Seeing With The Heart

Title: Seeing With the Heart (4/7)
Author: Aglarien
Type: FPS
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine. The great Master Tolkien's estate owns everything else. I promise to return his elves when I'm done playing with them.
Warnings: AU.
Beta: phyncke
Author’s notes: Written for the Glorestor competition, and dedicated to the real Elladan and Elrohir and their beautiful family who all just seemed to creep into this story.
Summary: An encounter on the Great East Road changes the lives of Erestor and Glorfindel.


We may remark in passing that to be blind and beloved may, in this world where nothing is perfect, be among the most strangely exquisite forms of happiness.... The supreme happiness in life is the assurance of being loved; of being loved for oneself, even in spite of oneself; and this assurance the blind man possesses…… Possessing love he is not deprived of light. A love, moreover, that is wholly pure. There can be no blindness where there is this certainty.
Victor Hugo (1802–1885), Les Misérables (1862).


Chapter 4

The second full day with the tanner and his family passed much the same as the first, with Erestor spending most of the time resting or sleeping, the twins helping Mistress Alice with the housework and cooking, and Glorfindel attacking the ever-dwindling stack of logs and chopping them into firewood.

That evening after dinner, as the family and Elves sat in the parlor talking, Erestor suddenly turned toward the sound of the twins’ voices and asked, "How did you two come to be here? Is not Ellothien near the time of delivering your child, Elladan? And do you not miss your sons and Lonneth, Elrohir? You should not be away from them while they are so young! Why are you traveling now?"

"It is a good two months before our child will be born, Erestor," Elladan replied sheepishly.

"And Ellothien kicked him out because he was driving her crazy nagging at her not to work in the gardens," Elrohir added with a snicker. "She told him to cure his discontent by going on the last trip he would be able to take for a while, so Ada sent us here to collect the leather. My brother thinks his wife should be laying around doing nothing, not out digging and planting flowers. Lonneth told me to go with him and keep him out of trouble, knowing we would be gone but a few weeks. As much as I hated to leave my family, I know better than to go against my wife’s wishes."

Erestor chuckled. "You will never keep her out of the gardens, Elladan. You knew that before you married her – you fell in love with her the first time you saw her with grass stains on her dress and a smudge of dirt across her face. Nothing could match the beauty of your mother's gardens, but Ellothien's work comes very close and she loves it so. She is very intelligent, my friend, and she loves you more than even the blossoming flowers. She would do nothing to put your unborn child in danger. You should have trusted her."

Elladan sighed. “I wish you’d been there to advise me,” he said dejectedly. “But I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway – I would not even listen to Ada. I didn’t mean to upset her. It’s only because I worry about her.”

“I am sorry this trip took us away from home for so long,” Erestor said. He was sorry now that they had had to leave home at all – and for more than just Elladan’s sake.

"I reckon Berianir and Boronir have grown in the weeks that Erestor and I have been away," Glorfindel said. "I have missed them."

"They miss their Gwadors 'Fin and 'Restor," Elrohir replied with a smile. "Do not think they have forgotten you. They have grown so much. Berianir still adores his grandfather and would rather be with Ada than anyone, and Boronir still refuses to sleep unless one of us carries him through the gardens for a walk each night."

Erestor released a melancholy sigh. "I wish I could see them when we return. I imagine they are even more beautiful."

Glorfindel picked up one of Erestor's hands and rubbed the counselor's fingers. "You can 'see' them with these, Erestor. Your blindness will not matter to them. They will still love you."

Erestor just nodded.

“So what are you taking your wife home as a gift, Master Elladan?” Mistress Alice asked.

“A gift?” Elladan panicked and fumbled for words. “I need to bring her a gift?”

“Oh dear,” Robert and Erestor said at the same time.

“Oh, for Valar’s sake!” Glorfindel said dramatically, raising his arms and rolling his eyes. “Have we taught you nothing?! Of course you have to bring her a gift, you ninny!” He reached over and cuffed Elladan on the back of his head.

“But…the shops are closed for the night and we are leaving at dawn,” Elladan protested, rubbing his head. “Oh dear,” he sighed. “Now what will I do?”

Elrohir shrugged. “I don’t know, but you’re in big trouble, ‘Adan.”

“Some help you are,” Elladan said.

“What?” Elrohir responded. “I was smart enough to buy toys for the twins and a lovely jeweled brooch for Lonneth when we first got here. You were too busy checking out the local ale at The Prancing Pony!”

“A brooch?” Elladan queried hopefully. “You wouldn’t consider…?”

“Oh no, brother,” Elrohir said. “I know what’s expected of a husband.”

Elladan sighed dejectedly.

“Don’t you worry, Master Elladan,” Alice said, patting his shoulder. “My Bob has just the thing for your wife down in the shop. It’s my gift to you for all the help you’ve been to me the last two days, and you our guests an’ all. Tom, you run down there and bring up one of those long gardening aprons, one of the really soft ones. ”

“A gardening apron?” Erestor asked. “Made of leather? Will that not be too stiff for her to work in?”

“Not this one, Master Erestor,” Robert beamed proudly. “You just wait until you feel it. It’s a soft as butter and big enough to cover her dress so she won’t get grass stains on her good things.”

Tom returned in a few short minutes, bearing the folded up, tan-colored garment. Robert took the apron and placed it in Erestor’s hands. “Feel it,” he said.

Erestor ran his hands over the cloth. “It’s so soft and pliable!” he exclaimed. “However do you make it?”

“It’s made from the hide of a mountain goat antelope called a chamois,” the tanner replied. “Isn’t it lovely? The more you use it, the softer it gets.”

All of the Elves were amazed at the softness of the leather. The apron was constructed with a bib that covered the chest, and a long half-skirt that would cover the front and sides of Ellothien’s dress. On the skirt were pockets to hold little gardening tools.

“It’s marvelous!” Elladan declared happily. “She will love this even better than a jewel! Mistress Alice, once again, you are a wonder!” He took Alice’s hand and kissed it. “Thank you. And thank you, Robert. It’s a beautiful piece of work.”

“You take that home with you, Master Elladan, and you just see if your wife isn’t willing to forgive you,” Alice said with a smile.

The Elves retired to bed earlier than the previous night, wanting to start out at dawn before most of the town was up and about. It was safer with the twins traveling with them, but Glorfindel still did not want to call undue attention to their party. Robert had told him that the town authorities had been notified about the ruffians and so far no one had questioned anything. Glorfindel wanted to keep it that way.

~~~*~~~

Dawn was just riding on the back of Bree Hill the following morning as the Elves readied to leave. The journey from the Grey Havens to Imladris was over seven hundred miles, and more than four hundred of those miles still lay before them. In the best weather, with no problems, it would take seventeen or eighteen days to reach home. They expected summer rains to lengthen the journey, even without any unforeseen difficulty. The leather the twins had purchased for their father was laid on the wagon bed, lightening the load for the two packhorses Elladan and Elrohir had brought, so they distributed the other supplies evenly between the two animals.

“I know we could harness the packhorses to the wagon and let our mounts carry the rest of the supplies,” Glorfindel said, “but with Erestor riding in the wagon, I would feel more comfortable with Asfaloth and Dulinn pulling it. If anything happens, they will take care of him and get him to safety.” Asfaloth and Dulinn silently agreed, both animals sensing that Erestor was injured, and docilely allowed themselves to be harnessed.

Erestor tapped with his stick along the side of the wagon until he came to his horse. While the others finished preparing the wagon, he quietly spoke to Dulinn, stroking his head and thanking him for pulling the wagon. The black stallion nuzzled his friend and master in the chest, whinnying softly. Once Asfaloth had been subjected to the same treatment, Erestor inspected the wagon with his stick, figuring out how he would climb onto it.

Over the leather on the wagon bed was laid a sturdy mattress, and over that were quilts and pillows for Erestor’s comfort, all compliments of Robert and Alice. They would stop only for brief periods to rest the horses during the first day, so it was important that the journey not cause the counselor any undue discomfort. Tall posts at each corner of the wagon would hold the canvas cover that could be put up to protect Erestor from inclement weather, but for now they held lanterns to light the way after nightfall. Glorfindel intended that they travel beyond the Forsaken Inn, one day’s journey east of Bree, before they stopped for the night. Even with the twins, he still worried about another attack. It was good the horses were well rested, for they would travel hard and swift the first day out of Bree.

Glorfindel’s and Erestor’s weapons were placed in the wagon, along with skins of water, fresh peaches, dried apples and figs, a large round of cheese, a few loaves of bread, and dried meat. There was also a large sack of potatoes that would keep well during the journey and could be added to simple stews or serve as a meal if necessary. The dried fruit and meat they would save for rainy days when they couldn’t hunt and prepare their food. Alice had also baked plenty of small meat pies for their first day’s lunch and supper.

When all was ready, the Elves one by one bid Robert and his family farewell with many thanks. When Erestor stood before the tanner and his wife, he said, “I do not know how to thank you, my friends. What you have done for me these past two days is without measure, but know that you have my eternal gratitude. You and your family will always be welcome in Rivendell, and should you ever need help of any kind, you have only to send word or come to us.”

“Perhaps when I next see you, you will be able to see me, Master Erestor,” Robert replied. “That will be thanks enough for me.”

“That is my hope, my friend,” Erestor said. “But only time will tell. Fare well, and may the Valar bless you both.”

“And you, Master Erestor,” Mistress Alice replied. “And you.”

Erestor turned and walked to the wagon, feeling his way with the stick, and climbed up in the front where he and Glorfindel would sit. When the captain joined him, and the twins mounted their horses, the Elves raised their hands in farewell as they began the long journey home.

The Tanner’s watched as their friends left, waving and calling their goodbyes until the Elves were no longer in sight. Alice raised her apron, wiping the tears from her eyes, and then turned to enter the house and continue her day’s work. It was only later when she tidied up the two rooms used by the Elves that she found the stacks of gold and silver coin left on the bedside tables.

~~~*~~~

The Elves slipped out of the town, unremarked amongst the travelers and traders coming and going. When they had journeyed for close to two hours and were well away from the town, Glorfindel stopped the wagon and helped Erestor lie down comfortably in the back. As they started moving again, the captain began to softly sing.

Erestor would have much preferred to stay sitting next to Glorfindel, but he was tired again, his body demanding rest. He made himself comfortable in the quilts and prepared to sleep when he heard Glorfindel begin to sing. His mouth curved into a smile; Glorfindel was singing to let him know he was not alone in the dark. Feeling very loved, he drifted off to sleep.

Glorfindel sang. He hummed. He recited poetry. He talked to the horses. He talked to himself. He drove Elladan and Elrohir crazy for hours.

“Elladan,” Elrohir said, just as Glorfindel started in on a new song, “what has gotten into our good captain?”

“I have no idea,” Elladan replied too loudly, “but I am about to gag him!”

Glorfindel glared at the twins and looked over his shoulder to see that Erestor was peacefully sleeping. Motioning the younger Elves closer, he said, “I sing and talk so that Erestor knows that I am with him. He is in the dark. He cannot see us. He is alone. The sound of our voices reassures him that he is *not* alone. Do you understand?”

“Forgive me, Glorfindel,” Elladan said, his eyes filling with empathy as he looked at Erestor. “I did not realize…”

“I am sorry too,” Elrohir said quietly. “We did not think. Perhaps one of us can take over singing so you can rest your voice?”

“I would be most grateful if you would,” the captain said with a relieved sigh.

“Elrohir,” the older twin said, “you stay with our friends. I will check the road ahead and find a good place for us to stop for lunch and rest the horses.”

Elrohir nodded and began to sing as Elladan rode off down the road.

A few miles down the road, Elladan waited by a grove of trees. A stream ran close by, and there was good grass for the horses. By the time the others arrived, he had started a fire to heat water for Erestor’s tea. The packhorses were unburdened, Asfaloth and Dulinn unharnessed, and the animals allowed to graze and drink freely for the short time they would be there.

The Elves washed in the stream and ate their meal of meat pies and fresh peaches before once more setting off down the road, making sure to first refill the water skins. Seasons and weather made the availability of water unpredictable, and one could never be certain if a source would be there the second time one passed it. They would not stop again until they were beyond the Forsaken Inn and set up their camp for the night.

For most of the rest of the day, Erestor sat beside Glorfindel in the front of the wagon, the two of them quietly talking. They passed the Forsaken Inn as dusk fell, stopping shortly thereafter to kindle the lanterns on the wagon posts to help illumine their way. Elrohir had taken one lamp, riding on ahead to scout along the road and locate a suitable place to make camp for the night. When the others came upon him, he already had a warm fire going.

“I do not think anyone will bother us tonight,” the younger twin said. “Men do not usually travel at night, and I heard and saw nothing farther ahead.”

Erestor sat on the wagon and listened for a few moments. “No, I do not hear the sounds of anyone moving. Only the four of us, our horses, and the wild animals out there – but there are none close.”

“You hear the wild animals?” Glorfindel asked as he jumped down from the wagon to help Erestor alight.

“I have noticed that my hearing continues to grow sharper,” Erestor said, feeling for the edge of the bench and putting his foot on the wagon step. “The sounds were more muffled during the day by the voice of the wagon and the horses.”

After their supper of more meat pies and peaches, the Elves sat around the fire talking quietly. Erestor sat next to Glorfindel, their thighs touching, holding the captain’s hand. He felt the need for closeness in the vast darkness surrounding him. “Are there stars out tonight?” he asked. “Does the moon shine on us?”

“Many are veiled behind clouds,” Glorfindel answered softly, “but I see the stars of Wilwarin (1), and the half moon peeks now and again through the shadowy night sky. Eärendil’s Silmaril shines brightly down on us, even through the clouds. We may see some rain tomorrow.”

“It is odd,” Elladan said quietly. “It always seems that Grandfather’s star shines brightest on us when Elrohir and I are away from home.”

“Your father used to say the same,” Erestor said. “It is as if he is watching over your travels, as I often told Elrond.” He sighed. “I miss seeing the stars and the moon.” He moved Glorfindel’s hand and said, “Show me where Eärendil is.”

Glorfindel lifted Erestor’s hand and pointed it toward the star. Erestor raised his sightless eyes to the heavens and whispered, “Hail, bright Mariner. I thank you for watching over our journey. Oh Exalted Lady of the Stars (2), I would dearly love to see your beautiful creations again. Please whisper a word in Manwë’s ear on my behalf, dear Lady.” He bowed his head and quietly wiped away the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I am tired. Perhaps it is time for me to rest again.”

The younger Elves looked at Erestor with compassion in their eyes, but Glorfindel moved to take the blind Elf in his arms, holding him close, slowly rubbing a hand along his back. No words were spoken; none were needed, but each of the Elves said their own silent prayer to the Lady of the Stars.

After a few moments, the Elves rose, preparing to bed down for the night. Elladan and Elrohir laid their bedrolls by the fire; they would take turns keeping watch. Erestor would sleep on the wagon bed with Glorfindel beside him. The weather was fair, and there was no need for the wagon cover or the twins’ tent.

Once they were settled comfortably in the wagon, Glorfindel held Erestor in his arms and whispered, “Sleep well, beloved. You did not rest this afternoon. We have another long day ahead of us tomorrow, and I do think we will see rain.”

“It will rain,” Erestor said. “I can feel it in the air – smell it on the breeze.” He wound his arms around Glorfindel. “I would be lost without you. I love you so much, and now…now, I do not think I could live without you. Not because of my blindness, but because you return my love,” he whispered. “Once my friend, now finally my lover. Tell me, my love, what do you see when you look into my eyes?”

Glorfindel moved a hand to Erestor’s face and carefully traced its contours. “I can see my forever in your eyes,” he answered. Moving closer, he pressed his lips against Erestor’s in a gentle kiss. This was the Elf he would love until the end of Arda and all the stars went out. He felt the softness of those tender lips and sighed against them, but then they parted in welcome. Deepening the kiss, his tongue slid against Erestor’s, tasting and caressing, as sparks of lightening flashed through his body and stole his very breath away.

Erestor gasped into the mouth that kissed him so slowly and tenderly, his tongue curling around its mate. Nothing in his long life had ever made him feel as good as being in Glorfindel’s arms and sharing this kiss. He was filled with a sense of belonging, of security and rightness. This…this was home. Glorfindel was his home. It was where he wanted to be – forever.

When the slow kiss finally ended, both Elves panted softly. “Sleep,” Glorfindel whispered. “Rest, my heart. Rest and heal, and know that I love you more than all the stars in the heavens.”

“I love you, Glorfindel,” Erestor whispered in reply. After placing a soft kiss against his lover’s lips, he laid back to sleep.

Glorfindel held his beloved in his arms, but in a few moments, Erestor turned, seeking another position. A few short minutes later, Erestor moved again, and then again…and again. After long minutes of Erestor tossing and turning, Glorfindel said, “What is it, love? Can you not sleep?”

“The sounds, Glorfindel - I cannot sleep with all these sounds,” Erestor said. “They make me uneasy and I cannot shut them out.”

“What sounds, love? Tell me what it is you hear?”

“The insects chirping…Elladan pacing and humming to himself as he keeps watch…the wind rustling the leaves in the trees…the crackling of the fire…the creaking of the wagon…the horses moving around...the very settling of the earth.”

Glorfindel realized that Erestor’s more sensitive hearing was picking up every little sound that a normal Elf would overlook. Erestor was not used to all of the night sounds out in the open countryside, and the cacophony of noise was unnerving him. A thought quickly occurred to him. “Erestor,” he said softly, “lay your head on my chest, over my heart.” Once Erestor had done so, he asked, “What do you hear?”

“I hear the steady beating of your heart, like a soft drum,” Erestor whispered.

“What else do you hear?”

“I hear your breathing,” Erestor said.

“Listen to my heart, my love,” Glorfindel whispered very softly. “Listen to my breathing. Listen to my heart beating…over and over…beating just for you…over and over…”

His voice trailed off as Erestor slipped into an exhausted sleep.

Tbc…

Lonneth: Narrows; channel; strait: Sindarin for Kyla
Berianir: Defender of men: Sindarin for Alasdair
Boronir: Steadfast: Sindarin for Alleyne
Ellothien: Flower: A Sindarin name for a special gardener

(1) Wilwarin: The constellation created by Varda for the coming of the Elves. Probably our modern-day constellation of Cassiopeia.
(2) The Lady of the Stars: Varda, also called Elbereth (‘Star-Queen’), Gilthoniel, Elentári, Tintallë, The Exalted and The Lofty. She is the most beautiful of the Valier, for the light of Ilúvatar shines in her face. She is married to Manwë and dwells with him upon Taniquetil. She is also the Valier held in the highest reverence by the elves. When she is with Manwë, she has the ability to hear every voice in Middle-earth. Varda gathered the dews and rain from the Trees of Valinor and created wells of water and light. She used the dew to create new stars that would light the way for the coming of the First-born. These stars were the first things seen by the First-born, and this is why they revere Varda above the other Great Ones.