Monaboyd Drabbles

Title: Where I truly belong
Author: scots_rock
Pairing: Liam/Billy, Dom/Billy
Rating: R (maybe even NC-17, though scenes not very detailed described)
Summary: Billy(pov) thought that Liam was the one to replace Dom, but it turned out differently.
Disclaimer: right, and I’m living on an island with a monster a crazy Frenchwoman.
Warning: sadistic and rape included! If you don’t things like that: DON’T READ IT!
Feedback: is cherry pie! *yummy*
Author's Notes: oh dude, what a crack!fic, I used RPS AND a fictional character! Lots of angst, btw! I used the Liam, described in LOST, but let out his rock star being.


Billy put the key into the key hole and opened the door to the apartment. As he entered the flat he looked around saying nothing. Everything was quiet. He must have gone out. Billy shut the door behind him, went into the kitchen and placed the paper bag on the counter. Food for dinner. He would eat alone again. But he didn’t care anymore. He threw his jacket over a chair and was on his way to the bathroom to wash his hands. He avoided looking in the mirror which hang over the sink. When he was back again in the kitchen he started cooking dinner. His own one for there would be no one to share it with.


…Flashback…

Dominic already awaited him in his hotel room when Billy entered.

“There you are, where have you been? We’ve been searching for you all day long!”

Dom immediately ran over to him and embraced him digging his fingers into Billy's jacket. Billy just stood there a sad smile on his face and slowly lay his hand on Dom’s back.

“Ah’m…fine, Dom. Ah was just taking a walk.”

Dominic let go of Billy and stared disbelievingly at him.

“A walk? You call a five hours run-around in the city a walk?”

Billy looked past Dom, walked over to his bed and sat down at the edge of it.

“Dom, Ah’ve been thinking. And, Ah’m not so sure if Ah want to move to LA with ye…”

If Billy would have looked up right now he would have seen that Dom’s facial expression was as numb as the plane white walls that surrounded both men. No confusion. No disbelief. Just pure shock.

“You’re… breaking up with me?”, Dom asked in a whisper. He understood at once what was going on.

“It’s not that Ah don’t love ye, Dom. Because Ah do, with all mah heart…”

“Then why are you bloody doing this?” Dom’s voice grew louder with every word. He swallowed hard.

“Because ye must understand, Dom. There is no chance we can go on with such a relationship. There are thousands of miles that will part us. Scotland is mah life, mah home. It’s where Ah wannna spend the rest of mah life.”

“And I am not a part of your life?” Dom’s voice was cold as ice.

Billy stood up hastily.

“Don't say that! Ye know that's not true! Ye've always been an important and the greatest part of my life, ye wre my life. But, there is simply no chance for this to work. Ye will be busy with yer serial and Ah've mah own projects which will fill most of mah time.”

‘You will get to know someone else, someone who will drive you crazy, someone who will differ from me. You will like that. And I will not be there to make things clear for everyone. That you are mine and that I am yours. You will start dating and you will fall in love. You will break up with me. And I will break down completely. I will cry my tears out night after night. I will accuse myself of not being there. I will regret not having done what I have right now.’

These thoughts were stuck in Billy’s head since Dom had told him about the new serial he would be in. His plans of moving to LA, starting a whole new life, made Billy feel like the third wheel. There would ne no room for him. He didn’t tell Dom right now what was on his mind. He didn’t intent to do so. He instead after finishing speaking went to his wardrobe and grabbed an already packed travelling bag and a rucksack.

“You’ve decided this earlier.”

Billy nodded.

“So, last night was just some kind of goodbye fuck, wasn’t it?”, Dom asked still in a state of shock.

“It’s better when we won’t see each other for a while.”, Billy said without answering Dom’s question. He didn’t want to confirm Dom’s rude but true statement.

Dominic’s body seemed to be made out of stone. He made no move neither intended he to make one. Billy stood now in front of him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Ah'm sorry.”, he whispered before walking past Dom. He closed the door shut behind him and silent tears started rolling down his cheeks.

…Flashback End…


Billy sat down at the decorated table. He looked down at his roasted piece of flesh, the baked potatoes and the freshly prepared salad. And suddenly he was not hungry anymore. He rose up from his chair, grabbed the bottle of the red wine and a glass and walked over to the bedroom. He took a gulp out of the bottle before pouring the red fluid into the glass.

He couldn’t go on like this. He could not pretend as if there hadn’t been nothing at all. Dominic was far away. He could not help him out of this. This time Billy was on his own. But it was difficult. Billy could no longer pretend that there was no Liam.


...Flashback...

“Had a bad day?” were the first words Billy heard from the man with the dark hair and the black jacket sitting some seats away from him at the bar.

“Somehow.”, Billy answered. “Not physically though, ye know.”

“Oh, dude, I know whatcha talking about! I’m so bloody sick of it. Feeling the same shit over and over again.”

Billy listened up. He spoke quite like Dom.

“Oh. So, what's bothering ye?”, Billy asked.

The guy seized his drink and went to sit down besides Billy.

“Had some problems with my boyfriend. He cheated on me. Got me fooled. I came to know it from a friend.”

“That sucks.”

“You can say that again!”

“That sucks.”, Billy repeated.

The guy laughed and Billy with him.

“I’m Liam by the way.”

“Billy. Nice to meet ye.”

~***~

Liam was different. He was tall and strong. His dark hair caught everyone’s attention. Yet there was something about him that made Billy think of Dominic. Were it those sharp cheekbones, the small, soft neck and his adorable hip bones? He didn’t know. Maybe it was that cheeky glitter in his eyes whenever Liam looked at him. The way he lay an arm around Billy. The way he smiled at Billy.

“You're sure you wanna do this? I can wait, Billy…”, Liam whispered in Billy’s ear while embracing him.

“No, Ah want to. Ah’m ready.”

Billy caught Liam’s eyes and held the look for a while. They kissed each other as Liam reached passed the other man to open the door to his flat. As soon as the got in, Billy threw his stuff on the couch before both fell into passionate kissing and touching again. It was their first time together. The first time for Billy that he would sleep with another person than Dom.

They both stumbled in the bedroom. Billy was thrown backwards on the bed with Liam lying on top of him. Both men laughed but quickly went on kissing and undressing each other. It was as if Liam had been waiting for Billy’s OK; he became wilder and more passionate with every kiss and touch. He didn’t bother a long foreplay but immediately went over to the fun part.

Billy had to get used to Liam's style of lovemaking. Lovemaking… Did he love Liam? No, he was able to love only one person. And with that person he had broken up some three months ago. Did Liam love him? He never actually heard Liam telling him these three little words in the four weeks they had been together. But Billy felt being loved and that was enough for the moment. He just wanted to feel someone touching him again, caressing him and whispering dirty words in his ears. He had felt so alone since he had left Dominic. It has been a good thing that he had met Liam so fast.

When both men were naked Liam got the lube and prepared Billy. When he entered, got inside of the Scotsman’s fragile body, Billy shivered and goose bumps spread over his skin. No, it wasn’t Dom. Dom would be more sensitive and would talk more. Liam was aggressive and passionate. As soon as he saw Billy’s parted lips and tightly closed eyes he started to move in and out, fast and hard. Billy's fingers grabbed the sheets and held on to them while Liam's thrust became faster.

It was over after some minutes. Billy remembered Dom and himself making love to each other for hours. But Liam was different. After he and Billy reached their climaxes he lay down besides Billy, kissed him, gave him a hug, turned around with his back to Billy and fell asleep.

… Flashback End …


Liam was there. And he always would be. That’s why Billy wasn’t able to leave him. Accidentally he looked up now and saw himself in the huge mirror opposite of him. The bruise around his left eye was conspicuous and was staring back at him. In a sudden rage Billy stood up quickly, took the already emptied wine bottle and threw it hard against the mirror. It shattered to the ground covering the floor with millions of little broken pieces.

Billy started pacing through the room, walking here and there, filing the room with his steps. His trembling hands covered his face. How was he supposed to get out of this? Liam had turned out to be a different person than Billy had thought. His beating started to be regular and got harder with every time he hit Billy. In such moments when Billy was lying on the floor, totally knocked out by Liam, he had to think of Dom. Was he happy? Was he sad? Did he ever think of Billy? Did he ever wonder whether Billy had told him the truth when leaving? It was in those kind of moments when Billy regretted that he had left Dom.

After drinking a second bottle of wine Billy took a quick shower and got to bed. It was still early but he was exhausted. He had left his dinner on the table, didn’t bother to wash up or clean up Liam’s mess. He curled up under the blanket and fell asleep.

…Flashback…

The telephone rang.

“Hello?”

“...”

“Hello?”

“...”

“Dom? Is tha' ye?”

“Yeah. It’s me.”

“How are ye?”

“I’m fine, I guess. How about you?”

"Ah’m fine, too.”

Silence on both ends of the line.

“Billy, I can’t do this. I tried but I... I... Please come back, Bills. It’s not the same without you. There are so many people here, no one I can really talk to.”

“Dom, it’s only the beginning. It will get better…”

“No, it fuckin’ won’t! I miss you, Billy! I miss your lips. I miss your hands. I miss your eyes. I… I miss your love.”

“Don’t…”

“And don’t pretend you don’t feel the same way! Cause I am bloody dying here!”

Dom was crying.

“Ah’m not pretending. Ah've already got over you. Don’t call meh ever again.”

Billy hung up.

…Flashback End…


The door was kicked open and after that violently slammed shut. Billy’s eyes sprang open. Liam had come home. A mumbling could be heard, some dishes shattered as they fell to the floor and then Liam appeared in the doorway of the bedroom. He threw his jacket in the corner, his shirt followed. Billy heard the zipper of Liam’s jeans being pulled down. A hand grabbed Billy’s arm and turned him violently on his stomach. Liam leaned over to Billy's head and Billy coudl smell the alcohol. Liam was drunk again. And he knew what that meant. Billy’s shorts were shoved down hastily before two fingers covered with lube entered him. He closed his eyes tightly as Liam’s cock pushed itself inside him. It wasn’t the first time he was being raped by Liam. It had become a regular thing. The first times Billy had resisted, said no, pushed him away, but it had made the situation even worse. Liam began beating him if he didn’t get what he wanted. Billy had learned and so he endured Liam’s lusts, better than getting beaten up. He didn’t want to risk more bruises and a second black eye.

After Liam was done with Billy he collapsed to his side and at once fell asleep. Billy then pulled his shorts up again and went to the toilet. There he placed his hands on the sink and leaned on it. He wasn’t able to get out of this. He didn’t even dare asking for help. He was too afraid. Instead of making things better for himself he had made it even more unbearable. Suddenly he felt dirty. Liam’s cum was inside him. That thought nearly ripped him apart. He couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and he fell to his knees. Depressed, despaired, raped, alone.


…Flashback…

Billy stood in front of the door and wasn’t sure if he should really do this. He could imagine Dom laughing at him, telling him that this had been nothing but an adventure. They both had fun but that's that. Well, it was not more than about a month since they’ve been dating. Maybe it was too early to tell him. But what was there to lose? Asking wasn’t a crime! He encouraged himself and knocked three times.

“Comin’!”, Dom shouted from the inside and seconds later the door was opened. “Billy! Something wrong, mate?”

“No, not really. Ah just came around to...talk.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Come in! I was just about to take a shower. Is it something serious? You look…confused, Bills.”

Billy stood a little bit helpless in the middle of the hotel room and looked around.

“Well, Ah’ve been thinking for a long time about how Ah was going to tell ye this. Ah came to the decision to just say it straight away.”

Dom now looked very interested and curious.

“Ah love ye.”

Dom didn’t answer.

“Well, Ah already guessed this would happen. So, never mind if ye don’t feel the same way as Ah do. Hope we can still be friends. But Ah think that will be impossible. It will get, of course, embarrassing the next time we will meet. Ye perhaps won’t want to see meh again. So, well, Ah better go.”

Billy moved towards the door but suddenly Dom blocked his way. Billy stared at him.

“You love me. That is a fact. No joke.”, said Dom seriously.

“Why d'ye wanna know?”, Billy stuttered unsurely.

“I love you, Bills.”

…Flashback End…


The next morning when Billy woke up the bed was empty. Liam was already gone. Billy breathed out relieved and shoved the blanket aside. It had been a long night. He hadn’t been able to sleep for almost three hours. Only when he had started to think of Dom, of the day when they both admitted their love for each other, he had been able to fall asleep. He went to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Why had he left Dom in first place? He had panicked, he had been confused and afraid of what would happen. He had been selfish. He had only thought of himself, of his feelings, but he hadn’t realized then that he had hurt Dom. He had left him behind. This made Billy so frustrated that he didn’t pay attention and cut himself with the knife while cutting the bread.

“Fuck!”, he cursed and quickly wrapped his finger in a handkerchief when the doorbell rang loudly and noisily. That had to be Liam. He had returned with some gifts and apologies as he always did after torturing Billy.

“Yeah, alright! Ah’m on mah way!”, Billy shouted angrily and went to open the door. “What is yer problem, Liam? Back again with some remorse?” Billy unlocked the door. But the person who stood in front of him right now wasn’t Liam.

“Dom? What are ye doing here?”

Dom's head faced the ground.

“I... I've arrived three days ago to visit my family in Manchester, so I decided to come by and say hello.”

Still he didn’t look at Billy. Billy was so relieved and happy and glad and what else to see Dom he forgot his bleeding finger and closed his arms around the now surprised young man.

“Ye can’t even imagine how happy Ah am to see ye right now.”, Billy said into Dom’s jacket. It came out as some confusing mumbling but Dom seemed to understand it anyway. His hands rested on Billy’s spine now and his head lay on Billy’s shoulder.

“I came here to talk to you. About the break up. I still don’t get it. I mean, when you love me and I love you what can go wrong?”, Dom asked after Billy had let go and let him into the flat.

“Dom, Ah was stupid. Ye shocked meh with these news of moving away and living on yer own. Ah was… Ah’m sorry.”

He avoided looking at Dom. It occurred to him that Dom didn’t know about Billy's dreadful life he has had till now.

“Who is Liam?”, Dom asked suddenly. With that question Billy knew that he lost Dom forever. He had to tell him. He could not lie to him again.

“He was...is mah boyfriend.”, he answered shyly not turning around. Instead he went to the kitchen and made some tea.

“Your boyfriend. You're living here with him, I guess.”, Dom went on.

“Yes.”, Billy said in a low voice.

“You moved on. As you had told me on the phone. I should have listen properly to what you said, shouldn’t I? I mean, you are happy, aren't you?”

Billy didn’t answer.

“And why the bloody hell won’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?”, Dom screamed abruptly and was now standing right behind Billy. Billy turned around. Dom’s angry expression changed to pure upset and disbelief.

“He hurt you? Don’t tell me he hurt you cause when he did I’m going to kill him. Yes, that’s right! I’m going to kill him, and I don’t mean kill like in a joking kind of way, no I mean I’m going to stop his fuckin’ heart beat!”

“Dom, ye can’t do anything. It’s mah problem, Ah have to get through this on mah own. Ah’m only happy that ye came by to see meh. It feels good to know that ye're more or less alright. It calms meh down.”

“No, Billy, you don’t mean what you say right now. Can't you hear yourself? Don’t you see? He is no good! Why didn’t you leave him?”

“Because Ah couldn’t. And Ah can't. You wouldn’t understand. He’s not always like that…”

“Oh yeah? What does he else do? Rape you?”, Dom said in a sarcastic tone.

Billy blushed and went past Dom to get some distance between them. Dom knew now the answer to that question and Billy could see that Dom didn’t know whether to cry or punch the wall with his fist.

“Pack your stuff, you’re coming with me.”, Dom said sternly. “I’m not going to let this beast come anywhere near you again! Go! Pack! Now!”

Billy had never seen Dom behaving like this before. He followed his orders and began throwing clothes and things chaoticly into his bag. he had finsihed packing when the doorbell rang again. Billy stood in the living room and was unsure whether he should open up. He looked at the plane wooden door, the doorbell rang again, and again, and again.

“Stay right there. I’ll handle this!”, Dom answered seeing Billy's fear. He wasn't able to clam down and so was still very infuriated when he answered the door.

“Billy, I’m so…”, Liam began but was interrupted by an angry shouting Dom.

“Yeah, right. Listen, punk, if you ever come near Billy again I will take care of you ending up in jail! Fuck off!”

“What the...? Wait a second! Who the hell are you?”, asked Liam, confusion and rising fury ringing alarmingly in his voice.

“Believe me, you don’t wanna know.”, Dom answered and turned around to Billy. “Let’s got, Bills. And you“ – he faced Liam again – “you may look like me but you are not me. Get out of my bloody way!”

Liam looked at Billy, tried to make eye contact, but he failed.

"Billy, damn it! Look at me!", Liam shouted now and reach out for Billy's arm. But Dom was faster. He punched Liam in the face and knocked him out. Liam landed on the hard stone floor.

"Don't you ever touch him again!", Dom threatened. He didn't waste another lookt at this lousy little creature which was now cowering on the floor. He seized Billy's hand and both stepped out of Liam’s life.

As they reached Dom’s car and got in Billy gazed at Dom.

“Why did ye do that for meh?”, he asked silently.

“You’ve made a huge mistake when leaving me, you know that, right?”

Billy nodded sadly.

“But, the fact is, nobody’s perfect. And by the way, I still love you. You can’t change such a feeling, can you? You were always on my mind, Billy. The truth is I’ve come here to fight for your love.”

“Ye don’t have to fight, Dom. Ye've already had meh.”

Both smiled at each other and Dom ran his finger down Billy’s cheek.

“I’m here, Bills. At last I’m back where I truly belong.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


this must be like my worst fic! XD but I posted it though, because I wanna hear your opnion. Tjis was one of my VERY first smut/angst ffs, so maybe that's why it sucks that much! XD

next will also be one of my very first smut ffs! so, look forward to it! **muahahaha*