."

Elladan bitterly snorted around a huge mouthful of roasted chestnuts. "Pfft, Father, there’s no puzzle to her. She’s a right regal bitch."

Oh no, Elladan was starting all ready. Determined to enjoy my dinner I ignored my son, which was normal practice until he pushed me too far. Then I chastised Elladan and he either sulked or walked out. Elrohir followed to soothe him. Legolas looked upset. Mithrandir shrugged.

Yes, I had this stupid script engraved in my memory. By the Gods, I was sick and tired of enduring such dramatic nonsense at my table. After sipping my mead I sternly gazed about the table. "Sons, Legolas, tonight I have a new meal rule. If you have an unpleasant comment keep it to yourself. Let’s try that rule tonight, eh?"

Elladan’s wide gray eyes narrowed at me but he said nothing. Of course; he had nothing pleasant to say Leg Legolas finished delicately consuming a date then he cocked his head toward Mithrandir. "Mithrandir, how goes your research?"

"Oh, it’s fascinating reading but I’ve found nothing solid for me to work with. Beside, I have the feeling I can’t do anything to physically remodel you. I swear the spell over you all is subtly becoming stronger." Mithrandir shook his gray mane. "But I did discover that interesting brew you consumed had to contain a few drops from Galadriel’s blessed mirror. Potent material. Wish I could steal some of it without being pincushioned by arrows."

Looking bitter Elladan rolled his wide eyes. "Would a few drops cause a blessed miscarriage?"

All right, unpleasant but not out of line. I’d let that comment pass.

Mithrandir patiently shook his head. "Afraid not, lad. Ahh, I also want to get my hands on a bottle of that special mead." He glanced at me. "So tell me once again, my old friend, the mead was dark, plus it smoked and bubbled with blue tints?"

Since I was chewing a date I nodded in mute agreement.

"And you were all stupid enough to drink it. Amazing, ha, simply amazing."

As I glared at my old friend my eyebrows shot up toward my hairline. Well, I never thought Mithrandir would be the one to break my new little rule.

Grinning at me Mithrandir held up his hands. "Oh my, sorry, Elrond." His clever little wink tried to calm me down.

I hated when Mithrandir tried to be cute. He was too damned ancient to act cute. It would be like me acting cute. What a nauseating thought.

Legolas shook his thick pale hair. "Well, Mithrandir, you must remember we were hardly in a position to act rude to Galadriel. She acted very excited about her brew and now of course we all know why." Smiling crookedly Legolas patted his heavy belly.

Elladan smirked. "That’s right, dear Mithrandir. Unfortunately we all took after sweet Legolas here and acted like polite little mice."

Looking injured Legolas frowned. "Excuse me, that remark is unkind."

Elladan sneered cuttingly at Legolas. His long fingers gestured flippantly toward the insulted Prince. "Look, my plump Elf, why don’t you keep your lovely lips shut until I want you to use them for something important?"

Legolas’ lips dropped open in numb amazement. Elladan nodded approvingly. "There, wonderful, that’s the perfect position for your ripe lips: open and waiting for my prick."

Quickly swallowing I angrily pointed across the table. "Elladan, I swear this pregnancy has made you deaf! I don’t want any more of that rude talk at my dinner table!"

As Elladan insolently shrugged toward me Legolas rose, he sniffing at new tears. "Excuse me." Holding his round belly he hastened away from the table.

Damn. No one listened to me anymore. Shaking my head I stabbed my steamed greens. Elladan was lucky I didn’t stab his slender hand.

Well, dinner was still young.

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A week later during one of my late night prowls to raid the kitchen larder my ears were startled by sad, deep sobbing coming from the darkened room. Touching my candle to the oil lamptem tem I brought the lights up.

Ah. Legolas sat with his golden head cradled in his arms, his slender graceful back shaking with his wrenching tears. His body was clad in a light green silk robe. A mere heel from a loaf of olive bread and assorted empty jars littered the table before him.

"Legolas?"

Releasing his breathy sexy squeak Legolas whipped his head up toward me. Oh. Gods, he was so sweetly beautiful, his wide blue eyes shimmering with bright diamond tears. Of course my completely out of control cock reacted in approval. Yes, how perfect, this beauty needed gentle comforting and I needed this beauty to soothe my rampaging ache. What divine logic. Even though had I felt ridiculously lusty I had been with no Elf since Celeborn. Part of me felt too embarrassed to reveal my strange new body.

That fact would change tonight. Legolas certainly didn’t care how round I had grown.

My low voice sounded properly sympathetic. "My poor lad, what’s the matter?"

Choking on a fresh sob Legolas wiped at his tears in an endearingly child-like manner. "Oh Elrond, do you think I’m still the least bit pretty?"

Ha, I d nod not to laugh, yes, I wrestled that uncharitable noise right back into my throat. I had heard that same line so many times from my fair Celebrian. Instead of laughing I offered Legolas a soothing smile. "My poor Legolas, of course I do. You are an extremely lovely Elf, yes, youir bir beauty is legendary. You know that true fact."

Legolas managed a tight little smile, hope shining in his wide blue eyes. "Elrond, do you mean your sweet words? Or are you merely being kind to a fat pregnant Elf?"

Well, both, but that was beside the point. Stepping forward I ran my elegant fingers through Legolas’ thick golden hair. Oh, oh, mmm, touching his silken mane created an instant hard erection. I did so have a passion for long pale hair. "Of course I mean my words. Come now, did my wicked Elladan say something nasty to you?"

Legolas’ head nodded under my caressing fingers before he released sad words. "I am so surprised at the change in him! Elladan, oh, now he is acting utterly hateful to me. You see that during our meals. Before this odd change took place we lov loved each other; we were so happy together. Now Elladan wants Elrohir all to himself. He’s acting jealous of any attention that sweet Elrohir gives to me.

"Then tonight Elladan told me he didn’t want such a disgustingly fat thing in his bed. That was so cruel of him! I might be carrying Elladan’s children yet he is acting horrible to me. Poor Elrohir is so fearful of Elladan’s rages that he did nothing. So I fled down here and ate too much, which only made me feel worse. Now I really do feel fat." A deep sniff punctuated Legolas’ words.

Hmm, this romantic problem sounded more serious than even I had imagined. Sighing thoughtfully I continued filling my hands with his thick hair. "Ahh, angry Elladan is not coping with his pregnancy very well since he hates his bizarre condition. I never thought I’d see my merry son act so grim, so bitter. I feel extremely sad that he made you cry again." Although lately, as I predicted, just about everything made the pale Prince cry.

Twisting to gaze at me Legolas cast an adoring smile up at me. Ahh, my dangerous erection tightened. "Noble dear Elrond, thank you." Glancing away Legolas sniffed on a last sob. "Can I be honest? When I first came here I wasn’t sure if you liked me. But during this time of great strife you have acted so wonderful to me. I am disgraced with no where to go but you still treat me with respect. I feel so deeply grateful."

Well, my fine pretty one, I knew a touching way you could show my your sweet gratitude. As I massaged Legolas’ slight shoulders I licked my stern lips. Ohh, I felt like a predator about to pounce on a fluffy young rabbit. "That’s wonderful to hear, Legolas. So... it sounds like you need a place to sleep or... even comforting company tonight. Can I invite you to my room?" There, was that blunt enough?

Uttering that glorious sexy squeak Legolas rose directly into my surprised arms, his red ripe lips adhering to mine. A warm tongue assaulted my mouth. Oh my. As Legolas raped my mouth his heavy hard belly pressed tight against my own roundness. Yes, the usually slender young Elf was quite rotund, deliciously so. By the Gods I don’t think I had ever felt anything sexier against my ancient flesh. Whoops, I almost released myself against his body.

Drawing back a touch Legolas slowly rubbed his sweet heavy belly against mine. Now that was very nice. His wide blue gaze melted into my dazed eyes. As I blinked in shock Legolas’ next words dripped with sexual invite. "My dear Lord Elrond, I would be honored to come to your room, yes, I would be honored to do what ever you asked of me."

Oh yes, yes, yessss.

Hunger? Yes, but of a completely different nature.

I suddenly wondered who exactly was the predator here?

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Eleven minutes later I had this pregnant beauty lying in my bed, he singin pin pure delight. We were both swollen enough that my possession proved a little complex, because I wanted to see Legolas’ beauty while I rode him. Grunting in effort I squeezed my hard belly firmly into his soaring weight, my rampaging cock adoring his receptive, grasping asshole. Yes, my sons had definitely broken Legolas in. The beauty knew exactly when to grip and when to back off. He proved extremely supple.

This wanton writhing Prince had already come once, his long cock twitching and swaying against my heavy flesh. A pleasant tribute to my skill. Ah, sweet youth; I felt Legolas’ fresh erection rolling against my belly. Yes, Legolas had recovery speed, but I had skill and stunning endurance; yes, tonight I had both in full measure. I might be heavy with child but I knew I still could pleasure this lovely Elf for hours. Judging his satisfied song that’s exactly what Legolas wanted from me.

Thank you, my dear ungracious Elladan, for throwing this sweet sexy gift my way. Ha, I wasn’t going to toss dear Legolas back any time soon.

As I thrust I laughed in delight. Hmm, how fascinating! Depending on how I swiveled my hard flesh within Legolas his silvery song changed tune. That was amazing. Mmm yes, this was going to be such a perfect experience.

Long delicious hours later I think I had discovered Legolas’ entire tonal range. Excellent.

We curled against each other, our bellies pressing tightI feI felt loath to admit I was almost sore from all the frantic activity. As Legolas contentedly nuzzled my face and neck I tried remembering the last time I had enjoyed such a young Elf in my bed.

My mind couldn’t recall. Yes, I usually appreciated the older immortals. However this sweet beauty made me reconsider my traditional habits. I could grow accustomed to utter erotic intoxication.

Especially since this intoxication came without the aid of any bubbling mead.

Hmm, tomorrow night I would concentrate on which of Legolas’ notes I enjoyed the most then I’d weave them into a complex new song. It was good to have creative goals.

Elladan would be furious.

Perfect. Maybe losing Legolas to me would teach the pregnant brat manners.

****************** Rest to come tomorrow!!!!