My Twisted Road to Life: Nightmares & Dreamscapes

Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)

Glorfindel: *attempting to escape from Trina's clutches, hickeys visible on every exposed surface of his skin* Sweet Eru woman!

Trina: *hanging onto elf's leg* Oh no you don't! I'm not done with you yet!

Shana: *on couch curled up in Hal's lap* Think he's met his match?

Haldir: *eyebrow* Indeed.

Shana: *swats Hal* Hey! That's Glory's line!

Haldir: *other eyebrow* So are you going to punish me for poaching?

Shana: *contemplates* Hmmmmmm….

Glorfindel: *hands on either side of door frame hanging on* Shanastay owns nothing recognizable as Tolkein's. Her original characters are hers alone. She makes absolutely NO monetary profit on her fiction efforts. *to Trina* Can we PLEASE give it a rest woman???

Trina: *giggles insanely* Oh hayl NO!!!

Haldir and Shana: *roll eyes*

Chapter 4: Breakdown

Have you ever been skydiving or even cliff-diving? If so, combine the two and you have some idea of what Legolas was experiencing…

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When Elrond finally sat the blonde elf down, out of the healer's way, Legolas took the woman's hand in both of his. Feeling utterly impotent in his inability to do anything the archer found himself staring at Janessa's impassive face. His focus was so fixed that the world around them began to narrow and fade.

To the outside world Legolas looked catatonic, or what passed for catatonic in an elf, but appearances were quite different from reality.

Unable to reach out across the gaping chasm that had seemingly opened between them, the Prince tried a different tactic. The elf turned his search inward, looking for the part of himself he had sensed the woman through. That was when the ground quite literally dropped out from under him.

Having never been skydiving or even cliff-diving, Legolas had no experience with the concept, let alone feeling of being in freefall. As such he was unable to achieve any sort of stable body positioning, instead tumbling out of control through empty space. To his credit, the elf never cried out, apparently having expected the unexpected.

He fell through total darkness, the only sound that of the air whistling past his tumbling form. Legolas had never been afraid of heights, such a phobia being completely contrary to his wood-elf nature. Nor had the blonde prince ever really been claustrophobic, not even when he followed Aragorn beneath that cursed mountain. But this was somehow different.

The darkness he fell through, while seemingly endless and expansive had a cloying closeness about it. The air whistling past him was saturated with moisture but not quite at the dew point of condensing into droplets. Instead a clinging wet film quickly covered the elf's skin, matting his hair together in stringy clumps, his clothes sticking to his skin uncomfortably. The resulting feeling was one of overwhelming closeness.

Quite literally the blackness took on a palpable quality, closing in around Legolas, the thickness of the air itself choking him. The blonde elf found himself not only disoriented from his unabated tumbling but actually nauseated. For the first time in his long life he actually believed he might vomit.

Just when the archer believed he had reached the end of his endurance his fall was arrested by what could only be described as… the ground. He landed sprawled flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him. The elf lay there for several beats, blinking into the all-encompassing darkness.

The blackness was so total that when the faint, distant glow appeared Legolas had to shield his eyes, his pupils contracting painfully. He covered his eyes with one hand, rolling to his side, then onto his knees before shakily rising to his feet. His legs shook like one of Celebrain's gelatinous desserts and he felt like he had been worked over by a large group of Uruk-hai. Every nerve in his body seemed to be protesting.

Taking several deep, calming breaths Legolas centered himself, relegating the discomfort to the back of his mind. That accomplished, he opened his eyes and sought out the source of the sudden light. It was faint at best and appeared to be some distance away. As he began to move towards it a strange sense of urgency overtook him, the elf breaking into a headlong sprint directly for the glow.

The cloying closeness and moisture-laden air still tried to suffocate him, shortening his breaths. As he moved, an unfamiliar tightness spread through his chest. He fought past it, the urgency he felt increasing with every step. He was moving fast, yet the intensity of the light source ahead never seemed to increase. He realized with a start that the glow was diminishing, not moving away, but swiftly losing what brightness it had. Already at his limits, Legolas pushed himself even harder as the source of the glow came into view.

He perceived a pale form up ahead, seemingly crouched on the ground, curled up around itself. Legolas immediately recognized this as Janessa, her mane of shocking red hair unmistakable, the clinging cascade hiding the details of her body.

As he drew closer, the elf slowed his pace to a walk, approaching cautiously. The Prince was highly disturbed by what his eyes took in. The woman was totally naked, the only concession to modesty the fall of her hair. She was moving just barely perceptibly, rocking, no, more like swaying back and forth. Legolas could not hold back a gasp and step away as the woman lifted her head and turned her face toward him.

Unsettling didn't begin to describe what the elf was confronted with. The features were clearly Janessa's, but where her mouth was, should have been, there was simply… nothing. The Prince received yet another shock when she opened her eyes, revealing not the emerald orbs that had haunted his visions but watery, milky-white eyes that it was painfully obvious were sightless. Blind and dumb, this visage was apparently not deaf as the unseeing eyes turned in the elf's direction, what little movements she had been making ceasing.

What IS this? What is causing my mind to create this horrible farce? With dawning understanding Legolas realized that it was not HIS mind creating this altered woman, but Janessa's. Somehow he had found his was inside the woman's mind. But why? How can you view yourself this way?

As the elf began to slowly circle the crouched form, the woman's head turned to follow his movements. Nothing about her posture indicated she was tracking the small sounds made by his passage. She could not have been as Legolas moved with absolute silence. It was eerie the way she seemed to be looking right at him and yet through him. A suspicion began to grow in the Prince's mind and he decided to test his idea.

Casting his gaze about him Legolas observed small stones scattered along the ground, the lighter colored ones luminescing in the faint light Janessa was putting out. He bent down and picked up the nearest one. Holding it in his hand he realized the rock was translucent and highly polished. Looking into the stone he could see cracks and fractals beneath the smooth surface.

Glancing down again he realized all the scattered stones were like this one, their fractured cores visible and crystalline in the diffuse light. Consciously setting aside the nervous feeling that there was more to these deposits, Legolas set about testing his theory.

Standing up straight the blonde archer considered the impassive, disfigured face "watching" him. He then threw the stone from his hand off to the redhead's right side. It made a muffled clattering sound as it landed; muted, but still clearly audible. Janessa did not so much as blink, let alone flinch at the sound. Her sightless gaze remained fixed on him, never wavering.

Ah. Just as I thought. She IS deaf as well. Somehow she must be sensing me, my presence. But how is she tracking me so accurately I do not understand. And why this disfigured visage? Is this some way of shutting out well, everything? I just don't understand. Clearly this is some kind of withdrawal, but what is it that drove her so far inside?

The elf realized that if he did not do something the woman's catatonic state would continue unabated indefinitely. Unsure of how to proceed Legolas ceased circling the redhead as he considered his options.

Well, when in doubt, the best approach is the direct approach.

For a while now Janessa had not so much as flinched, let alone moved, other than her head tracking his circling. As such the blonde archer was not prepared for what happened when he moved in on her. He had anticipated the potential of the redhead taking flight but had not even considered the possibility of her coming at him.

Legolas had not taken three steps toward the woman when in a blur of motion and accompanying cacophony of sound she came flying up off the ground… straight at him.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out.

Hit by the auditory assault the elf had the barest glimpse of her naked form as her hair streamed out behind her before, right shoulder dropped and head tucked, she hit him square in the midsection in a football-style tackle.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out of here.

With a surprised and loud whoosh of air Legolas had the wind knocked out of him, what breath was left fled his lungs as he impacted the ground, flat on his back.

Not even missing a step Janessa leapt nimbly over the prone elf, sprinting off into the distance.

Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.
Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.

The blonde archer could do nothing more than watch her go, desperately trying to regain his breath and his rattled senses. Laying there he was able to perceive within the surrounding noise a harsh voice, what amounted to Janessa crying out for help.

And every time I think I’ve finally made it
I learn I’m farther away than I have ever been before
I see the clock and it’s ticking away, and the hourglass empty
What the fuck do I have to say?

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out.
Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out of here.

In the increasing darkness the elf had time to contemplate the way the redhead had so thoroughly turned the tables on him before slowly climbing to his feet.

Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.
Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.

The direction the woman had gone in was obvious as she was the only source of light in this dark place, somewhere in the depths of her mind. He regained his feet and took off in pursuit, moisture flying from his sodden and tangled locks, his wet clothing clinging to his skin, hindering his movements.

Keep it inside the image portrayed
As if I couldn’t stand losing as if I couldn’t be saved, no way
A small confession I think I’m starting to lose it
I think I’m drifting away from the people I really need

Pushing himself to the limit, the soft light ahead slowly began to gain strength, the fleeing woman coming back into view.

A small reflection on when we were younger
We had it all figured out ’cause we had everything covered
Now we’re older it’s getting harder to see
What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be?

Deciding enough was enough Legolas put on a last burst of speed, closing the gap between them. The elf launched himself at the redhead, catching her about the knees and taking her down in a flying tackle.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out.

Janessa hit the ground with an audible smack, her hands coming up just in time to keep her face from impacting. The woman immediately began struggling in earnest, as if she had not just been put down.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out of here.

Legolas hid his face in the backs of her legs as she trashed about violently, her sharp nails seeking to claw at him.

Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.
Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.

Throughout this entire time she never made a single sound. The only noises were those made by their scuffling and the soundtrack blaring around them.

Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost

The blonde archer simply hung on, waiting for the redhead to tire out or give up. After a seemingly interminable time Janessa ceased fighting and just lay there, breathing heavily.

I'm just as lost as you
Oh well
What am I going to do?

The elf began slowly extricating himself, sitting back on his heels, ready at any moment for the redhead to go off again. To his surprise she barely twitched, laying on her side, eyes half-closed, chest heaving.

I’m afraid I’m falling farther away
I’m falling farther away
I’m falling far from where I want to be
I’m afraid I’m falling farther away
I’m falling farther away
I’m falling farther away

The blonde archer took in Janessa's sprawled form, hair matted and tangled, stuck to her damp skin as he attempted to run his fingers through his own hair, only to find it thoroughly mangled.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out.

With a shocked gasp Legolas fell back on his ass as a wave of emotion hit him like a physical blow. He was nearly overwhelmed by the despair and depression surging through him. He didn't need to think about it, he knew where they were coming from.

Please help me ’cause I’m breaking down,
This picture’s frozen and I can’t get out of here.

Now pushed far beyond his own emotional limits, Legolas pushed back as an uncharacteristic flood of anger and frustration broke forth from him, finding their vent on Janessa. The elf surged forward, taking the woman by the shoulders and shaking her roughly, a sound of sheer frustration escaping from between his clenched teeth and curled back lips.

Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.

For several moments the woman flopped limply in his grip, head rolling on her shoulders. In a split second the redhead went from limp to tense, head snapping forward, hands clenched on Legolas' forearms, sharp nails digging painfully in, eyes locked on his…

Believe me, I’m just as lost as you.
(Don't bring me down)
I'm just as lost as you
(Don't bring me down)

Eyes that were suddenly, shockingly clear and burning emerald green. Stunned, the elf froze as Janessa opened her mouth and a piercing, tortured scream broke loose from her chest.

Abruptly they were torn apart, each thrown back by an unseen force. They both blinked and found themselves back in the Houses of Healing, a very agitated balrog-slayer intervened between them.

TBC…

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Song credits go to Trapt for their song Still Frame

A/N: Yes, I DO realize how long it's been since I updated and I feel I owe you, my devoted readers, an explanation. I will keep it brief. Real life for the past year has proven to be a real problem. I've been through a series of bad and destructive relationships, the most recent one the guy hit me, and I fought back only to get charged with Assault 4 Domestic Violence. I wasn't arrested and the case was dismissed last week but I was fired from my job in law enforcement over it. Prior to him assaulting me there were several months of systematic abuse that I was too close to see clearly. I have a wrongful termination suit pending and am on unemployment trying to find a job to pay the mortgage and bills. Since all this I've been finding out a lot about my ex that has beyond disturbed me. He was using methamphetamines the entire time we were together and sexually assaulted a minor to name just a few. Saying I've been traumatized is an understatement but I am holding true and strong. I have friends and family who have stood by and helped and supported me. First and foremost I am a survivor and will not just give up. I haven't given up on any of my stories and have a lot written longhand that will hopefully be posted in the next few weeks. I want to say thank you so much for your continued interest and support. It has meant more to me than I can express, especially during this past year. -Shanastay